#126: The All-New Mallory Pike Chapter 8-15
This is the second half of one of the better Mallory books. I have to say, it's kind of nice to not see Mal being dumped on by her parents and siblings all the time.
Chapter Eight:
Swinging right into Mallory's first day of school, Alexis is being suspiciously upbeat. I would be suspicious, but Mallory thinks that Alexis just enjoys going to class. Uh-huh. Alexis tries to get Mallory to try on a lime-green turtleneck sweater, but Mal rejects it. Come on, Alexis, Mallory is only allowed to take fashion advice from Claudia and Stacey, official "What Not to Wear" gurus of the BSC!
After breakfast, it's time for classes. Mal enjoys her math class (which I have to admit, does sound fun - apparently their teacher believes in the use of math in reali life) and goes on to French, where she's concerned she'll feel lost because only French can be spoken in the room. Here's where I get annoyed. Mallory says, "I'd only taken a little French until then. But guess what? By the end of that day, I was chatting away". What IS it with these girls and become masters of languages after being exposed to it for about five minutes? Jessi seems to think she's a master of French, Spanish, and ASL, too. Meanwhile, in the real world, I took eight years of French immersion, am officially bilginual, and still feel like I can't speak French worth a damn. If this is what the BSC Kool-Aid does to you, I kind of want some.
The description of the next class is short and we quickly move on to lunch. Mallory starts thinking about how she really doesn't miss having boys around (not even your sort-of boyfriend?) and references BSC #108: Don't Give Up Mallory, when one of her teachers was being an ass. Ellen Miles seems to be determined to mention a situation from every Mallory book ever written. While the girls are talking at lunch, Mal thinks about what she'd be doing at SMS and wishes they could talk about television or boys (wtf? didn't she JUST SAY she doesn't miss boys?) and not homework or classwork. Mal, honey, these are teenagers girl. Mention Johnny Depp or whatever passes for a hot actor in the BSC world and sit back. Job done.
Mal bitches about how there is still gym around ( BSC #59: Mallory Hates Boys and Gym anyone?) even though her gym actually sounds pretty cool, since they do things like dance and yoga. Finally, we move on to her electrive, "Creative Writing for the Stage". I'm amazed it's not about children's books.
She writes about everything in her journal and then goes to hang out with Smita and Sarah. Suddenly, she starts feeling a little strange and checks her watch. 5:30pm on the dot. Honestly, this sounds like withdrawal. It weirds me out how first Kristy instinctively knew it was 5:30 in BSC #100: Kristy's Worst Idea, and now Mallory. Maybe I don't want that Kool-Aid after all.
Chapter Nine
Kristy e-mails Mallory and tells her that the Pike kids are out of control. Sweet Dee and John Pike practically run Kristy and Stacey over on their way out the door and say that the kids are still fighting over the room. Kristy goes to check on the girls while Stacey gets the boys (I want to make a crude comment here, but I'm so tired my mind is blank. Just imagine I said something awesome). Stacey finds Adam trying to dismantle the bunkbeds because the triplets want their own room. Nicky is upset and has chained himself to the bed and the bookshelf. Instead of scolding anyone, Stacey smiles and thinks about how good it is that Nicky's "not letting this happen without a fight". Wtf, Stace.
After calming the triplets down, Kristy tells Stacey that Claire was throwing a tantrum and so is Margo. They hear crashing sounds from Vanessa's room and go to check on her. Vanessa has been re-organizing the room, moving the two beds together to make one larger bed. Kristy and Stacey manage to get everyone downstairs and start trying to distract them, but the kids have a one-track mind. Seriously, Dee and John might not want to "rush into anything" but you'd think they'd put a stop to this.
Mallory reads the e-mail and discovers she misses her siblings. What, you miss being the one who actually cares enough to put a stop to this kind of crap? No wonder the BSC needs Mal.
Chapter Ten
Here we go. Mal caught Alexis reading her journal and confronted her. Alexis returns the journal and tries to put the blame onto Mallory by saying Mal left it open on her bed. I could tell Mal a thing or two about bitches like this, starting with manipulation, but Mal just says "Alexis had a way of making me question my own memory". Oh Mal, so young and so unprepared, especially when she starts complaining that Alexis said her diary wasn't interesting. That's "the worst part". Mallory, for the love of god, focus on the important thing.
Shockingly, things have not improved since the diary incident. Alexis is showing her bitchy ways, complaining that Mal is messy and badmouthing Smita and Sarah. Sarah admits what we all knew from the start, which is that Alexis is a bitch and has already driven two roommates away. The first roommate, Amy Burdick, was driven out of Riverbend by Alexis. The second is Jen Bodner, and she switched to a single room. If I were Mal, I'd be pissed that they kept this from me, but Mal just wants an introduction to Jen.
She decides to ignore Alexis but that's easier said than done when she finds Alexis wearing her favorite horseshoe earrings. Alexis annoys Mal all day and then manages to make Mal feel sorry for her (seriously, emotional manipulation. I guess Mal gets it from her family so often she doesn't recognize it). After lunch, Alexis makes a comment in class that is paraphrased from Mal's journal. Instead of confronting her, Mal lets it go. Is Mal = Mary Anne now or what?
At the end of the day, Alexis apologices to Mal and says she didn't mean it. Now she's trying to turn Mallory against Smita and Sarah. Mal tries to ignore her but can't. Emotional. Manipulation.
Chapter Eleven
Mallory has decided that the best way to deal with Alexis is to avoid her. Aside from that, she's loving Riverbend, and says this must be how Jessi felt when she was INY. The one sour apple is of course, Alexis. She finally meets Jen (who is Jewish, Ellen Miles felt the need to point that out so I figured I should too) who can empathize with the situation; apparently, Alexis acted just as bad or worse towards her. Jen suggests Mallory talk to Pam-the-Prefect, but in true BSC fashion, Mal doesn't really want to involve someone who can actually DO something about the situation. Apparently talking to Pam-the-Prefect would make the situation "official". Because it's not already?
Mal finally returns to the room to find Alexis there already. Alexis is insulted that Mal has been avoiding her. When Alexis goes out that Friday night, Pam-the-Prefect visits, and Mal finally spills the whole story to her. Pam-the-Prefect suggests that Mallory actually TALK to Alexis instead of just avoiding her and hating her in silence. What is this crazy talk, Pam-the-Prefect? That's not how the BSC handles things.
Chapter Twelve
Still, Mal realizes she's not in Kanzas Stoneybrook anymore, so she gives it a shot. She mopes for a while about how dealing with Alexis is so different from dealing with Jessi and her family because she doesn't have a "foundation of love and friendship". Mallory is weirding me out a little. Alexis arrives and Mal asks if they can start over. Alexis takes this as an apology for the way Mal has been avoiding her. Mal rejects this and points out how Alexis has been treating her with the room; Alexis says that Mal never said anything so how could she know? She says Mal is still annoyed about stuff she already apologized for and that it's like Mal wants to be angry at her. Stupidly, Mal brings up that Amy and Jen would agree with her point of view. Alexis gets upset that Mal has been listening to the gossip and ends the conversation by flopping down on her bed. Mal bitches to Sarah about the whole subject before they go to bed.
The next day, a group of them go to Easton, which is where Riverbend is. And, oh christ, she's at boarding school and she's still trying to baby-sit! Somehow they end up at a children's library and Mal can't resist taking aside a little girl and reading to her. Pam-the-Prefect takes Mal aside and asks about Alexis. When Mal complains again, Pam-the-Prefect suggests they all sit down and talk about it together. Mal vetoes the idea and gets an exit when a kid walks over and announces that he feels like he's going to throw up.
Chapter Thirteen
Abby and Claudia write to Mal (for some reason, they're both writing in the same e-mail. I keep imagining the two of them elbowing each other out of the way and grabbing the keyboard. It's even weirder then when they write in the club notebook together.) and tell her that a settlement has been reached for the Pike kids. We move on to the chapter, where we find out that "the evening started with my parents practically running out the door as soon as [Abby] and Claudia arrived". Nice.
The Pike sibs are all squabbling, and the girls do their best to put an end to it, but that many pissy kids is hard for two people to control. Margo says that Vanessa has been sleeping in the room with her and Claire. Before the fighting can begin again, Abby tells them all to do their homework, even if it is Saturday night. Abby is harsh! This lasts for about ten minutes before all hell breaks loose. Abby and Claud run upstairs to find all of the Pike kids minus Byron in Vanessa's room, each claiming it for themselves. Byron, the smart one, doesn't really give a damn. Abby and Claudia don't really do anything but stand there and watch for over an hour as the kids fight.
Dee and John return and finally - FINALLY - John steps up and puts his foot down for a family conference. Dee invites Claudia and Abby to stay because "maybe [they] can [the Pikes] solve this problem". FFS you guys, can't you figure out the obvious solution? Can anyone in this town do anything without the BSC? Abby and Claudia agree to stay out of curiosity and listen as each kid states their case. I'm really annoyed by the fact that it's Claudia and Abby who come up with the answer. It makes the Pikes seem like idiots. For anyone who didn't catch on, Byron and Nicky will share what was Margo and Claire's room, Jordan and Adam will share what was Vanessa and Mallory's room, and the girls will move into the large room all four boys used to share. Can we hear a resounding D-U-H?
Chapter Fourteen
Mal wants to take Pam-the-Prefect up on her offer, but she can't figure out how to broach the idea with Alexis. She gets a care package from the BSC. Let's see if you can guess which club member sent what item? Incluiding tons of junk food, there is:
1. a box of homemade chocolate chip cookies
2. books about horses
3. a poster of a kitten
4. some hilarious snapshots from a BSC meeting
5. a keychain with a panda
6. a pair of very cool earrings, sixties-style daisies
Answers at the end of the post!
After a day at school, Mal returns to her room to find out that Alexis has demolished her care package. The cookies are gone, stuff is all over the room, and the snapshots have been decorated with mustaches, devil horns, and black eyes (I take a minue to cackle at the thought of a devil horned Kristy). Mal is really upset and goes to fetch Pam-the-Prefect. I'm kind of surprised she didn't insist on solving things herself. Maybe that Kool-Aid is wearing off...
Pam-the-Prefect sets up a meeting (which is good, I don't know why Mal thought she had to be the one to inform Alexis about the meeting). When Mal shows up, she sees Jean Maxwell, the dean of students there as well. Alexis comes in and we get down to business. Alexis jumps right in by saying that Mallory doesn't seem to want to be friends, and is basically playing up to Pam-the-Prefect and Jean. Mallory fights back and says that Alexis has made living with her impossible. Jean calms them down and gets the whole story .
Jean offers a few solutions and Alexis storms out. She promises to talk to the administration and Mal returns to the room to find Alexis tearing the room apart. Pam-the-Prefect is summoned and manages to calm Alexis down. Alexis tries to apologize but Mal, having evolved from her Mary Anne stage, is having none of it.
Chapter Fifteen
Pam-the-Prefect takes Alexis to meet with Jean Maxwell alone. Mallory is upset until some other girls show up and start helping her to clean things up. Jean Maxwell arrives and says she wants to talk to Mal. She apologized for putting Mal in with Alexis and states that they've decided to ask Jen, Alexis' old roommate, if she'll switch places with Alexis. What I'm confused with is, if Alexis chased off one roommate and another roommate shows up complaining about her, why didn't they give Alexis the private room in the first place?
Jen comes sailing in and is psyched about moving in with Mal. She calls Mal a "cool roomie" and, that's it, that cements her a place in Mal's heart forever. Move over Jessi. A few days later, Mal and Jen are sitting in their room studying together. Mal starts daydreaming about flying away from Stoneybrook and to Riverbend, where she sees a group of girls waiting with a huge cake that says "Welcome, Mallory!" They all laugh as Mal blows out the candles. Mal seriously creeps me out in this story.
Who sent Mallory what?
1. a box of homemade chocolate chip cookies - Claudia
2. books about horses - Jessi
3. a poster of a kitten - Mary Anne
4. some hilarious snapshots from a BSC meeting - Abby
5. a keychain with a panda - Kristy
6. a pair of very cool earrings, sixties-style daisies - Stacey
Coming up next: BSC #127 Abby's Un-Valentine, and then #128: Claudia and the Little Liar if no one else has snarked it yet. Then I'm moving on to the rest of the Friends Forever books. I have #5: Kristy Power, #7: Claudia Gets Her Guy, #8 Mary Anne's Revenge, and #9: Kristy and the Kidnapper. So I hope no one is getting sick of my snarks!
Chapter Eight:
Swinging right into Mallory's first day of school, Alexis is being suspiciously upbeat. I would be suspicious, but Mallory thinks that Alexis just enjoys going to class. Uh-huh. Alexis tries to get Mallory to try on a lime-green turtleneck sweater, but Mal rejects it. Come on, Alexis, Mallory is only allowed to take fashion advice from Claudia and Stacey, official "What Not to Wear" gurus of the BSC!
After breakfast, it's time for classes. Mal enjoys her math class (which I have to admit, does sound fun - apparently their teacher believes in the use of math in reali life) and goes on to French, where she's concerned she'll feel lost because only French can be spoken in the room. Here's where I get annoyed. Mallory says, "I'd only taken a little French until then. But guess what? By the end of that day, I was chatting away". What IS it with these girls and become masters of languages after being exposed to it for about five minutes? Jessi seems to think she's a master of French, Spanish, and ASL, too. Meanwhile, in the real world, I took eight years of French immersion, am officially bilginual, and still feel like I can't speak French worth a damn. If this is what the BSC Kool-Aid does to you, I kind of want some.
The description of the next class is short and we quickly move on to lunch. Mallory starts thinking about how she really doesn't miss having boys around (not even your sort-of boyfriend?) and references BSC #108: Don't Give Up Mallory, when one of her teachers was being an ass. Ellen Miles seems to be determined to mention a situation from every Mallory book ever written. While the girls are talking at lunch, Mal thinks about what she'd be doing at SMS and wishes they could talk about television or boys (wtf? didn't she JUST SAY she doesn't miss boys?) and not homework or classwork. Mal, honey, these are teenagers girl. Mention Johnny Depp or whatever passes for a hot actor in the BSC world and sit back. Job done.
Mal bitches about how there is still gym around ( BSC #59: Mallory Hates Boys and Gym anyone?) even though her gym actually sounds pretty cool, since they do things like dance and yoga. Finally, we move on to her electrive, "Creative Writing for the Stage". I'm amazed it's not about children's books.
She writes about everything in her journal and then goes to hang out with Smita and Sarah. Suddenly, she starts feeling a little strange and checks her watch. 5:30pm on the dot. Honestly, this sounds like withdrawal. It weirds me out how first Kristy instinctively knew it was 5:30 in BSC #100: Kristy's Worst Idea, and now Mallory. Maybe I don't want that Kool-Aid after all.
Chapter Nine
Kristy e-mails Mallory and tells her that the Pike kids are out of control. Sweet Dee and John Pike practically run Kristy and Stacey over on their way out the door and say that the kids are still fighting over the room. Kristy goes to check on the girls while Stacey gets the boys (I want to make a crude comment here, but I'm so tired my mind is blank. Just imagine I said something awesome). Stacey finds Adam trying to dismantle the bunkbeds because the triplets want their own room. Nicky is upset and has chained himself to the bed and the bookshelf. Instead of scolding anyone, Stacey smiles and thinks about how good it is that Nicky's "not letting this happen without a fight". Wtf, Stace.
After calming the triplets down, Kristy tells Stacey that Claire was throwing a tantrum and so is Margo. They hear crashing sounds from Vanessa's room and go to check on her. Vanessa has been re-organizing the room, moving the two beds together to make one larger bed. Kristy and Stacey manage to get everyone downstairs and start trying to distract them, but the kids have a one-track mind. Seriously, Dee and John might not want to "rush into anything" but you'd think they'd put a stop to this.
Mallory reads the e-mail and discovers she misses her siblings. What, you miss being the one who actually cares enough to put a stop to this kind of crap? No wonder the BSC needs Mal.
Chapter Ten
Here we go. Mal caught Alexis reading her journal and confronted her. Alexis returns the journal and tries to put the blame onto Mallory by saying Mal left it open on her bed. I could tell Mal a thing or two about bitches like this, starting with manipulation, but Mal just says "Alexis had a way of making me question my own memory". Oh Mal, so young and so unprepared, especially when she starts complaining that Alexis said her diary wasn't interesting. That's "the worst part". Mallory, for the love of god, focus on the important thing.
Shockingly, things have not improved since the diary incident. Alexis is showing her bitchy ways, complaining that Mal is messy and badmouthing Smita and Sarah. Sarah admits what we all knew from the start, which is that Alexis is a bitch and has already driven two roommates away. The first roommate, Amy Burdick, was driven out of Riverbend by Alexis. The second is Jen Bodner, and she switched to a single room. If I were Mal, I'd be pissed that they kept this from me, but Mal just wants an introduction to Jen.
She decides to ignore Alexis but that's easier said than done when she finds Alexis wearing her favorite horseshoe earrings. Alexis annoys Mal all day and then manages to make Mal feel sorry for her (seriously, emotional manipulation. I guess Mal gets it from her family so often she doesn't recognize it). After lunch, Alexis makes a comment in class that is paraphrased from Mal's journal. Instead of confronting her, Mal lets it go. Is Mal = Mary Anne now or what?
At the end of the day, Alexis apologices to Mal and says she didn't mean it. Now she's trying to turn Mallory against Smita and Sarah. Mal tries to ignore her but can't. Emotional. Manipulation.
Chapter Eleven
Mallory has decided that the best way to deal with Alexis is to avoid her. Aside from that, she's loving Riverbend, and says this must be how Jessi felt when she was INY. The one sour apple is of course, Alexis. She finally meets Jen (who is Jewish, Ellen Miles felt the need to point that out so I figured I should too) who can empathize with the situation; apparently, Alexis acted just as bad or worse towards her. Jen suggests Mallory talk to Pam-the-Prefect, but in true BSC fashion, Mal doesn't really want to involve someone who can actually DO something about the situation. Apparently talking to Pam-the-Prefect would make the situation "official". Because it's not already?
Mal finally returns to the room to find Alexis there already. Alexis is insulted that Mal has been avoiding her. When Alexis goes out that Friday night, Pam-the-Prefect visits, and Mal finally spills the whole story to her. Pam-the-Prefect suggests that Mallory actually TALK to Alexis instead of just avoiding her and hating her in silence. What is this crazy talk, Pam-the-Prefect? That's not how the BSC handles things.
Chapter Twelve
Still, Mal realizes she's not in Kanzas Stoneybrook anymore, so she gives it a shot. She mopes for a while about how dealing with Alexis is so different from dealing with Jessi and her family because she doesn't have a "foundation of love and friendship". Mallory is weirding me out a little. Alexis arrives and Mal asks if they can start over. Alexis takes this as an apology for the way Mal has been avoiding her. Mal rejects this and points out how Alexis has been treating her with the room; Alexis says that Mal never said anything so how could she know? She says Mal is still annoyed about stuff she already apologized for and that it's like Mal wants to be angry at her. Stupidly, Mal brings up that Amy and Jen would agree with her point of view. Alexis gets upset that Mal has been listening to the gossip and ends the conversation by flopping down on her bed. Mal bitches to Sarah about the whole subject before they go to bed.
The next day, a group of them go to Easton, which is where Riverbend is. And, oh christ, she's at boarding school and she's still trying to baby-sit! Somehow they end up at a children's library and Mal can't resist taking aside a little girl and reading to her. Pam-the-Prefect takes Mal aside and asks about Alexis. When Mal complains again, Pam-the-Prefect suggests they all sit down and talk about it together. Mal vetoes the idea and gets an exit when a kid walks over and announces that he feels like he's going to throw up.
Chapter Thirteen
Abby and Claudia write to Mal (for some reason, they're both writing in the same e-mail. I keep imagining the two of them elbowing each other out of the way and grabbing the keyboard. It's even weirder then when they write in the club notebook together.) and tell her that a settlement has been reached for the Pike kids. We move on to the chapter, where we find out that "the evening started with my parents practically running out the door as soon as [Abby] and Claudia arrived". Nice.
The Pike sibs are all squabbling, and the girls do their best to put an end to it, but that many pissy kids is hard for two people to control. Margo says that Vanessa has been sleeping in the room with her and Claire. Before the fighting can begin again, Abby tells them all to do their homework, even if it is Saturday night. Abby is harsh! This lasts for about ten minutes before all hell breaks loose. Abby and Claud run upstairs to find all of the Pike kids minus Byron in Vanessa's room, each claiming it for themselves. Byron, the smart one, doesn't really give a damn. Abby and Claudia don't really do anything but stand there and watch for over an hour as the kids fight.
Dee and John return and finally - FINALLY - John steps up and puts his foot down for a family conference. Dee invites Claudia and Abby to stay because "maybe [they] can [the Pikes] solve this problem". FFS you guys, can't you figure out the obvious solution? Can anyone in this town do anything without the BSC? Abby and Claudia agree to stay out of curiosity and listen as each kid states their case. I'm really annoyed by the fact that it's Claudia and Abby who come up with the answer. It makes the Pikes seem like idiots. For anyone who didn't catch on, Byron and Nicky will share what was Margo and Claire's room, Jordan and Adam will share what was Vanessa and Mallory's room, and the girls will move into the large room all four boys used to share. Can we hear a resounding D-U-H?
Chapter Fourteen
Mal wants to take Pam-the-Prefect up on her offer, but she can't figure out how to broach the idea with Alexis. She gets a care package from the BSC. Let's see if you can guess which club member sent what item? Incluiding tons of junk food, there is:
1. a box of homemade chocolate chip cookies
2. books about horses
3. a poster of a kitten
4. some hilarious snapshots from a BSC meeting
5. a keychain with a panda
6. a pair of very cool earrings, sixties-style daisies
Answers at the end of the post!
After a day at school, Mal returns to her room to find out that Alexis has demolished her care package. The cookies are gone, stuff is all over the room, and the snapshots have been decorated with mustaches, devil horns, and black eyes (I take a minue to cackle at the thought of a devil horned Kristy). Mal is really upset and goes to fetch Pam-the-Prefect. I'm kind of surprised she didn't insist on solving things herself. Maybe that Kool-Aid is wearing off...
Pam-the-Prefect sets up a meeting (which is good, I don't know why Mal thought she had to be the one to inform Alexis about the meeting). When Mal shows up, she sees Jean Maxwell, the dean of students there as well. Alexis comes in and we get down to business. Alexis jumps right in by saying that Mallory doesn't seem to want to be friends, and is basically playing up to Pam-the-Prefect and Jean. Mallory fights back and says that Alexis has made living with her impossible. Jean calms them down and gets the whole story .
Jean offers a few solutions and Alexis storms out. She promises to talk to the administration and Mal returns to the room to find Alexis tearing the room apart. Pam-the-Prefect is summoned and manages to calm Alexis down. Alexis tries to apologize but Mal, having evolved from her Mary Anne stage, is having none of it.
Chapter Fifteen
Pam-the-Prefect takes Alexis to meet with Jean Maxwell alone. Mallory is upset until some other girls show up and start helping her to clean things up. Jean Maxwell arrives and says she wants to talk to Mal. She apologized for putting Mal in with Alexis and states that they've decided to ask Jen, Alexis' old roommate, if she'll switch places with Alexis. What I'm confused with is, if Alexis chased off one roommate and another roommate shows up complaining about her, why didn't they give Alexis the private room in the first place?
Jen comes sailing in and is psyched about moving in with Mal. She calls Mal a "cool roomie" and, that's it, that cements her a place in Mal's heart forever. Move over Jessi. A few days later, Mal and Jen are sitting in their room studying together. Mal starts daydreaming about flying away from Stoneybrook and to Riverbend, where she sees a group of girls waiting with a huge cake that says "Welcome, Mallory!" They all laugh as Mal blows out the candles. Mal seriously creeps me out in this story.
Who sent Mallory what?
1. a box of homemade chocolate chip cookies - Claudia
2. books about horses - Jessi
3. a poster of a kitten - Mary Anne
4. some hilarious snapshots from a BSC meeting - Abby
5. a keychain with a panda - Kristy
6. a pair of very cool earrings, sixties-style daisies - Stacey
Coming up next: BSC #127 Abby's Un-Valentine, and then #128: Claudia and the Little Liar if no one else has snarked it yet. Then I'm moving on to the rest of the Friends Forever books. I have #5: Kristy Power, #7: Claudia Gets Her Guy, #8 Mary Anne's Revenge, and #9: Kristy and the Kidnapper. So I hope no one is getting sick of my snarks!