#12 Claudia and the New Girl
I know this one has been snarked before. But I was in a snarkin' kind of mood (it's been quite a while since I've posted here) and most of my books, including the vast majority of my BSC collection, are locked away in storage. Only a few were spared storage, and this was one of them. So I apologize for the repeat Also, I decided not to read the other snark on this one, because I don't want it to influence my own snarkiness. And if it's a better snark (and it probably is) I'll feel all shitty and low self-esteemy about it.
Anyway! Onward we snark!
Chapter One:
Claudia is in English class and she's sooooo bored. She's so bored that she's watching a fly and thinking up ridiculous antics about fly family reunions and whatnot. She believes this is more interesting than what the teacher is discussing, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. No it's not, Claud, that's a good book, but you'd never know it because it doesn't have Nancy Drew. The teacher gets all mad at Claudia not paying attention so she pops a surprise spelling quiz. During this quiz, we get to see resident genius, Claudia Kishi, spell pharaoh as farrow, institute as instatute, and medical as medicle. Pharaoh actually is kind of hard to spell, but I'm pretty sure your teacher wasn't referring to Mia Farrow, Claudia.
In the middle of the spelling quiz, a new girl comes to class. Claudia says "I was breathless. A new girl. We had a new girl in our class!" Wow! Breathless? That seems like an unreasonably strong reaction to a new girl. Considering two of the BSC members were both new girls within the past year plus, I find it hard to believe another new girl leaves Claudia breathless. The girl is dressed like a hippie, which Claudia finds kind of rad. And she has six holes in her ear, which give Claudia a fashion orgasm. And her name is Ashley Wyeth (at one point Claudia thinks it's Ashford, which makes not a lick of fucking sense.) She's no relation to Andrew Wyeth, which we know because Claudia asks her. And we learn that Ashley is also an arteest, like Claudia. (Raise your hand if, upon hearing of Andrew Wyeth's death a couple years ago, you immediately thought of this book. *raises hand*)
The other thing about this chapter is that it sounds like a Newbery grab by Ann M. She references Newbery books like cah-razy and it reminds me of those moments in TV shows where it's obviously a ploy to get an actor an Emmy nomination.
Chapter Two:
The most exciting thing about this chapter two is that it's not quite as bad as chapter twos get later in the series. We get a rundown of how the BSC works, but less than a paragraph on each girls' personality traits. This was in the land before the BSC space time continuum got, well, a little:
Fact: I'm watching an episode of Doctor Who right now! (hello multi-tasking!) Does anyone else think Arthur Darvill is underrated?
At the end of the meeting, Claudia ends up with a job at the Rodowskys. She groans about it because in the BSC-verse Jackie is terrible and not adorable. Also, Claudia ends the chapter telling us that the BSC is so important to her and wonders what she'd ever do without them. FORE-FUCKING-SHADOWING!!!!!!
Chapter Three:
Claudia is now attending her afternoon plot contrivance art class. Ashley shows up for her first day in the class, and she demands Claudia tell her what the teacher's credentials are. Claudia doesn't know. But really, if it was that much of a concern to you Ashley, I'm sure you could have....I don't know....called ahead and asked before you signed up for the class. Claudia finds out that Ashley studied at the Keyes Institute when she lived in Chicago. So when Ashley loves Claudia's portfolio, Claudia feels super-flattered. Claudia was nervous about Ashley looking over her portfolio, but I don't know why. Claudia says herself that she's a good arteest. It's not like Ashley was looking over Claudia's spelling tests.
Claudia introduces Ashley around, but Ashley doesn't even look at the other students. She only looks at their artwork. She's like some kind of autistic artist. The teacher is immeasurably impressed that Ashley studied at Keyes as well.
Oh my shit! There's gonna be a sculpture contest. What a freaking coincidence! Right when Ashley gets to town, a new gallery opens and a sculpture contest is announced. It's like an art renaissance in Stoneybrook! Claudia thinks she can't get a sculpture done in the four week deadline, and Ashley is disappointed. After all, Ashley has bestowed herself upon Claudia and, as she says, "I only spend time on people with talent." Way to limit yourself there, Ashley.
Chapter Four:
Time for Claudia to babysit the Rodowskys. Did you all know Jackie is accident-prone? News to me. The chapter starts off with Jackie spilling Rice Krispies all over the kitchen floor, which Shea and Archie immediately start cleaning up. Claudia then "helpfully" adds Rice Krispys to Mrs. R's shopping list, even though she presumably has the box right in front of her face to see how it's spelled. While the cleaning up is going on, Jackie makes his way up to the bathroom where he locks himself in and gets his hand stuck in the bathtub drain. Because if you didn't know he's accident prone, Ann M will beat you over the fucking head with that fact until you do!
Claudia rescues him by climbing in the bathroom window and using the margarine trick that Logan used in #10 (yay continuity!). Then she takes the boys outside to play Red Light, Green Light. She's caught mid-game by Ashley, who thinks it's ridiculous for Claudia to be babysitting when she should be working on her art. Doesn't Claudia want to be an arteest like Ashley? The Rodowsky boys are looking at Ashley curiously because she's wearing a pinafore. And Claudia thinks they've never seen anyone in the 20th Century dressed like that. As opposed to all the people they have seen in the 19th Century. Which....oh my god. Maybe the Rodowskys did travel around the 19th century, like in the TARDIS or something???? (Sorry....still watching Doctor Who. Getting my books and TV confused,)
Ashley makes Claudia feel babyish for baby sitting. But...Ashley.....the babysitters are the mature ones. Presumably, anyway. So to prove to Ashley that she does have time for her art, Claudia announces she will enter the sculpture contest.
Chapter Five:
"One of the nicest things about the Baby-Sitters Club is how it made good friends of its five members." That opening line doesn't bode well. We get the usual tripe about in seventh grade they didn't sit together at lunch, but now it's a full on cult and they do. Blah Blah Blah. So one day at lunch, Ashley asks Claudia to sit with her, and Claudia wants Ashley to sit with the rest of the BSC. But Ashley doesn't want to, because they have important art things to discuss. When Claudia goes to tell the other girls, her heart is pounding, and she wonders how they will react to someone "defecting."
I would roll my eyes and say Claudia's over-reacting, but it sadly turns out she's not. Kristy and Mary Anne both make her feel like complete shit about it. Passive-aggressively not looking her in the eye and being like, "Oh. OK." Get out while you can Claudia!!! At the very least it does make Claudia angry. Hold on to that feeling, Claudia.
Claudia and Ashley decide to go to another art gallery in town (for a small town, Stoneybrook is about to open its second art gallery, plus it has an Arts Center. Huh.) for inspiration. Claudia is a little special because she's confused about how she can get sculpture inspiration from a watercolor exhibit. Oh, Claudia. Anyway, she and Ashley have such a good time, and Claudia is so happy to have found someone to commiserate about art with, that she is.....wait for it....LATE TO A BSC MEETING!!!!!! Seriously, the fucking nerve of her! Everyone is pissy about it, naturally. Claudia was available for two of the jobs, but they didn't schedule her for them, which Claudia was actually OK with. Claudia said she lost track of time because she was having such a good time at the gallery. And Stacey asked, "How good a time? As good as when you and I go to the mall?" This is a totally un-Stacey like moment. That would be more a Mary Anne, or Mallory (still a sit-ee at this point) thing to ask. It's also super bitchy.
Chapter Six:
Snooze. A babysitting chapter, nothing to do with our plot whatsoever. Dawn is sitting for the Perfect Perkinses, who are playing in Mrs. Perkins' makeup (with permission) when she gets a call that Jeff is in trouble at school. Their mother is in a meeting in Stamford, so Dawn comes to bail him out.
And I'm puzzled about why a teacher would think talking to a ten-year old student's thirteen year old sister is a good substitute for talking to his mother.
This basically sets up the events for #15. And it kind of makes me like Jeff Schafer. I mean, I know he's acting out, but I like reading about kids who act out. He's a lot more realistic than a lot of the other kids in the BSC-verse anyway.
_____________
Sorry to leave this off here. My baby's about to wake up from his nap. But believe you me, we've only scratched the surface of the crazy cult-like behavior of the BSC in this book.
Anyway! Onward we snark!
Chapter One:
Claudia is in English class and she's sooooo bored. She's so bored that she's watching a fly and thinking up ridiculous antics about fly family reunions and whatnot. She believes this is more interesting than what the teacher is discussing, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. No it's not, Claud, that's a good book, but you'd never know it because it doesn't have Nancy Drew. The teacher gets all mad at Claudia not paying attention so she pops a surprise spelling quiz. During this quiz, we get to see resident genius, Claudia Kishi, spell pharaoh as farrow, institute as instatute, and medical as medicle. Pharaoh actually is kind of hard to spell, but I'm pretty sure your teacher wasn't referring to Mia Farrow, Claudia.
In the middle of the spelling quiz, a new girl comes to class. Claudia says "I was breathless. A new girl. We had a new girl in our class!" Wow! Breathless? That seems like an unreasonably strong reaction to a new girl. Considering two of the BSC members were both new girls within the past year plus, I find it hard to believe another new girl leaves Claudia breathless. The girl is dressed like a hippie, which Claudia finds kind of rad. And she has six holes in her ear, which give Claudia a fashion orgasm. And her name is Ashley Wyeth (at one point Claudia thinks it's Ashford, which makes not a lick of fucking sense.) She's no relation to Andrew Wyeth, which we know because Claudia asks her. And we learn that Ashley is also an arteest, like Claudia. (Raise your hand if, upon hearing of Andrew Wyeth's death a couple years ago, you immediately thought of this book. *raises hand*)
The other thing about this chapter is that it sounds like a Newbery grab by Ann M. She references Newbery books like cah-razy and it reminds me of those moments in TV shows where it's obviously a ploy to get an actor an Emmy nomination.
Chapter Two:
The most exciting thing about this chapter two is that it's not quite as bad as chapter twos get later in the series. We get a rundown of how the BSC works, but less than a paragraph on each girls' personality traits. This was in the land before the BSC space time continuum got, well, a little:
Fact: I'm watching an episode of Doctor Who right now! (hello multi-tasking!) Does anyone else think Arthur Darvill is underrated?
At the end of the meeting, Claudia ends up with a job at the Rodowskys. She groans about it because in the BSC-verse Jackie is terrible and not adorable. Also, Claudia ends the chapter telling us that the BSC is so important to her and wonders what she'd ever do without them. FORE-FUCKING-SHADOWING!!!!!!
Chapter Three:
Claudia is now attending her afternoon plot contrivance art class. Ashley shows up for her first day in the class, and she demands Claudia tell her what the teacher's credentials are. Claudia doesn't know. But really, if it was that much of a concern to you Ashley, I'm sure you could have....I don't know....called ahead and asked before you signed up for the class. Claudia finds out that Ashley studied at the Keyes Institute when she lived in Chicago. So when Ashley loves Claudia's portfolio, Claudia feels super-flattered. Claudia was nervous about Ashley looking over her portfolio, but I don't know why. Claudia says herself that she's a good arteest. It's not like Ashley was looking over Claudia's spelling tests.
Claudia introduces Ashley around, but Ashley doesn't even look at the other students. She only looks at their artwork. She's like some kind of autistic artist. The teacher is immeasurably impressed that Ashley studied at Keyes as well.
Oh my shit! There's gonna be a sculpture contest. What a freaking coincidence! Right when Ashley gets to town, a new gallery opens and a sculpture contest is announced. It's like an art renaissance in Stoneybrook! Claudia thinks she can't get a sculpture done in the four week deadline, and Ashley is disappointed. After all, Ashley has bestowed herself upon Claudia and, as she says, "I only spend time on people with talent." Way to limit yourself there, Ashley.
Chapter Four:
Time for Claudia to babysit the Rodowskys. Did you all know Jackie is accident-prone? News to me. The chapter starts off with Jackie spilling Rice Krispies all over the kitchen floor, which Shea and Archie immediately start cleaning up. Claudia then "helpfully" adds Rice Krispys to Mrs. R's shopping list, even though she presumably has the box right in front of her face to see how it's spelled. While the cleaning up is going on, Jackie makes his way up to the bathroom where he locks himself in and gets his hand stuck in the bathtub drain. Because if you didn't know he's accident prone, Ann M will beat you over the fucking head with that fact until you do!
Claudia rescues him by climbing in the bathroom window and using the margarine trick that Logan used in #10 (yay continuity!). Then she takes the boys outside to play Red Light, Green Light. She's caught mid-game by Ashley, who thinks it's ridiculous for Claudia to be babysitting when she should be working on her art. Doesn't Claudia want to be an arteest like Ashley? The Rodowsky boys are looking at Ashley curiously because she's wearing a pinafore. And Claudia thinks they've never seen anyone in the 20th Century dressed like that. As opposed to all the people they have seen in the 19th Century. Which....oh my god. Maybe the Rodowskys did travel around the 19th century, like in the TARDIS or something???? (Sorry....still watching Doctor Who. Getting my books and TV confused,)
Ashley makes Claudia feel babyish for baby sitting. But...Ashley.....the babysitters are the mature ones. Presumably, anyway. So to prove to Ashley that she does have time for her art, Claudia announces she will enter the sculpture contest.
Chapter Five:
"One of the nicest things about the Baby-Sitters Club is how it made good friends of its five members." That opening line doesn't bode well. We get the usual tripe about in seventh grade they didn't sit together at lunch, but now it's a full on cult and they do. Blah Blah Blah. So one day at lunch, Ashley asks Claudia to sit with her, and Claudia wants Ashley to sit with the rest of the BSC. But Ashley doesn't want to, because they have important art things to discuss. When Claudia goes to tell the other girls, her heart is pounding, and she wonders how they will react to someone "defecting."
I would roll my eyes and say Claudia's over-reacting, but it sadly turns out she's not. Kristy and Mary Anne both make her feel like complete shit about it. Passive-aggressively not looking her in the eye and being like, "Oh. OK." Get out while you can Claudia!!! At the very least it does make Claudia angry. Hold on to that feeling, Claudia.
Claudia and Ashley decide to go to another art gallery in town (for a small town, Stoneybrook is about to open its second art gallery, plus it has an Arts Center. Huh.) for inspiration. Claudia is a little special because she's confused about how she can get sculpture inspiration from a watercolor exhibit. Oh, Claudia. Anyway, she and Ashley have such a good time, and Claudia is so happy to have found someone to commiserate about art with, that she is.....wait for it....LATE TO A BSC MEETING!!!!!! Seriously, the fucking nerve of her! Everyone is pissy about it, naturally. Claudia was available for two of the jobs, but they didn't schedule her for them, which Claudia was actually OK with. Claudia said she lost track of time because she was having such a good time at the gallery. And Stacey asked, "How good a time? As good as when you and I go to the mall?" This is a totally un-Stacey like moment. That would be more a Mary Anne, or Mallory (still a sit-ee at this point) thing to ask. It's also super bitchy.
Chapter Six:
Snooze. A babysitting chapter, nothing to do with our plot whatsoever. Dawn is sitting for the Perfect Perkinses, who are playing in Mrs. Perkins' makeup (with permission) when she gets a call that Jeff is in trouble at school. Their mother is in a meeting in Stamford, so Dawn comes to bail him out.
And I'm puzzled about why a teacher would think talking to a ten-year old student's thirteen year old sister is a good substitute for talking to his mother.
This basically sets up the events for #15. And it kind of makes me like Jeff Schafer. I mean, I know he's acting out, but I like reading about kids who act out. He's a lot more realistic than a lot of the other kids in the BSC-verse anyway.
_____________
Sorry to leave this off here. My baby's about to wake up from his nap. But believe you me, we've only scratched the surface of the crazy cult-like behavior of the BSC in this book.