#126: The All-New Mallory Pike
I have to say, when I realized that there actually was a BSC book about Mallory going away to boarding school, I was really surprised. I distinctly remember reading one of those letters at the back of the book where Ann talked about how the idea of sending Mal away had been circulating amongst her and her editors for a long time, but they'd ultimately decided against it because "readers would miss her too much". I don't remember which book this was, though. I guess they changed their minds.
Edited because it dawned on me that I forgot to title the post. Obviously Mallory is having an effect on me...
This book is ghost-written by Ellen Miles. We'll see how it goes. I've never read this before, so this is a blind snark.
Cover is from Scholastic Canada website. We see Mallory standing at Riverbend Hall. Her face looks really pink compared to her hair. The tagline says, "Mallory has an all-new school -- and an all-new life."
Chapter One
We begin with an entry from Mal into what I'm guessing is her journal, talking about how she's taking the biggest journey of her life. Of course, she's talking about leaving Stoneybrook and going to Riverbend Hall, which is a private, all-girls boarding school. Apparently she's transferring in the middle of her sixth year, which I just find weird. Wouldn't you normally switch schools at the end of the year? I've never switched a school, but it seemed odd she's doing it in the middle of the year. Then again, when you've repeated sixth grade for twelve years...
In the middle of packing, she sits down and starts daydreaming about life in SB without her. John and Dee are crap parents, seriously, as she says they "were basically ignoring the whole scene... mostly tried to act as if this were a civilized dinner with civilized people, just as they've always done." Then Mal goes on to say she would've basically stepped in and mothered all of her siblings. And she seriously thinks that this is a good thing. Mallory makes me sad sometimes.
Next up is school. She explains about the whole "Spaz Girl" thing (and I gotta say, even as a kid I always thought that was the lamest thing to be upset over) and how she lost confidence and stopped getting straight As. She waxes about how she'll "go down in history" as Spaz Girl. Mal, honey, your classmates are going to forget you within about two minutes. Believe me. There's no "going down in history" about it.
Chapter Two
Of course, the BSC is the one thing she's not looking forward to leaving. Standard chapter two... how the BSC works, who is who, etc... I do take notice that Mallory says Kristy's first concern is about not having enough sitters... sounds about right. Stacey will worry about having a lack of funds for the treasurey and Jessi about having a new BF. Yup, these sure are the best friends ever.
Chapter Three
Moving straight into a BSC meeting, the girls are all acting crazy (clearly K-Ron is slipping) until Kristy calls order for a second time and "everyone fell silent". Heh, that's right, K-Ron. Take no prisoners! I imagine that this second order is accompanied by a Kristy-caliber Look. Then she goes "carry on, I just wanted to see if I could get your attention if I needed it". Kristy, you're an ass sometimes, just saying.
This is Mal's last meeting and she starts crying because it's her "last BSC meeting ever". Like they're going to ban you from coming when you come home to visit? Christ Mal. Kristy says it's time for the ceremony and Claudia pulls out a certificate which says that Mallory is now an Official Honorary Member of the BSC - for life. Now it's a life sentence? And they want you sit when you come home for breaks? Run while you can Mallory!
The girls start re-hashing BSC #14: Hello Mallory and talking about the stupid test Mallory had to take. Abby's never heard the story before, and then she asks Mallory what her best moments of being a BSC member are. Gees, Abby. Mallory references SS #1: Baby-Sitters on Board, SS #5: California Girls, and SS #15: Baby-Sitters European Vacation and mentions the mysteries in passing. Then Kristy says she knew Mallory would be a good club member during BSC #21: Mallory and the Trouble with Twins. Mary Anne mentions #29 Mallory and the Mystery Diary and Stacey brings up #39 Poor Mallory. I get a headache from banging my head against the desk. We get it, Ellen Miles, you read the summaries of all other Mallory books. THIS IS BORING.
Finally the meeting ends and everyone splits. Claudia gives Mallory a leather-bound sketchbook as a going away gift, which actually does sound pretty nice. I'm amazed any gift from Claudia could be so tame. Claudia and Jessi walk Mal home and Mal opens her door to find a huge surprise going-away party. Her family, all of the BSC including Logan and Shannon, and of course, the kids. Because it wouldn't be a party without children! The Arnold twins, the Rodowsky boys, the Hobarts (including Ben, who she calls her "sort-of boyfriend), Charlotte Johanssen, and Matt and Haley Braddock. Considering Mary Anne just finished pointing out how close Mal and Buddy Barrett were, I'm wondering where Buddy is.
Chapter Four
At last, the whole point of the story: moving day. Mallory's all packed and suddenly it really hits her that she's leaving. She's nervous but a talk with Vanessa calms her down. Her family eats breakfast together for the last time. She almost starts crying but her parents hustle her along into getting dressed. Jessi arrives, and I feel bad for her. I remember BSC #115: Jessi's Big Break (which hasn't been snarked yet so I can't link to it, sorry), where Jessi gave up that opportunity for dance school partly because Mallory wanted her to. And now Mal is just leaving. Poor form, Mal.
Mallory reminds Jessi that she wants to be kept up to date "on our clients and any other Stoneybrook news". Mal, you're leaving. YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ THE CLUB NOTEBOOK ANYMORE. That Kool-Aid must be some strong. Mary Anne has showed up to help Jessi sit for Mal's brothers and sisters while Mal and her parents are gone. Mal says good-bye to everyone and they're off.
Chapter Five
I hate these third-person perspectives in a first-person story. The chapter is about Mary Anne and Jessi and the Pikes. Mary Anne's entry is talking about how Mallory was the "secret to keep the Pike family in balance". Well yes, when you have parents who put everything onto their oldest daughter, it tends to be that way!
Right away, the triplets start getting a power trip because they're the oldest in the house. Except they start fighting amongst each other over just who is the oldest. Jessi and Mary Anne finally decide to step in seconds before the fight turns physical. They send the triplets to clean up the kitchen and then direct Nicky to pick up the legos in the living room. He's mad about having to take down his castle and says Mallory wouldn't have made him do it.
Upon going upstairs, they find Claire in tears. Apparently no one bothered to explain to her that her parents would be back and that Mallory will be returning at some point as well. Fantastic parenting, John and Dee. Margo is writing a letter to Mallory and is annoyed when Claire interrupts her. They move on to Vanessa, who is acting like Mallory has died, dressing in black and everything. They offer to listen to Vanessa's poetry, but end up leaving when the triplets begin fighting again.
Then the real reason for the dissent becomes clear: now that Mallory is gone, Vanessa has the room to herself, and no one else is very happy about it. Like the wonderful baby-sitters they are, Mary Anne and Jessi just stand there looking at each other as the kids start shouting and fighting. So much for the being the ones in charge!
Chapter Six
Mallory is at the school and her parents are leaving. She's both excited and sad and gives a few details about Riverbend I admit I glossed over. It sounds like a standard boarding room to me. Her dorm is named Earhart, after Amelia Earhart. They meet Pam-the-Prefect/housemother, who shows them to Mal's dorm room. The roommate, Alexis Decamp, isn't around and Pam-the-Prefect sounds nervous. She takes off and Mallory and her parents note that Alexis has pretty much taken over the room. Mal figures Alexis just forgot she was getting a new roommate, and I facepalm, because apparently the only one who doesn't see where this is going is Mallory.
Once her parents leave, she lays down on her bed and smells her pillow. Hey, I don't write this stuff, I'm just snarking it. She openly admits that it's weird, and they say that the first step towards change is acceptance. Mal heads over to a meeting with new students (guess she's not the only one) and sees the other new sixth grader, Smita Narula. Apparently, she's Indian, with "shiny black hair, black eyes, and light brown skin". All I'll say is, this better not be another "oh my god did you know Jessi is black?" moments with another girl, because I'm burning this book if it is.
More explanation about Riverbend... it's an alternative school, meaning it focuses more on drama, writing, dance, visual arts and music. Blah blah blah... they have diner... then go to the living room... This is boring stuff we don't need to know considering we never have another book from Mallory. Chapter ends with her going to bed.
Chapter Seven:
Mallory wakes up to find Alexis standing over her, who doesn't seem all that bright. She wants to know who Mal is... I would think that's pretty obvious. Mal looks Alexis over and says she looks intimidating. We have an outfit description (not worthy of Claudia, thought) - short, blonde hair spiked with gel, black sweater, a black mini-skirt, black hightops, and tiny black hoops, three in one ear and two in the other. Mal feels young as Alexis lays down the law. Instead of saying something, Mal temporarily becomes Mary Anne and says nothing, even though Alexis's rules bother her. Uh, Mal? She's not a mind reader. Mal bitches about how she used to think Kristy was bossy, but now that she's met Alexis, she knows what real bossy is. It's another Jenny-and-Karen all over again. Guess Alexis isn't the best friend you'll ever have!
For some reason, Mal decides to take her journal out while Alexis is in the room, and that just seems really stupid to me. If I had a private diary that I didn't want to share with anyone, I wouldn't be making it more obvious by showing people where I hid it! Mal only catches on to this after Alexis asks her all kinds of questions about her journal, it dawns on her that maybe she should find a new hiding place. Um, you think?
Smita and her roommate, Sarah, show up. Another outfit description: Sarah is tall, "with flaming red hair in wild ringlets". "Her skin is pale without a freckle." She's dressed in flowing purple clothes - a long skirt and a silky shirt that "seemed to shimmer when she moved". I'm thinking it's time for the rampant lesbianism tag, seriously. Mal shows that she's even more of a dork by imagining what Sarah's childhood must have been like. "No doubt she was the child of two actors who had led an incredibly romantic life barn-storming around the country". Mal, just... stop talking. And thinking.
Mal, Smita and Sarah go for brunch, leaving Alexis behind. Now Mal has done something extremely stupid here. She knows Alexis is extremely interested in her journal, but she puts it BACK UNDER THE MATTRESS while ALEXIS IS IN THE ROOM. I really, really want to slap Mallory upside the head right now. Was taking the journal along and hiding it later when Alexis isn't around just too much trouble? For someone who is used to sharing a room, I feel like Mallory is just purposely causing trouble for herself.
Am I the only one that LJ-cuts are really annoying? Every time I edit my entry, LJ puts most of my post outside of the cut. Anyway, chapters 8-15 will be up tomorrow.
Edited because it dawned on me that I forgot to title the post. Obviously Mallory is having an effect on me...
This book is ghost-written by Ellen Miles. We'll see how it goes. I've never read this before, so this is a blind snark.
Cover is from Scholastic Canada website. We see Mallory standing at Riverbend Hall. Her face looks really pink compared to her hair. The tagline says, "Mallory has an all-new school -- and an all-new life."
Chapter One
We begin with an entry from Mal into what I'm guessing is her journal, talking about how she's taking the biggest journey of her life. Of course, she's talking about leaving Stoneybrook and going to Riverbend Hall, which is a private, all-girls boarding school. Apparently she's transferring in the middle of her sixth year, which I just find weird. Wouldn't you normally switch schools at the end of the year? I've never switched a school, but it seemed odd she's doing it in the middle of the year. Then again, when you've repeated sixth grade for twelve years...
In the middle of packing, she sits down and starts daydreaming about life in SB without her. John and Dee are crap parents, seriously, as she says they "were basically ignoring the whole scene... mostly tried to act as if this were a civilized dinner with civilized people, just as they've always done." Then Mal goes on to say she would've basically stepped in and mothered all of her siblings. And she seriously thinks that this is a good thing. Mallory makes me sad sometimes.
Next up is school. She explains about the whole "Spaz Girl" thing (and I gotta say, even as a kid I always thought that was the lamest thing to be upset over) and how she lost confidence and stopped getting straight As. She waxes about how she'll "go down in history" as Spaz Girl. Mal, honey, your classmates are going to forget you within about two minutes. Believe me. There's no "going down in history" about it.
Chapter Two
Of course, the BSC is the one thing she's not looking forward to leaving. Standard chapter two... how the BSC works, who is who, etc... I do take notice that Mallory says Kristy's first concern is about not having enough sitters... sounds about right. Stacey will worry about having a lack of funds for the treasurey and Jessi about having a new BF. Yup, these sure are the best friends ever.
Chapter Three
Moving straight into a BSC meeting, the girls are all acting crazy (clearly K-Ron is slipping) until Kristy calls order for a second time and "everyone fell silent". Heh, that's right, K-Ron. Take no prisoners! I imagine that this second order is accompanied by a Kristy-caliber Look. Then she goes "carry on, I just wanted to see if I could get your attention if I needed it". Kristy, you're an ass sometimes, just saying.
This is Mal's last meeting and she starts crying because it's her "last BSC meeting ever". Like they're going to ban you from coming when you come home to visit? Christ Mal. Kristy says it's time for the ceremony and Claudia pulls out a certificate which says that Mallory is now an Official Honorary Member of the BSC - for life. Now it's a life sentence? And they want you sit when you come home for breaks? Run while you can Mallory!
The girls start re-hashing BSC #14: Hello Mallory and talking about the stupid test Mallory had to take. Abby's never heard the story before, and then she asks Mallory what her best moments of being a BSC member are. Gees, Abby. Mallory references SS #1: Baby-Sitters on Board, SS #5: California Girls, and SS #15: Baby-Sitters European Vacation and mentions the mysteries in passing. Then Kristy says she knew Mallory would be a good club member during BSC #21: Mallory and the Trouble with Twins. Mary Anne mentions #29 Mallory and the Mystery Diary and Stacey brings up #39 Poor Mallory. I get a headache from banging my head against the desk. We get it, Ellen Miles, you read the summaries of all other Mallory books. THIS IS BORING.
Finally the meeting ends and everyone splits. Claudia gives Mallory a leather-bound sketchbook as a going away gift, which actually does sound pretty nice. I'm amazed any gift from Claudia could be so tame. Claudia and Jessi walk Mal home and Mal opens her door to find a huge surprise going-away party. Her family, all of the BSC including Logan and Shannon, and of course, the kids. Because it wouldn't be a party without children! The Arnold twins, the Rodowsky boys, the Hobarts (including Ben, who she calls her "sort-of boyfriend), Charlotte Johanssen, and Matt and Haley Braddock. Considering Mary Anne just finished pointing out how close Mal and Buddy Barrett were, I'm wondering where Buddy is.
Chapter Four
At last, the whole point of the story: moving day. Mallory's all packed and suddenly it really hits her that she's leaving. She's nervous but a talk with Vanessa calms her down. Her family eats breakfast together for the last time. She almost starts crying but her parents hustle her along into getting dressed. Jessi arrives, and I feel bad for her. I remember BSC #115: Jessi's Big Break (which hasn't been snarked yet so I can't link to it, sorry), where Jessi gave up that opportunity for dance school partly because Mallory wanted her to. And now Mal is just leaving. Poor form, Mal.
Mallory reminds Jessi that she wants to be kept up to date "on our clients and any other Stoneybrook news". Mal, you're leaving. YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ THE CLUB NOTEBOOK ANYMORE. That Kool-Aid must be some strong. Mary Anne has showed up to help Jessi sit for Mal's brothers and sisters while Mal and her parents are gone. Mal says good-bye to everyone and they're off.
Chapter Five
I hate these third-person perspectives in a first-person story. The chapter is about Mary Anne and Jessi and the Pikes. Mary Anne's entry is talking about how Mallory was the "secret to keep the Pike family in balance". Well yes, when you have parents who put everything onto their oldest daughter, it tends to be that way!
Right away, the triplets start getting a power trip because they're the oldest in the house. Except they start fighting amongst each other over just who is the oldest. Jessi and Mary Anne finally decide to step in seconds before the fight turns physical. They send the triplets to clean up the kitchen and then direct Nicky to pick up the legos in the living room. He's mad about having to take down his castle and says Mallory wouldn't have made him do it.
Upon going upstairs, they find Claire in tears. Apparently no one bothered to explain to her that her parents would be back and that Mallory will be returning at some point as well. Fantastic parenting, John and Dee. Margo is writing a letter to Mallory and is annoyed when Claire interrupts her. They move on to Vanessa, who is acting like Mallory has died, dressing in black and everything. They offer to listen to Vanessa's poetry, but end up leaving when the triplets begin fighting again.
Then the real reason for the dissent becomes clear: now that Mallory is gone, Vanessa has the room to herself, and no one else is very happy about it. Like the wonderful baby-sitters they are, Mary Anne and Jessi just stand there looking at each other as the kids start shouting and fighting. So much for the being the ones in charge!
Chapter Six
Mallory is at the school and her parents are leaving. She's both excited and sad and gives a few details about Riverbend I admit I glossed over. It sounds like a standard boarding room to me. Her dorm is named Earhart, after Amelia Earhart. They meet Pam-the-Prefect/housemother, who shows them to Mal's dorm room. The roommate, Alexis Decamp, isn't around and Pam-the-Prefect sounds nervous. She takes off and Mallory and her parents note that Alexis has pretty much taken over the room. Mal figures Alexis just forgot she was getting a new roommate, and I facepalm, because apparently the only one who doesn't see where this is going is Mallory.
Once her parents leave, she lays down on her bed and smells her pillow. Hey, I don't write this stuff, I'm just snarking it. She openly admits that it's weird, and they say that the first step towards change is acceptance. Mal heads over to a meeting with new students (guess she's not the only one) and sees the other new sixth grader, Smita Narula. Apparently, she's Indian, with "shiny black hair, black eyes, and light brown skin". All I'll say is, this better not be another "oh my god did you know Jessi is black?" moments with another girl, because I'm burning this book if it is.
More explanation about Riverbend... it's an alternative school, meaning it focuses more on drama, writing, dance, visual arts and music. Blah blah blah... they have diner... then go to the living room... This is boring stuff we don't need to know considering we never have another book from Mallory. Chapter ends with her going to bed.
Chapter Seven:
Mallory wakes up to find Alexis standing over her, who doesn't seem all that bright. She wants to know who Mal is... I would think that's pretty obvious. Mal looks Alexis over and says she looks intimidating. We have an outfit description (not worthy of Claudia, thought) - short, blonde hair spiked with gel, black sweater, a black mini-skirt, black hightops, and tiny black hoops, three in one ear and two in the other. Mal feels young as Alexis lays down the law. Instead of saying something, Mal temporarily becomes Mary Anne and says nothing, even though Alexis's rules bother her. Uh, Mal? She's not a mind reader. Mal bitches about how she used to think Kristy was bossy, but now that she's met Alexis, she knows what real bossy is. It's another Jenny-and-Karen all over again. Guess Alexis isn't the best friend you'll ever have!
For some reason, Mal decides to take her journal out while Alexis is in the room, and that just seems really stupid to me. If I had a private diary that I didn't want to share with anyone, I wouldn't be making it more obvious by showing people where I hid it! Mal only catches on to this after Alexis asks her all kinds of questions about her journal, it dawns on her that maybe she should find a new hiding place. Um, you think?
Smita and her roommate, Sarah, show up. Another outfit description: Sarah is tall, "with flaming red hair in wild ringlets". "Her skin is pale without a freckle." She's dressed in flowing purple clothes - a long skirt and a silky shirt that "seemed to shimmer when she moved". I'm thinking it's time for the rampant lesbianism tag, seriously. Mal shows that she's even more of a dork by imagining what Sarah's childhood must have been like. "No doubt she was the child of two actors who had led an incredibly romantic life barn-storming around the country". Mal, just... stop talking. And thinking.
Mal, Smita and Sarah go for brunch, leaving Alexis behind. Now Mal has done something extremely stupid here. She knows Alexis is extremely interested in her journal, but she puts it BACK UNDER THE MATTRESS while ALEXIS IS IN THE ROOM. I really, really want to slap Mallory upside the head right now. Was taking the journal along and hiding it later when Alexis isn't around just too much trouble? For someone who is used to sharing a room, I feel like Mallory is just purposely causing trouble for herself.
Am I the only one that LJ-cuts are really annoying? Every time I edit my entry, LJ puts most of my post outside of the cut. Anyway, chapters 8-15 will be up tomorrow.