amazing! a non-angst post. (well, mostly)
so things are going pretty decently well right now. i've spent the week on my own, just me at home, and i've done rather well. i wouldn't necessarily say i did a great job, but i didn't do badly, which for me is saying something. i've gotten myself fed somewhat regularly, bathed regularly, not slept all day, gone to sleep at night, didn't completely fall apart on my studies, shown up everywhere i was supposed to, remembered my meds (mostly), and generally avoided becomeing a grumpy slug. this sounds wierd i know, but these are things i tend to slip on when left alone. don't know why. though in a lot of ways i'm a natural loner, i for some reason don't do very well with being left on my own. (i have distinct suspicions it's a discipline thing, which i've never been good at). this has always bothered me more than a little bit, but i've always had roomates, which helps a bit. still though, it worries me. but i imagine it's something i'll grow out of.
also, in physical therapy, i walked in shoes. yes, two of them. that's the first time i've put a shoe on that foot in two years. it felt REALLY weird. especially since we've just discovered something i've been doing that's way wrong. so i was trying to cope with both at the same time, i had to concentrate very hard. it's so bizarre, she has to break it down and explain the machanics of walking to me, and it doesn't just happen magically on it's own like it used to. try thinking of every single movement and bending that happens in each joint and muscle when you walk, then add a few more cause i guarantee there are some that you don't notice, and the coordination you have to have between your two legs. now, i have to consciously tell myself to do each one of these. it's really bizarre the little things you never really think of. it so reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite books, "the woad to wuin": 'when you think about it, walking is really just the continuous act of falling and catching yourself.' you never realize how much truth that is until you have to shift almost all of your weight off of your stable leg and hope that this leg, which you've protected like porcelain for two years, is going to catch (and hold) that weight.
also, in physical therapy, i walked in shoes. yes, two of them. that's the first time i've put a shoe on that foot in two years. it felt REALLY weird. especially since we've just discovered something i've been doing that's way wrong. so i was trying to cope with both at the same time, i had to concentrate very hard. it's so bizarre, she has to break it down and explain the machanics of walking to me, and it doesn't just happen magically on it's own like it used to. try thinking of every single movement and bending that happens in each joint and muscle when you walk, then add a few more cause i guarantee there are some that you don't notice, and the coordination you have to have between your two legs. now, i have to consciously tell myself to do each one of these. it's really bizarre the little things you never really think of. it so reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite books, "the woad to wuin": 'when you think about it, walking is really just the continuous act of falling and catching yourself.' you never realize how much truth that is until you have to shift almost all of your weight off of your stable leg and hope that this leg, which you've protected like porcelain for two years, is going to catch (and hold) that weight.