Kennst du das, wenn man Sehnsucht hat?
I love autumn. Believe it or not but autumn in the Uk is not too bad, really. And definitely perfect for getting comfortable in front of the fire with some nice jazz. Can't stop it :) Diana Krall and right now a bit of melancholy Greta Keller. OOOhh, and GRETA GARBO movies. I still can't believe how fascinatingly beautiful she is.
Other than that I seem to have realised what made me so unhappy and confused recently. I am finally proper home sick! Quel achievement. After quite a while I got a message from a friend who said exactly what I was feeling but couldn't figure out... I am missing out on some really good times with people I very much need in my life. But it doesn't work if I'm far away and certainly not if I'm unhappy here. Also, I miss Leipzig like crazy. Wanna have my bike, my parks, my places, my friends and family back. Therefore, I'll stay another couple of months, have the bestest christmas break ever, return to Birmingham, work for 2 more months, maybe 3 and then go home to either study at university (though decision would be a bit difficult and to be honest, earning my very own money is what I do enjoy now) or get a job there. Just wanna be able to afford it, too.
Apart from that, I keep making a fool of myself in front of the solicitor I utterly admire. How can I stop that? Unfortunately, a lot of the time I am way too close to just turn around and ask "What's your f***ing problem?" - There'll be a free bar at the christmas party and I MUST behave.
My manager and colleague called me fearless today, many people call me very self-conscious lately, I can be talking loads - I know I've changed, for good or for the better (this I do not know) but bloody hell: when and how did I lose my fear??
Sometimes I wish I'd just be able to shut up (and not stupidly start talking to said admired solicitor which is just going to end in me feeling like a right twat!!!! although the main problem is that admin people are simply (dis)regarded as "the bottom of the food chain" and stroppy people like me just have no chance at all... oh but the admiration).
Except for being awkward, I know that I have to be strong and tough but I don't manage, and it's all about self-protection really. But fearless... Oh well.
As I decided to end this whole Bham thing, I also have to go on the trip to London on Sunday I suppose. Finally need to go to Tate Gallery and am desperate for a dose of Covent Garden flair. My friends here are soooo lame, it's not funny anymore. Friday after work and not a single person picks up their phone to go out for a drink. Or I get pathetic messages saying they won't come out but hope we'll have a good time. Funnily enough I don't know who to have a good time with then. People like me just have to be able to enjoy their own company or they're completely and sadly lost...
Other than that I seem to have realised what made me so unhappy and confused recently. I am finally proper home sick! Quel achievement. After quite a while I got a message from a friend who said exactly what I was feeling but couldn't figure out... I am missing out on some really good times with people I very much need in my life. But it doesn't work if I'm far away and certainly not if I'm unhappy here. Also, I miss Leipzig like crazy. Wanna have my bike, my parks, my places, my friends and family back. Therefore, I'll stay another couple of months, have the bestest christmas break ever, return to Birmingham, work for 2 more months, maybe 3 and then go home to either study at university (though decision would be a bit difficult and to be honest, earning my very own money is what I do enjoy now) or get a job there. Just wanna be able to afford it, too.
Apart from that, I keep making a fool of myself in front of the solicitor I utterly admire. How can I stop that? Unfortunately, a lot of the time I am way too close to just turn around and ask "What's your f***ing problem?" - There'll be a free bar at the christmas party and I MUST behave.
My manager and colleague called me fearless today, many people call me very self-conscious lately, I can be talking loads - I know I've changed, for good or for the better (this I do not know) but bloody hell: when and how did I lose my fear??
Sometimes I wish I'd just be able to shut up (and not stupidly start talking to said admired solicitor which is just going to end in me feeling like a right twat!!!! although the main problem is that admin people are simply (dis)regarded as "the bottom of the food chain" and stroppy people like me just have no chance at all... oh but the admiration).
Except for being awkward, I know that I have to be strong and tough but I don't manage, and it's all about self-protection really. But fearless... Oh well.
As I decided to end this whole Bham thing, I also have to go on the trip to London on Sunday I suppose. Finally need to go to Tate Gallery and am desperate for a dose of Covent Garden flair. My friends here are soooo lame, it's not funny anymore. Friday after work and not a single person picks up their phone to go out for a drink. Or I get pathetic messages saying they won't come out but hope we'll have a good time. Funnily enough I don't know who to have a good time with then. People like me just have to be able to enjoy their own company or they're completely and sadly lost...