calling out
Calling out.
He always called it love. With Jessica, it was love. With Taeyeon was love. One fine day, it all shattered by the name of Nichkhun Horvejkul.
“Taec, What is love?”
It disgusted him. The way he said his name, the way he asked the stupid question like he was a clueless innocent child who knew nothing.
“Leave me alone.”
Why Taec needed an excuse, he didn't know. Maybe it was because love had a different meaning with a different girl or maybe it was all sorts of different things.
“Come on. Tell me, Taec. How is it like being with Yoona?”
“What do you want to hear, Khun? Because I swear you won't hear it from me.”
“Because I'll get hurt. I get it, Taec but you should understand I like Yoona but I don't love her. You do.” Nichkhun pointed at Taecyeon, quietly emphasizing that it was him. It should be him but he messed up.
////// (i)
He sat by the balcony, looking at nothing in particular until the empty night sky caught his attention. There were no sign of stars. His lips suddenly curled into a smile when he remembered staying with Yoona this late at night.
She tried counting the stars. She reached up to the 357th one. It was silly really but sometime when Yoona was counting Taec counted along with her. There was something about her that night, enthusiasm maybe? Perhaps something deeper.
Then Taecyeon knew. He feel in love with Yoona's smile. The way the corner of her mouth twist into a smile. Not exaggerated and not modest. It was perfect.
But the Yoona now was crying, afraid and hiding. He can't help but feel guilty. He broke the once perfect smile that her fans loved. He broke that Yoona who dreamed of the perfect love.
He waited. He wished. Even just a star tonight so that he can wish for her happiness so that she isn't broken. So that she can be that smiling girl he met at day one.
If Taec was capable of doing a stupid thing such as crying. He would have.
////// (ii)
She didn't like the idea of breaking up with Taec through the phone but the thought of seeing him and telling him that she gave up, face to face was more frightening.
It was only a few seconds until he picked up. His cheerful 'hello' saddened her heart and she can do nothing more but cry.
“Sica, what's wrong?” There has to be something wrong. Jessica can't bring her tears to stop.
“Are you....breaking up with me?” Taecyeon wanted to laugh at how stupid he was. That would be it then.
He heard a suppressed cry. He took deep breaths and finally spoke. “It's okay, Sica. I'll be okay. Do whatever the heart wishes.”
Jessica bit her lip. “I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.”
She regretted not seeing him today. She could have at least held his hand and he might have wiped her tears away, rub her back and hug her, telling her that things would be fine. Stupid stupid stupid. When were things ever fine?
“Sooyeon-ah...”
She ended the call. ("I love you too. I still love you. I want to continue loving you." Jessica could have said but what was the point? She ended everything. Everything except mending his heart.)
“I love you.”
Do whatever the heart wishes. Taec repeatedly reminded himself. He should have followed his own advice.
Those painful words, he kept those in a corner of his heart. Somewhere deep and far away but he can't seem to change the fact that it was still there.
It was still there.
////// (iii)
There was this buzz in the crowd when she entered the dimly lit studio. She clung to the woman beside her, they locked arms and went to disappear somewhere in the studio. Taec decided not to stare too much.
He wasn't sure though of the whens and whys. He had been attracted to Tiffany. Had been. Maybe it was the ridiculously long time they spent during biology. It was a long time ago when high school was still a valid excuse to ditch life.
It wasn't about Fany this time. He sees her a just Hwang, his biology lab partner who was scared of frogs and nothing more. Yuri was a different thing. A completely different thing.
There was this hysterical and rather funny idea out of it. He liked more than 50% of the nation's top girl group, this can equate to the world ending tomorrow.
Yuri appeared out of nowhere and knelt beside some staff. Taec stared more. It's not like she'll notice anyway and even if she does, he can always act like he doesn't give a care.
Taec followed the curves of her body and the way her hands move when she talks. Fascinating and interesting.
At that moment, Taec told himself that he'd marry Kwon Yuri.
Love made him do crazy and spontaneous things but what the heck, we all do once in a while so Taec decided to grab her arm and drag her off somewhere. Say Hi and kiss her. If only things worked as easy as thoughts flow in the mind.
Taec shrugged. He'll stare a little more and plan things out later. If she decline and slap him, no one can say he didn't try.
////
I think I wrote this a year ago. Inspired from the Gayo Daejun last year. Not really.