*Sweet Bliss*
A lot of things happened Wednesday, something that started out really horrible turned out to be really good in the end. So here’s the story, after school on Wednesday I had time to burn so Rett and I went to eat at Taco Bell. Yum I absolutely love that place! He and I talked about childhood memories and shit that made us laugh. He got irritated cause this really hot punk guy came in and he and I exchanged looks…lol flirting with my eyes nothing more, harmless right;)?! Anyway, so Joshua calls and tells me I should come watch him and Daniel play basketball and chill at his house. I agreed to because I had to burn another hour before I had to meet my love at church. So I said bye to Rett and made my way over to the basketball court where Joshua and Daniel were. He ran over to my car and said hey then next thing I know he kisses me…a really quick one so it didn’t really leave me time to react at all. I just got irritated and asked him why the hell he did that. I didn’t really think much of it, I just let it roll off my back no big deal. Then he introduced me to his friend as “My baby”. I turned around and told Daniel “It’s Jess” he just said that he knew. Any who, we get to Joshua’s house and we’re chilling out. My love ends up text messaging me telling me that he couldn’t make to down for church. I start acting hysterical because we had just gotten into a major fight the night before and I needed to see him. Someone tried breaking into his house and that’s why they couldn’t make it. I went back into Joshua’s room and he knew I was upset, he gathered me up in his arms and held me. Next thing I know we start kissing…don’t ask me how that happened it just did. I felt horrible about it because it was the first time I actually kissed back. Then his mom and him got into a huge fight about me. I get my keys and was about to head out. Joshua literally would NOT let me leave. He kinda scared me because he grabbed my arms and shook me and his grip on my arms tightened. I shouted “Josh stop you’re doing it again, you’re hurting me!” He let go and said sorry, then he repeated that I needed to stay. At this point I was fucking terrified, I mean he was getting rough with me and he knew it. I went outside and got into my car and left. On the way home I couldn’t help but feel awful about what happened between Joshua and me, that shouldn’t have happened. I wasn’t going to tell Mouse what happened, but I ended up telling him. He was livid, not at me but at Joshua. He said that Joshua took advantage of the situation. I ended up finding out that I never let myself admit that I miss Joshua and I never cried over him. I finally did last night, and it was a major step towards letting him go. I felt relief, and I now know I love Mouse more than anyone in this world. I love Joshua Michael Grizzel, I love my fiancé! I about made him cry, I know I was! I feel happy and calm, things are going to get better I know they will. This is not going to be easy and I am aware of it. I can get through it though, and I know he and I can do it as long as we do it together. I get to see him after school today, he said he cant wait to hold me in his arms and that he’s not going to want to let go. I don’t want him to, there’s going to be a lot of kissing and hugging that’s all I know! I can’t wait for the day to be over………
My independence is calling my name
A doubtful voice divides my faith
My independence only hesitates
An unsure choice I can't embrace
You're gonna have to carve me,
Carve me from stone
Right to the bone or
I'll end up alone
Playing the role
Of someone in control
Why do I rush to slow down
Why do I rush to slow down everything
Why do I rush to slow down
Why do I rush to slow down everything
Will the dice ever roll
When will I ever know
Will the plot ever twist
Or will I still resist
I've been playing the part of a lost realist
My indepednce is turning the page
Tomorrow comes we start to fade
My independence only complicates
It's not enough to meet half way
You'll have to carve me
Carve me from stone
Right to the bone
Or I'll end up alone
Playing the role
Of someone in control
Will the dice ever roll
When will I ever know
Will the plot ever twist
Or will I still resist
I've been playing the part of a lost realist
I only keep what I give away
I only keep what I give away
My independence is calling my name
A doubtful voice divides my faith
My independence only hesitates
An unsure choice I can't embrace
You're gonna have to carve me,
Carve me from stone
Right to the bone or
I'll end up alone
Playing the role
Of someone in control
Why do I rush to slow down
Why do I rush to slow down everything
Why do I rush to slow down
Why do I rush to slow down everything
Will the dice ever roll
When will I ever know
Will the plot ever twist
Or will I still resist
I've been playing the part of a lost realist
My indepednce is turning the page
Tomorrow comes we start to fade
My independence only complicates
It's not enough to meet half way
You'll have to carve me
Carve me from stone
Right to the bone
Or I'll end up alone
Playing the role
Of someone in control
Will the dice ever roll
When will I ever know
Will the plot ever twist
Or will I still resist
I've been playing the part of a lost realist
I only keep what I give away
I only keep what I give away