*Thanksgiving...so exciting*
So its Thanksgiving, I'm here at my house alone. Not because my family left me but because I want to be here...alone. Things have been so fucked up lately, I'm so mixed up. I thought I could handle this long distant shit, but I learned the hard way I cant=(. Thing is I couldnt bring myself to do what I know is the right thing...leave him. He tried to break up with me but he couldnt do it, I didnt want him to and he didnt want to either. So I'm back where I started, feeling alone and helpless. I dont know which is more painful, no seeing and it slowly tearing me apart or breakin up with him and falling apart all at once. Either way I'm going to be in pain...it sucks because I dont know what to do. I want to let him go, but I cant. This whole relationship thing sucks! I guess I forgot how much more pain it brings than anything else. I cant do this long distant shit, how can you bond and get close to someone you see once in a blue moon? He's not here and I'm seeking attention and affection from people here, I'm not saying thats his fault or that it justifies me cheating in the future. But I should hope you see where I'm coming from, its hard on me. I just wish I knew what to do.