Now I'm just confused
Just got done watching "My Life Without Me," which, for anyone who knows the movie, was a DUMB IDEA. Basic plot outline, a young mother learns she has terminal cancer and, rather than telling anyone, she goes about like everything's fine, only in secret she does what she can to insure her husband's & daughters' future happiness as well as trying to do stuff she'd never done before but wanted to. Okay, it sounds a lot dumber than it is, and it had a lot of "Employee Picks" stickers on it so I watched it.
I'm (thankfully) cynical/medicated enough to not fall into it like I would have years ago. But now I am all ennui-y and my therapy appointment got CANCELLED because of the snoooow.
I think maybe I'll text Laura and see if she wants to get lunch. I'm kinda hungry and I could use some company. The dilemma: if she's busy or not feeling up to it I'll be bummed and then I'll be STUCK with me for the rest of the day and the only other movie I have to watch is the original "Halloween." Boooo!
Plus I smell and I don't feel like taking a shower. I put on one of Philip's long-sleeved shirts because I was chilly and it was more convenient than my stuff and I kind of almost cried. I felt a brief, sharp sadness and now it's gone so I can't describe it further.
I worry sometimes that he doesn't feel. I don't know, maybe I just want him to be something he isn't. Or maybe I just want this to work so I don't have to try again. I'm terrified of failing, I'm terrified of living alone again, of being alone again. I live in fear. Dammit, this sucks. I'm shutting up now.
I'm (thankfully) cynical/medicated enough to not fall into it like I would have years ago. But now I am all ennui-y and my therapy appointment got CANCELLED because of the snoooow.
I think maybe I'll text Laura and see if she wants to get lunch. I'm kinda hungry and I could use some company. The dilemma: if she's busy or not feeling up to it I'll be bummed and then I'll be STUCK with me for the rest of the day and the only other movie I have to watch is the original "Halloween." Boooo!
Plus I smell and I don't feel like taking a shower. I put on one of Philip's long-sleeved shirts because I was chilly and it was more convenient than my stuff and I kind of almost cried. I felt a brief, sharp sadness and now it's gone so I can't describe it further.
I worry sometimes that he doesn't feel. I don't know, maybe I just want him to be something he isn't. Or maybe I just want this to work so I don't have to try again. I'm terrified of failing, I'm terrified of living alone again, of being alone again. I live in fear. Dammit, this sucks. I'm shutting up now.