No, really
Since that last entry, I've had kind of odd moods... just generally feeling blah the better part of each day, feeling uninspired, disinterested, low self-esteem-y. In a word, depressed.
I do notice sometimes how susceptible I can be to suggestion, which leads me to wonder if these feelings are merely a result of Jeannie giving me the lead on dysthymia. Sometimes I really don't trust myself... I don't know if I can. Even on a medication that's helped me greatly, my moods are uneven and affectable. The definition of "me" is hard to grasp because the lines between myself and my disorder are so very blurred.
It's just another thing to wrestle with, I guess. I mean, do I just buy into the relief idea and feel better that there's a word for my problem? Or do I focus on the fact that this has been me, will probably be a part of me, forever. That's what gets me. They say that the disorder isn't who you are, but if it's been a part of me for so long, do I have an identity without it? Do I have the energy or the nerve, even, to discover the self underneath all the crap?
And what's there to get relieved about anyway? It's just a word, after all.
I guess a diagnosis can almost be more helpful for the professional than the client... it can suggest appropriate forms of treatment, etc. I can only hope.
I do notice sometimes how susceptible I can be to suggestion, which leads me to wonder if these feelings are merely a result of Jeannie giving me the lead on dysthymia. Sometimes I really don't trust myself... I don't know if I can. Even on a medication that's helped me greatly, my moods are uneven and affectable. The definition of "me" is hard to grasp because the lines between myself and my disorder are so very blurred.
It's just another thing to wrestle with, I guess. I mean, do I just buy into the relief idea and feel better that there's a word for my problem? Or do I focus on the fact that this has been me, will probably be a part of me, forever. That's what gets me. They say that the disorder isn't who you are, but if it's been a part of me for so long, do I have an identity without it? Do I have the energy or the nerve, even, to discover the self underneath all the crap?
And what's there to get relieved about anyway? It's just a word, after all.
I guess a diagnosis can almost be more helpful for the professional than the client... it can suggest appropriate forms of treatment, etc. I can only hope.