[Log] I Don't Need Anything Else
Who: Brijana, R'dur
When: Day 16, Month 8, Turn 5
Where: Gardens, Telgar Weyr
What: After the hatching, R'dur comes to find Brijana.
The festivities of the hatching celebration continue well into the night in the living caverns, but Bri's somehow managed to slip away from friends, family, and those kindly meant condolences to find quiet solace in the gardens. The warmth of a summer's day has cooled somewhat to allow for a pleasant evening, and her casual stroll seems somewhat contrived, as if she's expecting someone to join her soon, and a glance passes over her shoulder every so often.
R'dur, never very comfortable in such situations himself, soon slides away from the party, after the required congratulations and small talk. Then, once out of the claustrophobic cavern into the warm summer air, he relaxes and takes a few deep breaths before setting out purposefully across the bowl to the gardens. Only when he reaches their edge does his pace falter, and he peers all around until he finds Bri there. "Bri," he says simply, slipping up next to her. He stands awkwardly, stuffing hands in his pockets and glancing sideways at her.
Brijana's long since changed out of her white robe, donning on a simple cotton dress in a pale blue and midst the blossoms of late summer in their various gold and crimson hues, she stands out prettily in her paleness. There's no surprise betrayed at her name spoken, and slowly she glances over her shoulder to spare her weyrmate a lopsided little smile. "At least we don't have to wait two turns," she remarks, voice low in forced humor. "I was beginning to think you missed me leaving the party."
"I couldn't get away," R'dur admits slowly. "I saw you, though, but working my way out was difficult. Too many people." He shrugs mildly, offering his own hesitant smile. "Two turns isn't that long," he notes. "But--" He doesn't finish that, though something of relief colors his expression. "I, uh... Well. I'm sorry that... Well. I mean, I know you wanted, and..." Another shrug.
Brijana pivots entirely, showing in one hand are clutched a few long stems of daisy-like flowers. "I figured. You're a wingsecond and need to play the part and stuff." Her flower holding hand gestures idly to the gardens, and to the spot next to her that's conspicuously empty. "Still avoiding me?" Her mouth shapes into a teasing grin, and the slight tilt of her head is a mild invitation for him to gap the distance. "Eh." Suddenly withdrawing into avoidance, she returns to her original position and considers the distant sky. "I bet your weyr's all too neat again."
"Never," answers R'dur with a small smile, edging closer. "I didn't really want to, but, well. T'bay and some of the other wingmembers introduced me to people, and other people then, and... Anyway. Um." He pauses a moment, eyes flicking to the sky then quickly back to her. "Always. But, ah... I still have everything. The stuff that you sent me, I mean."
Brijana's calm facade slips into a little smirk. "I forgot to send something today, but that's ok, I can send myself now." Her lower lip disappears a moment and as he edges closer, she slips into his side familiarly, an arm slid around his waist. "The socks," she concedes after a moment, "They were atrocious, but my only defense is they're the first things I've tried to knit." Snuggling in, she finally lets out a quiet sigh. "Are you happy I didn't Impress? Honestly."
R'dur smiles himself, nodding slowly. "That will make up for it," he notes. "More than, in fact. And the socks were wonderful. Really. They fit fine, you know. As did the other things, and of course the flowers and bottles and... everything." His smile grows wry; he's not about to insult her thoughtful gifts. Particularly as she cuddles up against him, and he slides an arm around her as well. "I'm selfish," he admits. "I'm happy for myself, because it's, well. It's lonely without you. But I'd rather see you happy than anything, and really, two turns isn't anything at all. I'd wait."
Bri stiffens a bit, her shoulders tensing up at R'dur's admission before something more mollified claims first her features and then the rest of her body. Relaxing into his hold, her head even tilts all cutely against R'dur's chest. "I wanted to, but I didn't want to. I was...," she pauses, searching for the right word to describe her emotions, "Ambivalent. I... you were lonely without me? Truly?" Expressive eyes turn up to seek out the brownrider's gaze, rounded and full of hope, "I mean, you didn't find I was annoying and stuff and it was nice and quiet without me? And..." her lower lip gets more abuse in the form of teeth clamping down, released a beat later. "You didn't find anyone else to like, right?" Never mind that she'd flirt with any moving man, when it comes to R'dur, that spark of jealousy flickers in her sienna eyes.
R'dur shakes his head firmly. "You weren't annoying. You were... It was really quiet, my weyr, after being in the barracks and never having my own room. You made it more bearable--made it not just where I stayed when I wasn't in drills or working, but an actual... home. As silly as that sounds. I didn't think I would ever get used to, ah. Well. Sleeping next to someone, you know? But then I did; and without you, it felt all strange, and I couldn't sleep. Tried to stay away from there when I could, just because. It's better to be out instead of moping inside," he notes wryly, smiling slowly. "And of /course/ I didn't find anyone else. There is no one else, Bri. You know that," adds the man gently.
"Do I?" Bri returns quickly, a little bit of a wobble in her eyes as she regards him again. Silent, she turns away, a slight flush to her cheeks - he would have more cause to reproach her than she him, and admits, "I do. It felt different in the barracks. I don't think I'll get very used to sleeping alone again. And most of the other candidates weren't from the Weyr, and so it was different for them completely. Brennan's staying, you remember him, right? He finally got used to the Weyr and is going to be a handyman in the lower caverns." What starts out as a low confessional ends up in her more normal prattle, the bright chatter becoming her more than the solemness. "I love you," she adds, voice and the arm around his waist suddenly fierce. "And Stav's right."
R'dur studies Bri mildly, smile soft as she blushes and turns away. "Me, either," he admits. "And it seemed so strange at first, too." He shrugs, then hesitates, smile faltering in place. "Ah. Brennan. Yes, I remember him," he notes slowly. "That's... good." Quickly, he slides to a different subject, flushing himself. "I do love you. But--St'vren?" he wonders.
"St'vren asked me why I'd want to change my life all around when I was perfectly happy." Bri begins. She holds out the flowers to R'dur to take up in his free hand, nudging them gently into his abdomen to get his attention. "And it made me wonder why. And I... I wanted to Impress because all of you have something, someone, and you really don't always need me, you know?" Brijana tries to ward off any imminent words R'dur might have in response with a slight shake of her head. "I mean, if it's not me, you have Alidaeth at least, and I... I guess I wanted something like that. I saw Vylana's Kelith and Ailani's Soraeth hatch and... I hoped, for a moment, that might be for me."
R'dur, quiet while Brijana talks, frowns gently. "You know, I'd do anything to make you happy, if you're not. If you want to stand again here--stand at another Weyr, even--I'll support you. I can't make a dragon choose you, but... I think you could be a good one, really. It's... it's an amazing thing, but it's not everything, Bri," he tells her. "I do need you, because our relationship is entirely different than mine and Alidaeth's. He's--he's more like my little brother, really. I love him as much as I do you, but it's still not the same."
"But," Brijana begins just as gently as he spoke with her, a finger reaching up to slide along his cheeks and catch in the blonde locks. "You could live without me, but can't without him." Somewhere, in her, there's the subconscious realization that she'll always share R'dur with someone else, and perhaps that's the core of her jealousy - Yselle or other girls just being a more convenient excuse. Still, she doesn't voice it, instead looking thoughtfully up. "I would be happy being your weyrmate, and having your children, and just being with you. Stav... he said a fourth entity, if I Impressed, would just complicate things more. I think, if anything," she hesitates and leans up to kiss R'dur's chin, "I realized I don't need anything else really."
"But I wouldn't want to live without you," notes R'dur shyly, glancing downward. "And... I don't think--I mean, I wouldn't... I wouldn't be unhappy if you did impress. Really. Things... it would change things, but I wouldn't be unhappy. Just--well. The stuff that I have to deal with now, you would, too--drills and weyrlinghood and... flights. But, ah. It's--ah. I'm just glad you're happy now," he admits, offering another smile as she kisses his chin.
Bri's smile upward is languid, and encouraging in the way there's adoration melted into her features. "Well, I suppose if it ever happens again, I'd have to think longer than I did this time. I was hasty, and didn't think much of how it would affect you. I could barely last a few months, let alone two turns without you nearby somewhere and when you were avoiding me..." The comforted happiness fades at the remembrance, "I felt all small inside. You... you're sure you didn't find someone you liked better while I was a candidate? You know you can tell me anything, right?"
R'dur frowns, flushing, shamefaced. "I'm sorry," he tells her, avoiding her eyes. "I, uh... I was a fool. And--I don't want you to worry about me, okay? If it happens again, I want you to do what you want to do. I shouldn't just... abandon you, and I won't again, whatever you choose." Though, he pauses at her latter words, brows knitting. "Ah. Of course," he notes slowly. "Is--is something wrong?"
The coolness of her hand that drops from R'dur's hair to caress his cheek gently is as deceptive as the warmth of her voice, and Bri leans inward, all soft and girly in his arms - to be protected. "No, no. I'd just wondered if there was any truth to the rumors I heard of a night Alidaeth and Dianneth spent together on the Star Stones." Carefully worded, she doesn't look up to meet R'dur's eyes, nor emphasize the implication of what she doesn't say.
"Oh. That." R'dur bites his lip, frowning deeply as she mentions those rumors. "Ah. Well. It's actually... it is true," he admits. "Yselle and I... We had a fight. Which in itself is not that unusual, but. I really upset her, she really hurt my feelings; and we stormed off. I, at least, was fully prepared to avoid her from, well, then on. But Dianneth and Alidaeth talked and got us to meet at the Star Stones--neutral ground, you see," he explains slowly, carefully. "And we... apologized, and talked. And--oh, Bri. You think--" Realization is slow in coming, but when it hits him, R'dur's eyes widen and he stares at Bri. One hand reaches up to attempt to gently guide her face up to look at him. "We're friends. We talked. I love /you/, Bri. Nothing happened but that."
Unlike any other time, Brijana resists his guide, finding the floor more fascinating than meeting R'dur's gaze, but if he tries harder, she wouldn't resist - it's just a slight downward pull to prevent any half-hearted attempt. "You... fought with Yselle? About Ysalia? She doesn't want you to see her anymore?" Unable to resist, she peeks upwards, though her chin still slants down. "Nothing happened at all? Positively?"
R'dur is far too mild to force Brijana into anything, settling for simply frowning at her, brows knitting. "No, not Ysalia. About... Well. I pried into things she prefered to keep private, and things just... got out of hand. It was a silly thing to be so upset over. And--" firmly, he shakes his head "--nothing happened. Nothing at all. We talked."
"Pried?" Brijana finally lifts her chin up, when not pressed to, and eyes R'dur in mild surprise. "I... you... why would you pry into someone else's business?" she wonders aloud. "And why would she get so upset? I can't see Yselle hiding much about her life to get so mad at you over. Though, you do seem to get her angry a lot. Me too." She's also not above returning to caressing his cheek again to cajole something more out of him. "Was it horrible? Fighting with her?"
Shrugging, R'dur glances aside now, blushing. "Ah. I was just--I didn't realize it was so... sensitive," he admits. "I don't think--I don't think she'd like me to talk about it, and anyway, I still don't know. I shouldn't have upset her, or insisted when I knew she /was/ upset." He shrugs again, eyes cutting back toward her. "Horrible," he agrees. "I hate fighting people. In fact, she's probably the only person I've ever /really/ fought with. With everyone else, I just... well. Kind of take it and try not to react."
Somehow, that troubles Brijana far more than anything he's said so far, and with his confession that Yselle's the only person he's really fought with, a little frown appears. Quickly, she attempts to mask it with a soothing smile, turning so both her hands can rest, first at his waist, and then slide up slowly to his shoulders. "But Yselle can make you react," she notes, her velvet alto struggling to keep lighthearted. "We fought once. Sort of, but I guess it doesn't count much."
"She has that way of getting under my skin," notes R'dur with a faint smile, half-hearted. "And we did. But I hate fighting with you because I don't want to make you unhappy." He shrugs, still flushed. "Yselle... I can fight with her. I guess I don't worry as much about upsetting her, even if I do always feel bad afterward. I suppose that's still a horrible thing to say, though."
Still uncertain, though her hands don't stop their idle massage of his shoulders, Brijana lifts her chin in that stalwart way she has; she can face anything really. "Well, I suppose that's not a bad thing. Daddy always said you strengthen friendships through fighting, and if you can get past it... you'll be better friends for it. Not that," she admits faintly, "I'm advocating closer relations with Yselle, but... better friends than hating each other, right?" Bri's smile gains strength and she allows just a glimpse of it before she leans forward and cuddles, seeking the comfort of his physical presence. "I'm relieved I didn't Impress. I'd miss this. You."
"I suppose, in some cases," R'dur agrees, nodding. "I don't want to fight with her, or anyone. But we /do/ have Ysalia, and we were... we were friends, once." He shrugs, brightens his own smile as he deflects that topic. "I'd miss you, too. I'm glad to have you back."
The subject of Yselle, always somewhat sore with Bri, is set aside graciously for now; unforgotten to be sure. It's not a fight or argument to pick right now, and Brijana realizes this, instead dropping one hand to entwine with his. "Well, shall we go? I'm missing a party to be with you, I hope you realize the sacrifices I make." Teasing, she tosses her hair in a reflexive gesture, delighting in how the long strands settle over her shoulders. "And see what kind of damage you've done to our home."
R'dur shakes his head mildly, watching Bri's hair-tossing with a bemused smile. "Oh, I do, I assure you. So... home, then? I promise I've not messed it up. Much. Just... cleaned. A lot. It's, ah, what I do when I get bored, or upset, or, well. Anything, really," he notes, wrinkling his nose.
Brijana rakes her free hand through her hair, petting it down just so over her shoulders. "The heat from the Sands frizzled my hair a bit," she notes, a hint of plaintive complaint in her voice. Life will return to some semblance of normal at some point -- clutter and all. "Home, and maybe," she lowers her lashes all demure-like, "We can experiment to see if you can only get Yselle pregnant and no one else."
"Your hair looks fi--wait. What?" R'dur stares at Brijana, eyes widening slowly, mouth gaping. "I--you really--you mean... You really want to?" he wonders, brows arching sharply in surprise. "I mean, you want to have..."
"I wouldn't mind," Brijana responds slowly, her lashes still lowered. A smile hovers on her lips -- at least she won't mind the experimenting part at least. "Are you going to stand there all mouth-gaping like a fish, or are you going to take me home?"
"You wouldn't mind," repeats R'dur, still obviously surprised. Then, recovering, he shakes his head. "Oh, right. Home. Ah, yes. Yes, let's go," he agrees hastily, giving a quick nod before turning to start toward the bowl again.