Otherworldly... Or some shit like that.
Every so often I have that dream. Same person, same face. It slowly ages as I do and always brings me peace in sleep but tortures the fuck out of me when awake.
Always in places of safety and comfort. I'm currently in Cork, Ireland but last night I was in Galway a city I always wish I could make a second home.
The time prior to that was in Fair Haven, NY home of one of my sisters. Again, safe and comfortable.
And before that Quebec City and Niagara on the Lake in Canada. Also New Orleans and more than one occasion in Boston, where I live now and consider my home. All places I adore. And even when I was in the ICU last year with pneumonia that damn near killed me. I was safe and comfortable because the hospital staff were as close as mortals could be to angelic. But I saw his face. Dunno if the drugs saved me or he did but he was there.
But never in Buffalo or Rochester two cities where I tried, quite destructively, to convince myself was home. Places I needed this dream the most.
I seriously think I'm being stalked by a ghost and yes, im currently in my hotel room tying one on because, well, it's my birthday week and Ireland damnit. You could easily argue these are alcohol dreams. But there not. These dreams are sober dreams because if I'm drunk I'm pissing every hour and don't have enough time to hit REM sleep. I did a day tour to the Cliffs of Moher yesterday and was to tired to even have one when we got back.
They've also been going on for almost two decades now and the his face never changes (minus normal ageing) and it's always the same loving, caring and safe smile. I can hear his voice and it's soothing and in some way always tells me that he loves me.
They say that when you dream of someone you have seen their face before because your brain is incapable of creating faces. Then who.the.fuck.is.this... And where and when did I see him? I'll pay good money if someone has the answer. Believe it or not the first time I dreamt of him was as I was dating (and eventually got into a three year relationship with) the South Floridian (to be refered to as SF)and I was in Savannah, Georgia helping said SF move up to Rochester to start our life together. After car trouble we had to spend the night in Savannah and that's the first time the dream happened. Was my mind trying to tell me this relationship was doomed? If so then why does he come to me as a dream every so often to this day?
I have a theory that I came up with (two liters of hard Irish cider help me get philosophical and shit) that maybe we picture our better half in this life in order to prepare ourselves to meet them in the next one. Heavy shit I know but dunno. Maybe that is heaven and it's totally based on your subconscious wants and needs?
Or maybe it's for this life and this is just preparation. Who knows, I'm lost for answers but I will tell you I hate this because it makes me feel so goddamned lonely. I don't mind being alone but I hate, hate, hate feeling lonely.
I'm out of cider and a bit (completely) wasted right now. Time for bed, I have an early train to Dublin to catch. I hope I don't dream tonight or for a while. I need a break from it.