Wasted (Part 3)
Summary : for cheekymice 's funfic challenge. My prompt was "anorexia". This fanfic set in early first season, just after Thanksgiving and is AU.
Beta : I want to thank Helen C for betaing this fanfic and Beachtree for her help!
Disclaimers : The characters and the universe were created and are still owned by Josh Schwartz. (*glare*)
All mistakes are my personal property.
No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Monday, February 15th.
-“Atwood, I can’t let you in the team. You’ve lost too much weight since November. Do you realize you’ve lost 18 lbs in less than three months? I’m sending a letter to your guardians. I am not going to let you on a ring without a full medical check-up.”
-“But Coach, I’m fine and I can compete in the Light Welterweight category now,” protested Ryan.
-“You’re not fine. Look at you, kid! You’re barely standing straight. You look totally worn-out. I don’t want you to get hurt. Go home and get some rest, you look like you really need it. And please Atwood, grab a hamburger on your way home, you need some red meat, you’re livid.”
Ryan went angrily to the locker and changed his clothes before slamming his locker. He had to intercept the letter the Coach was going to send to the Cohens. Sandy had always told him that as Seth had never been big on sports, he’d like to go to some of his games and his matches. He never did, but Ryan was sure he was going to be disappointed to know that Ryan had been kicked out of the team.
That was such a lame excuse. The Coach didn’t want to tell him he was bad, so he had invented this crazy excuse.
Whatever, he was going to go on training and jogging all by himself until he made enough progress and convinced the Coach to take him back in the team.
Perhaps if he managed to drop several pounds to fight in the Lightweight category, the Coach would take him back, wouldn't he?
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Saturday, February 27th.
Sandy spotted Ryan, who was running back to the house. The kid looked worn-out and he had to talk to him. Perhaps they had put him under too much pressure with all the AP’s classes.
-“Have you had a good run, kid?”
-“Yeah, it was nice.”
-“After you’ve showered and changed, I’d like to talk to you.”
Ryan froze. He had managed to hide the two letters the Coach had sent to the Cohens. What if he had sent another one explaining what a failure in the team Ryan was?
Sandy watched the kid becoming paler.
-“Ryan, you’ve done nothing wrong! You know how much we lawyers love talking,” joked Sandy. “Go get your shower, I’m preparing the breakfast.”
When Ryan returned, Sandy watched him attentively. The kid had definitely lost weight. The layer of sweaters he was wearing hid most of the loss, but Ryan’s clenched jaws were more visible.
-“Sit down kid, here are the eggs, the bacon’s in the plate and here are the bagels without which any decent breakfast could exist!”
Ryan began to reluctantly put some eggs in his mouth and chewed them carefully.
-“I must say I’m very impressed by your grades, we just got your report. It’s excellent Ryan. Do you enjoy your new classes?”
Ryan shrugged.
-“Yeah.”
-“Which one do you prefer?”
Ryan put his fork down and seemed to think about his foster dad’s question.
-“Physics and maths. Calculus is interesting too.”
-“It has to be a lot of work, right?”
-“Yeah, but it’s okay,” answered Ryan hastily. The Cohens were paying for him to go to the best school. They wanted him to have good grades and to go to the university next year and he had to please them, didn't he? He didn’t even consider how much money the Cohens were paying just for tuition.
-“I’m worried about you, Ryan,” finally said Sandy.
-“I’m not gonna fail, I’m gonna maintain the grades, don’t worry, I’ll do it,” replied hastily Ryan.
-“I am not worried about your grades, I’m worried about your health, kid,” explained Sandy quietly. “Ryan, you look dreadful. You’ve lost some weight too.”
-“Sandy, I’m fine. I had some papers due and I had to work hard on them. I’m going to take it easy.”
-“I want you to take it easy and to eat…you’ve barely touched your eggs and you haven’t even taken a bite of your schmeared bagel.”
Ryan nodded as the phone ringed.
-“Rachel, hi…but it’s Saturday…that’s not what he had said! He didn’t want to go to trial…ok, I’m coming.” Sandy hung up the phone and came back in the kitchen.
-“Kid, crisis at the office. I’ve got to go. Seth is spending the day at Oliver. I thought you were going to go there too, weren’t you?” Ryan shook his head no. He hadn’t been invited. He was never invited anywhere. “Kirsten’s coming back at noon,” he informed before hurrying out of the house.
Ryan threw the eggs, the bacon and the bagel in the trash. Cleaned the dishes and went back to the poolhouse. He opened his European History book and began to read.
He kept his eyes focused on the book when he heard Kirsten’s voice on his voicemail explaining that she wouldn't be able to come home before the night. Ryan swallowed hard and tightened his grip around his pencil.
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Friday, March 11th.
-“Ryan, I’d like to talk to you,” informed Mr. Bentley.
Ryan’s heart began to pound in his chest. He had had an A- in physics and now the teacher wanted to talk to him.
-“After two months in AP’s classes, I wanted to know how it worked for you,” explained Mr. Bentley. “I know you’ve got perfect grades, but I’d like to know how you feel in the classes, if you’re interested by what you’re learning, if you think you fit with other students, that sort of things.”
-“It’s okay,” answered Ryan while biting his lip anxiously.
-“It's much more homework, isn’t it?”
-“Well, yes,” admitted Ryan.
-“How much time do you spend on your homework, Ryan?” asked the teacher quietly.
-“I…the last paper I gave to you wasn’t good, I know. I have two others papers due that day and I didn’t have time to…”
-“Ryan, your paper was excellent, so don’t worry. I’m asking you that question because I find you tired and unusually pale.”
Ryan shook his head vehemently
-“I’m fine. We’ve got a lot of papers due and exams, so I’ve got to study late. But I’m fine.”
-“How much time do you spend on your homework?”
-“I didn't count, Mr. Bentley,” answered Ryan while trying to smile reassuringly.
-“I’d like to have a meeting with Dr. Kim and the Cohens…”
-“They’re really busy, I know I’ve had an A-, I’ll try harder next time, “ promised Ryan with a shaky voice.
-“Ryan, you're not listening to me. I don’t want you to try harder. You’re my best student and your grades are excellent. I want to talk with your foster parents because I’m worried about your health,” explained the teacher quietly. “You’re really good in physics, I think you should relax a little. You answer questions I didn’t even ask nor explain in class. I’m sure that took you a lot of time and you didn’t have to study that hard. Ryan, I really think you should rest. The point is being healthy at the end of the year.”
Ryan kept looking down.
-“Ryan?”
-“I’m fine, I’m healthy, the Cohens are really busy and I don’t want them to be disturbed because of me. Please, don’t talk to them, I’m fine, I swear, » pleaded Ryan.
-“I’m going to get you an appointment with the school nurse. If she says you’re okay, I'll let it go,” decided Mr. Bentley. “But you’ve got to understand that it’s not a punishment.”
Ryan nodded and exited the classroom hastily. The Cohens were going to be mad. He was such a burden. His mom had told him so and soon, the Cohens were going to realize it
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Saturday, March 12th.
When the alarm clock woke him up, all Ryan wanted to do was go back to sleep. Seth and Summer had insisted to eat hamburgers and even if Ryan hadn’t eaten much, he had been sick several times during the night as if his organism couldn’t forgive him to have eaten junk food. His throat felt sore and he was aching all over.
-“Get up, Atwood,” he mumbled before joining the bathroom and changing clothes for his run.
Ryan quietly exited the house and walked to the beach. He began to run. His stomach was hurting and his legs were heavy. It’s your fault, you’ve got to stick to your diet. Ryan forced himself to fasten his run when he felt his leg explode. He felt down and clutched it. It hurt so much he couldn’t catch his breath. Black spots began to cloud over his vision. He was going to die all by himself on the beach. Ryan’s heartbeat began to hammer in his ears as he tightened his grip on his leg.
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Sandy rubbed his wet hair with a towel and smiled. The waves were more than 6 foot this morning and he’d had the best time ever. He suddenly spotted his foster son sitting on the sand and began to walk towards him. Halfway, he realized that Ryan hadn’t sat to enjoy the view. The kid was clutching his leg with both hands and shaking hard.
Sandy ran and crouched down.
-“Ryan, what’s wrong?” he asked while stroking away a sweaty strand of Ryan’s hair.
-“My leg. It hurts,” hissed Ryan between clenched teeth. He was so pale Sandy became afraid the kid was going to pass out on him.
-“I’m sure it’s nothing serious,” tried to reassure Sandy. “Did you twist your leg, did you fall?” he asked quietly, hoping his gentle tone would incite the kid to stop hyperventilating. Ryan shook his head. “Ryan, let me see,” he added while trying to make the kid stop clutching his leg. But Ryan was holding on for dear life and shook his head. Sandy felt his heart break when he spotted tears welling in his foster son’s eyes. Ryan didn’t look like the sarcastic teenager he had met in juvie six months before. He looked like a little kid who had scratched his knee on the playground and was afraid of the rubbing alcohol.
-“Ryan, kid, I think you’ve got a bad cramp. It’s painful, but you’re gonna be okay. Let me help you.” Sandy keeled down in front of Ryan and began to massage the cramped thigh.
-“Just concentrate on breathing properly, kid. I promise it’s gonna be better in a few minutes.
As Sandy went on massaging his leg, Ryan’s breathing calmed down. After several minutes, Sandy looked up and observed his foster son: his face was ashen with dark bags under his eyes, his bangs were covering his sweat-dampened forehead but he looked somewhat more relaxed.
-“Do you feel better, kid?”
Ryan lethargically nodded.
Sandy sat besides his foster son and put his arm around him. Ryan sighed and leant tiredly against his foster father.
-“I’m…fine now. Thanks,” he said exhaustedly as Sandy pushed sweat-dampened locks out of his eyes.
-“You’re more than welcome, kid. We’re going to stay a little bit here then we’ll go home, okay?”
Ryan nodded, closed his eyes and fell asleep.
-“Well, that wasn’t the plan, kid,” whispered a smiling Sandy while stroking his foster son’s hair.
When it was clear than Ryan was out of cold, Sandy slipped his hands behind Ryan's back and under his knees and began to walk towards the house. That was weird. When he was watching him and Seth having a bath in the pool last summer, he was sure than Ryan was a hunky kid. He was so sure carrying Ryan was going to be much more difficult. The kid wasn’t that heavy.
-“My god, Sandy, what happened?” asked a frantic Kirsten when she spotted her husband carrying Ryan inside the poolhouse.
-“He was running and had a bad cramp. I found him on the beach and massaged his thigh. He’s okay, but he fell asleep on me,” explained Sandy while laying Ryan on the bed. Kirsten took his shoes off and got a wet clothe to wipe his forehead.
-“I’m going to call Dr. Green,” she told Sandy.
-“Honey, he had a cramp, it doesn’t require a doctor.”
-“Sandy, something’s wrong with him. He looks like death warmed over. He told me he hasn’t, but I’m sure he’s lost some weight. You can see his cheekbones, all his jeans are baggy on him and he’s wearing god knows how many layers of sweaters. He seems to be freezing all the time. Seth has been hanging out with friends while Ryan was secluded in the poolhouse doing homework or exercising. Sandy, I’m worried and I’m going to call Dr. Green. Even if you think it’s just for my sake.”
Sandy watched his foster son who had curled himself into a ball and was shivering and replied.
-“For our sakes. I agree with you. He looks totally washed out.”
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-“And I found him on the beach, he was hurting, it was a cramp. A pretty bad one, I must say. The muscles were really contracted. He was hyperventilating. I massaged him, he calmed down and fell asleep. He hasn’t awoken yet.”
-“I suppose he woke up for a few minutes. You didn’t leave him on the beach, did you?” joked Dr. Green.
-“I carried him. He was lighter than expected,” explained Sandy.
-“You carried him? Because Ryan is…157 lbs…,” read Dr. Green after glancing through Ryan’s medical file.
-“He’s not. When Seth broke his ankle a year and a half ago, he was 5’9” and 127 lbs and I used to carry him to his bedroom. I can assure you than there is no way Ryan weights 30 lbs more than Seth did. He’s not significantly heavier than 127. I couldn’t have carried him if he was.”
-“Dr. Green, I am sure he lost weight since last visit. I couldn’t tell exactly how much since he’s always wearing an incredible amount of sweaters. And he looks exhausted all the time,” confirmed Kirsten.
-“What about his grades?”
-“They’re excellent. He’s taking all his courses in AP’s level since January. He’s studying really hard and he’s got wonderful grades. He was so angry with himself when he got a B+ with the most severe teacher of Harbor and since then, he’s straight A’s! In AP’s classes! And he’s not even 16 years old. This kid is smart beyond all recognition. He’ll be able to integrate Yale or whatever uni next year according to Dr. Kim, » explained Sandy. He was so proud of the kid. He was going to have the bright future he deserved.
-“That’s impressive! Does he still have time for soccer and kick-boxing?”
-“He wakes up at the crack of dawn to run and exercises every day. He had won all his matches and the soccer team he’s in did a really good season.”
-“What about his social life?” asked the doctor.
Sandy shook his head:
-“When Ryan came to live with us, we were afraid he was going to want to stay out late at night and to party. And Seth is the one who’s got friends and hangs out with them. Ryan is the perfect teenager, I must say.”
-“A little too perfect,” frowned Dr. Green. “Can I see him?”
The three adults came into the poolhouse. Kirsten sat on Ryan’s bed and began to stroke his cheek. She frowned: the kid’s cheek was icy cold even if the A/C was off and the room was pretty hot.
-“Wake up, sweetie,” she whispered quietly earning a moaning from the teenager. “Ryan,” she insisted. “Dr. Green is going to take a look at your leg and we need you awake, honey.”
Ryan opened his eyes and gingerly sat up.
-“I carried you there,” clarified Sandy when he spotted Ryan’s amazement.
- “You didn’t have to call a doctor. I’m fine. You were right, it was just a little cramp. I don’t know why I panicked, it was totally stupid of me, I’m sorry,” rambled Ryan.
- “Kid, it wasn’t a little cramp. It was a serious and painful one. We want you to be examined by Dr. Green. For our sakes, okay?” explained Sandy.
-“But, I’ve got tons of homework and I'm already late on my schedule and…”
-“Kid, calm down, » said Sandy quietly. “Let Dr. Green take a look at you.”
-“Ryan, can you go to the bathroom and pull off your clothes. Keep your sweatpants and a tee-shirt,” Dr. Green instructed. “Mrs. Cohen, can you please give me your scale?” The pediatrician swallowed hard. The kid had lost weight and even if he was wearing several layers of clothes he could estimate that the weight loss was important. Way too important.
Ryan sat down on the bed and closed his eyes.
-“Kid, are you okay?” asked a concerned Sandy. The kid’s face was ashen.
Ryan nodded slightly before walking to the bathroom, under Dr. Green and Sandy’s worried eyes.
-“Sandy,” whispered the pediatrician. “It’s not good at all. He’s lost a lot of weight since november. He’s really pale, his fingernails are slightly blue, his face is pinched since he’s dehydrated. Since when is he in such a state?”
Sandy shook his head in disbelief. How could they have been so blind?
-“I don’t know, Mark, I really don’t know.”
-“What does he eat during breakfast or dinner? I mean, he’s having these two meals here, hasn’t he?”
Sandy considered the question. What did Ryan eat? Did Ryan eat? When did they have dinner together? And breakfast?
-“He drank some coffee for breakfast. Mark, I don’t know, he runs every morning so I was sure he ate just after that and Seth has new friends he’s hanging out with. He often has dinner with them, Kirsten and I have dinner together and Ryan…”
Ryan? Where was he? It was so comfortable to get home and not worry about Ryan. Ryan was doing his homework every night. He was taking AP’s classes, so it was normal he studied for them. They had to make sure Seth was respecting his curfew. Ryan was home and it was comforting to know that one of their sons was sticking to the rules.
Except than the perfect son was letting himself starve to death.
Kirsten came back with the scale and Ryan emerged from the bathroom in a sweatpants and a sweater.
-“I’m going to ask you to leave,» said Dr. Green. “I’m going to examine Ryan and then I’ll talk with you.”
As soon as the poolhouse door was closed, Dr. Green focused all his attention on Ryan.
-“Take off your sweater and hop on the scale.”
Ryan executed the order and went on the scale.
124 lbs. That meant featherweight category. Good! That was good! The Coach was going to be forced to take him back in the team, wasn’t he? He suddenly realized that Dr. Green was talking to him.
-“Excuse me?”
-“I’ve just said, sit down on the bed. I need to take your blood pressure and your temperature.”
Ryan shrugged and sat down. He was perfectly healthy. Just a little tired. But fine.
-“Ryan, your BP is too low and you’re hypothermic. You’re also dehydrated and you’ve lost 36 lbs in four months. I’m afraid you’re suffering of a disease called anorexia. It’s really serious and I’m going to hospitalize you since you’re dehydrated.”
-“No! You can’t do that, I’m fine,” protested Ryan. “I’m going to be back in the kick-boxing team soon and I’ve got good grades. I’ve got a soccer match on Tuesday and Sandy told me he’s gonna be there. He’s going to watch me play, he promised,” said Ryan with a shaky voice. “He promised me he’s going to watch the entire game! You have no right to lock me up!” he yelled before exiting the poolhouse in a hurry. Sandy and Kirsten were waiting outside and spotted a very upset Ryan slamming the poolhouse door. Dr. Green opened it and exited.
-“Kid, what’s going on?” asked a worried-looking Sandy. He tried to put an arm around his foster son, but Ryan jerked away and wrapped his arms around his waist while hiding his face behind his bang.
-“Mark?”
-“Ryan, we need to talk,” explained quietly the pediatrician.
- “Ryan, please, just sit down, okay?” Sandy put his arm on Ryan’s back and made him sit on a chair. He sat beside his foster son.
-“Tell us what’s going on, » asked Kirsten.
-“As I suspected, Ryan is suffering from anorexia, his BP is too low and he’s slightly hypothermic. That’s why he’s always cold and his fingernails are blue. He’s dehydrated and he’s lost 35 lbs since his last visit, four months ago.”
Kirsten gasped. Sandy squeezed Ryan’s shoulder gently. Ryan kept his arms wrapped around him and shook his head in disbelief.
-“I’m perfectly fine. I was overweight, I lost the extra weight, period.”
-“Honey, you weren’t overweight,” objected Kirsten. She had spotted him during the summer in the pool and he was anything but overweight.
-“The Coach said I was and that I need to lose 10 pounds and cut off junk food…and now he wants me to eat hamburgers,” replied bitterly Ryan.
“- Ryan, you haven’t lost 10 pounds. You’ve lost more than 35 pounds. Your life is currently in danger. You need to be hospitalized as soon as possible.”
-“I don’t need to be locked up. I’m fine! Just leave me alone!” shouted a shaking Ryan while standing up.
-“Ryan, kid, just calm down and sit,” said Sandy quietly. How could have he been so blind? The kid’s life was in danger. Because of him. He had taken the kid in and he had been unable to take care of him.
-“Sweetie, if Dr. Green thinks that you need to be hospitalized…”
-“He’s a liar! You all are. You want to lock me up, just because you want to get rid of me! Just like my mom who’s so happy with AJ and his kids who are so much better than me!” yelled Ryan. He was wrapping his arms tightly around him. Warm tears were rolling down his cheeks but he didn’t care. He hated them. All of them. What was the point to have gotten him out juvie if they want to lock him up six months later?
-“Kid, we just want you to get better, we’re worried about you,” tried Sandy. He had no idea how he could have let the situation getting so bad.
-“You’re lying! You’re so worried about me you can’t even wait until next year when you’re sending me on the other side of the country! At least, my mom just chooses to live in Nevada. She can bear to be living in the country next door, which obviously you can’t.”
-“We don’t want you to live on the other side of the country, honey,” tried to reassure Kirsten. She hadn’t taken care of him, he had suffered, he was suffering, because of her. How could she have been so insensitive? Why was he thinking they wanted to send him on the east coast?
-“Ryan, is it because I talked to you about Yale and Brown?” asked Sandy. How could the kid have thought that they wanted him to live in the other side of the country? He had wanted to show Ryan how proud of him he was. That they were cut from the same deck! That he was going to integrate the best colleges. Ivy league ones. That he was going to have the bright future he deserved. He hadn’t wanted to make the kid think that they wanted to get rid of him. He was supposed to be good with words, damn it!
- “Ryan, you’re part of this family, this will always be your home.”
- “You’re lying. Nobody wants me. The other people in my class don’t want me in their study groups, your real son doesn’t want me since he’s got his new friends and he’s ashamed of me because I’ve never been to Paris. I’ve never been to Las Vegas, I’ve never been anywhere except Fresno and Tijuana, when Seth still found cool to hang out with his charity case friend. And now, I can’t entertain him anymore and you’re throwing me out.”
- “I promise…” began Sandy
- “Your promises are bullshit. You promised me you were gonna watch my games and my matches and you never did. You promised me you were gonna to teach me how to surf and you never did. And you showed your office to Oliver. You’ve time to spend with Oliver!” spat Ryan bitterly while wiping angrily his teary face.
- “Ryan, I am so sorry,” whispered Sandy. How could he have let the kid down?
- “Sweetie…,” began Kirsten.
- “You told me you were going to show me the Newport Group and all the blueprints of the new stadium and you didn’t because you’re ashamed of me and because your father and your best friend just hate me. And now, you need to free the poolhouse because your sister is coming and you want to lock me up because I’m too stupid to go to college right now!” sobbed Ryan. She was like his mom. She was happier without him. Everybody was happier without him. Ryan was choking on his tears, he tried to catch his breath in vain. The patio was spinning and his guardian’s faces were deformed.
He felt himself fall but before he hit the hard concrete, someone gathered him in his arms and whispered to him “Kid, I am so sorry, it’s gonna be okay, just rest, Ryan.”
Beta : I want to thank Helen C for betaing this fanfic and Beachtree for her help!
Disclaimers : The characters and the universe were created and are still owned by Josh Schwartz. (*glare*)
All mistakes are my personal property.
No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Monday, February 15th.
-“Atwood, I can’t let you in the team. You’ve lost too much weight since November. Do you realize you’ve lost 18 lbs in less than three months? I’m sending a letter to your guardians. I am not going to let you on a ring without a full medical check-up.”
-“But Coach, I’m fine and I can compete in the Light Welterweight category now,” protested Ryan.
-“You’re not fine. Look at you, kid! You’re barely standing straight. You look totally worn-out. I don’t want you to get hurt. Go home and get some rest, you look like you really need it. And please Atwood, grab a hamburger on your way home, you need some red meat, you’re livid.”
Ryan went angrily to the locker and changed his clothes before slamming his locker. He had to intercept the letter the Coach was going to send to the Cohens. Sandy had always told him that as Seth had never been big on sports, he’d like to go to some of his games and his matches. He never did, but Ryan was sure he was going to be disappointed to know that Ryan had been kicked out of the team.
That was such a lame excuse. The Coach didn’t want to tell him he was bad, so he had invented this crazy excuse.
Whatever, he was going to go on training and jogging all by himself until he made enough progress and convinced the Coach to take him back in the team.
Perhaps if he managed to drop several pounds to fight in the Lightweight category, the Coach would take him back, wouldn't he?
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Saturday, February 27th.
Sandy spotted Ryan, who was running back to the house. The kid looked worn-out and he had to talk to him. Perhaps they had put him under too much pressure with all the AP’s classes.
-“Have you had a good run, kid?”
-“Yeah, it was nice.”
-“After you’ve showered and changed, I’d like to talk to you.”
Ryan froze. He had managed to hide the two letters the Coach had sent to the Cohens. What if he had sent another one explaining what a failure in the team Ryan was?
Sandy watched the kid becoming paler.
-“Ryan, you’ve done nothing wrong! You know how much we lawyers love talking,” joked Sandy. “Go get your shower, I’m preparing the breakfast.”
When Ryan returned, Sandy watched him attentively. The kid had definitely lost weight. The layer of sweaters he was wearing hid most of the loss, but Ryan’s clenched jaws were more visible.
-“Sit down kid, here are the eggs, the bacon’s in the plate and here are the bagels without which any decent breakfast could exist!”
Ryan began to reluctantly put some eggs in his mouth and chewed them carefully.
-“I must say I’m very impressed by your grades, we just got your report. It’s excellent Ryan. Do you enjoy your new classes?”
Ryan shrugged.
-“Yeah.”
-“Which one do you prefer?”
Ryan put his fork down and seemed to think about his foster dad’s question.
-“Physics and maths. Calculus is interesting too.”
-“It has to be a lot of work, right?”
-“Yeah, but it’s okay,” answered Ryan hastily. The Cohens were paying for him to go to the best school. They wanted him to have good grades and to go to the university next year and he had to please them, didn't he? He didn’t even consider how much money the Cohens were paying just for tuition.
-“I’m worried about you, Ryan,” finally said Sandy.
-“I’m not gonna fail, I’m gonna maintain the grades, don’t worry, I’ll do it,” replied hastily Ryan.
-“I am not worried about your grades, I’m worried about your health, kid,” explained Sandy quietly. “Ryan, you look dreadful. You’ve lost some weight too.”
-“Sandy, I’m fine. I had some papers due and I had to work hard on them. I’m going to take it easy.”
-“I want you to take it easy and to eat…you’ve barely touched your eggs and you haven’t even taken a bite of your schmeared bagel.”
Ryan nodded as the phone ringed.
-“Rachel, hi…but it’s Saturday…that’s not what he had said! He didn’t want to go to trial…ok, I’m coming.” Sandy hung up the phone and came back in the kitchen.
-“Kid, crisis at the office. I’ve got to go. Seth is spending the day at Oliver. I thought you were going to go there too, weren’t you?” Ryan shook his head no. He hadn’t been invited. He was never invited anywhere. “Kirsten’s coming back at noon,” he informed before hurrying out of the house.
Ryan threw the eggs, the bacon and the bagel in the trash. Cleaned the dishes and went back to the poolhouse. He opened his European History book and began to read.
He kept his eyes focused on the book when he heard Kirsten’s voice on his voicemail explaining that she wouldn't be able to come home before the night. Ryan swallowed hard and tightened his grip around his pencil.
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Friday, March 11th.
-“Ryan, I’d like to talk to you,” informed Mr. Bentley.
Ryan’s heart began to pound in his chest. He had had an A- in physics and now the teacher wanted to talk to him.
-“After two months in AP’s classes, I wanted to know how it worked for you,” explained Mr. Bentley. “I know you’ve got perfect grades, but I’d like to know how you feel in the classes, if you’re interested by what you’re learning, if you think you fit with other students, that sort of things.”
-“It’s okay,” answered Ryan while biting his lip anxiously.
-“It's much more homework, isn’t it?”
-“Well, yes,” admitted Ryan.
-“How much time do you spend on your homework, Ryan?” asked the teacher quietly.
-“I…the last paper I gave to you wasn’t good, I know. I have two others papers due that day and I didn’t have time to…”
-“Ryan, your paper was excellent, so don’t worry. I’m asking you that question because I find you tired and unusually pale.”
Ryan shook his head vehemently
-“I’m fine. We’ve got a lot of papers due and exams, so I’ve got to study late. But I’m fine.”
-“How much time do you spend on your homework?”
-“I didn't count, Mr. Bentley,” answered Ryan while trying to smile reassuringly.
-“I’d like to have a meeting with Dr. Kim and the Cohens…”
-“They’re really busy, I know I’ve had an A-, I’ll try harder next time, “ promised Ryan with a shaky voice.
-“Ryan, you're not listening to me. I don’t want you to try harder. You’re my best student and your grades are excellent. I want to talk with your foster parents because I’m worried about your health,” explained the teacher quietly. “You’re really good in physics, I think you should relax a little. You answer questions I didn’t even ask nor explain in class. I’m sure that took you a lot of time and you didn’t have to study that hard. Ryan, I really think you should rest. The point is being healthy at the end of the year.”
Ryan kept looking down.
-“Ryan?”
-“I’m fine, I’m healthy, the Cohens are really busy and I don’t want them to be disturbed because of me. Please, don’t talk to them, I’m fine, I swear, » pleaded Ryan.
-“I’m going to get you an appointment with the school nurse. If she says you’re okay, I'll let it go,” decided Mr. Bentley. “But you’ve got to understand that it’s not a punishment.”
Ryan nodded and exited the classroom hastily. The Cohens were going to be mad. He was such a burden. His mom had told him so and soon, the Cohens were going to realize it
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Saturday, March 12th.
When the alarm clock woke him up, all Ryan wanted to do was go back to sleep. Seth and Summer had insisted to eat hamburgers and even if Ryan hadn’t eaten much, he had been sick several times during the night as if his organism couldn’t forgive him to have eaten junk food. His throat felt sore and he was aching all over.
-“Get up, Atwood,” he mumbled before joining the bathroom and changing clothes for his run.
Ryan quietly exited the house and walked to the beach. He began to run. His stomach was hurting and his legs were heavy. It’s your fault, you’ve got to stick to your diet. Ryan forced himself to fasten his run when he felt his leg explode. He felt down and clutched it. It hurt so much he couldn’t catch his breath. Black spots began to cloud over his vision. He was going to die all by himself on the beach. Ryan’s heartbeat began to hammer in his ears as he tightened his grip on his leg.
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Sandy rubbed his wet hair with a towel and smiled. The waves were more than 6 foot this morning and he’d had the best time ever. He suddenly spotted his foster son sitting on the sand and began to walk towards him. Halfway, he realized that Ryan hadn’t sat to enjoy the view. The kid was clutching his leg with both hands and shaking hard.
Sandy ran and crouched down.
-“Ryan, what’s wrong?” he asked while stroking away a sweaty strand of Ryan’s hair.
-“My leg. It hurts,” hissed Ryan between clenched teeth. He was so pale Sandy became afraid the kid was going to pass out on him.
-“I’m sure it’s nothing serious,” tried to reassure Sandy. “Did you twist your leg, did you fall?” he asked quietly, hoping his gentle tone would incite the kid to stop hyperventilating. Ryan shook his head. “Ryan, let me see,” he added while trying to make the kid stop clutching his leg. But Ryan was holding on for dear life and shook his head. Sandy felt his heart break when he spotted tears welling in his foster son’s eyes. Ryan didn’t look like the sarcastic teenager he had met in juvie six months before. He looked like a little kid who had scratched his knee on the playground and was afraid of the rubbing alcohol.
-“Ryan, kid, I think you’ve got a bad cramp. It’s painful, but you’re gonna be okay. Let me help you.” Sandy keeled down in front of Ryan and began to massage the cramped thigh.
-“Just concentrate on breathing properly, kid. I promise it’s gonna be better in a few minutes.
As Sandy went on massaging his leg, Ryan’s breathing calmed down. After several minutes, Sandy looked up and observed his foster son: his face was ashen with dark bags under his eyes, his bangs were covering his sweat-dampened forehead but he looked somewhat more relaxed.
-“Do you feel better, kid?”
Ryan lethargically nodded.
Sandy sat besides his foster son and put his arm around him. Ryan sighed and leant tiredly against his foster father.
-“I’m…fine now. Thanks,” he said exhaustedly as Sandy pushed sweat-dampened locks out of his eyes.
-“You’re more than welcome, kid. We’re going to stay a little bit here then we’ll go home, okay?”
Ryan nodded, closed his eyes and fell asleep.
-“Well, that wasn’t the plan, kid,” whispered a smiling Sandy while stroking his foster son’s hair.
When it was clear than Ryan was out of cold, Sandy slipped his hands behind Ryan's back and under his knees and began to walk towards the house. That was weird. When he was watching him and Seth having a bath in the pool last summer, he was sure than Ryan was a hunky kid. He was so sure carrying Ryan was going to be much more difficult. The kid wasn’t that heavy.
-“My god, Sandy, what happened?” asked a frantic Kirsten when she spotted her husband carrying Ryan inside the poolhouse.
-“He was running and had a bad cramp. I found him on the beach and massaged his thigh. He’s okay, but he fell asleep on me,” explained Sandy while laying Ryan on the bed. Kirsten took his shoes off and got a wet clothe to wipe his forehead.
-“I’m going to call Dr. Green,” she told Sandy.
-“Honey, he had a cramp, it doesn’t require a doctor.”
-“Sandy, something’s wrong with him. He looks like death warmed over. He told me he hasn’t, but I’m sure he’s lost some weight. You can see his cheekbones, all his jeans are baggy on him and he’s wearing god knows how many layers of sweaters. He seems to be freezing all the time. Seth has been hanging out with friends while Ryan was secluded in the poolhouse doing homework or exercising. Sandy, I’m worried and I’m going to call Dr. Green. Even if you think it’s just for my sake.”
Sandy watched his foster son who had curled himself into a ball and was shivering and replied.
-“For our sakes. I agree with you. He looks totally washed out.”
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-“And I found him on the beach, he was hurting, it was a cramp. A pretty bad one, I must say. The muscles were really contracted. He was hyperventilating. I massaged him, he calmed down and fell asleep. He hasn’t awoken yet.”
-“I suppose he woke up for a few minutes. You didn’t leave him on the beach, did you?” joked Dr. Green.
-“I carried him. He was lighter than expected,” explained Sandy.
-“You carried him? Because Ryan is…157 lbs…,” read Dr. Green after glancing through Ryan’s medical file.
-“He’s not. When Seth broke his ankle a year and a half ago, he was 5’9” and 127 lbs and I used to carry him to his bedroom. I can assure you than there is no way Ryan weights 30 lbs more than Seth did. He’s not significantly heavier than 127. I couldn’t have carried him if he was.”
-“Dr. Green, I am sure he lost weight since last visit. I couldn’t tell exactly how much since he’s always wearing an incredible amount of sweaters. And he looks exhausted all the time,” confirmed Kirsten.
-“What about his grades?”
-“They’re excellent. He’s taking all his courses in AP’s level since January. He’s studying really hard and he’s got wonderful grades. He was so angry with himself when he got a B+ with the most severe teacher of Harbor and since then, he’s straight A’s! In AP’s classes! And he’s not even 16 years old. This kid is smart beyond all recognition. He’ll be able to integrate Yale or whatever uni next year according to Dr. Kim, » explained Sandy. He was so proud of the kid. He was going to have the bright future he deserved.
-“That’s impressive! Does he still have time for soccer and kick-boxing?”
-“He wakes up at the crack of dawn to run and exercises every day. He had won all his matches and the soccer team he’s in did a really good season.”
-“What about his social life?” asked the doctor.
Sandy shook his head:
-“When Ryan came to live with us, we were afraid he was going to want to stay out late at night and to party. And Seth is the one who’s got friends and hangs out with them. Ryan is the perfect teenager, I must say.”
-“A little too perfect,” frowned Dr. Green. “Can I see him?”
The three adults came into the poolhouse. Kirsten sat on Ryan’s bed and began to stroke his cheek. She frowned: the kid’s cheek was icy cold even if the A/C was off and the room was pretty hot.
-“Wake up, sweetie,” she whispered quietly earning a moaning from the teenager. “Ryan,” she insisted. “Dr. Green is going to take a look at your leg and we need you awake, honey.”
Ryan opened his eyes and gingerly sat up.
-“I carried you there,” clarified Sandy when he spotted Ryan’s amazement.
- “You didn’t have to call a doctor. I’m fine. You were right, it was just a little cramp. I don’t know why I panicked, it was totally stupid of me, I’m sorry,” rambled Ryan.
- “Kid, it wasn’t a little cramp. It was a serious and painful one. We want you to be examined by Dr. Green. For our sakes, okay?” explained Sandy.
-“But, I’ve got tons of homework and I'm already late on my schedule and…”
-“Kid, calm down, » said Sandy quietly. “Let Dr. Green take a look at you.”
-“Ryan, can you go to the bathroom and pull off your clothes. Keep your sweatpants and a tee-shirt,” Dr. Green instructed. “Mrs. Cohen, can you please give me your scale?” The pediatrician swallowed hard. The kid had lost weight and even if he was wearing several layers of clothes he could estimate that the weight loss was important. Way too important.
Ryan sat down on the bed and closed his eyes.
-“Kid, are you okay?” asked a concerned Sandy. The kid’s face was ashen.
Ryan nodded slightly before walking to the bathroom, under Dr. Green and Sandy’s worried eyes.
-“Sandy,” whispered the pediatrician. “It’s not good at all. He’s lost a lot of weight since november. He’s really pale, his fingernails are slightly blue, his face is pinched since he’s dehydrated. Since when is he in such a state?”
Sandy shook his head in disbelief. How could they have been so blind?
-“I don’t know, Mark, I really don’t know.”
-“What does he eat during breakfast or dinner? I mean, he’s having these two meals here, hasn’t he?”
Sandy considered the question. What did Ryan eat? Did Ryan eat? When did they have dinner together? And breakfast?
-“He drank some coffee for breakfast. Mark, I don’t know, he runs every morning so I was sure he ate just after that and Seth has new friends he’s hanging out with. He often has dinner with them, Kirsten and I have dinner together and Ryan…”
Ryan? Where was he? It was so comfortable to get home and not worry about Ryan. Ryan was doing his homework every night. He was taking AP’s classes, so it was normal he studied for them. They had to make sure Seth was respecting his curfew. Ryan was home and it was comforting to know that one of their sons was sticking to the rules.
Except than the perfect son was letting himself starve to death.
Kirsten came back with the scale and Ryan emerged from the bathroom in a sweatpants and a sweater.
-“I’m going to ask you to leave,» said Dr. Green. “I’m going to examine Ryan and then I’ll talk with you.”
As soon as the poolhouse door was closed, Dr. Green focused all his attention on Ryan.
-“Take off your sweater and hop on the scale.”
Ryan executed the order and went on the scale.
124 lbs. That meant featherweight category. Good! That was good! The Coach was going to be forced to take him back in the team, wasn’t he? He suddenly realized that Dr. Green was talking to him.
-“Excuse me?”
-“I’ve just said, sit down on the bed. I need to take your blood pressure and your temperature.”
Ryan shrugged and sat down. He was perfectly healthy. Just a little tired. But fine.
-“Ryan, your BP is too low and you’re hypothermic. You’re also dehydrated and you’ve lost 36 lbs in four months. I’m afraid you’re suffering of a disease called anorexia. It’s really serious and I’m going to hospitalize you since you’re dehydrated.”
-“No! You can’t do that, I’m fine,” protested Ryan. “I’m going to be back in the kick-boxing team soon and I’ve got good grades. I’ve got a soccer match on Tuesday and Sandy told me he’s gonna be there. He’s going to watch me play, he promised,” said Ryan with a shaky voice. “He promised me he’s going to watch the entire game! You have no right to lock me up!” he yelled before exiting the poolhouse in a hurry. Sandy and Kirsten were waiting outside and spotted a very upset Ryan slamming the poolhouse door. Dr. Green opened it and exited.
-“Kid, what’s going on?” asked a worried-looking Sandy. He tried to put an arm around his foster son, but Ryan jerked away and wrapped his arms around his waist while hiding his face behind his bang.
-“Mark?”
-“Ryan, we need to talk,” explained quietly the pediatrician.
- “Ryan, please, just sit down, okay?” Sandy put his arm on Ryan’s back and made him sit on a chair. He sat beside his foster son.
-“Tell us what’s going on, » asked Kirsten.
-“As I suspected, Ryan is suffering from anorexia, his BP is too low and he’s slightly hypothermic. That’s why he’s always cold and his fingernails are blue. He’s dehydrated and he’s lost 35 lbs since his last visit, four months ago.”
Kirsten gasped. Sandy squeezed Ryan’s shoulder gently. Ryan kept his arms wrapped around him and shook his head in disbelief.
-“I’m perfectly fine. I was overweight, I lost the extra weight, period.”
-“Honey, you weren’t overweight,” objected Kirsten. She had spotted him during the summer in the pool and he was anything but overweight.
-“The Coach said I was and that I need to lose 10 pounds and cut off junk food…and now he wants me to eat hamburgers,” replied bitterly Ryan.
“- Ryan, you haven’t lost 10 pounds. You’ve lost more than 35 pounds. Your life is currently in danger. You need to be hospitalized as soon as possible.”
-“I don’t need to be locked up. I’m fine! Just leave me alone!” shouted a shaking Ryan while standing up.
-“Ryan, kid, just calm down and sit,” said Sandy quietly. How could have he been so blind? The kid’s life was in danger. Because of him. He had taken the kid in and he had been unable to take care of him.
-“Sweetie, if Dr. Green thinks that you need to be hospitalized…”
-“He’s a liar! You all are. You want to lock me up, just because you want to get rid of me! Just like my mom who’s so happy with AJ and his kids who are so much better than me!” yelled Ryan. He was wrapping his arms tightly around him. Warm tears were rolling down his cheeks but he didn’t care. He hated them. All of them. What was the point to have gotten him out juvie if they want to lock him up six months later?
-“Kid, we just want you to get better, we’re worried about you,” tried Sandy. He had no idea how he could have let the situation getting so bad.
-“You’re lying! You’re so worried about me you can’t even wait until next year when you’re sending me on the other side of the country! At least, my mom just chooses to live in Nevada. She can bear to be living in the country next door, which obviously you can’t.”
-“We don’t want you to live on the other side of the country, honey,” tried to reassure Kirsten. She hadn’t taken care of him, he had suffered, he was suffering, because of her. How could she have been so insensitive? Why was he thinking they wanted to send him on the east coast?
-“Ryan, is it because I talked to you about Yale and Brown?” asked Sandy. How could the kid have thought that they wanted him to live in the other side of the country? He had wanted to show Ryan how proud of him he was. That they were cut from the same deck! That he was going to integrate the best colleges. Ivy league ones. That he was going to have the bright future he deserved. He hadn’t wanted to make the kid think that they wanted to get rid of him. He was supposed to be good with words, damn it!
- “Ryan, you’re part of this family, this will always be your home.”
- “You’re lying. Nobody wants me. The other people in my class don’t want me in their study groups, your real son doesn’t want me since he’s got his new friends and he’s ashamed of me because I’ve never been to Paris. I’ve never been to Las Vegas, I’ve never been anywhere except Fresno and Tijuana, when Seth still found cool to hang out with his charity case friend. And now, I can’t entertain him anymore and you’re throwing me out.”
- “I promise…” began Sandy
- “Your promises are bullshit. You promised me you were gonna watch my games and my matches and you never did. You promised me you were gonna to teach me how to surf and you never did. And you showed your office to Oliver. You’ve time to spend with Oliver!” spat Ryan bitterly while wiping angrily his teary face.
- “Ryan, I am so sorry,” whispered Sandy. How could he have let the kid down?
- “Sweetie…,” began Kirsten.
- “You told me you were going to show me the Newport Group and all the blueprints of the new stadium and you didn’t because you’re ashamed of me and because your father and your best friend just hate me. And now, you need to free the poolhouse because your sister is coming and you want to lock me up because I’m too stupid to go to college right now!” sobbed Ryan. She was like his mom. She was happier without him. Everybody was happier without him. Ryan was choking on his tears, he tried to catch his breath in vain. The patio was spinning and his guardian’s faces were deformed.
He felt himself fall but before he hit the hard concrete, someone gathered him in his arms and whispered to him “Kid, I am so sorry, it’s gonna be okay, just rest, Ryan.”