Wasted (Part 4)
Summary : for
cheekymice 's funfic challenge. My prompt was "anorexia". This fanfic set in early first season, just after Thanksgiving and is AU.
Beta : I want to thank Helen C for betaing this fanfic and Beachtree for her help!
Disclaimers : The characters and the universe were created and are still owned by Josh Schwartz. (*glare*)
All mistakes are my personal property.
No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
-“Ryan Atwood, 15, anorexic. He's hypothermic, LOC before transport. He’s severly dehydrated. Low BP at 75/35. Here are his guardians and his pediatrician,” explained the paramedic while Ryan was rushed into the ER.
-“When did he get diagnosed with anorexia?”asked the doctor while examining Ryan.
-“His guardians, Sandy and Kirsten Cohen, called me because they were worried. He had a bad cramp while running and had fallen asleep in the middle of the day. I checked him over and found that he had lost 25% of his initial body weight in four months,” explained Dr. Green. “I told him he had to be hospitalized and he got angry. The discussion didn’t go well and he passed out.”
-“Restrictive type or purging type?”
-“His glands aren’t swollen. Starving type and obsessive exerciser,» answered Dr. Green.
-“Is he gonna be alright?” asked Kirsten shakily. Sandy immediately put his arm around his wife’s shoulders to comfort her and to hide his own shaking. How could have they let this happen? Ryan’s life was supposed to be better with them? How much better was that?
-“I don’t know,” answered openly the Doctor. “He’s going straight to ICU after the exams.”
-“But he was okay until now,” insisted Sandy. “He was doing sport, soccer and kick-boxing, he’s a bright student…”
-“Anorexic patients are poster people for perfection and over-achievement. They want to look perfect. They want to be in control. For everything. Especially their food intake. Ryan’s very sick, Mr. Cohen,” concluded the doctor before disappearing in the room where Ryan had been rushed.
Sandy pulled Kirsten into his arms again, rubbing her back as she cried against his shoulder. "Ryan's strong, he’s going to be fine," he said, trying to convince himself as well.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Two hours later, Sandy wasn't so sure about his assumption anymore. No one had told them anything, and they had been taking turns pacing the hall while they waited.
-“Ryan Atwood’s family,” asked a nurse.
Sandy nodded and felt Kirsten clutch his hand for dear life.
-“Dr. Hansen is waiting for you in his office. He wants to talk to you in private,» she explained before smiling reassuringly. “He’s stable.”
Kirsten and Sandy entered the doctor office and sat down.
-"Ryan's in ICU, stable, but he’s in a really serious condition. He’s suffering from malnutrition, electrolyte imbalances, vitamin and mineral deficiencies, he’s dehydrated, hypothermic and his kidneys aren’t working properly. His muscles are atrophied and he’s bradycardic. His blood pressure is abnormally low. He’s got one hairline fractured ankle and he’s covered into bruises. I know you’re not abusive,” the doctor hastily added. “Ryan’s vitamin deficiencies have decreased his body's ability to heal itself, low blood pressure, low platelets count and his extreme weight loss all lead to easily bruised skin that can take a long time to heal.”
-“Oh my god, is he going to be okay?” Kirsten asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Dr. Hansen bite his lip.
-“Anorexia is a very complex disease. For now he’s stable. We won’t let him out of ICU before his general condition has significantly improved. Then he’s going to be hospitalized in a regular room for several days. After that, there are several treatment centers that have good results with anorexic patients. Suriak for example has a great program with group and individual therapy, supplement dietary and medical therapies. You have to keep in mind that inpatient treatment is going to last many weeks, if not months before Ryan is moved to outpatient therapy,” explained the doctor.
-“Just before he passed out, we had a fight because he didn’t want to be locked up,” whispered Sandy.
-“Mr. Cohen. I don’t think Ryan’s thinking straight. All his willpower is focused on losing weight while having perfect grades and sport performances. He doesn’t realize how critical his condition actually is. He can’t make that choice. You’ve got to make it for him.”
“You want to lock me up, just because you want to get rid of me!”
Sandy shook his head while squeezing Kirsten’s hand harder.
-“You don’t understand. We took Ryan in because his mother didn’t want him anymore. She threw him out. Twice. We promised him he was going to have a better life and we failed him.”
You promised me you were gonna watch my games and my matches and you never did. You promised me you were gonna to teach me how to surf and you never did. And you showed your office to Oliver. You’ve time to spend with Oliver!
-“We didn’t take care of him as we should have done. We were busy, our other son was bonding with new friends and was happy. Ryan had fantastic grades, won all his kick-boxing matches and was congratulated by his coach after all his soccer games. We thought he was adjusting just fine. Our other son would whine if something didn't go accordingly to his plans, Ryan didn’t say anything until this morning.”
-“I knew, we knew, something wasn’t right, he always looked worn out, he fell asleep at 6 then we’d spot the poolhouse lights on all the night and he was cold all the time…we convinced ourselves he was doing just fine because it was so much easier for us,” admitted Kirsten with a shaky voice.
-“We told him how proud of him and his grades we were and he understood that we wanted to get rid of him. But he said nothing until today,” explained Sandy
You can’t even wait until next year when you’re sending me on the other side of the country!
- “His own mother threw him out. He must be terrified that you'll do the same thing. But he’s 15, he’s not going to ask you to promise you’ll always be there for him.”
“You’re lying. Nobody wants me. The other people in my class don’t want me in their study groups, your real son doesn’t want me since he’s got his new friends and he’s ashamed of me. You want to get rid of me! Just like my mom who’s so happy with AJ and his kids who are so much better than me!”
Sandy frowned. How did the kid know that his mother was actually back with AJ? Trey was the only one to know that Dawn was back in Fresno with AJ and his family. Ryan hadn’t had contact with Trey since Thanksgiving, had he?
-“We can’t put him in a center all by himself. We have to find another way,” insisted Sandy. Kirsten nodded. “Ryan is going to consider that as another abandon.”
- “I’m going to program a meeting with a psychiatrist I personally know and trust, explained Dr. Hanson. “We can discuss Ryan’s treatment altogether. You know Ryan better than I do. But I know the seriousness of his condition better than you do. He’s not going to eat again as before. It’s a long term process to get him feed himself properly and stop exercising. It’s going to take a lot of patience.”
A knock on the door interrupted the discussion.
-“Come in!”
-“Your other son, Seth is here,” informed the nurse.
-“He can join us, thanks!”
A worried looking Seth entered the office.
-“What’s going on with Ryan? You left me a note telling that he’s in the hospital. What’s wrong?”
-“Ryan passed out this morning and was rushed here,” explained Sandy. “Have you realized that he had lost a lot of weight?”
Seth shook his head.
-“Summer did, though. She told me he was becoming anorexic…he’s not…he’s a guy! Guys aren’t anorexic, it’s a girl disease, isn’t it?”
-“About 10% of the anorexics are boys, actually,” explained the doctor. “Most of them starve themselves and are compulsive exercisers.”
-“Ryan woke up at 5 and ran 2 hours,” confirmed Seth.
-“Are you a close friend to Ryan? I mean, he’s your foster brother, but you’re the same age, in the same school, are you hanging out a lot?” asked Dr. Hansen.
-“We used to, but after Thanksgiving, Ryan wouldn’t get out anymore. Another guy came to Harbour and we became friends, but Ryan stopped hanging out with us. He didn’t even take his lunch with us, he was spending all his time studying or exercising.”
- “With anorexia, social relationships are frequently impaired,” explained the doctor.
Your real son doesn’t want me since he’s got his new friends and he’s ashamed of me because I’ve never been to Paris. I’ve never been to Las Vegas, I’ve never been anywhere except Fresno and Tijuana when Seth still found cool to hang out with his charity case friend.
-“Did Ryan tell you why he didn’t want to hang out with you?” asked Sandy.
-“Oliver teased him several times because stupid stuff. Ryan didn’t know how to eat Moroccan and asked for silver ware, he never went to Paris or even to Europe or Asia. But it was nothing important.”
-“It was for Ryan,” whispered Sandy.
-“Dad, I’m sorry, but I’m not the one who promised him I was going to watch his soccer games or his boxing matches and never went. After the game Ryan’s team won thanks to him, he fought with Luke because Luke had asked him where you were. And…and I think he cried,” whispered Seth. “Luke went out the locker room, he didn’t understand why Ryan had punched him and I went in to try and calm him down. He yelled at me and he was definitely crying.”
Sandy bite his lip:
-“It’s my fault, I failed him.”
-“I’m not going to sugarcoat you and tell you have no responsibility,” interrupted the Doctor. “But it’s way more complicated than that. From what I’ve read and what I’ve heard from you and his pediatrician, there isn’t one unique cause to Ryan’s anorexia. There are several of them. Deep ones leading to the feeling that the world around him was insecure : for example his mother’s abandon, his family situation, his radical change of lifestyle but also immediate causes : his coach telling him he needed to lose some weight, this Oliver kid making fun of him and you being unable to watch his game make Ryan's self-doubt grow. The one thing that he could entirely control and that depended of him was his weight and his exercising. Basing all his life on it made it appear easier, safer.”
-“How can we help him?” asked Kirsten.
- “Now we have to show him that it’s a lie. First we have to make him understand that he’s sick, then we have to break the cycle he’s on, the last part being helping him to find his own way through his life with you in Newport. He’s got severe self-esteem issues. He’s convinced that everything is his fault. For example, if you don’t make it to his game, it’s because he’s not good enough, not because you’re busy. He has convinced himself that he has to be perfect and that if he’s not, you’re going to get rid of him. That’s why he was obsessively studying and exercising. He’s the only one believing he’s a failure,” explained Dr. Hansen.
-“But he’s such a great kid, we often told him how great he is,” sighed Sandy.
-“He doesn’t believe you think he’s a great kid per se. Ryan’s persuaded that you think he’s a great kid because of his grades and his sport performances. Here’s his logic : to keep his grades and his sport performance up, he has to study and exercise like a maniac. If he doesn’t do that, everyone in the world is going to finally know that he’s a failure. That’s precisely this cycle we’ve got to break, the sooner the better. With therapy, antidepressants and tranquilizers.”
-“Can we see him now?” asked Kirsten. She needed to see him, to touch him, to be sure he was there. She needed to forget the image of the limp, passed-out, dead-looking child Sandy had carried in his arm when they had rushed to the ER.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The nurse led them over to a bed containing a very still, very young looking child, and it took Kirsten a second to comprehend it was Ryan. She winced and felt her eyes welled up with tears. Ryan was so pale and without his so-called Trey’s oversized sweaters Kirsten realized the huge amount of weight he had lost. She felt Sandy squeeze her hand and shuddered behind her.
-“O my god...”
-“His BP’s still low,” explained the nurse. ”He has been in and out. You can try to wake him, he’s going to be reassured that you’re here.”
Kirsten gingerly sat down and began to brush gently the hair off Ryan’s face
-"Sweetie, wake up," Kirsten whispered while stroking his hair.
Ryan’s lips moved slightly.
-“What are you telling us, honey?”asked softly Kirsten while leaning over to hear her foster son.
Ryan struggled to open his eyes before mumbling:
-“I’m sorry...”
-"You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetie. We should have known that you didn’t feel fine,” answered Kirsten before looking at Sandy, her eyes teary.
-“I’m sorry I yelled at you...please don’t make me go back to juvie,” whispered Ryan.
-“Ryan, there is no way you’re going back to juvie. You’re stuck with us, kid,” answered Sandy. He had called his Child services’ contact and explained the situation. There was going to be an investigation. Sandy felt bad, how could have he been so blind? The kid had managed to lose 35 pounds and he hadn’t seen anything. When did his job in a private cabinet become more important than his foster son’s life?
-“Ryan, sweetie, we’re going to help you to heal. We’re going to be there for you as we should have been before.”
-“Dr. Green wants to lock me up...”whispered Ryan.
-“No, we discussed that and I promise we’re going to find another solution,” explained Kirsten while taking Ryan’s hand in hers.
-“He’s cold,” she told the nurse.
- “I know, I was wondering if you could bring over some of his clothes. Warm clothes, because he was hypothermic when he arrived and we’ve got some trouble to warm him up.”
-“Kid, I’m going to pick some of your clothes. I could get your ipod. Seth was talking about Legion. Do you need other stuff?”
Ryan shook his head
-“I’m tired.”
-“Get some rest, kid,” Sandy said, giving Ryan’s arm a squeeze. “Kirsten’s staying and I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sunday, March 13th
-“I let him down, I can’t believe I let him down that much,» exclaimed Seth while shaking his head in disbelief.
-“Cohen, we all let him down. We all let him down to party with a stupid rich brat who tried to kill Marissa,” added Summer. “I can’t believe Oliver gave her drugs. She could have died,” insisted Summer while punching Seth in the arm to punctuate her anger against Oliver.
-“Ouch, that hurts. Marissa’s gonna be fine, she’s going straight to rehab and Oliver has been sent to New York in a facility treatment, so I’m gonna worry about Ryan, now,” snapped Seth. How could he have listened to Oliver when this drug addict was telling him that Ryan was totally uncultivated and boring? That Ryan was going to be overwhelmed by all Oliver’s richness and that it was easier not to invite him?
-“What’s going to happen to Chino?”
-“He’s better, he’s gonna leave the ICU tomorrow, my parents are with him for every meals to help him and if you ask me, to make sure he actually eats. The doctors give him liquid supplements with a tube in his nose and he’s going to go to a regular room before being released to my parent’s care with therapy and regular check-ups.”
-“And he’s okay with that?”
-“He doesn’t talk much except telling that he’s sorry, that he’s fine and that everyone is making mountains out of molehills. He lost 35 pounds and he could have died,» exclaimed Seth with a shaky voice.
-“He’s definitely going to be the insider in Newport,” tried to joke Summer, but Seth shrugged and didn’t reply.
-“It’s not your fault, Cohen.”
-“We were supposed to be Kavalier and Clay. United. And I let him down.”
-“His mother dumped him twice, his brother nearly made him kill, Marissa dumped him, we decided that Oliver was cooler and that we were going to hang out with him. And all the AP classes he takes to please your parents, it’s no wonder he cracked up! Hell, I’d have cracked up if I had AP physics and calculus!”
-“Ryan isn’t supposed to crack up, he’s supposed to be the strong one, he’s not supposed to catch a girl disease,” snapped Seth.
-“Cohen, you’re such a jerk. It’s so not a girl disease and Ryan isn’t invincible. He’s not your own private Superman you call when you need before throwing him like garbage!” Summer was practically yelling. She had laughed to Oliver’s jokes about uncultivated and jerk Chino. She was so mad at herself now.
Seth let himself slide against the wall.
-“It’s just…I don’t know what to do to help him.”
Summer’s anger vanished and she sat down behind him.
-“Neither do I.”
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Friday, March 18th
-“Ryan,” explained Dr. Hansen. “You know we release you to your foster parents’ care with some conditions.”
Ryan nodded.
-“Are you okay with them? Do you think you’re going to be able to respect them or do you think they’re too hard?” pushed the doctor.
-“It’s okay,” whispered Ryan.
Sandy watched his foster son cross his arms around his midsection. He hated how the kid looked so lost.
-“I’m sure some of the conditions seem hard, but we’ll be there to help you, okay, kid?”
Sandy put an arm around Ryan’s shoulders and pulled him slightly to his side. He was surprised when Ryan didn’t pull away immediately or tighten his self embrace. Sandy felt the boy relax slightly against him. He wasn’t going to fail the kid again. Never.
-“Since you don’t have the feeding tube, you’ll have to eat three meals a day and two snacks according to the meals the nutritionist gave you. You’re going to go to therapy twice a week and a third time with your foster parents and your foster brother. You’ll go back to school after spring break but before then you’ve got to rest. As you want to stay into some advanced maths, calculus, physics classes, Dr. Kim and your foster parents think that it would be more reasonable if you went back in the classes you were in before Christmas except for the three AP’s ones.”
Sandy felt Ryan tense and rubbed his arm.
-“Is there something you don’t like in that arrangement?” he asked quietly.
-“I’m not going to be able to go to college next year if I don’t take the other AP’s classes,” whispered Ryan.
-“Ryan, sweetie, there is no hurry to go to college. I know Sandy was excited about you going to college next year, but you’re 16 and if you ask me I’d like to keep both of my sons close to me for at least a couple of years.”
Both of my sons.
Ryan swallowed hard and kept looking down to hide the moisture in his eyes.
Both of my sons.
Plural.
Kirsten was thinking of him as her son.
He felt Sandy squeeze his arm.
-“I am so sorry you thought I was trying to make you get out of your own house. You’re such a smart kid. You’re going to have a bright future and as Kirsten just said, there is so not hurry for you to go to college. In two years, we can discuss about your options, but before that we want you to relax, to take time to go to parties, to break your curfew, to listen to all the wonderful lectures I’ve prepared for every scenario and I’ve got plenty of jokes to embarrass you when you’ll have a girlfriend,” joked Sandy earning a slight smile from Ryan.
-“Ryan, we talked with Kirsten and Sandy about your brother, Trey. Would you like to visit him more regularly?”
-“He doesn’t want me to visit him. He told me I’ve got to leave him and my old life behind,” answered Ryan before biting his shaking lower lip.
-“Would you like to visit him if he wanted?” asked Dr. Hansen.
Ryan nodded shyly.
-“I think so.”
-“He told me he was gonna call you tomorrow,” said Sandy.
-“You talked to him?” asked Ryan surprised.
-“Yes. He’s your brother and I wanted to tell him that you had been hospitalized. He didn’t mean what he told you. He’ll be glad to see you.”
In fact, the talk with Trey had been more instructive than he had thought. Trey had explained to him what Dawn had told to Ryan. She had told Trey the exact same thing, but “Ryan is more sensitive than I am. I’ve always known that Dawn was a wreck and a bitch. Ryan has never admitted it and has always been disappointed. She was always promising him that she was gonna watch him play soccer or baseball or be there for the musical he was in, and she never showed up and Ryan was devastated. This bitch is living now with AJ and his brats the family life Ryan had always wanted for us. And she told him that. Great Christmas gift, isn’t it?”
-“Do you have some questions before getting out, Ryan?” asked Dr. Hansen.
-“No. Thanks.”
Dr. Hansen and the nurse watched the two Cohens + one exiting the office.
-“I think this kid’s gonna be fine. He’s still got a long way to go, but he’s on the right track.”
cheekymice 's funfic challenge. My prompt was "anorexia". This fanfic set in early first season, just after Thanksgiving and is AU.
Beta : I want to thank Helen C for betaing this fanfic and Beachtree for her help!
Disclaimers : The characters and the universe were created and are still owned by Josh Schwartz. (*glare*)
All mistakes are my personal property.
No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
-“Ryan Atwood, 15, anorexic. He's hypothermic, LOC before transport. He’s severly dehydrated. Low BP at 75/35. Here are his guardians and his pediatrician,” explained the paramedic while Ryan was rushed into the ER.
-“When did he get diagnosed with anorexia?”asked the doctor while examining Ryan.
-“His guardians, Sandy and Kirsten Cohen, called me because they were worried. He had a bad cramp while running and had fallen asleep in the middle of the day. I checked him over and found that he had lost 25% of his initial body weight in four months,” explained Dr. Green. “I told him he had to be hospitalized and he got angry. The discussion didn’t go well and he passed out.”
-“Restrictive type or purging type?”
-“His glands aren’t swollen. Starving type and obsessive exerciser,» answered Dr. Green.
-“Is he gonna be alright?” asked Kirsten shakily. Sandy immediately put his arm around his wife’s shoulders to comfort her and to hide his own shaking. How could have they let this happen? Ryan’s life was supposed to be better with them? How much better was that?
-“I don’t know,” answered openly the Doctor. “He’s going straight to ICU after the exams.”
-“But he was okay until now,” insisted Sandy. “He was doing sport, soccer and kick-boxing, he’s a bright student…”
-“Anorexic patients are poster people for perfection and over-achievement. They want to look perfect. They want to be in control. For everything. Especially their food intake. Ryan’s very sick, Mr. Cohen,” concluded the doctor before disappearing in the room where Ryan had been rushed.
Sandy pulled Kirsten into his arms again, rubbing her back as she cried against his shoulder. "Ryan's strong, he’s going to be fine," he said, trying to convince himself as well.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Two hours later, Sandy wasn't so sure about his assumption anymore. No one had told them anything, and they had been taking turns pacing the hall while they waited.
-“Ryan Atwood’s family,” asked a nurse.
Sandy nodded and felt Kirsten clutch his hand for dear life.
-“Dr. Hansen is waiting for you in his office. He wants to talk to you in private,» she explained before smiling reassuringly. “He’s stable.”
Kirsten and Sandy entered the doctor office and sat down.
-"Ryan's in ICU, stable, but he’s in a really serious condition. He’s suffering from malnutrition, electrolyte imbalances, vitamin and mineral deficiencies, he’s dehydrated, hypothermic and his kidneys aren’t working properly. His muscles are atrophied and he’s bradycardic. His blood pressure is abnormally low. He’s got one hairline fractured ankle and he’s covered into bruises. I know you’re not abusive,” the doctor hastily added. “Ryan’s vitamin deficiencies have decreased his body's ability to heal itself, low blood pressure, low platelets count and his extreme weight loss all lead to easily bruised skin that can take a long time to heal.”
-“Oh my god, is he going to be okay?” Kirsten asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Dr. Hansen bite his lip.
-“Anorexia is a very complex disease. For now he’s stable. We won’t let him out of ICU before his general condition has significantly improved. Then he’s going to be hospitalized in a regular room for several days. After that, there are several treatment centers that have good results with anorexic patients. Suriak for example has a great program with group and individual therapy, supplement dietary and medical therapies. You have to keep in mind that inpatient treatment is going to last many weeks, if not months before Ryan is moved to outpatient therapy,” explained the doctor.
-“Just before he passed out, we had a fight because he didn’t want to be locked up,” whispered Sandy.
-“Mr. Cohen. I don’t think Ryan’s thinking straight. All his willpower is focused on losing weight while having perfect grades and sport performances. He doesn’t realize how critical his condition actually is. He can’t make that choice. You’ve got to make it for him.”
“You want to lock me up, just because you want to get rid of me!”
Sandy shook his head while squeezing Kirsten’s hand harder.
-“You don’t understand. We took Ryan in because his mother didn’t want him anymore. She threw him out. Twice. We promised him he was going to have a better life and we failed him.”
You promised me you were gonna watch my games and my matches and you never did. You promised me you were gonna to teach me how to surf and you never did. And you showed your office to Oliver. You’ve time to spend with Oliver!
-“We didn’t take care of him as we should have done. We were busy, our other son was bonding with new friends and was happy. Ryan had fantastic grades, won all his kick-boxing matches and was congratulated by his coach after all his soccer games. We thought he was adjusting just fine. Our other son would whine if something didn't go accordingly to his plans, Ryan didn’t say anything until this morning.”
-“I knew, we knew, something wasn’t right, he always looked worn out, he fell asleep at 6 then we’d spot the poolhouse lights on all the night and he was cold all the time…we convinced ourselves he was doing just fine because it was so much easier for us,” admitted Kirsten with a shaky voice.
-“We told him how proud of him and his grades we were and he understood that we wanted to get rid of him. But he said nothing until today,” explained Sandy
You can’t even wait until next year when you’re sending me on the other side of the country!
- “His own mother threw him out. He must be terrified that you'll do the same thing. But he’s 15, he’s not going to ask you to promise you’ll always be there for him.”
“You’re lying. Nobody wants me. The other people in my class don’t want me in their study groups, your real son doesn’t want me since he’s got his new friends and he’s ashamed of me. You want to get rid of me! Just like my mom who’s so happy with AJ and his kids who are so much better than me!”
Sandy frowned. How did the kid know that his mother was actually back with AJ? Trey was the only one to know that Dawn was back in Fresno with AJ and his family. Ryan hadn’t had contact with Trey since Thanksgiving, had he?
-“We can’t put him in a center all by himself. We have to find another way,” insisted Sandy. Kirsten nodded. “Ryan is going to consider that as another abandon.”
- “I’m going to program a meeting with a psychiatrist I personally know and trust, explained Dr. Hanson. “We can discuss Ryan’s treatment altogether. You know Ryan better than I do. But I know the seriousness of his condition better than you do. He’s not going to eat again as before. It’s a long term process to get him feed himself properly and stop exercising. It’s going to take a lot of patience.”
A knock on the door interrupted the discussion.
-“Come in!”
-“Your other son, Seth is here,” informed the nurse.
-“He can join us, thanks!”
A worried looking Seth entered the office.
-“What’s going on with Ryan? You left me a note telling that he’s in the hospital. What’s wrong?”
-“Ryan passed out this morning and was rushed here,” explained Sandy. “Have you realized that he had lost a lot of weight?”
Seth shook his head.
-“Summer did, though. She told me he was becoming anorexic…he’s not…he’s a guy! Guys aren’t anorexic, it’s a girl disease, isn’t it?”
-“About 10% of the anorexics are boys, actually,” explained the doctor. “Most of them starve themselves and are compulsive exercisers.”
-“Ryan woke up at 5 and ran 2 hours,” confirmed Seth.
-“Are you a close friend to Ryan? I mean, he’s your foster brother, but you’re the same age, in the same school, are you hanging out a lot?” asked Dr. Hansen.
-“We used to, but after Thanksgiving, Ryan wouldn’t get out anymore. Another guy came to Harbour and we became friends, but Ryan stopped hanging out with us. He didn’t even take his lunch with us, he was spending all his time studying or exercising.”
- “With anorexia, social relationships are frequently impaired,” explained the doctor.
Your real son doesn’t want me since he’s got his new friends and he’s ashamed of me because I’ve never been to Paris. I’ve never been to Las Vegas, I’ve never been anywhere except Fresno and Tijuana when Seth still found cool to hang out with his charity case friend.
-“Did Ryan tell you why he didn’t want to hang out with you?” asked Sandy.
-“Oliver teased him several times because stupid stuff. Ryan didn’t know how to eat Moroccan and asked for silver ware, he never went to Paris or even to Europe or Asia. But it was nothing important.”
-“It was for Ryan,” whispered Sandy.
-“Dad, I’m sorry, but I’m not the one who promised him I was going to watch his soccer games or his boxing matches and never went. After the game Ryan’s team won thanks to him, he fought with Luke because Luke had asked him where you were. And…and I think he cried,” whispered Seth. “Luke went out the locker room, he didn’t understand why Ryan had punched him and I went in to try and calm him down. He yelled at me and he was definitely crying.”
Sandy bite his lip:
-“It’s my fault, I failed him.”
-“I’m not going to sugarcoat you and tell you have no responsibility,” interrupted the Doctor. “But it’s way more complicated than that. From what I’ve read and what I’ve heard from you and his pediatrician, there isn’t one unique cause to Ryan’s anorexia. There are several of them. Deep ones leading to the feeling that the world around him was insecure : for example his mother’s abandon, his family situation, his radical change of lifestyle but also immediate causes : his coach telling him he needed to lose some weight, this Oliver kid making fun of him and you being unable to watch his game make Ryan's self-doubt grow. The one thing that he could entirely control and that depended of him was his weight and his exercising. Basing all his life on it made it appear easier, safer.”
-“How can we help him?” asked Kirsten.
- “Now we have to show him that it’s a lie. First we have to make him understand that he’s sick, then we have to break the cycle he’s on, the last part being helping him to find his own way through his life with you in Newport. He’s got severe self-esteem issues. He’s convinced that everything is his fault. For example, if you don’t make it to his game, it’s because he’s not good enough, not because you’re busy. He has convinced himself that he has to be perfect and that if he’s not, you’re going to get rid of him. That’s why he was obsessively studying and exercising. He’s the only one believing he’s a failure,” explained Dr. Hansen.
-“But he’s such a great kid, we often told him how great he is,” sighed Sandy.
-“He doesn’t believe you think he’s a great kid per se. Ryan’s persuaded that you think he’s a great kid because of his grades and his sport performances. Here’s his logic : to keep his grades and his sport performance up, he has to study and exercise like a maniac. If he doesn’t do that, everyone in the world is going to finally know that he’s a failure. That’s precisely this cycle we’ve got to break, the sooner the better. With therapy, antidepressants and tranquilizers.”
-“Can we see him now?” asked Kirsten. She needed to see him, to touch him, to be sure he was there. She needed to forget the image of the limp, passed-out, dead-looking child Sandy had carried in his arm when they had rushed to the ER.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The nurse led them over to a bed containing a very still, very young looking child, and it took Kirsten a second to comprehend it was Ryan. She winced and felt her eyes welled up with tears. Ryan was so pale and without his so-called Trey’s oversized sweaters Kirsten realized the huge amount of weight he had lost. She felt Sandy squeeze her hand and shuddered behind her.
-“O my god...”
-“His BP’s still low,” explained the nurse. ”He has been in and out. You can try to wake him, he’s going to be reassured that you’re here.”
Kirsten gingerly sat down and began to brush gently the hair off Ryan’s face
-"Sweetie, wake up," Kirsten whispered while stroking his hair.
Ryan’s lips moved slightly.
-“What are you telling us, honey?”asked softly Kirsten while leaning over to hear her foster son.
Ryan struggled to open his eyes before mumbling:
-“I’m sorry...”
-"You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetie. We should have known that you didn’t feel fine,” answered Kirsten before looking at Sandy, her eyes teary.
-“I’m sorry I yelled at you...please don’t make me go back to juvie,” whispered Ryan.
-“Ryan, there is no way you’re going back to juvie. You’re stuck with us, kid,” answered Sandy. He had called his Child services’ contact and explained the situation. There was going to be an investigation. Sandy felt bad, how could have he been so blind? The kid had managed to lose 35 pounds and he hadn’t seen anything. When did his job in a private cabinet become more important than his foster son’s life?
-“Ryan, sweetie, we’re going to help you to heal. We’re going to be there for you as we should have been before.”
-“Dr. Green wants to lock me up...”whispered Ryan.
-“No, we discussed that and I promise we’re going to find another solution,” explained Kirsten while taking Ryan’s hand in hers.
-“He’s cold,” she told the nurse.
- “I know, I was wondering if you could bring over some of his clothes. Warm clothes, because he was hypothermic when he arrived and we’ve got some trouble to warm him up.”
-“Kid, I’m going to pick some of your clothes. I could get your ipod. Seth was talking about Legion. Do you need other stuff?”
Ryan shook his head
-“I’m tired.”
-“Get some rest, kid,” Sandy said, giving Ryan’s arm a squeeze. “Kirsten’s staying and I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sunday, March 13th
-“I let him down, I can’t believe I let him down that much,» exclaimed Seth while shaking his head in disbelief.
-“Cohen, we all let him down. We all let him down to party with a stupid rich brat who tried to kill Marissa,” added Summer. “I can’t believe Oliver gave her drugs. She could have died,” insisted Summer while punching Seth in the arm to punctuate her anger against Oliver.
-“Ouch, that hurts. Marissa’s gonna be fine, she’s going straight to rehab and Oliver has been sent to New York in a facility treatment, so I’m gonna worry about Ryan, now,” snapped Seth. How could he have listened to Oliver when this drug addict was telling him that Ryan was totally uncultivated and boring? That Ryan was going to be overwhelmed by all Oliver’s richness and that it was easier not to invite him?
-“What’s going to happen to Chino?”
-“He’s better, he’s gonna leave the ICU tomorrow, my parents are with him for every meals to help him and if you ask me, to make sure he actually eats. The doctors give him liquid supplements with a tube in his nose and he’s going to go to a regular room before being released to my parent’s care with therapy and regular check-ups.”
-“And he’s okay with that?”
-“He doesn’t talk much except telling that he’s sorry, that he’s fine and that everyone is making mountains out of molehills. He lost 35 pounds and he could have died,» exclaimed Seth with a shaky voice.
-“He’s definitely going to be the insider in Newport,” tried to joke Summer, but Seth shrugged and didn’t reply.
-“It’s not your fault, Cohen.”
-“We were supposed to be Kavalier and Clay. United. And I let him down.”
-“His mother dumped him twice, his brother nearly made him kill, Marissa dumped him, we decided that Oliver was cooler and that we were going to hang out with him. And all the AP classes he takes to please your parents, it’s no wonder he cracked up! Hell, I’d have cracked up if I had AP physics and calculus!”
-“Ryan isn’t supposed to crack up, he’s supposed to be the strong one, he’s not supposed to catch a girl disease,” snapped Seth.
-“Cohen, you’re such a jerk. It’s so not a girl disease and Ryan isn’t invincible. He’s not your own private Superman you call when you need before throwing him like garbage!” Summer was practically yelling. She had laughed to Oliver’s jokes about uncultivated and jerk Chino. She was so mad at herself now.
Seth let himself slide against the wall.
-“It’s just…I don’t know what to do to help him.”
Summer’s anger vanished and she sat down behind him.
-“Neither do I.”
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Friday, March 18th
-“Ryan,” explained Dr. Hansen. “You know we release you to your foster parents’ care with some conditions.”
Ryan nodded.
-“Are you okay with them? Do you think you’re going to be able to respect them or do you think they’re too hard?” pushed the doctor.
-“It’s okay,” whispered Ryan.
Sandy watched his foster son cross his arms around his midsection. He hated how the kid looked so lost.
-“I’m sure some of the conditions seem hard, but we’ll be there to help you, okay, kid?”
Sandy put an arm around Ryan’s shoulders and pulled him slightly to his side. He was surprised when Ryan didn’t pull away immediately or tighten his self embrace. Sandy felt the boy relax slightly against him. He wasn’t going to fail the kid again. Never.
-“Since you don’t have the feeding tube, you’ll have to eat three meals a day and two snacks according to the meals the nutritionist gave you. You’re going to go to therapy twice a week and a third time with your foster parents and your foster brother. You’ll go back to school after spring break but before then you’ve got to rest. As you want to stay into some advanced maths, calculus, physics classes, Dr. Kim and your foster parents think that it would be more reasonable if you went back in the classes you were in before Christmas except for the three AP’s ones.”
Sandy felt Ryan tense and rubbed his arm.
-“Is there something you don’t like in that arrangement?” he asked quietly.
-“I’m not going to be able to go to college next year if I don’t take the other AP’s classes,” whispered Ryan.
-“Ryan, sweetie, there is no hurry to go to college. I know Sandy was excited about you going to college next year, but you’re 16 and if you ask me I’d like to keep both of my sons close to me for at least a couple of years.”
Both of my sons.
Ryan swallowed hard and kept looking down to hide the moisture in his eyes.
Both of my sons.
Plural.
Kirsten was thinking of him as her son.
He felt Sandy squeeze his arm.
-“I am so sorry you thought I was trying to make you get out of your own house. You’re such a smart kid. You’re going to have a bright future and as Kirsten just said, there is so not hurry for you to go to college. In two years, we can discuss about your options, but before that we want you to relax, to take time to go to parties, to break your curfew, to listen to all the wonderful lectures I’ve prepared for every scenario and I’ve got plenty of jokes to embarrass you when you’ll have a girlfriend,” joked Sandy earning a slight smile from Ryan.
-“Ryan, we talked with Kirsten and Sandy about your brother, Trey. Would you like to visit him more regularly?”
-“He doesn’t want me to visit him. He told me I’ve got to leave him and my old life behind,” answered Ryan before biting his shaking lower lip.
-“Would you like to visit him if he wanted?” asked Dr. Hansen.
Ryan nodded shyly.
-“I think so.”
-“He told me he was gonna call you tomorrow,” said Sandy.
-“You talked to him?” asked Ryan surprised.
-“Yes. He’s your brother and I wanted to tell him that you had been hospitalized. He didn’t mean what he told you. He’ll be glad to see you.”
In fact, the talk with Trey had been more instructive than he had thought. Trey had explained to him what Dawn had told to Ryan. She had told Trey the exact same thing, but “Ryan is more sensitive than I am. I’ve always known that Dawn was a wreck and a bitch. Ryan has never admitted it and has always been disappointed. She was always promising him that she was gonna watch him play soccer or baseball or be there for the musical he was in, and she never showed up and Ryan was devastated. This bitch is living now with AJ and his brats the family life Ryan had always wanted for us. And she told him that. Great Christmas gift, isn’t it?”
-“Do you have some questions before getting out, Ryan?” asked Dr. Hansen.
-“No. Thanks.”
Dr. Hansen and the nurse watched the two Cohens + one exiting the office.
-“I think this kid’s gonna be fine. He’s still got a long way to go, but he’s on the right track.”