Wasted (Part 2)
Summary : for cheekymice 's funfic challenge. My prompt was "anorexia". This fanfic set in early first season, just after Thanksgiving and is AU.
Beta : I want to thank Helen C for betaing this fanfic and Beachtree for her help!
Disclaimers : The characters and the universe were created and are still owned by Josh Schwartz. (*glare*)
All mistakes are my personal property.
No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Thursday December 24th
“Chrismukkah,” thought Ryan. “Eight days of presents followed by one day of many presents”, as Seth had explained. Christmas had always been hell for Ryan. When he had said that his holiday memories pretty much consisted of his mom drunk and him getting his ass kicked, the Cohens had immediately fallen silent. He had to stop worrying them about his past. Seth wouldn’t forgive him if he screwed up his über-holiday, so he just had to stay focused on his kick-boxing training and his homework. But now, he had to call Trey.
- “Hey, Little B. How is your fancy life?”
- “Okay.”
- “Okay? Just okay? Come on, man, you’ve got to do better than a muffled ‘okay’,” insisted Trey. God, the kid was even quieter than usual.
- “It’s great, Trey. Look, did you find Mom’s new number? And do you have her address? Because I bought her a present for Christmas.”
He had bought the Cohens presents: the vintage tee-shirt Seth was looking for since September and that Ryan finally found on ebay, two vinyl disks for Sandy that were missing from his foster dad’s collection and a fancy grey pashmina for Kirsten after having heard her complaining that she had lost hers. He was in the mall when he had spotted an expensive and beautiful silk. The model wearing it had long blond hair and had immediately made him think of his mom. He had bought it and made it wrapped in a beautiful paper gift he was sure she was gonna like.
- “I only have her number. You could ask her for the address. She moved back to Fresno. But, Ryan, are you sure you wanna call her? She’s still with AJ, you know…she’s living with AJ and his kids,” explained Trey.
Ryan felt his throat tighten. She had told him she had dumped AJ. She had told him in front of the Cohens. AJ was still living with her when Ryan was living with strangers. She was taking care of AJ’s kids when her own son was living with his lawyer. How could have she done that to him?
- “Ryan, you still there?” asked a worried Trey. Something was wrong with the kid. He didn’t know what, but he sounded down.
- “Yeah, just give me the phone number.”
After Trey gave it to him, Ryan hung up and changed into his running clothes. He felt like he was going to explode. His mom was back with AJ and he was all by himself. Seth wasn’t interested in him anymore, he barely saw Kirsten and Sandy. He exited the poolhouse in a hurry.
- “Dude!” exclaimed Seth. “Summer and Anna are busy today. They’re going to be at the party tonight, but now, I’m free as a bird. We could spend some Seth-Ryan’s time, couldn’t we?”
- “Later,” mumbled Ryan. He needed to get out now. He was going to hit something or someone. How could she have done that to him? AJ and his kids!
- “Come on. Grand Theft Auto,” insisted Seth.
- “I just said ‘later’!! I don’t wanna entertain you now!” yelled Ryan.
- “Okay, dude, don’t go crazy on me, » answered Seth.
- “Ryan, what’s wrong?” asked Sandy. He had heard Ryan’s outburst and was worried. Did the kid really think they had taken him in to ‘entertain’ their son?
- “There’s nothing wrong,” snapped Ryan. “I’m going to run now.”
- “Ryan, I really want to talk to you.” insisted Sandy.
- “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry I yelled. It was rude. I just want to go for a run and after I’ll play with Seth, I promise,” said Ryan.
Sandy shook his head.
- “Ryan, we didn’t take you in because we wanted you to distract Seth. You know that, don’t you?” asked Sandy quietly.
Ryan nodded.
- “You can go running. But I’d like to talk with you after. What about a lunch? We could go to that Mexican place you like?
- “Sounds good,” whispered Ryan.
- “Have a great time, kid. Be home at noon and we’ll go, okay?”
- “Sure.” answered Ryan before exiting hastily the house.
- “Seth, what’s going on between you two?”
- “I don’t know. I mean…I know that I’ve been spending plenty of time with Summer and Anna. But Ryan always seems really busy with sport, homework…”
- “And Marissa,” cut Sandy.
- “Nope, Marissa is dating another guy she met a few days ago. You remember she was drinking too much?”
- “How could I forget?”
- “Well, her parents send her to therapy and she met this guy, Oliver. He’s really nice and used to live in Paris. She’s not hanging out with Ryan anymore…Ryan isn’t hanging out with anyone. Except Luke sometimes. They play soccer and train kick-boxing together. But he’s spending most of his time buried in his books at the library. He’s kind of becoming a nerd if you ask me. He’s always studying. No wonder he’s a straight A+’s!”
Sandy frowned. There was something wrong. He couldn’t identify what yet, but there was something wrong with Ryan.
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Ryan took a deep breath and picked up the public phone. He had run more than an hour and was finally ready to talk to his mother. He dialed the number Trey had given him and hastily hung up. He let himself slide on the ground and put his head on his knees.
After ten minutes, he stood up and dialed his mother’s phone number again.
-“’Lo,” answered Dawn. Ryan sighed in relief. He wasn’t sure he could have spoken to AJ now.
- “Mom, it’s me… Ryan,” he added after several seconds.
-“Ryan. Why are you calling me? The Cohen didn’t throw you out, did they?”
- “No. Are you doing okay?”
-“Better than okay,’ admitted Dawn cheerfully. “I’m living with AJ and his kids. They’re so nice. He’s got a 14 year old boy and a 12 year old girl. We’re having so much fun together. His son is fantastic. He wants to work in a garage and he repaired my old car. His daughter likes watching the same soaps than I love. It’s so great to have a daughter to hang out with. And his son made me discover the X files. We spend entire evening watching rented dvd’s, it’s awesome!”
Hardly listening to his mom’s babbling about how fantastic her new life without him was, Ryan swallowed hard. His mother was actually bonding with AJ’s children. And she let him living with strangers she didn’t even know.
-“It’s so much easier without Trey and you,” explained Dawn. “AJ’s kids are way more disciplined than you were. With you and your smart mouth, we were always fighting and it was so tiring. Believe me, I’m so happy I don’t have to take care of you anymore,” Dawn concluded.
Ryan violently hung up the phone. His own mother was happy she didn’t have to take care of him anymore. She was bonding with AJ’s kids. AJ’s son was fantastic. He picked up the phone and slammed it several times. He realized that tears were rolling down his cheeks and wiped them angrily. He went down to the beach and began to run.
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- “Ryan?” asked a worried Kirsten when she heard the poolhouse’s door open.
- “Yeah. I’m back from running.”
- “Sandy left a note for you. He wanted to have lunch with you but it’s 2 o’clock and he had to go back to the office,” explained Kirsten.
- “I’m sorry. I lost track of time,” answered sheepishly Ryan.
- “You must be starving, we can order Mexican if you want,” offered Kirsten.
- “Nah, I’m good. I met some guys of the kick-boxing team and we grabbed a bite,” lied Ryan. “I’m gonna take a shower before joining Seth. I…I haven’t been really nice to him this morning,» confessed Ryan.
- “Sandy told me that, he really wanted to talk to you about it,” answered Kirsten and Ryan felt his chest tighten. His mother clearly didn’t want him anymore since she was happy with AJ and his so fantastic kids and the Cohens were going to throw him out because he had been snappish with their real kid.
- “Ryan, we didn’t take you in because we needed a new toy for Seth. That’s what Sandy wanted to talk with you,» reassured Kirsten. How could he think they had taken him in because they wanted to entertain Seth? Well, Seth didn't have any friend and had called Ryan ‘his best friend’ 24 hours after meeting him and he had insisted to visit him in juvie…Seth had played a big role but they had chosen to take Ryan in. It was their decision, wasn’t it?
- “I know that, but I…I’m sorry. I’m going to join him after I’ve changed clothes,” answered Ryan. He had yelled at Seth. And at Sandy. He was so selfish. No wonder his mother preferred to take care of AJ’s kids than of him.
- “Aren’t you too hot running with such a heavy sweater?” asked Kirsten.
- “I put it just after because I was all sweaty and didn’t want to get cold,” lied Ryan. He was always cold. Sometimes his fingernails were blue. But it was winter, wasn’t it? Even in California, it was normal to get cold.
- “Okay, » answered Kirsten. She watched her foster son joining the poolhouse and frowned. “Ryan?”
- “Yeah?”
- “Did you…did you lose weight recently? You look thinner,” she asked. He did indeed. He wasn’t Seth-skinny but wasn’t as hunky as he used to be. He had dark bags under his eyes and he looked totally drained and pale since several days…or weeks? God, Ryan wasn’t the only one who seemed to have lost track of time. Since when hadn’t she had a conversation with the kid?
- “No, I haven’t. I’m wearing Trey’s old sweater after I’ve run. It’s oversized. Trey thought it was cool to have oversized clothes when he was fifteen. And he’s taller than me, so it’s really too large,” lied Ryan.
- “Okay, go get your shower before actually getting cold. And don’t forget that tonight, we’re all going to the Newport Group’s Christmas party,” answered Kirsten. Oversized sweater…it must be the explanation…teenage girls were always dieting, but teenage boys? Nah, they didn’t care, did they? They didn’t have body issues, did they? Kirsten went back to the kitchen and poured herself a mug of coffee.
In his room, Ryan grabbed the fancy silk scarf he had bought for his mom and began to angrily tear it into pieces.
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- “I can’t believe Seth is a polygamist,” chuckled Sandy while driving Kirsten and Ryan to the Newport Group’s Christmas Party. Seth was going to with Anna and Summer in Summer’s car.
- And they both have a present for him,” added Kirsten. “I hope he’s got something for both of them. Poor girls.”
- “I heard him talk about Death Cabs and The Goonies,” answered Sandy.
- “Death Cab and The Goonies…he’s not going to stay polygamist for a long time. He’s going to be single soon,” prophesized Kirsten.
Ryan closed his eyes. He didn’t want to go to the party with Caleb and Julie Cooper. The last time he had seen her, she had explained how happy she was Marissa had broken up with him. How she was fond of her new boyfriend, Oliver something who had lived in Paris and was able to talk about all this cultural stuff Ryan was unaware of. He had read several art and architecture books but as Oliver had remarked ‘Come on, between visiting the museums and reading stupid books about them, there is no comparison. What’s the interest of reading something about art paintings when you can actually see them?’ Everybody had approved, even Seth, and Ryan had alleged he had to finish his homework to get out this hell. He already knew he didn’t fit in Newport. He didn’t need some rich brats to tell him that. Partying with Caleb for Christmas? It was worse than his usual Christmas Eve of drinking, crying and cops.
The car stopped and he slowly got out before walking slowly towards the building.
- “I had totally forgotten he was in the backseat,” whispered Kirsten.
- “I would lie if I told you that I was aware he was in the car,” confessed Sandy. He had to talk to the kid. Not yet because of the really interesting conversation he was going to have about the Balboa Heights with his favorite father-in-law, but he couldn’t postpone a talk with Ryan much longer.
Ryan felt more out of place and lonelier than ever. Sandy and Kirsten were chattering with Newpsies whose names he didn’t remember, Seth had disappeared with Anna and Summer had hastily joined the two of them. Caleb had looked at him as if his presence was a shame for all the Newport Group. His own mother was happier without him, so he could suppose that a total stranger whose model house he burned down, wasn’t going to welcome him with open arms, was he?
Everybody was eating and drinking, apparently unaware of all the empty calories they were putting in their body. All he wanted was go home and crawl under the covers. He was exhausted: he had run for three hours with only coffee in his stomach. He had to be in the welterweight category after Christmas break. Fasting was a quick way to achieve this goal, but right now he was a little dizzy. The place was overcrowded and apparently there was a cold airstream since he was shivering from cold. Yeah, his warm bed was his destination of choice.
Caleb’s voice interrupted his thoughts.
-“ And so effective immediately, I’m transferring the title of the heights to the Balboa land trust for the very reasonable price of one dollar. And I couldn’t have done it without the help of my son-in-law, Sandy Cohen.”
Sandy was sporting a devilish grin when he answered: “Oh thanks, Cal, but I can’t take credit for this. You did this all on your own,” before putting up his glass “To Caleb Nichol, the most generous man in Newport Beach.”
“Best moment ever!” thought Sandy. He saw Summer and Anna emerging out of a room and looking pretty upset before spotting an embarrassed Seth. Death Cab and the Goonies had to be offered, he thought before chuckling. He walked towards Kirsten and almost bumped into Ryan.
-“Congratulations Sandy! » offered the kid. Sandy looked at Ryan’s genuine smile and laughed quietly.
-“I must say I’m very proud of Kirsten. She was the one who gave me the paper I needed to force Caleb to sell the heights,” he explained while putting his arm around Ryan and squeezing the kid’s shoulder gently. “Come on, kid, let’s celebrate that with appetizers that aren’t these god-awful mushroom leek crescents or Crab and Brie phyllos stuff.”
-“Mister Cohen! That was amazing. I’ve read all the papers about the Balboa Heights’s file and I have to say that it’s the perfect victory,” exclaimed Oliver.
-“The look on Caleb’s face was priceless!” added Marissa.
-“Well…yeah,” admitted Sandy.
-“How did you do?” asked Oliver.
- “Well, I happened to find a geological survey of the heights which Caleb commissioned proving that the Heights’s sole are crumbly, the whole area is uninsurable, it’s worthless. There is no way Caleb would have gotten the building permit.”
-“That’s clever!” exclaimed Oliver.
-“And too nice of you. You could have destroyed him and you let him be the generous guy,” regretted Marissa.
-“I plead guilty, I’m hopelessly in love with his daughter,” confessed Sandy before frowning. Where was Ryan? He looked around and spotted Ryan in a corner of the room, looking down and trying to hide his face behind his bang. But before he managed to join him, several Newpsies began to ask him questions about the Balboa Heights’ victory. He owned to Kirsten to answer them, didn’t he? He could speak to Ryan tomorrow, there would be plenty of time, wouldn't there?
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Ryan angrily threw his suit on the floor, put on his sweatpants and Trey’s warmer sweater, and crawled under the covers. He was freezing and he couldn’t believe that Sandy had let him down for Oliver. He could understand that Seth liked listening to Oliver’s stupid-cultural babbling but he had been so sure Sandy was different. They were supposed to be cut in the same deck, weren’t they? Sandy told him that the first time they met. For the second time of the day, he felt warm tears rolling down his cheeks. ‘You’re such a baby, Atwoods don’t cry!’…well, his mother had made clear that he wasn’t an Atwood anymore. But he wasn’t a Cohen either, so what was he?
He shivered, buried himself under the cover and curled himself into a ball before letting his exhausted body finally succumb to sleep.
Sandy opened quietly the poolhouse’s door and sighed of disappointment. His foster son was already fast asleep. Seth was whining that women were evil and that he was watching the Goonies dvd to cheer himself up. Could his dad tell Ryan to come watch TV with all of them? Sandy picked up Ryan’s suit that the kid has unusually let on the floor and discovered some pieces of silk fabric. That was weird. He turned on the A/C that Ryan seemed to have forgotten and exited the poolhouse.
-“He’s asleep,” he informed Kisten.
-“Already? But it’s barely 11 o’clock!”
- “He jogged for a long time today. He must be exhausted. What’s that?” asked Kirsten while pointing towards the silk rags Sandy held.
- “I don’t know. I found them on Ryan’s floor.”
- “Looks like silk scarf. Yep, Missoni’s scarf. Torn up Missoni’s silk scarf. That’s weird. Those are pretty expensive.”
-“He didn’t enjoy the party thrown by your father and what I have to call your stepmommy, so he decided to ruin your Christmas gift,” joked Sandy.
-“No, he’s already put our gifts under the tree,” answered Kirsten absently. Why did Ryan tear up an expensive and beautiful scarf? She didn’t get the kid sometimes. Well, often. Seth was crystal clear for her. Ryan, she didn’t understand him. Something was obviously bothering him. ‘Your ex-delinquent/new-kid is the poster boy for depression’ had said Taryn while drinking a glass of champagne. Kirsten had virulently denied telling her that Ryan was straight A +’s, that he was going to take AP’s classes and than he was working miracles at soccer and kick-boxing but she had felt her chest tightening. Taryn was obviously drunk, but Kirsten couldn’t deny that Ryan looked sad. He didn’t hang out with Seth and Sandy had informed her that he wasn’t dating Marissa anymore and she knew that he was spending all his extra free time ‘training like a maniac’ or ‘studying like a nerd’, according to Seth.
A loud “Mom!” interrupted her thoughts and she joined Sandy in the den.
-“Where’s Ryan?”
-“Asleep.”
-“At 11 o’clock on Christmas’ Eve? You’re kidding, right?”
Sandy shook his head.
-“Nope, he’s buried under his covers and snoring. He woke up at 7 this morning, not at 10 like you did.”
-“But you’ve got to wake him up. We’ve got to watch The Goonies together,” whined Seth.
-“We let him sleep tonight. But tomorrow, we’ll watch movies all together.”
Seth shrugged and sat down on the couch beside his parents.
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Ryan woke up freezing and thirsty. Someone had turned this stupid A/C on. He slowly sat up on the bed, waited for his usual dizziness to fade out and stood up. He was craving for diet coke. He turned the A/C off, put another sweater on and quietly exited the poolhouse. He opened the door of the kitchen and froze. The TV was on. He realized that it was only half past eleven. He took a look and spotted the Cohen’s snuggled up together with Seth’s favorite movie, The Goonies, on TV. Sandy was giggling while Seth was frantically repeating ‘you have to look at that, it’s so not for children’ and Kirsten was chuckling quietly and murmuring ‘we totally get it, sweetie!’ Ryan bit his lips and swallowed hard. They looked happier than ever. They were happier just the three of them. As Dawn’s words echoed in his head, he hastily exited the house, their house and returned in the poolhouse, outside.
“It’s so much easier without Trey and you. Believe me, I’m so happy I don’t have to take care of you anymore.”
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Friday, December 25th
-“Merry Chrismukkah!” exclaimed a cheerful Seth. “Happy Chrismukkah, dude! Dude?”
Seth raced to his parent’s bedroom.
-“Ryan’s gone! Wake up, Ryan’s gone!”
-“Are his sneakers near his bed?” asked a sleepy Sandy while rubbing his eyes.
-“I don’t know.”
-“Let’s check if they are,» yawned Sandy while following his son in the pool house
-“They’re not!”
-“Then he went to a run on the beach. Don’t worry, he’s going to be home soon,” reassured Sandy.
-“But it’s Chrismukkah! He has to be there now!” whined Seth.
Ryan hastily ran towards the poolhouse. He had woken up at 5 and decided to go for a jog. Seth had insisted that they all had to open the presents at the crack of the dawn. Apparently Seth was an early-riser today, realized Ryan when he heard a loud:
-“But he’s going to ruin Chrismukkah!”
Ryan swallowed hard before entering the poolhouse.
-“Look, Seth, I’m sorry. I…”
Seth’s anger vanished immediately:
-“Dude, happy Chrismukkah! Come on, there are some presents under the tree screaming our names!”
-“Kid, take a shower and change. We’re not in any hurry! I’m going to cook the breakfast. Merry Chrismukkah,” Sandy concluded while patting his foster son’s back gently.
Ryan hurriedly took his shower and put the jeans he had bought several days ago. His old ones were way too large: he had weighted himself just before going for a run on the scale he had purchased and hidden in his bathroom and realized that he had lost 12 lbs in a month. It was getting harder to lose weight. At the very beginning he could lose 1 pound every 2 day. Sometimes even a little more. Now, even when he replaced two meals by coffee or diet sodas, he couldn’t lose more than 1 pounds every three days. Sometimes when he let himself go and ate two meals, he put on weight. His weakness frustrated him and he fasted the next day.
He hadn’t realized before that everything he ate was junk food. Now, he was only allowing himself egg whites, vegetables, chicken and fat free yogurt. He planned on reaching the Light Welterweight category at the very beginning of February. Only 6 more pounds to go.
Ryan put on his wifebeater, two long sleeves tees and his hoodie and made his way to the Cohens’ den.
-“Merry Christmas, honey!” exclaimed Kirsten before giving him a hug. Ryan flinched. Kirsten’s hugs were always a little awkward as if she was forcing herself to give them to him.
-“Merry Christmas to you,” he answered quietly before being dragged away by Seth.
-“Presents, Dude! Come on!”
Ryan gave Kirsten the gift he had purchased and looked at her self-consciously behind his bang. What if she hated the wrap he had chosen? What if she hated him for having offered to her an ugly pashmina? What if…
-“Ryan, it’s beautiful!”exclaimed Kirsten while wrapping herself in the elegant grey pashmina. “It’s going to be so perfect with my pink outfit. I love it, honey! You’ve got such a great taste!” Kirsten was ecstatic, she had lost her grey scarf and this one was so much nicer than the one she lost.
-“Buddy, if I had known you were able to choose great stuff, I sure would have asked you to help me,” added Seth.
Ryan smiled and the exchange of gift went on. Sandy was thrilled with the vinyls Ryan had given to him and Seth had immediately put on the vintage tee-shirt Ryan had purchased on ebay. He hadn't ruined Chrismukkah, finally.
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-“Your mother is ordering Chinese, have some latkes with sour cream!”exclaimed Sandy while serving Seth and Ryan. “You must be starving after all this finger-exercise!”
-“Just a minute, dad, ninjas can’t be disturbed right…now…yeah!” yelled Seth. “United, we’re unstoppable!”he concluded earning a smile from Ryan. “Latkes it is!” said Seth while grabbing a plate. “Come on Ryan, dip another toe in the Chrismukkah pool!”
Ryan tasted the so-called latke. Feculent and fat. Great.
-“They’re awesome,” exclaimed a bouncy Seth.
-“Take mine, I prefer Chinese,” explained Ryan while giving his plate to Seth who hungrily devoured the fried potatoes.
-“Time for Chinese and movies!” exclaimed Sandy. "Your mother picked Fiddler on the roof and It’s a wonderful life and after we could watch my selection: Sylvester Stallones over the top! Come on guys! Kirsten!”
Sandy gave them the food boxes and the chop sticks and put the dvd on.
-“Ryan, sit on the couch with the rest of us, come on, kid!” he insisted.
Ryan gingerly sat down on the far left of the couch. Seth sat on the right beside Kirsten and Sandy sat between his wife and Ryan. To Ryan’s surprise, Sandy put his arm around him.
-“You’ll see, Fiddler on the roof is one of the best movie ever. Stallone’s ones are above all categories, of course,” he whispered. He squeezed Ryan’s shoulder gently “Eat, kid, it’s gonna be cold!”
As the movie began, Ryan stirred in the box he was holding and began to put tiny bites in his mouth. He forced himself to finish his lunch but felt nauseous. Soon, he was unable to enjoy the adventures of Tevye: his mind was focused on his stomach and how the contents were swirling around and around. How all this fat wasn’t going to be assimilated by a stomach now used to digest only fat free food. Sandy’s arm was hot on his shoulder and Ryan tried to concentrate on keeping his meal down. It was a battle he was losing. Before Tevye had asked Gold if she loved him, he stood up and mumbled that he was coming back. He hastily joined the poolhouse and managed just in time to see everything he’d eaten go down the drain. After that bout was over Ryan flushed the toilet, stood up on shaky legs and then leaned against the washbasin. Even though all he wanted to do was to lay down on his bed and curl up into a ball, he forced himself to go back to the family room.
He sat down besides Sandy.
- “Everything all right? You look a bit pale, kid,” frowned Sandy.
- “I’m fine, » answered quietly Ryan. Sandy put his arm around him and Ryan unconsciously snuggled against his foster father before falling asleep.
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Saturday, January 2nd
-“And that’s why Dr. Kim really want you to take AP’s classes. You’re a straight A+’s, Ryan! In Harbor! It’s amazing. I knew your test scores were promising, but with such grades you can considerer entering all the Ivy League’s colleges you want in a year.”
-“In a year? Why…why in a year? I’m fifteen, Sandy. I’ve got 2.5 years in high school left,” answered a worried Ryan. That was it. They wanted him to go to the university and get rid of him. There was no Ivy League’s colleges near Newport.
-“I integrated Berkeley at 16, Ryan. If you’ll enter college next January as Dr. Kim seemed to think, you’ll be almost 17. It’s an amazing opportunity, you’ll have a scholarship and you could consider going to Yale or Brown or whatever college you want.”
East coast! Sandy planned to send him to the other side of the country. How could he have deluded himself? He had convinced himself that the Cohens were going to keep him until he was 18. Not only were they going to throw him out in a year, but they wanted him on the other side of the country.
AP’s classes. He was going to be with people he didn’t know. As if it wasn’t hard enough to be the outsider in Newport.
-“It’s incredible. You must be excited, aren’t you?” insisted Sandy.
Ryan forced himself to smile and nodded. He was so looking forward to being all by himself in a year, in a place where he had never been, with people he didn’t know and who wouldn't give a damn about him. In a place where he was going to fail lamentably because he wasn’t especially smart. Scratch that. He was dumb. To maintain his grades, he had to study like a maniac. He felt so behind. He had no cultural background, the other students were always talking about cities he had never seen or museums he had never visited nor heard of for most of them. He was going to flunk. He was going to be the worst loser on the other side of the country with absolutely no way to see Trey. That was a so exciting future.
-“A nod? Come on, kid, you can do better! Ryan, come on, talk to me!”
I don’t want take AP’s classes, I don’t want to go to the East Coast next year, I wanna stay in California, I want my mom to get rid of AJ and his kids, I want her to visit me, I wanna see Trey, I want you to come to my games, I want to watch plenty of old movies with you, Kirsten and Seth on the couch, I want you to tell me again you’re gonna teach me how to surf, I want you to bore me many other times with all your lawyer stories, I want Kirsten to hug me again and to tell me how wonderful my gift for her is and I want her to wear it in front of Julie Cooper and explain her again that I was the one who gave it to her because the look on her face was priceless when she did, I want Seth to hang out with me again without that Oliver brat, I want to stay with you, in the poolhouse, I want you to tell me it’s my poolhouse and that I can stay here forever.
Ryan shrugged and mumbled:
-“I’m going to go for a run.”
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January went down so fast Ryan would have been unable to describe how he spent his days. He had to study like a maniac to catch up in AP’s classes. Like he had been afraid of, he was with total strangers and no one wanted him in the study group. His first grade, a B+, had literally made him sick. He couldn’t eat anything at all and wasn’t suffering from hunger pain anymore. B+. What a failure he was! Sandy had tried to convince him that it was great to have a B+ in Mr. Tennisson’s class and that the teacher was known for his severity, Ryan knew that he had disappointed Sandy. And two boys had managed to get A. Okay, A-. But B+ was a bad grade and he couldn’t have bad grades when Sandy and Kirsten were paying that much money for him. He didn’t want to be a waste of their money. So he had reorganized his schedule and now he was studying 16 hours a day.
He was stupid and needed to work twice as much as the others to get correct grades, didn’t he? So he studied till one o’ clock every night, sleep till 5, then went running till 7, go to school at 8, had sport from 4 to 6 and went back home to study again and again.
Kirsten and Sandy were busy and he barely saw them. Kirsten’s sister had visited them and had told him that he had stolen her poolhouse. Kirsten had called her a spoiled child, but hadn’t told her that she was wrong. Seth was hanging out with Oliver, Marissa, his women and even Luke since they all were in the same class. They went to a concert and if Seth hadn’t been babbling about how amazing it was, Ryan wouldn’t even have known that he went there. The day before, he had entered the den and realized that Luke and Seth was playing playstation. It had hurt him beyond all recognition and he had immediately back pedaled in his safety place, the poolhouse. Later he had realized that no one knew he was actually there. Seth and Luke had gone away at ‘Oliver’s fantastic penthouse-I can’t believe he’s living there’ and he had spotted Kirsten and Sandy dinning together. Once again he had been forgotten and left over. He wasn’t hungry anyway.
At the beginning of February, he had become a straight A’s student again and he won his first match in Welterweight category.
Sandy hadn’t managed to come watch his match despite all his promises.
His good grades didn’t reassure him anymore. What if the teacher found him stupid and gave him mercy-grades? He needed to study more.
In ten weeks, he had managed to lose 15 lbs.
In ten days, he had slept three hours a night.