House-Sitting
Once the dust settled, I came to realize that unfortunately those confrontations aren't what I thought them to be.
One was far too drunk to have any recollection and the other is...just full of bullshit.
What I need to remember about this, is that although those situations didn't end up being what I thought they were.... Not every situation in life gives you the closure that you need or feel you deserve, even if you make an effort to get it.
So I'm house sitting this weekend. After a few days doing so, I've realized what it feels like to be really, truly alone. I've lived my entire life, never having to be alone. I grew up with siblings, have had roommates and boyfriends. I've never actually been alone, ever.
I'm also at a point in life where I've closed all doors to my exes and old flings. I have no one to call or text or to go to when I'm lonely or hear that I'm missed. I'm alone. Officially. Completely.
I honestly don't know if I've ever been in this place before. I usually always have someone I can talk to when I need a little attention or to spend time with or talk to. I've made sure that I have no one to fall back on. I need this. I know I need this and I've known it for quite some time now..it's just been a matter of me being strong enough to cut all ties. I don't actually think I am.. but I will be. I need to be.
After this house sitting experience... I'm really glad I did not opt for my own place down in California. Even here in Vancouver, where I know tones of people and have friends and family in every corner of this town I don't enjoy being this alone. I can't imagine being in a place where I know no one AND being alone on top of that.
Speaking of... I think I've found a roommate and an apartment. I should be getting the paperwork in the mail in the next day or so and will finalize the details by the end of this week. Hopefully it all goes according to plan and I will have a new home.
48 days until I officially pack up my life and leave.
I don't think I like all this alone business. It makes you think too much. It's so easy to numb the loneliness when you have people around you and things to do. It's so much easier than being alone, but I know it's not better.
I know better than that.
I can't even think clearly. There's thousands of thoughts racing through my head and it comes out as...... bleh.
One was far too drunk to have any recollection and the other is...just full of bullshit.
What I need to remember about this, is that although those situations didn't end up being what I thought they were.... Not every situation in life gives you the closure that you need or feel you deserve, even if you make an effort to get it.
So I'm house sitting this weekend. After a few days doing so, I've realized what it feels like to be really, truly alone. I've lived my entire life, never having to be alone. I grew up with siblings, have had roommates and boyfriends. I've never actually been alone, ever.
I'm also at a point in life where I've closed all doors to my exes and old flings. I have no one to call or text or to go to when I'm lonely or hear that I'm missed. I'm alone. Officially. Completely.
I honestly don't know if I've ever been in this place before. I usually always have someone I can talk to when I need a little attention or to spend time with or talk to. I've made sure that I have no one to fall back on. I need this. I know I need this and I've known it for quite some time now..it's just been a matter of me being strong enough to cut all ties. I don't actually think I am.. but I will be. I need to be.
After this house sitting experience... I'm really glad I did not opt for my own place down in California. Even here in Vancouver, where I know tones of people and have friends and family in every corner of this town I don't enjoy being this alone. I can't imagine being in a place where I know no one AND being alone on top of that.
Speaking of... I think I've found a roommate and an apartment. I should be getting the paperwork in the mail in the next day or so and will finalize the details by the end of this week. Hopefully it all goes according to plan and I will have a new home.
48 days until I officially pack up my life and leave.
I don't think I like all this alone business. It makes you think too much. It's so easy to numb the loneliness when you have people around you and things to do. It's so much easier than being alone, but I know it's not better.
I know better than that.
I can't even think clearly. There's thousands of thoughts racing through my head and it comes out as...... bleh.