Sometimes realizations enjoy slapping you in the face, sometimes.
The past few days have been something of a wake up call.
It appears that home is calling me out on my bullshit and making me realize things, I thought I had already figured out.
It's crazy how a situation can be so set in your mind. You think you fully understand what happened and the hows and whys of what occurred.
Then you get the other side, and it opens your eyes to a completely different situation.
I'm not innocent. I played a part in what happened. No one is solely responsible here. It's unfortunate that this realization had to come from drunken conversations, and although it won't change anything I think I'd like a sober reenactment.
Being confronted with this situation, encouraged me to confront another.
I wanted to see if I played a part in the deterioration of yet another failed relationship.
I feel better about both situations now.
Neither one feels like a closed chapter yet, but at least a few layers of tension have been shaved off the tops of each one.
I have a way of convincing myself of how things happened, where I tend to feel I did nothing to deserve what happened. It's to the point now I feel I can't trust my judgment of my own life's events. I need to remember that I'm not innocent. I'm not exempt from blame. I play a part in everything I do and everything that happens in my life. I'm responsible for my actions and how they affect others, just as I hold those accountable for their actions and how they affect me.
This leads me to wonder about other situations. I'm not sure when or if I will confront them. Give it time I guess. 2 major confrontations in a 48 hour period should suffice for now.
It appears that home is calling me out on my bullshit and making me realize things, I thought I had already figured out.
It's crazy how a situation can be so set in your mind. You think you fully understand what happened and the hows and whys of what occurred.
Then you get the other side, and it opens your eyes to a completely different situation.
I'm not innocent. I played a part in what happened. No one is solely responsible here. It's unfortunate that this realization had to come from drunken conversations, and although it won't change anything I think I'd like a sober reenactment.
Being confronted with this situation, encouraged me to confront another.
I wanted to see if I played a part in the deterioration of yet another failed relationship.
I feel better about both situations now.
Neither one feels like a closed chapter yet, but at least a few layers of tension have been shaved off the tops of each one.
I have a way of convincing myself of how things happened, where I tend to feel I did nothing to deserve what happened. It's to the point now I feel I can't trust my judgment of my own life's events. I need to remember that I'm not innocent. I'm not exempt from blame. I play a part in everything I do and everything that happens in my life. I'm responsible for my actions and how they affect others, just as I hold those accountable for their actions and how they affect me.
This leads me to wonder about other situations. I'm not sure when or if I will confront them. Give it time I guess. 2 major confrontations in a 48 hour period should suffice for now.