A FEW WORDS ON: SEXUALITY
I’ve struggled with sexuality since I was a kid. My first crush was on Jennifer Aniston when I was 7 yrs old. Of course at the time I simply thought it meant that I wished she was my ‘cool Aunt’ or something along that platonic vein. But I guess I first started really questioning my sexuality when I was about 14 years old. The popular girl in my high school was suddenly paying attention to me. She and I were almost inseperable; and one sunny afternoon she told me out on the quad that she liked me. Since then I’ve always known that I like girls. Yet, I struggled immensely with this knowledge.
Why did I struggle? I feel like I’ve gone back inside the closet and come out of the closet (as many different labels: bisexual, lesbian, pansexual - the lot) over the course of 6 years. This was because my sexuality didn’t seem to make sense. I would be attracted to people regardless of gender a lot of the time, and also experienced very different types of attraction for every new person I became attracted to. It was difficult because every time I came out as gay, then friends would say I was straight when I became attracted to a guy, and vice versa. It’s only now that I can finally see what the struggle is all about. & that is: other people.
I’m not blaming other people directly, I’m talking about societal pressure to fit yourself within a label; to belong to a group, be that the majority or the minority. The struggle is not internal - it’s very much reliant on the external. Why do you get confused when you get a crush on someone of the same sex? Because you’ve been brought up to believe that this is out of the ordinary… that it’s something that has to dramatically change your life. This is not the case. Anything that you feel is normal. Every human being is so different from the previous - I still don’t understand why we spend so much time trying to be like someone else or comparing ourselves to others. You are so unique that there never has been nor never will be someone like you. Your sexuality is just something else that makes you unique. You don’t have to confused by what you feel and for whom, because at the end of the day - if something feels right to you, then it is right. Because this is your life and your world. Make it how you want to.
You should also remember that things change, you change. The beauty of life is that nothing is constant; this probably goes for your passions, tastes as well as your sexuality. Why should you have to go through an identity crisis whenever you like someone of the same/opposite sex? It’s like going through an identity crisis when you suddenly dislike eating ice cream after having been an avid fan for the majority of your life. Allow yourself to change and live in the moment. When people want you to label yourself, it’s so that they feel more in control - they want to be able to predict what you do and keep you inside a safe box. Reject that idea, never be safe, never live inside a box.
Remember that it’s your universe. What I’ve realised doesn’t only apply to sexuality; it applies to all aspects of your life.
Don’t try to paint your world by numbers set out for you, paint it however you want.
Why did I struggle? I feel like I’ve gone back inside the closet and come out of the closet (as many different labels: bisexual, lesbian, pansexual - the lot) over the course of 6 years. This was because my sexuality didn’t seem to make sense. I would be attracted to people regardless of gender a lot of the time, and also experienced very different types of attraction for every new person I became attracted to. It was difficult because every time I came out as gay, then friends would say I was straight when I became attracted to a guy, and vice versa. It’s only now that I can finally see what the struggle is all about. & that is: other people.
I’m not blaming other people directly, I’m talking about societal pressure to fit yourself within a label; to belong to a group, be that the majority or the minority. The struggle is not internal - it’s very much reliant on the external. Why do you get confused when you get a crush on someone of the same sex? Because you’ve been brought up to believe that this is out of the ordinary… that it’s something that has to dramatically change your life. This is not the case. Anything that you feel is normal. Every human being is so different from the previous - I still don’t understand why we spend so much time trying to be like someone else or comparing ourselves to others. You are so unique that there never has been nor never will be someone like you. Your sexuality is just something else that makes you unique. You don’t have to confused by what you feel and for whom, because at the end of the day - if something feels right to you, then it is right. Because this is your life and your world. Make it how you want to.
You should also remember that things change, you change. The beauty of life is that nothing is constant; this probably goes for your passions, tastes as well as your sexuality. Why should you have to go through an identity crisis whenever you like someone of the same/opposite sex? It’s like going through an identity crisis when you suddenly dislike eating ice cream after having been an avid fan for the majority of your life. Allow yourself to change and live in the moment. When people want you to label yourself, it’s so that they feel more in control - they want to be able to predict what you do and keep you inside a safe box. Reject that idea, never be safe, never live inside a box.
Remember that it’s your universe. What I’ve realised doesn’t only apply to sexuality; it applies to all aspects of your life.
Don’t try to paint your world by numbers set out for you, paint it however you want.