Crushin'
I will never understand how attraction works. I'm always trying to understand why I am attracted to someone; trying to analyse and pick at the attraction to see if there's some freudian subconsciousness to it, or perhaps a pattern that can be identified from past infatuations. But truth is, for the life of me, I will never understand why I am attracted to someone. Not only will I not understand my crushes, but I will also be frustrated and excited by them at the same time. I don't think there is such an oxymoron as an infatuation: it's a painful delight (or a delightful pain - however you wish to look at it).
I've had many types of crushes in my time. Perhaps none quite so powerful as those ones during my puberty years (I cringe at the memories). Now when I get crushes they're pretty insignificant, recognisably petty - and very fleeting. I'd like to think that's me growing up. Or maybe my ability to infatuate is lying dormant - but about to pounce on a poor unsuspecting individual any time now.
Yes - each one of my crushes has been different from the other, but they also fall inevitably into categories - like the crush I get on someone the moment I see them - before I even utter one word to them. Those usually come like a brick thrown to the back of the head. You steal one glance and it's BAM. You're done for. Or those crushes on people you never thought twice of, but one day they say something to you, or look at you with a blush, or touch your arm by accident and suddenly you're in la-la land; writing up fantasies in your head. I've even had the crushes on people I had originally disliked or found unattractive. Yet all of a sudden, it's like a switch you had off had been flicked on and despite you asking "why would I like them?" you do - and there's no stopping it.
The feelings can never be stopped. Especially when you try. Rather a crush goes away one of three ways:
1. you get over it; it gets boring
2. you tell them, they like you back, suddenly they're unattractive
3. they like you, you spend some glorious time together, the expectations suffocate you both and you decide to call it quits.
Maybe I'm a cynic, though. But if I'm a cycnic it's only because I go by what experience has taught me.
Yet, that little Disney-tainted, fairy-tale kid inside me will always believe in happy endings and true love.
(I can't lie to you, though - for now, at the age I'm at, I'm all for fleeting crushes, exciting flings and most everything besides something too 'happy-ending' and marriage-like)
But you know... maybe I'll meet someone and that all familiar brick will hit the back of my head. BAM! Here we go again...
I've had many types of crushes in my time. Perhaps none quite so powerful as those ones during my puberty years (I cringe at the memories). Now when I get crushes they're pretty insignificant, recognisably petty - and very fleeting. I'd like to think that's me growing up. Or maybe my ability to infatuate is lying dormant - but about to pounce on a poor unsuspecting individual any time now.
Yes - each one of my crushes has been different from the other, but they also fall inevitably into categories - like the crush I get on someone the moment I see them - before I even utter one word to them. Those usually come like a brick thrown to the back of the head. You steal one glance and it's BAM. You're done for. Or those crushes on people you never thought twice of, but one day they say something to you, or look at you with a blush, or touch your arm by accident and suddenly you're in la-la land; writing up fantasies in your head. I've even had the crushes on people I had originally disliked or found unattractive. Yet all of a sudden, it's like a switch you had off had been flicked on and despite you asking "why would I like them?" you do - and there's no stopping it.
The feelings can never be stopped. Especially when you try. Rather a crush goes away one of three ways:
1. you get over it; it gets boring
2. you tell them, they like you back, suddenly they're unattractive
3. they like you, you spend some glorious time together, the expectations suffocate you both and you decide to call it quits.
Maybe I'm a cynic, though. But if I'm a cycnic it's only because I go by what experience has taught me.
Yet, that little Disney-tainted, fairy-tale kid inside me will always believe in happy endings and true love.
(I can't lie to you, though - for now, at the age I'm at, I'm all for fleeting crushes, exciting flings and most everything besides something too 'happy-ending' and marriage-like)
But you know... maybe I'll meet someone and that all familiar brick will hit the back of my head. BAM! Here we go again...