Comments | brainwalker: Scary

brainwalker

Scary

Jul 24, 2005 20:34

Life, man. Just... life. It's really scary. It's like driving around in Baltimore. You make a turn that should tecnically send you in the right direction, and it might just as easily take you to the ghetto instead. Not that I know what direction is the right one, anyway... I need a road map, or OnStar, or GPS or something. Or better yet, why ( Read more... )

angst

Comments 15

kaisharga July 25 2005, 04:06:07 UTC

The first step is the hardest to make. Hell, I live away from the parents and pay my own rent and have a job and a half, and I still haven't really made my own first step. But you have a destination. Are you going to wait for it to come to you?

That was kind of a mean question, I mean of course you don't *want* to, but you know that it's going to get closer, somehow, as time passes, and that is reason enough to let things take their own course and just respond to things as they come rather than rising up to meet the future head-on. I mean, the future is a fucking scary place, and the path to find it is full of risks and ventures and uncertainties, wrapped in a burrito ( ... )

cbtr July 25 2005, 07:13:33 UTC

Brian, I look at your picture & my heart goes out to you. It's tough for young adults your age. There is nothing wrong with you. Maybe you are stalled out for the moment. Maybe it's just plain old caution that slows you down. Cheryl planned for 6 months or better before she moved. I know in the back of your mind you probably feel a twinge of guilt thinking about leaving your mom & dad. But I am sure they just want you to be happy & if that's in Texas .... so be it. If a good friend wrote the very same entry that you just did, would you judge them so harshly? I think not. Believe in yourself, I do. I think you are a terrific young man with a great future. FYI I noticed on yahoos home page that there is a new link called hot jobs. You just type in a city & state or zip code if you have one & it brings up job openings. You have your degree so just a thought it was interesting looking in Macon for Cheryl. Hope you don't mind hearing from an old lady who cares about you too.

brainwalker July 28 2005, 01:45:57 UTC

Nah, I don't mind. Old ladies have some pretty good advice sometimes.

I do tend to judge myself much more harshly than anyone else, actually, and I'm not entirely sure why. It's such a natural part of my personality that it doesn't even occur to me until someone points it out. I don't think I'll ever get over it, but at least I can attempt to be a little better about it.

If mom and dad weren't older than the average parents of a twentysomething, I probably wouldn't have as much trouble with leaving them by themselves, but they've been helping me out a lot more than I've helped them out, even with as much as I do around here, so... I'm not sure that that's entirely logical. Still, while dad's on the mend, I don't think I'll be going anywhere.

I've actually been to Yahoo Hot Jobs, but not recently... I tend to tone down my searching when I have a good lead, but that's probably not a good idea. I should probably keep on searching reguardless until someone tells me I've got a job.

brainwalker July 28 2005, 01:32:20 UTC

Yea, the problem is that the whole "Yea, it'll happen eventually, so I might as well just sorta hang around and ride the wave" has been going on my entire life, and it only recently stopped working. Stupid education. A lifetime lacking negative reinforcement for bad behavoir is hard to overcome.

The thing about the path from point A to point B is that I only have a clear understanding of point A. Point B is a little rough, and the path... yea. No idea. I like bite-sized chunks, though. Makes it a lot easier to consume that bigass Chipotle-sized life-burrito.

Thread 5

tromkehra July 25 2005, 16:02:45 UTC

Brian,I know it's really hard but this seems like the same thing that happens to me, though not at such a large level it's just a swallowing your fears. When I go to dance clubs I'll stare at the dance floor and think to myself, 'Did you come here to stare at the people dancing or did you come here to boogie? Who cares what the others say.' Then in the first sickoning step I get on the dance floor and start dancing :D! It's kind of the same thing with like, did you come here to just watch it pass you by or did you come here to live it? I know it's scary, I'm reminded of how scary it is through my mother all the time. Well you know what you need to do take that first sickoning step forward and don't stop there make the second one and get on the dace floor of life :D ( ... )

brainwalker July 28 2005, 02:07:26 UTC

It's "sickening," FYI.

"What if" is a good question to ask, unless you ask it all the time. Then one of your friends gets pissed off and shouts "What if you got off your paranoid ass and started living your fucking life for a change, huh? What if that!?" The scariest "what if" question should be "What if your life passes you by because you were too busy asking yourself, 'What if?'?" I'm probably more well protected in the event of a crash and burn than most people, actually. That still doesn't mean I want to fall out of the sky in an out of control flaming hunk of metal. But I'd rather fall out of the sky in an out of control flaming hunk of metal than not amount to anything.

...What's the rule about punctuation in quotes within quotes, anyway?

Faith in myself... yea. That's the chronically lacking element, isn't it?

tromkehra July 28 2005, 05:01:24 UTC

::blinks looks at her horrid spelling:: Mew! I'm sorry ^^;;;;;;;!

::Smiles:: Yes well 'What if' can be a dangerous thing to ask yourself when asked too many times. Sometimes I ask myself while walking down the street, 'What if some guy pulls me away and tries to do horrible things to me?' Believe me I know all about the dangers of what if, we live in a dangerous world. Though all the same it will be asked and sometimes no answer will be given, more so than not most of the time ^^;. Still sometimes you need to find the answers yourself hun. ::Hugs::

I think it's like this " ' '' ' " Though I'm not sure ^^;.

Well I have faith in you! ^_^! Though I think everyone has a little trouble having faith in themselves. I'd be dead if my life depended on having faith in myself you know ^^;? Like in the movie never ending story if you doubt yourself the statue's eyes will open and zap yea XP!

Mew... I mean if I'm being a bother I don't mean to, I just wanna help ^^;. ::Hugs::. Jason can tell yea I can't shut myself up for my own good ^^;.

kaisharga July 28 2005, 11:00:33 UTC

I think you needed one less question mark in there. "What if you like the question 'what if'?" would be appropriate quotation, unless there were more verbiage before it in which case "What" should be decapitalized.

Quoting shit on the internet is hard, because rules of grammar can fuck with the meaning of the quotation.

Spontaneity! flamingdeth July 25 2005, 20:46:12 UTC

Maybe you should juts throw planning to the wind and up and move down to Texas (as I'm fairly certain that it's that "thousands of miles away" place you were talkin' about"). I know a few people that have done similar things that have turned out pretty well, and if the job market in Ohio ain't lookin' too sharp, then perhaps it'd be better down there!

Maybe. I honestly don't know, I'm not too good about that sort of thing myself. But still, it's an alternative option that could, possibly, work out! You never know.

Re: Spontaneity! kaisharga July 28 2005, 00:40:23 UTC

It's best to have something of a sizable financial account before doing such a thing, though. $500, at the very least, though more is certainly better.

Re: Spontaneity! brainwalker July 28 2005, 02:24:20 UTC

Well, I've actually been pondering this notion myself, and have also brought up the rough idea with the involved parties. Priam brings up a big part of the problem. Another big part of the problem is that... well, we've only "known" each other in this particular capacity for 4 months. No matter how deeply you love someone, starting a life with them is a pretty big step. I'm not saying that I lack confidence in such an endeavor, because I do. I really don't think we'll ever have major compatibility issues. I guess what I'm saying is... ummm... well, I guess I don't really know what I'm saying. I'm probably just cautious, 'cause neither one of us has had the best luck with relationships in the past.

We wouldn't be living together 'till she's out of college anyway, which is around 2 years away. So, I'd need to find a place as well as a job, which adds financial stress to an already stressing proposition. I can't imagine having problems being closer to Alexis, but if I moved out there on a whim and found the location to not be ( ... )

Re: Spontaneity! kaisharga July 28 2005, 11:05:25 UTC

I'm in possession of a book, currently, called "Nickel and Dimed" which more or less prompted my previous comment in this particular thread. This essayist abandoned her comfortable, fairly affluent lifestyle to transplant herself into unfamiliar territory elsewhere in America to see if, with enough money for a housing deposit and starting food, she could get a job (or two) and earn enough money to pay rent the next month, while still having enough cash to eat and enough sanity to persevere.

It's an interesting read, but she never does 'fail' in any of the four cities she goes. So there's one thing in your favor--not to mention that if you did this, you'd already have a foot in the door, so to speak, in your destination of choice.

Thread 6