Scary
Life, man. Just... life. It's really scary. It's like driving around in Baltimore. You make a turn that should tecnically send you in the right direction, and it might just as easily take you to the ghetto instead. Not that I know what direction is the right one, anyway... I need a road map, or OnStar, or GPS or something. Or better yet, why am I still driving when the only place I know I want to end up eventually is over a thousand miles away? And if I want to get there so damn bad, why don't I stop fucking around and put my heart, my soul, my blood, sweat, and tears into getting there? I'm such a lazy sack of crap, and I hate it, but I continue to be that way.
... why am I so afraid of life? It's all we've got. Shouldn't I make the most of it? Isn't it far scarier to have wasted life in fear of the unknown than to live it and risk fucking something up? So what if you fuck up? Everyone fucks up. To err is human, right? You live, you learn, you dust yourself off and try not to do that again. So, if I think that's what people should be doing, why the fuck isn't that what I'm doing? I feel like I'm wandering around aimlessly, with a future that's nebulous at best, occasionally taking care of things I need to survive the present, and not even doing a good job of that. If I need a plan so damn bad, why don't I go make one? No matter how uncertain the future is the only thing that's certain is that if you do nothing, you will accomplish nothing. But even with the best motivation I've had in years, I still move at a snail's pace. "At least I'm actually moving somewhere." That's what I've been telling myself this week, but it's become very apparent to me that that pace isn't going to cut it. I'm not that helpless, I'm not that pathetic, I know I can amount to something, so why in the name of allmighty God don't I just get out there and fucking do it?
Why don't I ever follow my own advice? What is wrong with me?
Why do I keep writing this same stupid entry over and over and over again? It never gets me anywhere... I'm almost tempted to lock comments to his entry... you've all heard this so many times before, it has to be getting old. Hell, I was considering not putting it up at all, but... oh well. What is LJ for if not an immature whinefest soapbox?
... why am I so afraid of life? It's all we've got. Shouldn't I make the most of it? Isn't it far scarier to have wasted life in fear of the unknown than to live it and risk fucking something up? So what if you fuck up? Everyone fucks up. To err is human, right? You live, you learn, you dust yourself off and try not to do that again. So, if I think that's what people should be doing, why the fuck isn't that what I'm doing? I feel like I'm wandering around aimlessly, with a future that's nebulous at best, occasionally taking care of things I need to survive the present, and not even doing a good job of that. If I need a plan so damn bad, why don't I go make one? No matter how uncertain the future is the only thing that's certain is that if you do nothing, you will accomplish nothing. But even with the best motivation I've had in years, I still move at a snail's pace. "At least I'm actually moving somewhere." That's what I've been telling myself this week, but it's become very apparent to me that that pace isn't going to cut it. I'm not that helpless, I'm not that pathetic, I know I can amount to something, so why in the name of allmighty God don't I just get out there and fucking do it?
Why don't I ever follow my own advice? What is wrong with me?
Why do I keep writing this same stupid entry over and over and over again? It never gets me anywhere... I'm almost tempted to lock comments to his entry... you've all heard this so many times before, it has to be getting old. Hell, I was considering not putting it up at all, but... oh well. What is LJ for if not an immature whinefest soapbox?