Personal journal, entry two
It's difficult for me to know where to begin.
I suppose I should start by saying that there more than likely won't be any profound words of wisdom or meaningful lessons written here, and I must apologize for what I feel is my own inadequacy with such things. This is mainly a record of personal thoughts and feelings, compiled as I see fit - nothing more, and nothing less. How you read and interpret them is entirely up to you, though I feel you know me well enough to take my words for what they are.
I don't think it's necessary for me to go into any great detail as to why I'm writing all of this, seeing we both are perfectly aware of my reasons. With that said, I will put aside the Naboo incident for when I've had a little more time to meditate and sort through my feelings on the matter.
Right now, I think what's in our foremost thoughts is our current situation, and understandably so. Whatever it is we've been pitted against is unlike anything we've ever faced before. We've been ripped from our element - from our very universe, even - and it appears the only way for us to truly escape this horrible place is to go through an enemy who's just as mysterious as the forces that brought us here.
Lying to you has always been a difficult for me, and I see no use in trying to now. The truth of the matter is when I first arrived at Landel's, I was broken-hearted over your passing. A part of me ached to have you by my side again because I felt your presence would bring the surety and strength I thought I needed at that moment. In retrospect, I realize how foolish and selfish I was to think such things. You do not belong in such a place, my friend. The fact you're willing to put the needs of our fellow prisoners before your own only reaffirms this. I can't imagine what it must be like to be unified with the Force, only to be so cruelly snatched away from it and tossed into this terrible prison.
And yet, I'm torn, like I am about many things these days. I can't help but feel grateful to have the opportunity to see you again, to at least have the chance to bask in your company like before. But if I were given the choice, I would just as well send you back to Coruscant, even if it meant facing these challenges alone. There are people who need you far more than they need me. It's true that I have a promising career ahead of me, but I feel the wisdom and experience your life has given you is far more valuable to Anakin and the Order than anything I have to offer. But I know that, if you had the choice, you would not only be reluctant to leave me behind, but all the other prisoners here as well.
As I said before, you do not belong in a place like this.
Of course, I know the life of a Jedi is a difficult, often thankless one. You've told me so many times, and I've come to understand and even appreciate it. And yet, I feel what has happened to us here goes beyond the call of duty and into something far more personal. I'm not so sure we were captured solely because we were Jedi. If that were the case, I think we would have come across other Jedi, or at least other citizens of the Republic, since our arrival. It seems like they had the power to whisk away anyone they chose, and yet they chose us.
I don't know what it means, but I think there is more to this than appearances would suggest.
It would be one thing to know we were being held here because of the nature of our work. But the idea it could be something more makes our captivity even more disturbing, at least for me.
Even as I write this, I can hear your voice telling me to keep my anxieties about the future reigned in, to focus on the now. Considering the fact we have to survive on a day-by-day basis, I suppose you're right in this instance. There is nothing I can do at this moment except bide my time and keep a look out for any leads. I will be patient.
At the risk of sounding selfish, I am grateful to have your help.
[Signed]
Obi-Wan Kenobi