Brick by Brick 5/8+Epilogue
Title: Brick By Brick ( LJ I FF.net I S&C)
Author: bowtiedarling (Tumblr | LJ)
Artist: voices-echo (Tumblr)
Word Count: ~25,279
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Mike Chang, Rachel Berry, OC
Warnings: Language
Summary: After a decade together, Kurt and Blaine are more distant than they’ve ever been. Between late nights at the office and weekends working, Kurt is never home and Blaine is at his wit’s end. As everything comes to a head, Blaine will take one last shot at saving their relationship.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters. Or the show. God, I wish I did, but I don’t.
Author’s Notes: I want to thank my amazing betas, twobirdsonesong and voices-echo. Voices-echo was also my artist for this BBB and did half the artwork for it as well as a playlist. This story would not have gotten written if it wasn’t for those two pushing me to keep going and forcing me to rewrite half of it to make it better. You two are phenomenal! This story was inspired by the song ‘Brick by Brick’, sung by Train and I suggest you go check it out here. Also, I don’t write long stories that don’t end happily. Keep that in mind please. The artwork includes some photos of locations to relevant places in the story so make sure to check that out too. Enjoy!
Artwork
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Epilogue
*~*~*
Blaine walked out of the subway station and turned right as he saw the entrance to the small park a block away in front of him. He tugged his jacket closer around him and crossed his arms as he made his way along the sidewalk and towards the entrance. It wasn’t particularly cold outside, but there was a slight nip in the air; winter was on its way. The leaves on the trees that lined the sidewalks were falling faster towards the ground than they had a month ago and heavier clothing had begun to see the light. He loved this weather; this in between stage, when it wasn’t freezing, just cool enough at night to warrant his favorite navy blue pea coat that Kurt had made for him their first year in New York. It was special and contained too many memories wrapped inside to count.
He glanced both ways before he hurriedly ran across the street and paused to take a deep breath to steady his nerves. Before a few days ago, he never would have been nervous around Kurt, at least not since high school. Now, he didn't know where they stood or what they still meant to each other, Blaine quickly forced those thoughts away and started walking into the small park. He followed along the path and wound around the playground before he spotted a lone figure on their bench with his back to him. His breath caught in his throat and he struggled to take in air as he felt the nervous butterflies in his stomach begin to flutter rapidly. He couldn’t turn around now.
He quietly made his way over to their spot and Kurt's face finally came into view; he looked to be as nervous as Blaine. He saw him holding a pair of coffee cups in his hands and wondered if he had brought him coffee. Kurt's head snapped up and glanced over at where he was standing in. Blaine sighed in realization that he had been spotted and he walked over to the bench. Kurt's eyes widened and he immediately stood up and tried not to spill anything
"Hi."
Blaine smiled slightly and nodded his head at Kurt. "Hi."
Kurt took a steadying breath and shifted his weight back and forth. "Please, sit,” he said, and he gently motioned to the empty space on the bench and Blaine accepted it quickly.
He desperately wanted to cut through the awkwardness that had crept up between them. Kurt held out a cup toward him and bit his lip.
"I got you a black drip with cinnamon. I wasn't sure if you still liked it. I know it isn't your usual coffee order now but…" Kurt trailed off.
"Thank you, Kurt." They both stared out into the park and attempted to find the right words to start the conversation.
"I'm so sorry."
Blaine snapped his head in Kurt's direction. "What?"
Kurt sighed and turned toward him. "I'm so sorry about what's happened and how I've acted. I just, I'm so stressed out at work I can't think anymore. I'm exhausted all the time. Carole said something to me last month that has me constantly worrying about Dad. I just thought I was handling it all fine and then you left and I had to put a brave face on so no one knew I was cracking."
Kurt was close to tears and Blaine just wanted to reach out and gather him in his arms but he knew they both had to get everything out. He hadn’t seen Kurt cry in years; he had always been the strong one in their relationship. It took everything he had to keep his hands folded.
"I'm just so sorry,” Kurt continued. “You have no idea. I can't believe we got to this point. And God, Blaine, it's all my fault. I caused all of this."
"No, hey, come on, it takes two to screw up a relationship, it's not just you. There are things I could have done."
Kurt looked at Blaine and he could see tears pooling in the man’s eyes. "Are we, I mean, please don't say we're through Blaine. Please."
Blaine gnawed at his lip for a second before he tentatively reached for Kurt's hand and lightly resting his own on top. Relief flooded through his entire body at the gentle touch; it felt right. "Kurt, I have never wanted to break up. I want to fight for us, I just didn't think you did."
Kurt sighed audibly in relief and turned his body toward Blaine. "Me too. Oh, me too. You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that."
Blaine lifted his hand and placed them both in his lap. "This is it for me, Kurt. You are it. No one else. But…we need to work on our communication. We need to work on how we handle things. We need to be able to trust each other with everything."
Kurt nodded in agreement. "We do need to work on that. Mostly me, but yes."
"That being said, I think I need to stay at the hotel for a while." He held his hand up to stop Kurt from interjecting. "Just wait, don't interrupt. Please. We need to work on communication and I think we need to start from the beginning with it. I will come home at some point. Of course I will. I just think we need distance to really work on this."
Kurt groaned frustrated with Blaine. "I hate it. I know you're right, somewhere deep down, but I hate it. I hate being alone, Blaine. I hate waking up to an empty house. I hate you not being there."
“That’s how I felt every time you stayed late or rushed out of the house for work.” Blaine shut his eyes for a minute and repeatedly told himself why it was good to stay at the hotel instead of rushing home. "I know, god Kurt I know, but we both need this."
Kurt nodded and knew it was for the best. "So what now?"
Blaine bit his lip and grinned, then raised an eyebrow. "You mean you don't have a plan?"
Kurt ran both his hands gently over the delicate skin of his face. "No. In hindsight a plan would have been good."
Blaine rolled his eyes and downed the last of his coffee. "Well, I currently have an annoying but somehow lovable brother in my room right now, so I need to go make sure he hasn't killed himself yet. It's not entirely out of the question."
"Oh God, did he actually show up? I thought he was filming."
Blaine nodded and stood up. "He was, he has to fly back to Chicago tomorrow. You should thank him. He's the one that reminded me why I wanted to come."
"I will sometime.” Kurt paused and seemed to consider the true implications of that. “Believe me, I will. So what now?"
"Now," Blaine shrugged and motioned for Kurt and he walked toward the end of the park with Kurt beside him. “Now we go home and sleep, because I have eager but rambunctious actors tomorrow, and you have a spring line to get out. After we get some sleep, we'll talk some more and figure it out. I promise."
Kurt nodded and stopped walking. "Wait, before you go..." Kurt trailed off as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope. "I wrote this to you. You weren't there for me to talk to and I just...will you read it? I know it's not like me to write letters, but, I just..." Kurt fumbled for the right words and began to get flustered.
"Hey, it's okay, Kurt. It's okay." Blaine reached for the envelope and held it in his hands for a second before he carefully placed it in the pocket inside of his jacket. “I promise I'll read it, okay?"
Kurt nodded and his body relaxed. "Thank you. I'll do whatever it takes Blaine. I promise you that, okay?"
Blaine nodded and motioned backwards. "I have to go. I'll call you soon and we'll figure this out okay?"
Kurt nodded and began to reach out for Blaine, but he quickly pulled back and just nodded again. "Okay. Thank you."
“Bye Kurt.” Blaine smiled and turned around to walk toward the busy New York streets and left Kurt to go back to the hotel. They had a lot of work to do and he wasn't the least bit sure on how to do it, but as he felt the slight crunch of the envelope in his pocket he had a new hope that they would work everything out after all.
*~*
Blaine quietly shut the door behind him and tiptoed into the room as he tried not to wake his brother up. He knew Cooper had an early flight and, based on the dark circles that were currently under his eyes, Blaine knew he needed as much rest as possible. He would have to remember to thank his brother tomorrow for nudging him toward the door earlier that evening. While he and Kurt may be far from great, the bridge was beginning to rebuild and Blaine had hope for the first time in months that they would make it somehow.
Blaine quickly went about his night routine and threw his pajamas on - an old Hummel Lube and Tires tee and knit cotton pants that Kurt had bought him for Christmas two years ago; Blaine was certain by the feel of the fabric that they had cost a fortune. He switched the light on the nightstand on to its lowest setting and hoped it wouldn't disturb Cooper; it didn't. He padded over to his jacket and grabbed the letter from the pocket and he held it carefully as he got situated under the covers. He stared at it for a few minutes, suddenly nervous, and wondered what the folds contained. He peeled the flap open with gentle fingers and reached inside to pull the letter out.
He took a deep breath and began to read.
Blaine,
I thought it might be easier to write a letter to you than to try to come up with the right words in person. I know I’ve been a jerk and an ass the past few months and, while work is stressing me out, it’s no excuse. I’m so sorry, Blaine, you have no idea. Those words seem so insignificant and small compared to how I feel, but there they are. I wish you could only know.
It’s weird waking up and not having you here. I never realized what comfort and what love you gave me every day. I found one of your old NYU sweatshirts last night that still smelled like your cologne and, just, you. I may or may not have slept in it last night. It brought back memories of you and I trading clothing that first year, and then later, when I did the study abroad program in Paris. I remember opening the packages you sent with your NYU sweatshirt in them, practically dripping in your cologne, and God, I had never missed you so much as I did then. They comforted me so much while we were apart those six months. I look back on those separations we went through, the first year and then the six months, and I can’t believe how strong we ended up being from that. I look at us now and can’t help but think how we got here, though I know it was my fault. We’ve been through worse than this.
I had a dream the other night from when we first moved in together into that tiny, shoebox apartment, remember? We were so lucky because your job was straight across the city and mine was near yours. It was so small -, that closet was pathetic, the cabinet colors were hideous, but I got over it because it was ours. Yours and mine. No more sharing dorms, obnoxious-as-hell roommates, no one to disturb us. (Well, except Rachel, but ten years later and that still hasn’t changed.) I still remember our fight over how to pay for it, I so badly wanted to us to do it on our own, but you were right then, still are; we wouldn’t have made it without your fund. We would have been exhausted from commuting and God only knows what else. I still can’t believe we just finished paying back that trust. I know you’re rolling your eyes right now. “Kurt, it’s our money, we don’t have to pay it back.” You will thank me one day, mister. I miss those days sometimes, when we were so broke, and over worked, and just trying to make it day to day. Those are some of my best memories.
I haven’t been sleeping well since you left. When I do sleep, I’ll either get good dreams like those, or awful, terrible nightmares. Rachel’s been busy with the show but I can tell she’s curious and wonders about both of us. I didn’t even realize the show opens next month; I haven’t been a great friend lately. God I want to change that, I just don’t know how, I can’t see how it’s possible right now. I’ve alienated both of you, but mostly you, Blaine, and I am so deeply sorry.
Please don’t give up on us, I beg of you. I know I’m not myself and I’m moody and bitchy and pissed off, but I promise it’s going to change soon. For the better. I love you so much. You are my world, whether you believe me right now or not, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get us back to where we were. No, I take that back, we can’t go back there. We have to be different, but better. Our relationship has always been built on support and trust and friendship before everything else. Please don’t give up.
All my love,
Kurt
Blaine reread the letter over and over engraining the words into his mind. It wasn’t like Kurt to express his thoughts down on paper, not like he usually did either. But he was touched that Kurt had felt the need to write something so personal to him, regardless of the situation; he had never done so before. He smiled at the memory of that first apartment, that first job that he had in New York City when they were struggling to make ends meet, when Kurt had refused his father’s help, and Burt had sent a check to Blaine every month without Kurt's knowledge.
He had always scowled when he met people who said the days they would treasure the most were the days where they could barely afford to live; now as he looked back on those times he understood every word. He missed the simplicity - the times where they had to make do with only having each other. He wondered how they could get back there; he missed them more than he even thought he could.
"Blaine?"
"Yeah its me." He glanced over and saw his brother under the covers with sleep ruffled hair and squinting at him through the dim light in the room. "Sorry Coop, I didn't mean to wake you up. Go back to sleep."
"Did you see Kurt?"
"Yeah, I did." Blaine placed the letter back in the envelope and placed it safely in the nightstand before flipping the light switch. The only light that remained was the glittering of the city that came through the window. "I'll tell you about it in the morning."
"Mmmkay."
The corner of Blaine's mouth tugged into a small grin at his brother's semi-conscious state and at the surprising turn of events from this evening. For the first time in months he felt himself relax with the hope that his life with Kurt could soon begin to be repaired.