Brigits_flame: Shadows of Self

[bootler]

"Calm, you must be calm. No, don't focus. Stop . . . wait, you're thinking. No . . . don't . . . be calm. You must . . . what are . . . no thinking. Stop listening to me. Just . . . no! Be calm, dammit!"

I growl in frustration and open my eyes to glare at my guide. "How can I be calm when you keep yelling at me

Comments

[suppishld]

can you have sex with your shadow?

[bootler]

You always do have a way of pinpointing the crucial questions... Speaking of, when're you coming to Toronto? I'm having dinner with Kim on Monday, you should come!

[suppishld]

yea sorry, the toronto to plan just didn't work out. Too many guests. btw, I saw the news and it looked like an atomic bomb went off in Toronto or something. You ok? And did you see the explosion?

[bootler]

Yeah, there was a huge propane explosion in North York. Nowhere near me, thankfully. I actually wasn't even aware of it until someone mentioned it yesterday.

[the_panic_light]

I really like this! When he suddenly appeared I actually laughed out loud. "Wow, that looks really uncomfortable." Teehee. Very good! You get my vote! I'd love to see where this might have gone from here...

[bootler]

Thanks very much! I considered going a bit further with it, but it seemed such the perfect place to stop.

[merchendiver]

Snarky shadows. LOL I loved this. It made me laugh. good luck this week!

[bootler]

Thanks very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Edit 2

[aisling87]

Hello, I'm your secondary editor for this round

Re: Edit 2

[bootler]

Well that was quite the compliment! I'm very glad to hear that you enjoyed it so much.

I definitely agree for the first sentence. Looking back over it I think I went a little long with that, it probably could have been quicker. Hyphens might have changed the pace a little bit.

I did want to keep the end result a mystery, although I will admit I have no idea what I wanted people to think actually was happening. The only two I've heard so far are her first time having sex, or now her first period. Either one sort of works, because basically it's meant to be a rite of passage. But I think you're right that more hints could have been dropped.

Thanks very much for your feedback!

[noelani_sitara]

Hello, your primary editor here!

Really sorry for the delay, hope this edit can still be of some use to you in your overall writing.

&. This is me, not thinking. -> This is me not thinking.
&. All the while the strange man standing in front -> All the while, the strange man standing in front

Loved this unique idea and the way you presented it. I especially liked Kris and I hope someday you'll write more about the both of them.

Also, I admire your use of the present tense here - a bit more difficult but it works well with your imagery and style.

I have to disagree with your other editor about dropping more hints. I was much more intrigued because I had no idea what was going to happen (although I'd seen that sex with a shadow comment before reading, so that kind of gave me a different pre-reading image). I think too many hints beforehand would make it less special for the reader as he/she finally gets to meet the Shadow as well.

Nice work!

[bootler]

Feedback is always of use, and I appreciate it!

I'm glad you enjoyed the piece overall, I sort of like Kris myself and might try something else with them in the future.

I'm also glad that the use of present tense worked. I've shifted to that in recent months (not exactly sure why) and I'm still trying to get used to it.

Conflicting advice!! I don't think I'd add more than one or two hints, since I definitely want to keep the end a surprise.

Thanks again!