Beautiful Baby
I watched my baby this morning. I watched her discover her hands, become fascinated by her feet and try to put both hands and feet in her mouth at the same time. I listened to her laugh and coo and saw her beautiful smile. And I was able to savor every moment.
I feel like I've missed so much of her babyhood. For months it was like I was just barely existing. I would nurse her and change her and care for her, but I didn't really appreciate her. Of all the things that depression caused I think the lack of connection to my baby was one of the hardest for me to handle. She's my baby, she's adorable and happy and generally easy going. I really did get lucky with such a great 3rd baby (not that the other 2 were especially difficult or anything), but I was so disconnected with everything that I couldn't find my way to her. I missed so much, and I hate that.
But today I saw proof that things will/are getting better. I was able to enjoy my baby and feel that tug that comes with knowing this is my child, a part of me. I watched my baby play.
I feel like I've missed so much of her babyhood. For months it was like I was just barely existing. I would nurse her and change her and care for her, but I didn't really appreciate her. Of all the things that depression caused I think the lack of connection to my baby was one of the hardest for me to handle. She's my baby, she's adorable and happy and generally easy going. I really did get lucky with such a great 3rd baby (not that the other 2 were especially difficult or anything), but I was so disconnected with everything that I couldn't find my way to her. I missed so much, and I hate that.
But today I saw proof that things will/are getting better. I was able to enjoy my baby and feel that tug that comes with knowing this is my child, a part of me. I watched my baby play.