Farmer Wants a Wife: Day One
☂ ☃ ☀ Farmer Wants a Wife: Day One
Sims 2: Reality TV Challenge
Rules and Set Up can be found @ New Challenge: Farmer Wants a Wife (or Husband, or Partner, whatever)
» Read the Prologue
Day One: The Meet & Greet:
On day one, all the contestants must do is move in and get comfortable. General du Fermier must, however, have two conversations (chats) and check out each of the ladies. First impressions and all that, and in this case they DO last as whoever he has the least in common with wont even have time to unpack. Ousted on the first day. Brutal!
The girls move in! HUZZAH! They waste no time in inspecting the grounds and then forming tiny little (and on the whole disappointingly obvious) cliques. Marshmallow & Pistachio engage in rather competitive game of darts (sharp, deadly objects straight up. ZOMG, don't mess around much?), whilst Cupcake & Blackforest test out the pliancy, craftsmanship and durability of their supplied pillows (you can just hear Blackforest screaming out some kind of psuedo-cherokee warcry O_O;;;). Strawberry & Fondue bond over their man-hunting skills and compare notes in the art of face eating.
Tiramisu, displaying a rather solid intelligence (though your inner loner is showing a little, dear), chooses not to buy into the rather violent one-upmanship of the other six, heads inside to properly aquaint herself with the du Fermier family home in hopes to glean a little more insight into the groups' would be, albeit consenting, quarry.
Alphabetically predisposed, du Fermier strikes up the initial conversation with Blackforest. Quite nervous since he's never been on a game show before, he pulls out a scripted question. "If you were planning a blockbuster-worthy heist, what would you steal?"
Blackforest: Paper money is so passe! Bank notes? Who needs them?! So completely traceable and think of the paper cuts!
du Fermier: So faced with the prospect, you'd reject enormous, bulging sacks ...Of cash?
Blackforest: Mon dieu! Huge sacks are so much more appealing, I'd grasp a couple and take off to tropical paradise, absolutely.
du Fermier: ++
Full of over-enthusiasm that the conversation seems to be heading in all the right directions, du Fermier pushes his luck with a rather crass - albeit well timed, - pun involving holding solid gold bars. Unsurprisingly, It goes down like an offer of one hundred simoleon blue vein to a lactose-intolerant celebrity turophile who's publicly gone cold turkey. In an attempt to escape the no-doubt lingering effects, and prevent further collateral damage (no one likes to be around a victim of the squits) du Fermier nervously breaks into a rendition of 'A Whole New World.'
du Fermier? Musical theatre is probably not the safest course to take, even if it is a thinly veiled song about deflowering arabian princesses.
du Fermier: Uh so... *whistles* Speaking of arabians, did you hear Lawrence was supposedly a really awesome kisser?
Blackforest: *fumes and wonders why the hot ones are always gay*
With not a lot to do, and no pre-arranged challenges to take up their time, Pistachio and Strawberry wait their turns to speak one-on-one with du Fermier by showing off their incredibly poor hand-eye co-ordination in the newly fallen snow.
Fondue has already assessed which of the girls would be her biggest threats and is systematically precision skewering their mentally projected likenesses with darts.
du Fermier corners Cupcake in the master bedroom's en suite and decides it's as good a place as any to have a private chat. Although already a fan favourite, poor Cupcake's been automatically pigeon-holed in du Fermier's mind as the little-sister type. Feeling completely safe and unhampered by the nervous need to impress, he decides to ask her about the other contestants and what her thoughts are about which one would suit him best.
du Fermier: I'm relatively good looking and I'm loaded with assets, you think i'd stand a chance with Strawberry? She's a total hottie.
Disappointed to have been apparently taken out of the running so early, Cupcake tries valiantly to change the topic to the relative safety of the weather.
Cupcake: It's a pity its snowing already, its so pretty when it first falls but it gets so drab and dreary so quickly, don't you think? I MUCH rather enjoy it when the day star's out, and you can run around freely feeling the sweet sweet vitamin ds penetrating your skin! It does you so much good!
du Fermier: ...
Cupcake: *sighs inwardly* Your house is huge and I'm sure all the other girls can't help but be impressed by your excellent taste in decor.
du Fermier: ++
While Cupcake valiantly attempts to get noticed as something other than a plucky little confidante, the rest of the contestants sit down for a late breakfast. Fondue swaggers into the head of the table as though she already owns the place though the others are more pre-occupied with stuffing their faces after their long journey out to the farmstead.
As her entire life's training as prepared her, Pistachio restricts all remarks to the weather rather than commenting upon how much of a view the glass-top table affords of the other contestants, most especially what Fondue is or is not wearing underneath that short denim mini of hers...
Tiffany, a local Garden Club veteran and town matriarch, has come to visit under the excuse that du Fermier will need an extra pair of hands to help the girls settle in, not to mention a plate of freshly made biscuits and a few oft-used comments about fattening him up. She less-than-covertly lurks in the doorway to the master bedroom, listening in on his conversation with Cupcake in readiness for the next week's marathon gossip session Garden Club meeting.
Impatient to make her mark, Fondue corners du Fermier before he can grab his own bowl of breakfast and launches into an animated tirade based around the prison system, and the potential positive outcomes of extended detention.
Fondue: ...AND THEN! There's Stockholm Syndrome. You know its just as common as the movies would have you believe, people held against their will for long periods of time, denied all their common comforts and devoid of everyone they love. They start to form real and binding loving attachments to their captors to the point that they'll do ANYTHING for them. *waggles eyebrows*
du Fermier: I can't possibly think of anything worse, how could anyone possibly think that brainwashing through archaic torture could be a good thing, let alone a turn on?
Fondue: -
Fondue & du Fermier: *crickets*
Tiramisu: *critically assesses her own Snow Angel*
Escaping Fondue's rather frightening clutches, du Fermier manages a quick ham & pickle sandwich before interrupting Marshmallow's attempt at cleaning up after the others and herself to grasp at the chance to have their chat. Knowing her parents to be visibly high-profile on the conservation circuit, he siezes the opportunity to talk more about subjects closer to home.
du Fermier: I've been trying to instigate a complete recycling system here on the farm -- especially with the water -- so we're 100% self sustainable while maintaining an organic license.
Marshmallow: That's so admirable of you! So refreshing to hear people talk about sustainable growth systems and recycling plans that minimise waste. Its such a pity people weren't this serious in the 70s, it'd all be less of a fad and just normal everyday life. Have you thought about harnessing warm water from near-by industrial zones to warm your greenhouses instead of needing to use heat lamps? I'd heard great things about crocodile farms using that kind of technology in SimOz with great success...
du Fermier: ++
du Fermier: No I hadn't, It'd be great to see the materi--
Marshmallow: EEEEEEEEEEEEE! LOOK ITS SNOWING! *frolics over to windows*
Marshmallow? Sweetie? ADD does actually become you, but really. Eye on the prize?
Into the conversational groove now, and perhaps a little punch drunk from the uneasy escape from the mental abuse of the confining conversation with Fondue followed by Marshmallow's utterly endearing yet still absent-minded snubbing due to shiny; du Fermier gets a little bit TOO comfortable with talking about whatever he has on his mind no matter who's listening.
du Fermier: YE GODS! Strawberry is totally smoking. I swear she's my perfect woman, I'm sure the farm would flourish simply because of her presence. Like a well-endowed, pixie faced nature goddess. We could go out and ensure the fields were fertile every night and twice on Sundays.
Pistachio: *state of complete shock*
Pistachio: You know, if I'm being completely honest, I'd totally turn lesbian for her. She's seems so eager to please.
du Fermier: See? Irresistable!
Meanwhile, a sleepy object of discussion appears to ignore a rather large puddle of water on the rug in front of her, struggling to keep her eyes open while watching a particularly brain-melting drama on du Fermier's big screen LCD. When du Fermier approaches, however, its obvious she's as sharp as a tack and fully aware of previous discussions within the house.
du Fermier: You know, gold bars? They're like family jewels, only much more substantial, long, and more impressive in person than you'd expect just by looking at them.
Strawberry: I hear they're usually kept with large sacks filled with other rich valuables...
du Fermier: But its very important to use the right kind of protection to keep them safe,
Strawberry: *swishes toes around in puddle coyly* You know, its kind of damp where I'm sitting, let's cut to the chase -- wanna make out?
du Fermier: *Aspiration!!*
While Pistachio and Tiramisu join forces to cook dinner for the entire household, Marshmallow attempts to entertain everyone with rousing renditions of such classics as 'She'll be coming 'round the mountain' and 'Mary had a little lamb.'
Fondue however, well... FONDUE! YOU'RE A TOTAL BITCH! Okay so I get it, Tiffany is an annoying eaves-dropper who'd rather du Fermier find himself an older sugar momma instead of a smoking hot out-of-towner but there's no need to dump water on the poor woman when she brought sugared biscuits and embarassing tales of "When General was a boy, I remember he..." that potential girlfriends always find so useful for blackmail later in the relationship.
Though, it must be said, no one came to Tiffany's aid and everyone just got on with what they were doing. Ignorance, even when forced by fear of confrontation, is bliss?
du Fermier: There's something so alluring about a woman in possession of an enormous, leather-topped mahogany desk. Must be something about power trip of all that solid wood between you and her position.
Tiramisu: You know I have one of those waiting for me back home, Daddy always wanted me to take over when he retired...
du Fermier: ...And that business would be..?
Fondue: *listens intently*
Tiramisu: Oh, he presides over an international chain of elite rejuvenation spas. They're world renowned for their sculpting of lips -- its an art form really...
Fondue (ostensibly to Pistachio but that's hardly the target of her announcement): ... And THEN I was thinking, why stop at becoming a General? Decoration in the military is surely just a stepping stone onto becoming President..! Can you imagine sitting behind that bohemouth of a desk? It's positively primal.
Its time for the more mathematical part of the evening -- tallying the scores and discovering which contestant must leave du Fermier Estate. Cupcake & Strawberry take a page out of Tiffany's book and indulge in a little scandinavian style spa experience (yes they DID run around in the snow after they got out O_O;;) to take their mind off of the fact one of them maybe going home.
...And the results are:
Blackforest WINS day one with a convincing ten point margin. In spite of all the loving and postulating over Strawberry, she shockingly turns out to be lightening bolt-less! And even more surprisingly, even though dear sweet little Cupcake seemed doomed to sisterdom, she and Marshmallow share top billing when it comes to lightening attraction. BUCK UP CUPCAKE! You're in the winning yet.
Unsurprisingly, however, resident smoking-hot bitchbeast (as her lightening bolt attests), Fondue, is out. Megalomania might turn du Fermier on, but he's after a wife and not a hellish dominatrix that will keep him locked in his own cellars for thirty years until he one day escapes and has his name flashed across the international tabloids as the President's secret blind, albino sex-slave.
Its time to go: Fondue. As she grabs her unpacked belongings and blows this joint, no one bothers to say goodbye.
Fondue's parting words: Booting me from the house was the hugest mistake that could ever have been made. My list of grudges are long, and my future victories many. I'll be keeping tabs on these women and this ... du Fermier. And I will end them. In this life, and in the next.
With an upset already in the house, how will the girls handle the coming morning's challenges, or will they rest easy with the knowledge that none of them will be abducted in the night by a horny future dictator with a penchant for girls named after berry-oriented sweets?
____
Production notes:
• That conversation between Pistachio & General about Strawberry? They solidly talked about her the ENTIRE time they were chatting, for both chats. Hearts streaming all over the shop. I have NO CLUE why either since Pistachio's turn ons were fitness and black hair (I actually gave that to all of the girls so they'd all be attracted to him. I figured why would they come if they weren't atleast visibly turned on by him, right?), and General du Fermier's are makeup & fitness which covers ALL of them. WTH?! I guess she really DOES take after Mrs. Reynolds.
• OMG! I am so much better at writing this stuff at 4am than after a well-rested amount of sleep. Talking shit to friends and not trying to come up with stuff is so much easier to write amusing smack than actually trying to write. XD
• The puddle of water by Strawberries feet was because Tiffany the Garden Club chick wasn't the only one that fell victim to Fondue's rampant water-baloon attacks -- although she did it to Tiffany MORE than once. WTH was your problem, woman? O_O;;
• I LOVE in the photo of them eating food that the middle post of the glass top table goes DIRECTLY between fondue's legs XD
• Marshmallow is SO EASILY distracted by snow. I swear it took five goes to get her to actually listen to du Fermier's second chat. He'd be about to start one and she'd suddenly turn away to the window and be filled with delight. >_<;;;
• I was actually bummed that Fondue was out. She's SO HOT and I thought her really aggressive attitude would be cause for great friction within the Farmhouse. Guess that was nipped in the bud early! XD I'm thinking perhaps I'll have a bachelorette challenge for her of her own one day "Find my perfect first husband" or something, make the men do rigourous training routines everyday, and rub her feet after she's been doing spec ops training in stagnant bogs. XD
• Thanks heaps to Erika, Muu, Zay & Jenji for letting me bitch to them about what I was supposed to be doing. And to Muu for making sure I was using the right colours on my leaderboards since she 'likes to see her meat walking around.'