Medical blah blah
I started chemo again yesterday afternoon.
There's a new oncologist who has joined the team. He was quite pleasant, asking questions about the surgery, about how I was feeling both after the surgery and now.... He confirmed that I had lost quite a bit of weight and has prescribed some medical protein booster suppplement proven to help patients that have had the same surgery as I have, get back on their feet again. It felt good to have a doctor show concern about my weight and link it directly to the almost two meters of intestine they removed.
He decided against giving me both products yesterday (Campto, the chemotherapy; Erbitux, the antibodies) - the Campto would be too aggressive on my intestines given my delicate situation. There will be a group discussion on what treatment is best for me for the future. The options are:
* Eribitux+Campto: not a great idea because too aggressive on intestines
* Erbitux+Oxyplatine: not a great option as it would wake up the neuropathy in my hands
* Erbitux+Folfox: I spend an entire day at the hosital and take a pump home for two days - LONG
* Erbitux: as there is no visible tumour activity they could decide to gve me only the antibodies.
We spoke a bit about my bloodwork. My liver is acting up - but he thinks that could be because of the biopsy. Biopsy? I ask. The one they did during the last surgery.
Yes, I know next to nothing about the last surgery. It really bothers me. I understand why the Professor didn't want to tell me anything, nor send us a copy of the post-op letter (he did after my surgery in November). He didn't have the pathology reports on the adhesions he removed, and I suppose he didn't have the biopsy reports for my liver either. And if I were the surgeon I wouldn't want the patient receiving partial information, especially after a surgery that didn't go well. He obviously prefers to wait until our meeting on the 15th to discuss everything. *Anxiety build up here*
What if my body recreates all these adhesions again? How will the Professor get to the liver if the circumstances are the same? Will they have to remove even more of my intestine - meaning more ongoing pain and a long and difficult healing period? What's the liklihood that the operation will fail - again? How can I build myself up for a surgery that I've become afraid of? What if, what if, what if?
On a positive note, the oncologist confirmed that the adhesions were not cancerous.
Tears
I enjoy watching the news every day. The other day a report on a revolutionary surgical technique caught my attention as the surgery was the removal of a woman's gallbladder. I'll pass over the technical details but basically the surgeon passes via the vagina and up through the various tubes and tunnels to the liver (I didn't know that was possible), uses a robot-type instrument to remove the gallbladder and voilà. So then the camera pans to the woman who underwent the surgery.
And she says, "I'm still a young woman and I needed this surgery but I didn't want to have an awful scar across my waist. This new technique removed the gallbladder and I can still wear a short T-shirt." So I look down at the inch-wide railroad tracks that go from my boobs to my crotch and from just above one hip to the other. So what - I say to myself. I don't care. But somewhere inside me I do. I know I do. I think it would be different if the railraoad tracks were a symbol of success and the positive end of this saga of my life, but they're not. They're a reminder of what went wrong. That interview plays over and over in my mind and I continue to fight back the tears.
I will come to terms with this. I'm much stronger than a stupid old scar. And I will beat this disease!
I go back for my next treatment on the 11th. For the moment the vampire is on hold (unless the doctors decide to add a chemo to my antibodies). Yay!
There's a new oncologist who has joined the team. He was quite pleasant, asking questions about the surgery, about how I was feeling both after the surgery and now.... He confirmed that I had lost quite a bit of weight and has prescribed some medical protein booster suppplement proven to help patients that have had the same surgery as I have, get back on their feet again. It felt good to have a doctor show concern about my weight and link it directly to the almost two meters of intestine they removed.
He decided against giving me both products yesterday (Campto, the chemotherapy; Erbitux, the antibodies) - the Campto would be too aggressive on my intestines given my delicate situation. There will be a group discussion on what treatment is best for me for the future. The options are:
* Eribitux+Campto: not a great idea because too aggressive on intestines
* Erbitux+Oxyplatine: not a great option as it would wake up the neuropathy in my hands
* Erbitux+Folfox: I spend an entire day at the hosital and take a pump home for two days - LONG
* Erbitux: as there is no visible tumour activity they could decide to gve me only the antibodies.
We spoke a bit about my bloodwork. My liver is acting up - but he thinks that could be because of the biopsy. Biopsy? I ask. The one they did during the last surgery.
Yes, I know next to nothing about the last surgery. It really bothers me. I understand why the Professor didn't want to tell me anything, nor send us a copy of the post-op letter (he did after my surgery in November). He didn't have the pathology reports on the adhesions he removed, and I suppose he didn't have the biopsy reports for my liver either. And if I were the surgeon I wouldn't want the patient receiving partial information, especially after a surgery that didn't go well. He obviously prefers to wait until our meeting on the 15th to discuss everything. *Anxiety build up here*
What if my body recreates all these adhesions again? How will the Professor get to the liver if the circumstances are the same? Will they have to remove even more of my intestine - meaning more ongoing pain and a long and difficult healing period? What's the liklihood that the operation will fail - again? How can I build myself up for a surgery that I've become afraid of? What if, what if, what if?
On a positive note, the oncologist confirmed that the adhesions were not cancerous.
Tears
I enjoy watching the news every day. The other day a report on a revolutionary surgical technique caught my attention as the surgery was the removal of a woman's gallbladder. I'll pass over the technical details but basically the surgeon passes via the vagina and up through the various tubes and tunnels to the liver (I didn't know that was possible), uses a robot-type instrument to remove the gallbladder and voilà. So then the camera pans to the woman who underwent the surgery.
And she says, "I'm still a young woman and I needed this surgery but I didn't want to have an awful scar across my waist. This new technique removed the gallbladder and I can still wear a short T-shirt." So I look down at the inch-wide railroad tracks that go from my boobs to my crotch and from just above one hip to the other. So what - I say to myself. I don't care. But somewhere inside me I do. I know I do. I think it would be different if the railraoad tracks were a symbol of success and the positive end of this saga of my life, but they're not. They're a reminder of what went wrong. That interview plays over and over in my mind and I continue to fight back the tears.
I will come to terms with this. I'm much stronger than a stupid old scar. And I will beat this disease!
I go back for my next treatment on the 11th. For the moment the vampire is on hold (unless the doctors decide to add a chemo to my antibodies). Yay!