(no subject)
wonder how long it will be before people notice a new "userpic" and set up. i didn't even know you could change these things.
i am SO TIRED of feeling GUILTY and bitter and indignant about (almost) always being (almost) the only person who's always responsible for everything, always does everything they're "supposed to" and always, ALWAYS is the "responsible one," and hates everyone around her who blows shit off without giving a fuck or feeling guilty about it, and gets away with it. Tired of it! I know it's my fault for the "feeling guilty and bitter" part, that's all me and no one else. So why can't i make myself stop feeling guilty about stupid shit like this? Why can't I stop "should"-ing on myself?!?!? THIS IS MY FUCKING LAST SUMMER IN BLOOMINGTON, and I am ALWAYS UNDER STRESS WITH WORK AND THESIS AND CRAP AND if i want to have dinner with CLOSE GOOD FRIENDS one evening instead of sitting in on an "Obligation" dinner with staff that i will see 24-7 for some crap program I got roped into helping out for at work -- then can't i?!? i will! and don't you try to make me feel guilty about it!!
*sigh*
i am so out of whack, my perspective is so out of balance and none of this shit matters in the big picture. but it, along with all these other crap things i feel guilty and responsible for, i can't let go. god!
i am SO TIRED of feeling GUILTY and bitter and indignant about (almost) always being (almost) the only person who's always responsible for everything, always does everything they're "supposed to" and always, ALWAYS is the "responsible one," and hates everyone around her who blows shit off without giving a fuck or feeling guilty about it, and gets away with it. Tired of it! I know it's my fault for the "feeling guilty and bitter" part, that's all me and no one else. So why can't i make myself stop feeling guilty about stupid shit like this? Why can't I stop "should"-ing on myself?!?!? THIS IS MY FUCKING LAST SUMMER IN BLOOMINGTON, and I am ALWAYS UNDER STRESS WITH WORK AND THESIS AND CRAP AND if i want to have dinner with CLOSE GOOD FRIENDS one evening instead of sitting in on an "Obligation" dinner with staff that i will see 24-7 for some crap program I got roped into helping out for at work -- then can't i?!? i will! and don't you try to make me feel guilty about it!!
*sigh*
i am so out of whack, my perspective is so out of balance and none of this shit matters in the big picture. but it, along with all these other crap things i feel guilty and responsible for, i can't let go. god!