it's official...
I'm in love. We're in love. He refers to me as fiancee (not around others tho, we don't wanna freak people out)... and he pushes me to take better care of myself. Last night I was doing poorly and he wanted to take me to the hospital. In typical fashion, I ignore it and just push through my pain. He told me how much he worries about me because he can't always be around to take care of me and he needs me to live and stick around: he doesn't want to raise our kids alone. To me, he couldn't have said anything sweeter...
I look forward to the day we get to be parents together and I am excited for the memories we will create together.
I still try to keep myself reined in, though... I don't want to get ahead of myself. But I don't want to keep this pattern I have of pushing people away and then trying to pull them back in. I want this one to be different. I want this one to last.
Of course, I continue to be scared... things about him still make me nervous... things about me still make me nervous. But I have three ways to go about dealing with that: 1) ignore it, 2) try to get over it and inevitably just push it to the side or, 3) talk to him about it. I usually choose option 3 and it's proven to be the better choice. Of course, option 2 is a default and I catch myself dwelling on things longer than I should. It's only when it starts to affect how I act that I realize it's bothering me. I need to get better about that.
...
Of course, when one thing in my life seems to be going well, another seems to plummet... the job is not all I thought it would be... I will update again soon (promise) about the 'new' job and why the shiny patina has worn off already.
I look forward to the day we get to be parents together and I am excited for the memories we will create together.
I still try to keep myself reined in, though... I don't want to get ahead of myself. But I don't want to keep this pattern I have of pushing people away and then trying to pull them back in. I want this one to be different. I want this one to last.
Of course, I continue to be scared... things about him still make me nervous... things about me still make me nervous. But I have three ways to go about dealing with that: 1) ignore it, 2) try to get over it and inevitably just push it to the side or, 3) talk to him about it. I usually choose option 3 and it's proven to be the better choice. Of course, option 2 is a default and I catch myself dwelling on things longer than I should. It's only when it starts to affect how I act that I realize it's bothering me. I need to get better about that.
...
Of course, when one thing in my life seems to be going well, another seems to plummet... the job is not all I thought it would be... I will update again soon (promise) about the 'new' job and why the shiny patina has worn off already.