format hard drive...
Once again this year, I feel forced to try to forget... rid my mind and my heart of people, events, memories... and just try to move on.
The sad part right now is that I thought there was something... a connection. And maybe I was wrong. And then, maybe I was right but I pushed too hard... as usual. I don't know. Maybe I was right about the WHOLE thing and it's better that I try to forget now. And then again, what if I made a mistake?
It's just weird to have to keep "rebooting" my system so many times in a year. 4 times so far and now, a 5th time... it shouldn't happen so often but it seems that this is the year full of dramatic events that I have to force myself to move past and to do it fast. One of those times was Eric's death... to this day I think perhaps I should've dealt with it differently but I just needed to move on and pretend that everything was still fine. It wasn't, but I needed to prove to myself that even though it wasn't okay I was still okay.
And now, I have to do it one more time. At least I THINK that's what I should do... because while I want to still give it a chance part of me says that I've already given enough chances and it's time to just put it behind me. I just don't WANT to do that... not just yet.
... but maybe it's time...
... reboot...
... again...
The sad part right now is that I thought there was something... a connection. And maybe I was wrong. And then, maybe I was right but I pushed too hard... as usual. I don't know. Maybe I was right about the WHOLE thing and it's better that I try to forget now. And then again, what if I made a mistake?
It's just weird to have to keep "rebooting" my system so many times in a year. 4 times so far and now, a 5th time... it shouldn't happen so often but it seems that this is the year full of dramatic events that I have to force myself to move past and to do it fast. One of those times was Eric's death... to this day I think perhaps I should've dealt with it differently but I just needed to move on and pretend that everything was still fine. It wasn't, but I needed to prove to myself that even though it wasn't okay I was still okay.
And now, I have to do it one more time. At least I THINK that's what I should do... because while I want to still give it a chance part of me says that I've already given enough chances and it's time to just put it behind me. I just don't WANT to do that... not just yet.
... but maybe it's time...
... reboot...
... again...