Pretty sure
**Pretty sure I'm done living through this chapter of my life. I just want to sleep and wake up to something better. On Saturday, January 2nd I had to put Clyde to sleep, I don't think I've ever been so torn in my whole life. He was so sick though, SO sick. I took him to the vet because I could tell he wasn't feeling well and the vet found a nasty oral infection and some lumps and an enlarged liver. A week later I had to put him down. He couldn't even get up and walk anymore, he just laid in his bed and peed there. The entire experience made me reevaluate a lot of things. I'm still very upset about losing him, I felt like he was the last thing I had here on Earth to cherish. I just recently got out of a relationship, and by "got out" I mean one day he disappeared and never talked to me again.
**Allison's boyfriend is still living here. And by "living here" i meant he hasn't paid me for rent from last month and as far as I know he hasn't paid KT anything either. I don't know what to do. I'm on the lease but he isn't and I'm afraid that if I tell my landlord then I will get evicted too. I paid over $800 for deposit here, I don't want to lose that money, I wanted to use it to pay some things off. Our RGE bill is like $340 or something like that, and I really don't understand how. I'm VERY conscious about my energy use here. I charge my cell and anything else at work, I don't cook a lot. I don't leave lights on so HOW is this happening?? Allison and Shawn are the ones that leave shit on so WHY do I have to fucking pay for it?? They smoke pot in the house all day long after I've repeatedly asked them not to. I don't know where my options lay. I've just been so depressed lately that sometimes I just don't want to live. I don't want to be in Rochester anymore and I just don't even know who I can turn to. All of my girl friends now have boyfriends and I never see them or talk to them anymore. This is why I don't waste my time becoming friends with girls. They get so whipped so fast. It's been over a year and I haven't heard from my cousinw ho I thought I could trust with my life. So much for that.
**so it sucks. I'm living in my home town and I still feel lonely and detached. I'm still up in knots about my mom. She so badly wants to leave my dad but there's no way to keep the house and I don't think she knows where to go either. So I really want to stay in NY and be here for her....but how do I do this and keep myself happy too? I recently took a weekend trip to see some friends on Staten Island and I liked it there a lot. I would almost be interested in moving there. Staten Island is very suburban, but near NYC, affordable to live in and I would be 6 hours away from my mom. But idk...i still think being 6 hours away from her would be too much. but maybe it would be the perfect distance. I'm close enough to be there if need be but it gives her the chance to do her own thing and not have to rely on anyone. I really just want my mom to live a good life and it sucks that so much of it has been stripped from her because my dad is a fucking asshole.
**I found out yesterday that my mom has thyroid disease, and that my aunt Ro and my Great aunt Audrey has it too and that it's hereditary. AND the thyroid disease they have is hypo, which is the one more commonly known for turning people into fat disasters. I feel like this spells so much out for me, and all the times people told me someday the food I ate would catch up with me.
**oh, and I'm pretty sure i have a UTI again or something. I've been waiting for the past month before going to the doc so that I could get health insurance. So I finally have insurance, great! BUT the doctor is so booked I can't even get in until feb 15th. wtf. So I will continue to sit here and suffer with myself for a little while longer. I really just want this to be over and done with. I want nick to get out of jail NOW so i can actually have a real friend.
**i think my friend tito could tell i've been pretty ruined over losing clyde, so he gave me a puppy. he owns the mother who recently delivered a litter at the end of november. so i have a 7 week old black purebred lab puppy. i named her celes after the final fantasy character (im a fucking loser) and she'sd a sweetie and a half. my mom fell in love with her already and we can tell that she is just a suuuper smart dog. after only a few days she already knows her name and will follow basic commands, shes just really receptive to me, and it fills that tiny gap in my life. likely because she gives me a purpose, without me working and making money i will not be able to feed her and she will die.
**right now shes passed out on my left arm so my right hand is tired of typing, i gasve celes her first bath today, i think it turned out pretty well. except we got equally as wet. i can tell she's gonna love swimming someday, while bathing her she haaated the spray hose thing but she kept putting her full head under the faucet when water was coming out of it and didnt seem to mind. shes cute, im glad tito thought of me for this. funny thing is, she's a purebred but all i had to give tito money for was the de worming pill and that was 20. whereas the other puppies are being sold for like 200 bucks. yay for free puppy! she even came with her shots already being done too.
ok, i'm hungry now
<^>Stephanie<^>
**Allison's boyfriend is still living here. And by "living here" i meant he hasn't paid me for rent from last month and as far as I know he hasn't paid KT anything either. I don't know what to do. I'm on the lease but he isn't and I'm afraid that if I tell my landlord then I will get evicted too. I paid over $800 for deposit here, I don't want to lose that money, I wanted to use it to pay some things off. Our RGE bill is like $340 or something like that, and I really don't understand how. I'm VERY conscious about my energy use here. I charge my cell and anything else at work, I don't cook a lot. I don't leave lights on so HOW is this happening?? Allison and Shawn are the ones that leave shit on so WHY do I have to fucking pay for it?? They smoke pot in the house all day long after I've repeatedly asked them not to. I don't know where my options lay. I've just been so depressed lately that sometimes I just don't want to live. I don't want to be in Rochester anymore and I just don't even know who I can turn to. All of my girl friends now have boyfriends and I never see them or talk to them anymore. This is why I don't waste my time becoming friends with girls. They get so whipped so fast. It's been over a year and I haven't heard from my cousinw ho I thought I could trust with my life. So much for that.
**so it sucks. I'm living in my home town and I still feel lonely and detached. I'm still up in knots about my mom. She so badly wants to leave my dad but there's no way to keep the house and I don't think she knows where to go either. So I really want to stay in NY and be here for her....but how do I do this and keep myself happy too? I recently took a weekend trip to see some friends on Staten Island and I liked it there a lot. I would almost be interested in moving there. Staten Island is very suburban, but near NYC, affordable to live in and I would be 6 hours away from my mom. But idk...i still think being 6 hours away from her would be too much. but maybe it would be the perfect distance. I'm close enough to be there if need be but it gives her the chance to do her own thing and not have to rely on anyone. I really just want my mom to live a good life and it sucks that so much of it has been stripped from her because my dad is a fucking asshole.
**I found out yesterday that my mom has thyroid disease, and that my aunt Ro and my Great aunt Audrey has it too and that it's hereditary. AND the thyroid disease they have is hypo, which is the one more commonly known for turning people into fat disasters. I feel like this spells so much out for me, and all the times people told me someday the food I ate would catch up with me.
**oh, and I'm pretty sure i have a UTI again or something. I've been waiting for the past month before going to the doc so that I could get health insurance. So I finally have insurance, great! BUT the doctor is so booked I can't even get in until feb 15th. wtf. So I will continue to sit here and suffer with myself for a little while longer. I really just want this to be over and done with. I want nick to get out of jail NOW so i can actually have a real friend.
**i think my friend tito could tell i've been pretty ruined over losing clyde, so he gave me a puppy. he owns the mother who recently delivered a litter at the end of november. so i have a 7 week old black purebred lab puppy. i named her celes after the final fantasy character (im a fucking loser) and she'sd a sweetie and a half. my mom fell in love with her already and we can tell that she is just a suuuper smart dog. after only a few days she already knows her name and will follow basic commands, shes just really receptive to me, and it fills that tiny gap in my life. likely because she gives me a purpose, without me working and making money i will not be able to feed her and she will die.
**right now shes passed out on my left arm so my right hand is tired of typing, i gasve celes her first bath today, i think it turned out pretty well. except we got equally as wet. i can tell she's gonna love swimming someday, while bathing her she haaated the spray hose thing but she kept putting her full head under the faucet when water was coming out of it and didnt seem to mind. shes cute, im glad tito thought of me for this. funny thing is, she's a purebred but all i had to give tito money for was the de worming pill and that was 20. whereas the other puppies are being sold for like 200 bucks. yay for free puppy! she even came with her shots already being done too.
ok, i'm hungry now
<^>Stephanie<^>