Somehow I want more...
There is nothing beautiful left in this room.
All of the plants are leaning away from me.
I think they want to escape.
I think I want to go with them.
I'm feeling anger for the first time in all of this. I'm angry at him. I'm angrier at myself. I used to be so bright. I used to be a focused individual. I was in touch with LIFE. I was spiritual.
I was sexual. I was in touch with ME.
And now.
NOW?
Nothin. Not a god damned thing. I FEEL NOTHING. I have regressed. I'm back in high school.
I feel ugly. I feel awkward. Uncomfortable in my skin.
A few nights ago when we were drunk and arguing I started sobbing. I couldn't stop. Each sound had the force of my entire body behind it. I don't know what came over me. It sounded like I was wailing for the dead. The sound scared me but I still couldn't stop. It filled my ears up despite his attempt to shout over me.
So much is confusing to me right now.
I don't know what I want.
And I don't know what to do.
I
AM
LOST.
-devin
All of the plants are leaning away from me.
I think they want to escape.
I think I want to go with them.
I'm feeling anger for the first time in all of this. I'm angry at him. I'm angrier at myself. I used to be so bright. I used to be a focused individual. I was in touch with LIFE. I was spiritual.
I was sexual. I was in touch with ME.
And now.
NOW?
Nothin. Not a god damned thing. I FEEL NOTHING. I have regressed. I'm back in high school.
I feel ugly. I feel awkward. Uncomfortable in my skin.
A few nights ago when we were drunk and arguing I started sobbing. I couldn't stop. Each sound had the force of my entire body behind it. I don't know what came over me. It sounded like I was wailing for the dead. The sound scared me but I still couldn't stop. It filled my ears up despite his attempt to shout over me.
So much is confusing to me right now.
I don't know what I want.
And I don't know what to do.
I
AM
LOST.
-devin