Craziness
Niki's birthday was yesterday. She's getting married on April 3rd. I still don't know if I'm going to go. I doubt she'd care all that much if I was there. I haven't seen her since... January. I have this book report due soon. I don't know if I'm going to get it done in time. God I hope so. I think I have until tomorrow. Think I'm going to use the book Alice in Wonderland. Going to see "The Secret Window" on wednesday, hopefully. Life has been crazy lately. I'm constantly looking to fill the emptiness in my life. I'm really unhappy and no matter what I try to do to make it all worth while, more shit comes up that just brings me down. I'm trying to lose weight. I've been eating less but I don't know if it's been working. I run and get outside a lot more too. This weekend seemed so long. Drugs man... They ruin everything. I mean, while you're on them everything is perfectly fine. But once they wear off, you just feel like shit again. Not only that but then you think: Why am I doing drugs? To feel better about my pathetic life.:: And that only makes you more depressed because you realize that you are hiding behind the drugs. Then when you become more tolerant for a drug, you have to find a stronger one to still get high and escape reality, even if it's only for a few hours. The hours turn to straight on days, cutting in to your sleeping pattern and everyday routines. Until one day it's just that. Routine. And then it gets so crazy and you are wasting all of your money on drugs and doing things that you can never take back. And it continues until you either burn yourself out or get so sick of it and kill yourself. Or there is always the long hard torturing task of going through rehab, which usually eventually leads back to your drug life again. Just, if you aren't already hooked on any drugs... Don't try them. Take it from me. I'm not happy.