Eeeeyach.
Have my subjects lately been otomotapeia? Yes I failed miserably at spelling that. Well, I've felt the need for words that express frustration despair disgust. although generally i am not feeling that way, it comes up quite often in my feeling reserve. i was starting to think about how i write too abstractly usually then i thought about faulkner and pwf. and i was like hey, i can be abstract, because there are people who sometimes get me and i sometimes get myself and besides reality is not definite or obvious or even necessarily articulate. my reality may be hard to translate.
but anyway, i was highly traumatized today. i took 5 APs this week, 2 SAT 2's on saturday morning, then got in my bed and cried. and not at all because of the academics. they were a jig compared to other stuff.
well, don't assume compassion. it is not always there. laughter does not mean appreciation or sharing. smiles can be cold. ah, all the wasted bitchiness i've shown towards people. it's just not worth it. not worth it. worse than that. i've learned more from this than from a zillion hours with my head stuffed in books. this is the stuff of life.
although books can be mightily cool.
i actually got pleasure out of taking all those US history tests (AP exam, SAT 2 etc) and although the questions were hard knowing that i actually KNEW what was going on. like that song we didn't start the fire. i forget who sings it. i remember ross playing it for me way back when.
i got a bad CD today but it was called "gatsbys american dream ...and the volcano" the 2nd part wasnt cool but the first part was so i got it. i shouldnt just buy things cuz they are called stuff like that but i thought maybe it would come in handy for something like just telling everyone i know i got a cd that has gatsby's american dream as the main part of the title.
well i am sort of scared to go back to school this week.
we have such abstract thoughts. imagine a society where everyone just thought in concise, obvious phrases. "i feel hungry" or "that is mean of you" ya know? like how DULL would that be? but since it would be entirely weird it would also be undull and weird.
but anyway, i was highly traumatized today. i took 5 APs this week, 2 SAT 2's on saturday morning, then got in my bed and cried. and not at all because of the academics. they were a jig compared to other stuff.
well, don't assume compassion. it is not always there. laughter does not mean appreciation or sharing. smiles can be cold. ah, all the wasted bitchiness i've shown towards people. it's just not worth it. not worth it. worse than that. i've learned more from this than from a zillion hours with my head stuffed in books. this is the stuff of life.
although books can be mightily cool.
i actually got pleasure out of taking all those US history tests (AP exam, SAT 2 etc) and although the questions were hard knowing that i actually KNEW what was going on. like that song we didn't start the fire. i forget who sings it. i remember ross playing it for me way back when.
i got a bad CD today but it was called "gatsbys american dream ...and the volcano" the 2nd part wasnt cool but the first part was so i got it. i shouldnt just buy things cuz they are called stuff like that but i thought maybe it would come in handy for something like just telling everyone i know i got a cd that has gatsby's american dream as the main part of the title.
well i am sort of scared to go back to school this week.
we have such abstract thoughts. imagine a society where everyone just thought in concise, obvious phrases. "i feel hungry" or "that is mean of you" ya know? like how DULL would that be? but since it would be entirely weird it would also be undull and weird.