Friday. End of the week.
I suppose in some cultures Friday is actually the weekend.
Or perhaps it's this culture, and just some people other than me who believe this.
A requested phone call has failed because I continue to call in vain: the past few days and today, I have gotten no response. I wish she would pick up.
Today in AP US the topic threw me off. For some reason I got really upset and had to leave the room. No one really noticed, except for the few friends I enlightened. I usually remain pretty calm when it comes to history. I am capable of objectively analyzing events and decisions. But today, I had trouble remaining objective. I just got frustrated, I guess. I felt like: I am too confused about every fricking detail of my life to make massive political decisions.
Nothing is really...wrong, right now. Work is work. I'm semi-talking to people and acknowledging the existence of people. But I still feel like I am living in this little bubble. I mean that I have trouble thinking about problems clearly. Instead I sort of get shock-waves of feeling and memories. I don't really analyze. This makes it hard to find solutions or accomplish much of anything concrete. I haven't had anyone tell me anything really, in a while. There was a time when I'd have true mentorship.
Working on the lit. mag. is grand fun, except very disorganized. We managed to add weird exercises, discussion of 'boobs' and investigation of potential peer leaders into our agenda. As you can imagine, we didn't get much done today.
I realized something about my 'ruts.' I think once I get into ruts, I am really getting out of them, because the realization that I am in a 'rut' may quite possibly be the beginning of the solution. If only I could figure out what I am solving.
I wanted to get to AP US early today, but I didn't. Someone took my seat. In art class, we watched "Sixteen Candles." If you are a girl, it is a must-see. I own it on DVD. My math test was sort of sloppy and not much happened during lunch. We admired the pattern of the wood on the Hartness (Harkness???) table in English class. I should probably be at the concert but I am not, and I hope all is going well. I would probably be sleeping on someone's shoulder if I were there now. I am about that tired.
Faulkner. Faulkner.
Some people made some assumptions in English class, today. I did not want to be presumptuous and refute them. But they said some things about people that don't apply to me. I am not "afraid" of change; nor do I avoid it. Sometimes I get anxious about it, but it is something I seek out. I change often and re-think myself continously.
We were instructed to comment on whether or not we think "all people are cowards who are treacherous" or something. Cowards? What does that mean? It is healthy to fear. All healthy people feel fear. Does that make us cowards? Or are cowards those that shy away from their fears? That, too, is healthy, and a product of evolution. Cowardice really depends on good judgement. Judgement of when fear is truly a warning or an overstatement. If just an overstatement, risk can be quite useful.
8:16. Time to get ready for bed...
Or perhaps it's this culture, and just some people other than me who believe this.
A requested phone call has failed because I continue to call in vain: the past few days and today, I have gotten no response. I wish she would pick up.
Today in AP US the topic threw me off. For some reason I got really upset and had to leave the room. No one really noticed, except for the few friends I enlightened. I usually remain pretty calm when it comes to history. I am capable of objectively analyzing events and decisions. But today, I had trouble remaining objective. I just got frustrated, I guess. I felt like: I am too confused about every fricking detail of my life to make massive political decisions.
Nothing is really...wrong, right now. Work is work. I'm semi-talking to people and acknowledging the existence of people. But I still feel like I am living in this little bubble. I mean that I have trouble thinking about problems clearly. Instead I sort of get shock-waves of feeling and memories. I don't really analyze. This makes it hard to find solutions or accomplish much of anything concrete. I haven't had anyone tell me anything really, in a while. There was a time when I'd have true mentorship.
Working on the lit. mag. is grand fun, except very disorganized. We managed to add weird exercises, discussion of 'boobs' and investigation of potential peer leaders into our agenda. As you can imagine, we didn't get much done today.
I realized something about my 'ruts.' I think once I get into ruts, I am really getting out of them, because the realization that I am in a 'rut' may quite possibly be the beginning of the solution. If only I could figure out what I am solving.
I wanted to get to AP US early today, but I didn't. Someone took my seat. In art class, we watched "Sixteen Candles." If you are a girl, it is a must-see. I own it on DVD. My math test was sort of sloppy and not much happened during lunch. We admired the pattern of the wood on the Hartness (Harkness???) table in English class. I should probably be at the concert but I am not, and I hope all is going well. I would probably be sleeping on someone's shoulder if I were there now. I am about that tired.
Faulkner. Faulkner.
Some people made some assumptions in English class, today. I did not want to be presumptuous and refute them. But they said some things about people that don't apply to me. I am not "afraid" of change; nor do I avoid it. Sometimes I get anxious about it, but it is something I seek out. I change often and re-think myself continously.
We were instructed to comment on whether or not we think "all people are cowards who are treacherous" or something. Cowards? What does that mean? It is healthy to fear. All healthy people feel fear. Does that make us cowards? Or are cowards those that shy away from their fears? That, too, is healthy, and a product of evolution. Cowardice really depends on good judgement. Judgement of when fear is truly a warning or an overstatement. If just an overstatement, risk can be quite useful.
8:16. Time to get ready for bed...