body image
yesterday was great. spent basically the whole day at julian's. he bought me the greatest thing ever -- a cat collar that fits around my neck. it is black and has a love-heart in diamantes and came from that awesome shop... beyond the trapdoor? something like that. anyway, it looks very sexy. whatsmore, i managed most of the day without starting to feel shit. unfortunately this was spoiled at about five o'clock because i'm a stupid stupid girl who can't just enjoy the moment and forget about everything else. i started to worry about my weight again.
julian was really nice about it though. he said that he thought i'm beautiful the way i am but that if i wanted to lose a little weight that i could, just so long as i don't starve myself or throw up or anything like that. besides which he said that i am "quite literally perfect above the waist/hips, and don't you dare change any of that please". so really i just want to lose a bit off my thighs/legs/butt, and maybe just a really small amount in general so that my bones are just that little bit more pronounced. then i'll be happy. well, happy with my weight anyway. on the whole though, i am feeling really good about myself. like, i actually feel like i could *possibly* be the object of someone's desire. now, this may not be the case, but it helps to feel as though i am not the most hideously ugly creature in the world.
(don't tell anyone, but sometimes i even feel like i could be sexy...)
julian was really nice about it though. he said that he thought i'm beautiful the way i am but that if i wanted to lose a little weight that i could, just so long as i don't starve myself or throw up or anything like that. besides which he said that i am "quite literally perfect above the waist/hips, and don't you dare change any of that please". so really i just want to lose a bit off my thighs/legs/butt, and maybe just a really small amount in general so that my bones are just that little bit more pronounced. then i'll be happy. well, happy with my weight anyway. on the whole though, i am feeling really good about myself. like, i actually feel like i could *possibly* be the object of someone's desire. now, this may not be the case, but it helps to feel as though i am not the most hideously ugly creature in the world.
(don't tell anyone, but sometimes i even feel like i could be sexy...)