(no subject)
sigh
ill off college today, gran has decided i'm too ill to go in so i'm at home, and glad to be, even though i'm missing important stuff.
been feeling rather strange
i want to cut but not in a SH way, or at least not for thoses reasons
i've just got a craving to see blood
to see the way skin opens under a really sharp blade
that split second before the blood wells up and onto the skin
the taste of blood
the smell of it
the feel of it on skin
it's erotic and yet not, i've always found blood sexual but this feels something set apart from that.
it's confusing, i've never felt like this towards cutting before.
i was thinking about having jenn cut me, it felt good, but utterly diffrent to the way it feels to it myself. i realised i trust her with knives, but not razor blades...maybe because the're what i'm used to and i know how easy it is to cause more damage than you mean to
but for whatever reason cutting is off the cards in any situation until i sort my head out, no matter how much i want it
also realised today that Jenn isn't a kitten...or at least not just a kitten
she growled at me over the phone and had me shivering...
so we spent a while trying to work out what she was...
i know all her characteristics but just had to work out what sot of animal they fitted
it was like playing 20 questions
big, bigger than reiko
fast, agile
more feline than canine
big teeth and claws
carnivore
stalks and pounces
makes mouse very scared (and a little excited)
finally we sort of came to the descision of PUMA
which isn't everything....shes says maybe crossbreed of some sort...
and she says i haven't got her thinking furry
in other news mum has given me £30 to spend on the internet...so i have to make a descision....
problem is i can't buy from anywhere that will raise questions when it appears on her bank statement...well i could, but...
she suggests post-xmas ebay, when everyone is getting rid of unwanted gifts
ill off college today, gran has decided i'm too ill to go in so i'm at home, and glad to be, even though i'm missing important stuff.
been feeling rather strange
i want to cut but not in a SH way, or at least not for thoses reasons
i've just got a craving to see blood
to see the way skin opens under a really sharp blade
that split second before the blood wells up and onto the skin
the taste of blood
the smell of it
the feel of it on skin
it's erotic and yet not, i've always found blood sexual but this feels something set apart from that.
it's confusing, i've never felt like this towards cutting before.
i was thinking about having jenn cut me, it felt good, but utterly diffrent to the way it feels to it myself. i realised i trust her with knives, but not razor blades...maybe because the're what i'm used to and i know how easy it is to cause more damage than you mean to
but for whatever reason cutting is off the cards in any situation until i sort my head out, no matter how much i want it
also realised today that Jenn isn't a kitten...or at least not just a kitten
she growled at me over the phone and had me shivering...
so we spent a while trying to work out what she was...
i know all her characteristics but just had to work out what sot of animal they fitted
it was like playing 20 questions
big, bigger than reiko
fast, agile
more feline than canine
big teeth and claws
carnivore
stalks and pounces
makes mouse very scared (and a little excited)
finally we sort of came to the descision of PUMA
which isn't everything....shes says maybe crossbreed of some sort...
and she says i haven't got her thinking furry
in other news mum has given me £30 to spend on the internet...so i have to make a descision....
problem is i can't buy from anywhere that will raise questions when it appears on her bank statement...well i could, but...
she suggests post-xmas ebay, when everyone is getting rid of unwanted gifts