But Home Is Nowhere
But Home Is Nowhere
Well. Life has been rather "................."
Raven's been taking medicine for the Leukemia, so hopefully she'll be able to survive longer and maybe live her life for a longer extent of time...she plans to visit me when she turns 18!! >w< I'm excited about that. :D That'd be in a couple years. :3 Yayy for me.
So, things are officially fucked between Kristina and I. There's people I cold blame it all on, but I won't. Part of it, yeah, is my fault. I admit, I was a bit overzealous with the phone calls. But there WAS a reason. She wasn't answering the fucking phone, and wouldn't talk to me, thus I did not know WHY she was avoiding me. If she had just fucking answered her phone just ONCE I would've left her alone and said "There. You're cool."
I don't quite understand the sudden change in attitude either. The last day I saw her she was...happy. We talked, we laughed, we did our RP, we did everything like normal...but maybe that was a charade too, huh? I feel weird. I feel like she's hiding something from me. I love her. But I guess things aren't working for now. I'll wait and see what happens. Because I guess that's all I can do. She won't read this, more than likely, since she took me off her friends list. But what can I do? I don't know how long I'll have to wait for things to get better. I won't just let her go like this. She's too important to me and it's ridiculous to lose her over something so silly.
In some way...I hope she's lonely without me. I know, it sounds terrible. But I hope she is, to an extent. -sigh- Simply because I want her to know how I feel, really. How I've felt for a long time. I even told her that when I'm with her she feels really out of reach--which is true, sometimes. She said nothing. I don't know anymore, she won't talk to me about anything, so I don't know how to act or help her at all. There's a lot of things I would do for her. Changing how I act with her/towards her is most certainly one of them.
But, on another note, I officially have insomnia. And I have it bad. I can never sleep at night. I just wait until I pass out from exhaustion. :/ It's been getting really bad. I have a feeling it's from the Kristina-withdrawal, since I usually would go through our RP together in my head, make up scenarios, and that would make me sleepy. But I just can't seem to do that. She was my muse and artistic inspiration, and now she's not there. But whatever. I've always had trouble sleeping. Just now it's gotten worse. -sigh-
Midterms are finally over, so I'm excited about that...but at the same time, just kind of dull. I'm sticking with Neji right now, and that consists of me following along and letting destiny do what it needs to do. Things will work out in some way... -sigh- I just don't know what. For now I'll keep on going with my life.
She's probably better off without me in her life, huh? Maybe she will be happier. It's just hard. I've gone through so much with her. And now she's just not here.
She doesn't even know about Raven. Nothing. It feels like joy has really been taken out of my life. I feel like an astral body, but I am the body. My soul is hers. Maybe it was always hers.
Well. Life has been rather "................."
Raven's been taking medicine for the Leukemia, so hopefully she'll be able to survive longer and maybe live her life for a longer extent of time...she plans to visit me when she turns 18!! >w< I'm excited about that. :D That'd be in a couple years. :3 Yayy for me.
So, things are officially fucked between Kristina and I. There's people I cold blame it all on, but I won't. Part of it, yeah, is my fault. I admit, I was a bit overzealous with the phone calls. But there WAS a reason. She wasn't answering the fucking phone, and wouldn't talk to me, thus I did not know WHY she was avoiding me. If she had just fucking answered her phone just ONCE I would've left her alone and said "There. You're cool."
I don't quite understand the sudden change in attitude either. The last day I saw her she was...happy. We talked, we laughed, we did our RP, we did everything like normal...but maybe that was a charade too, huh? I feel weird. I feel like she's hiding something from me. I love her. But I guess things aren't working for now. I'll wait and see what happens. Because I guess that's all I can do. She won't read this, more than likely, since she took me off her friends list. But what can I do? I don't know how long I'll have to wait for things to get better. I won't just let her go like this. She's too important to me and it's ridiculous to lose her over something so silly.
In some way...I hope she's lonely without me. I know, it sounds terrible. But I hope she is, to an extent. -sigh- Simply because I want her to know how I feel, really. How I've felt for a long time. I even told her that when I'm with her she feels really out of reach--which is true, sometimes. She said nothing. I don't know anymore, she won't talk to me about anything, so I don't know how to act or help her at all. There's a lot of things I would do for her. Changing how I act with her/towards her is most certainly one of them.
But, on another note, I officially have insomnia. And I have it bad. I can never sleep at night. I just wait until I pass out from exhaustion. :/ It's been getting really bad. I have a feeling it's from the Kristina-withdrawal, since I usually would go through our RP together in my head, make up scenarios, and that would make me sleepy. But I just can't seem to do that. She was my muse and artistic inspiration, and now she's not there. But whatever. I've always had trouble sleeping. Just now it's gotten worse. -sigh-
Midterms are finally over, so I'm excited about that...but at the same time, just kind of dull. I'm sticking with Neji right now, and that consists of me following along and letting destiny do what it needs to do. Things will work out in some way... -sigh- I just don't know what. For now I'll keep on going with my life.
She's probably better off without me in her life, huh? Maybe she will be happier. It's just hard. I've gone through so much with her. And now she's just not here.
She doesn't even know about Raven. Nothing. It feels like joy has really been taken out of my life. I feel like an astral body, but I am the body. My soul is hers. Maybe it was always hers.