(no subject)
i couldnt fit the way im feeling right now into a million words.
when in marriage do you stop learning about a person, stop caring? when you see a person in soo much pain, so close to you. why do you hesitate?
usually people assume the worst. but in this case they assume the least. in this case a stereotype is the worst thing! its dangerous. love can not cause anymore pain than this. there have been so many times that my opinion and my experiences havent mattered. even though my voice was screaming, ive never felt the hurt i have as to when i was quiet and nobody heard me as to people choosing not to hear me when im screaming. especially since it takes so much for me to scream. im quiet. what has made me sane so far is the fact that i know im a good mother. i take so much pride in loving my kid. i dont think im a bad person either. i know my problem is caring so much and not asking enough. i think ive learned to ask better but i generally dont get an answer. ive never been more confused or more focused. i know what i need. will it make me happy? no. will it make me happier? yes. im trying to be a person now. ive spent so much time in this world that even though it hasnt been terribly long thats how much hurt is there. you know, ive been so stressed out lately. theres so much for me to think about. not too much for me to do. not unless you count washing dishes or vacuuming. i just went to the store today just to breathe. i didnt need a thing. anywho, i ended up with 2 goldfish which are cool. comet and nemo. kaylen had to have a nemo. comet died already. nemo is just sleeping. if fish sleep. they have to cause hes not floating. wait a minute! nemo too! turns out they dont all float. oh my god. what did i do wrong???? i killed two fish!
this is all the news i need to cry my eyes out. its really creepy when you move the bowl and they just move dead with their big eyes staring at you. now im gonna have goldfish ghost nightmares. well anywho...most of this day was good. i just needed air.
when in marriage do you stop learning about a person, stop caring? when you see a person in soo much pain, so close to you. why do you hesitate?
usually people assume the worst. but in this case they assume the least. in this case a stereotype is the worst thing! its dangerous. love can not cause anymore pain than this. there have been so many times that my opinion and my experiences havent mattered. even though my voice was screaming, ive never felt the hurt i have as to when i was quiet and nobody heard me as to people choosing not to hear me when im screaming. especially since it takes so much for me to scream. im quiet. what has made me sane so far is the fact that i know im a good mother. i take so much pride in loving my kid. i dont think im a bad person either. i know my problem is caring so much and not asking enough. i think ive learned to ask better but i generally dont get an answer. ive never been more confused or more focused. i know what i need. will it make me happy? no. will it make me happier? yes. im trying to be a person now. ive spent so much time in this world that even though it hasnt been terribly long thats how much hurt is there. you know, ive been so stressed out lately. theres so much for me to think about. not too much for me to do. not unless you count washing dishes or vacuuming. i just went to the store today just to breathe. i didnt need a thing. anywho, i ended up with 2 goldfish which are cool. comet and nemo. kaylen had to have a nemo. comet died already. nemo is just sleeping. if fish sleep. they have to cause hes not floating. wait a minute! nemo too! turns out they dont all float. oh my god. what did i do wrong???? i killed two fish!
this is all the news i need to cry my eyes out. its really creepy when you move the bowl and they just move dead with their big eyes staring at you. now im gonna have goldfish ghost nightmares. well anywho...most of this day was good. i just needed air.