contemplation in chaos
Guess i am upset. Nowhere to write. No one to talk to. Phone battery dead. As my computer will be in say, an hour. So, guess i can talk to myself which is what i probably need to anyway.
Stuck in a Hurricane, at a hotel in Tampa with no electricity.
There's a party downstairs but i have a hangover and i feel like crap. Guess i feel allright that i am okay now :) Listening to Jack Johnson.
Have to realize that you have control of the decisions you decide to make.
Sit in a black room alone and think and reflect or go socialize with everyone who is
drinking and wants to massage your feet.
Jack Johnson rocks. Guess i can put on my sneakers and go for a run outside. Now for my excuses, it is semi-raining, dark, wet. Um. And I have a hangover.
Sort of dizzy, guess i should be glad i can walk now, as my head was splitting in 4 hours ago and i was barfing. Not to mention it is only 10 now, yes, i slept until 6pm. Not to focus on the negative.
It feels like what i need to talk about. I guess i am upset with myself. What else is new. So, i beat myself up, then bought myself a teddy bear and decided, not that it wasn't my fault, but that it's okay.
I was really hurt. My friend went nuts on me because she thought i wanted to run away with her husband. Which she accused me of. Again. I am sick of this shit.
Guy nagging me about not being in touch with my sensitive side. Well, yea. Too bad. Get a fucking pet or something. And chicks thinking that i want to run away with their husbands. Please, as if there aren't 20 other million men.
I am sick of people at times. But realize that we are all people and i do appreciate the positive people in my life.
For instance, steve bodi is here. And i don't care what anybody says, i am glad that he is my friend and that he is a good person. I think i am a good person, but i people keep trying to take advantage of me. I am so sick of that. What do i have to do to make you see? I just want to be myself. I don't want to fuck your boyfriend or whatever. So, moving on, let's not try to analize the brains of people that have disintigrated whatever heart they used to have. Or is that just what it feels like. Do i need to put an advisory on this about if you are offended, to go to hell?
So now i sound like the one with no heart. Well i guess that is what happens when people keep stabbing me in mine. I'm sick of living in my invisible box. So, fuck off. Go fuck with someone else's life, because you are being erased.
Anyway. I have a job tomorrow 9am, 30 minutes away. So 10-1. Then 4-10 here at the hotel.
The cell being dead and not having power is not good. Guess i need to borrow someone's and make the necessary calls to organize my work tomorrow. Should be good except the first shoot involves someone in which i was previously talking about. Who i should be sleeping with tonight. But i can't call her, it's probably not a bad thing, because i don't think she gives a shit anyway. Huh. Things have that way of working themselves out. Because i am happy to be here with my computer alone in the dark. What could be better actually. Finally, peace.
Wish my internet worked though. :-( Not good. Guess i feel better already. Just cant' work out this organization thing for tomorrow, which of course i can't relax now about.
How can i ever relax. You have to realize at times when you can do something about your situation or not. If you can, don't wait. Move in the direction in which to get it done.
Procrastination will kill you. Because what do you do when you procrastinate. Stress.
So, if you can't do anything about it, go for a run or something. Relax :-)
Met a guy i like. The last time i saw him it was great because i had 2 jobs that day as well.
Was going nuts about working out fees (or lack of) time, and how to connect dots the fastest.
When your head is spinning like a little hamster wheel and you can't just put your foot on it. Just sit. Stop. Think or not. So, i guess tv is always the conclusion for lack of thinking.
It was nice, we didn't watch a movie, but it's funny that i have no idea what shows are on tv anymore. It was an interesting joke actually, because it is horrible and i am glad i don't watch it. He asked me if i ever watch tv, what it was. I said CNN, BBC or the Weather. Guess i am sort of a nerd. I hate television. Like movies though. Someone's creative expression and it's like creating living in their dream.
Wonder what my dream would be, people ask all the time. It's more of a feeling, an insight on the future. Because i know i will have my dreams. I live my dreams out time to time.
I love my life. I am happy. I like the journey and go where i want to go. Just want to be around people that are the same way. Not just because they want to suck all of my energy out of my body and soul. Go find your own. Negative feeds on negative. Positive feeds on positive. Or does it. Positive in ways that it dosn't have to be from people. Go mountain climbing. Go swimming naked in the ocean. Earth is eternal energy. Or god.
41% energy now. Wish i had a phone. Don't want to go downstairs. I would have to ask random people if i could use their phone. Who would let me? It's just kind of weird.
It's like doing that in public. Getting separated from friends on a bike ride and having to borrow people's phones.
Jack Johnson says" There are puzzles in the ground but noone wants to dig" "Works of wisdom all around, but noone wants to listen"
I think i still feel sick. Didn't really eat anything. That's the other thing about this hotel.
I had leftover macarroni from diner yesterday at 6. And a pria energy bar that is like a granola bar. Ooops. I never called that guy that i was supposed to shoot with today. Eeep. And i left my shoes over there. But i can't get in touch with him. Eeer.
I think i want to eat real food. I physically feel like crap right now. At least mentally i am connected and content. Later.
Stuck in a Hurricane, at a hotel in Tampa with no electricity.
There's a party downstairs but i have a hangover and i feel like crap. Guess i feel allright that i am okay now :) Listening to Jack Johnson.
Have to realize that you have control of the decisions you decide to make.
Sit in a black room alone and think and reflect or go socialize with everyone who is
drinking and wants to massage your feet.
Jack Johnson rocks. Guess i can put on my sneakers and go for a run outside. Now for my excuses, it is semi-raining, dark, wet. Um. And I have a hangover.
Sort of dizzy, guess i should be glad i can walk now, as my head was splitting in 4 hours ago and i was barfing. Not to mention it is only 10 now, yes, i slept until 6pm. Not to focus on the negative.
It feels like what i need to talk about. I guess i am upset with myself. What else is new. So, i beat myself up, then bought myself a teddy bear and decided, not that it wasn't my fault, but that it's okay.
I was really hurt. My friend went nuts on me because she thought i wanted to run away with her husband. Which she accused me of. Again. I am sick of this shit.
Guy nagging me about not being in touch with my sensitive side. Well, yea. Too bad. Get a fucking pet or something. And chicks thinking that i want to run away with their husbands. Please, as if there aren't 20 other million men.
I am sick of people at times. But realize that we are all people and i do appreciate the positive people in my life.
For instance, steve bodi is here. And i don't care what anybody says, i am glad that he is my friend and that he is a good person. I think i am a good person, but i people keep trying to take advantage of me. I am so sick of that. What do i have to do to make you see? I just want to be myself. I don't want to fuck your boyfriend or whatever. So, moving on, let's not try to analize the brains of people that have disintigrated whatever heart they used to have. Or is that just what it feels like. Do i need to put an advisory on this about if you are offended, to go to hell?
So now i sound like the one with no heart. Well i guess that is what happens when people keep stabbing me in mine. I'm sick of living in my invisible box. So, fuck off. Go fuck with someone else's life, because you are being erased.
Anyway. I have a job tomorrow 9am, 30 minutes away. So 10-1. Then 4-10 here at the hotel.
The cell being dead and not having power is not good. Guess i need to borrow someone's and make the necessary calls to organize my work tomorrow. Should be good except the first shoot involves someone in which i was previously talking about. Who i should be sleeping with tonight. But i can't call her, it's probably not a bad thing, because i don't think she gives a shit anyway. Huh. Things have that way of working themselves out. Because i am happy to be here with my computer alone in the dark. What could be better actually. Finally, peace.
Wish my internet worked though. :-( Not good. Guess i feel better already. Just cant' work out this organization thing for tomorrow, which of course i can't relax now about.
How can i ever relax. You have to realize at times when you can do something about your situation or not. If you can, don't wait. Move in the direction in which to get it done.
Procrastination will kill you. Because what do you do when you procrastinate. Stress.
So, if you can't do anything about it, go for a run or something. Relax :-)
Met a guy i like. The last time i saw him it was great because i had 2 jobs that day as well.
Was going nuts about working out fees (or lack of) time, and how to connect dots the fastest.
When your head is spinning like a little hamster wheel and you can't just put your foot on it. Just sit. Stop. Think or not. So, i guess tv is always the conclusion for lack of thinking.
It was nice, we didn't watch a movie, but it's funny that i have no idea what shows are on tv anymore. It was an interesting joke actually, because it is horrible and i am glad i don't watch it. He asked me if i ever watch tv, what it was. I said CNN, BBC or the Weather. Guess i am sort of a nerd. I hate television. Like movies though. Someone's creative expression and it's like creating living in their dream.
Wonder what my dream would be, people ask all the time. It's more of a feeling, an insight on the future. Because i know i will have my dreams. I live my dreams out time to time.
I love my life. I am happy. I like the journey and go where i want to go. Just want to be around people that are the same way. Not just because they want to suck all of my energy out of my body and soul. Go find your own. Negative feeds on negative. Positive feeds on positive. Or does it. Positive in ways that it dosn't have to be from people. Go mountain climbing. Go swimming naked in the ocean. Earth is eternal energy. Or god.
41% energy now. Wish i had a phone. Don't want to go downstairs. I would have to ask random people if i could use their phone. Who would let me? It's just kind of weird.
It's like doing that in public. Getting separated from friends on a bike ride and having to borrow people's phones.
Jack Johnson says" There are puzzles in the ground but noone wants to dig" "Works of wisdom all around, but noone wants to listen"
I think i still feel sick. Didn't really eat anything. That's the other thing about this hotel.
I had leftover macarroni from diner yesterday at 6. And a pria energy bar that is like a granola bar. Ooops. I never called that guy that i was supposed to shoot with today. Eeep. And i left my shoes over there. But i can't get in touch with him. Eeer.
I think i want to eat real food. I physically feel like crap right now. At least mentally i am connected and content. Later.