my first online journal entry (to myself it seems).
So writing an online journal seems weird. I always feel like i am writing to myself. How will anyone know to read it?
Should i write to myself or an audience? Is their spellcheck, just kidding.
Okay, i'm definately going to sound crazy like i'm talking to myself, but what the hell, i live in NYC, it's the perfect excuse
to claim the insanity plead. I guess i can see if anyone writes back to know how rediculous i can sound to see if i am really writing to myself or if anyone is listening. Can anyone find out who i am? No, i'm not a pothead, as much as i sould totally paranoid.
Maybe i shoud read my friends online journals. But then that will effect the way that i write and it will all be fucked up.
But then i will know if people are actually listening.
Well, i'm not actually talking about anything yet anyway, am i.
Wow, the things that go through my mind. I guess most people write one dimentionally.
So, what do i really have to say?
I love the weather in California. I am trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I am trying to change my life, and make some sort of career decision, allthough i have almost no direction sometimes.
Life is random for me and really, that is how i like it.
It's what i am used to.
I sat behind a desk for 3 months of my life one time when i worked for my aunt in a law office when i was 16. That was a long time ago, and i realized then that i knew i never wanted to sit behind a desk for 8 hours a day again.
I also realized i would be a big fat ass, (if that is imaginable) seeing how everyone that works in offices just sit and snack all day. Okay, i guess they work too. But snacking is the way to get rid of excess tension isn't it?
Well, i run. I like to obsess about excercise, and eat what i want.
So, why do i want to change my life? Well, i do modeling and i am sick of it. And i am not going to be a model when i am 40, and i am also not going to be able to support myself for the rest of my life on it. It's a hustle, or is that just living in NY. Well, regardless, i am sure there is more to life, because i have seen it. And i want it.
So there. If you really want something, you get it. In good karmatic needs that is of course.
I want to do massage on a cruise ship and travel around the world for 8 months. But then i wonder if that is just escaping the world too. At least i would get to Bali and Italy and Greece and Africa in a safe environment. I would be surrounded by water. What can be better than that.
I could find out where i want to spend the rest of my life. Talk to people. I guess a lot of people just have a passion, or is that their front, or what they fell into. No, people obviously have a passion. I guess i just haven't figured mine out yet.
Or maybe i have a creative block. A life-long creative block. Well, i have done a lot of things. I sort of know my passions.
I love doing massage therapy. I am into health and fitness. I could be a yoga teacher or a personal trainer. I love to run.
I am creative. I express my creativity in modeling work for the most part and get rid of my energy running.
Or partying. I try to get rid of it in a positive outlet. Hence, the running.
I am tired. i spend too much time wondering what to do with my life and not enough time doing it.
Although, i exhaust myself day to day working, traveling, hanging out with friends, enjoying life, stressing out, and running.
Well. There's alway living in the moment. There are so many things to look forward to.
I actually love my life~ it totally rocks, when i let go and let myself enjoy it.
So, i'm spending too much time writing.
Later
D
Should i write to myself or an audience? Is their spellcheck, just kidding.
Okay, i'm definately going to sound crazy like i'm talking to myself, but what the hell, i live in NYC, it's the perfect excuse
to claim the insanity plead. I guess i can see if anyone writes back to know how rediculous i can sound to see if i am really writing to myself or if anyone is listening. Can anyone find out who i am? No, i'm not a pothead, as much as i sould totally paranoid.
Maybe i shoud read my friends online journals. But then that will effect the way that i write and it will all be fucked up.
But then i will know if people are actually listening.
Well, i'm not actually talking about anything yet anyway, am i.
Wow, the things that go through my mind. I guess most people write one dimentionally.
So, what do i really have to say?
I love the weather in California. I am trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I am trying to change my life, and make some sort of career decision, allthough i have almost no direction sometimes.
Life is random for me and really, that is how i like it.
It's what i am used to.
I sat behind a desk for 3 months of my life one time when i worked for my aunt in a law office when i was 16. That was a long time ago, and i realized then that i knew i never wanted to sit behind a desk for 8 hours a day again.
I also realized i would be a big fat ass, (if that is imaginable) seeing how everyone that works in offices just sit and snack all day. Okay, i guess they work too. But snacking is the way to get rid of excess tension isn't it?
Well, i run. I like to obsess about excercise, and eat what i want.
So, why do i want to change my life? Well, i do modeling and i am sick of it. And i am not going to be a model when i am 40, and i am also not going to be able to support myself for the rest of my life on it. It's a hustle, or is that just living in NY. Well, regardless, i am sure there is more to life, because i have seen it. And i want it.
So there. If you really want something, you get it. In good karmatic needs that is of course.
I want to do massage on a cruise ship and travel around the world for 8 months. But then i wonder if that is just escaping the world too. At least i would get to Bali and Italy and Greece and Africa in a safe environment. I would be surrounded by water. What can be better than that.
I could find out where i want to spend the rest of my life. Talk to people. I guess a lot of people just have a passion, or is that their front, or what they fell into. No, people obviously have a passion. I guess i just haven't figured mine out yet.
Or maybe i have a creative block. A life-long creative block. Well, i have done a lot of things. I sort of know my passions.
I love doing massage therapy. I am into health and fitness. I could be a yoga teacher or a personal trainer. I love to run.
I am creative. I express my creativity in modeling work for the most part and get rid of my energy running.
Or partying. I try to get rid of it in a positive outlet. Hence, the running.
I am tired. i spend too much time wondering what to do with my life and not enough time doing it.
Although, i exhaust myself day to day working, traveling, hanging out with friends, enjoying life, stressing out, and running.
Well. There's alway living in the moment. There are so many things to look forward to.
I actually love my life~ it totally rocks, when i let go and let myself enjoy it.
So, i'm spending too much time writing.
Later
D