(no subject)
arg. I feel so lost. Today shively made me tell chorale goodbye. I'm leaving dsa.... I think. I dunno man. All the fucking administrators keep telling me that I'm an adult and that I need to make my own decisions and blahblahblah, or to put myself first and whatever. I feel so pressured to make up my mind but honestly... I'm just a kid! I don't know what the hell I'm doing. My parents arent really helping me at all with this. I don't understand- all the administrators keep convincing or at least trying to convince me to go one way with my life and everyone else-another way. I don't know what to do- so of course I'm gonna try and take their advice or just listen. But they keep changing everything they're saying and I'm so fucking scared..... gaaaaaaaaah. I just wanna go to sleep for forever and never wake up.
Then salina just up and kissed me out of nowhere today. That doesn't mean we're going to prom it just means that she doesn't mind kissing me. She said that she wanted to prove that she isn't straight. But that doesnt really mean anything to me, all that does is confuse me about how her and other people feel about me and why they do the things they do. Why do people have to be so difficult? Why can't people just say what they're feeling or exactly what they're trying to tell me and stop fucking with my head. I'm paranoid!!! I can't handle all this shit! One person does/says something and that means one thing then someone else will say/do the same thing but they say it means something completely different.
I want some cheesecake.
Tomorrow I don't think I'm smoking which I'm hoping is for the better. If I AM leaving school I need to keep myself busy and stay away from weed for a little while. I don't wanna turn into something gross. I gotta talk to my parents. My mom wants me to stay and do popsshow but at this point I don't really care about popsshow I just wanna leave DSA and take a step in a NEW direction ya know? I know I can't graduate and that doesn't upset me as much as it should or whatever but I CAN get my GED and I can STILL go to college and I guess to me that's all that matters. Its kinda stupid, when I talk to people they make it sound like if I get my diploma then I can take a year off and work or travel or do whatever. But then they make it seem like if I get my GED then I'm just gonna fail at life- I'm not gonna be able to get a job. I don't get why people think that if you get your GED you can't go to college. Thats just not true.
My arm hurts.
And I'm hungry.
Then salina just up and kissed me out of nowhere today. That doesn't mean we're going to prom it just means that she doesn't mind kissing me. She said that she wanted to prove that she isn't straight. But that doesnt really mean anything to me, all that does is confuse me about how her and other people feel about me and why they do the things they do. Why do people have to be so difficult? Why can't people just say what they're feeling or exactly what they're trying to tell me and stop fucking with my head. I'm paranoid!!! I can't handle all this shit! One person does/says something and that means one thing then someone else will say/do the same thing but they say it means something completely different.
I want some cheesecake.
Tomorrow I don't think I'm smoking which I'm hoping is for the better. If I AM leaving school I need to keep myself busy and stay away from weed for a little while. I don't wanna turn into something gross. I gotta talk to my parents. My mom wants me to stay and do popsshow but at this point I don't really care about popsshow I just wanna leave DSA and take a step in a NEW direction ya know? I know I can't graduate and that doesn't upset me as much as it should or whatever but I CAN get my GED and I can STILL go to college and I guess to me that's all that matters. Its kinda stupid, when I talk to people they make it sound like if I get my diploma then I can take a year off and work or travel or do whatever. But then they make it seem like if I get my GED then I'm just gonna fail at life- I'm not gonna be able to get a job. I don't get why people think that if you get your GED you can't go to college. Thats just not true.
My arm hurts.
And I'm hungry.