I'm hungry. Have a fanfic.
I'm crunching these last two parts together xD Yes this is the third and the fourth will be Friday or something...I need to have a few days left before Christmas because I will have some fluff to post.
My essay still sits there in word, waiting to be finished...but I'm so tired of talking about the Apocalypse D:
This part was also beta'd by lellenator ...She beta'd basically everything after the first part I put up.
BY THE WAY this community needs some activity. DO SOMETHING PEOPLE! Heck, even drabbles or requests or entertaining BoGish scribbles!!
Story Name: Searching for You
Chapter One: Breakdown
Chapter Two: Easier to Think the Worst
Chapter Three: Vanishing Act
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 2831
Pairing: Chazz/Jimmy...? Oh noes?
Summary: Chazz didn't really count on this happening. Where'd Jimmy go?
The first thing Chazz heard when he woke up was a sound in the bathroom. It sounded like someone throwing up. He rolled over and sat up, rubbing his eyes before jumping off the bed. He remembered the night's events all too vividly. He looked at Jimmy' s bed, and sure enough, it was empty. Jimmy was going through a breakdown again, and this time Chazz wasn't going to go in there and comfort him. He wanted to. But his anger outweighed everything else he felt.
He instead went right out to eat breakfast, not that he had much of an appetite. He downed his juice, but the poptart he'd gotten out sat there half-eaten, and totally gross looking. He swept it off the counter and into the garbage. He wanted a shower, but given what he heard in the bathroom, he wasn't going to bother. A change of clothes were all that were needed, and then he was out the door walking to practice. The days before, he and Jimmy had made the walk together to hold hands and joke and talk, despite being offered rides by Coach. This way felt so...lonely. Whatever.
He got there early and skated around in circles. He ignored turning on the radio; all that was playing was Christmas music and he did not want to skate to it. He had with Jimmy but...Jimmy liked that stuff. It fucking sucked, Chazz decided, and he wasn't going to deal with it anymore. In fact, everything Jimmy liked was retarded. Teddy bears, Kenny G, soft stuff, horsies...what was he dating, a kid?! The more he mulled over Jimmy in anger, the more things he found to randomly get angry at him about.
His thoughts were interupted when the door opened and Coach came in alone. "It's you and me Chazz. Jimmy was throwing up and so sick that I put him to bed. So, we'll talk routines and get you doing some jumps."
Chazz wasn't sure if he felt sad or happy about Jimmy not showing up. "Fine."
"What happened? I'm guessing you know. Jimmy has only ever done this when he lost and his dad yelled at him, only under great stress." Coach eyes Chazz rather suspiciously.
"Nothing. Just a spoiled little brat," Chazz growled and did a spin. It was like being pissed off gave him energy.
"Jimmy's a good kid. Whatever happened..."
"You don't fucking know, so back off old man!" Chazz yelled at him, stopping his spin and looking incredibly pissed off. Even his hair was messy, as he had barely even combed it. He stared at Coach, who stared back at him, eyes narrowed. Chazz was reminded, the guy didn't really take shit, and he looked down. "Sorry. Just...let's concentrate on the moves."
So that's what they did.
Meanwhile, Jimmy pulled himself out of the bed. He still felt sick and wobbly, but he couldn't bear to spend another moment in bed running over the situation and mentally kicking himself in the ass. He had to find a way to make it up to Chazz. He left a note on the counter saying he would be back later, and put on his coat, leaving the house.
He didn't know where to start, so he walked, and then caught a bus to the nearest busy shopping area. Maybe he would buy Chazz something. What he didn't know. Chazz was more about the body, and not material things. Jimmy tried to think of what he would want, but if the situations were reversed, he knew a new coat, or CD, or whatever would not make him feel any better. He went to a mall first, mulling around, looking for ideas. He didn't often go out, so he didn't really know what to do, where to go, and the crowds bothered him. Within an hour he felt absolutely terrified. He wandered from one store to the next, but nothing worked. Not all the ice skating themed things in the world would make it better, he knew that.
It was getting dark out by the time he exhausted his search in the mall and had dinner at the food court. He hit the streets to browse some stores, but there was no luck there either. It was tiring, going through the crowds of Christmas shoppets, and he just found himself more stressed out than anything. When it started to get really late, Jimmy stared at the bus schedule. He could wait for 30 minutes and catch the last one out...or he could not go back. He turned away from the bus stop and checked into a motel. There was no going home yet.
---------
"Jimmy?" Coach called, turning on the lights. "We're back! I'll go check on him Chazz, get something to eat." Coach set their stuff down and walked off towards the bedroom, leaving Chazz to go to the kitchen.
Chazz didn't have much of an appetite, but he got something to drink out anyway. He was pouring a glass of milk when he noticed a piece of paper. 'Be back later - Jimmy', it read. "Coach!" Chazz yelled.
"I can't find him!" Coach said in a panic, running back in. Chazz held the note up so he could see it. "Oh..this is not good." Coach took the paper and sank down into a chair.
"Why? He'll be back."
"Maybe."
"What do you mean?"
"Last time this happened we found him on a bus to Vermont."
"Vermont!?"
"Yea. Darren had told him he was worthless for losing some minor town competition. Jimmy got sick, felt bad, and said he was going out to practice. He was gone for days, and finally we went looking for him. He had decided that he would go to Vermont because there's a lot of ice and snow there, or something like that."
"Well, whatever." Chazz shrugged and headed for the room. "I'm sure he'll be back." But he really didn't know. If this was how Jimmy reacted, then he might never come back after this one. Chazz felt like he was going to be the one to throw up next.
The next day passed without a sign of Jimmy. No phone call, nothing. Coach tried Jimmy's cell, but the boy just wasn't picking. Coach swore a lot and called off practice til they found Jimmy, which worked well enough for Chazz because he was, for the first time, stressed out beyond belief. He collapsed on the couch in front of the television all day, just sitting in his robe and underwear. Most of the time he stared at the door, willing Jimmy to come in and pounce on him.
But Jimmy didn't come in. The entire day passed, and again Chazz went to bed in an empty room. He didn't sleep for hours, tossing and turning instead. The next day was the same, and the day after that. Chazz got progressivly filthier and lazier, while Coach constantly paced and ran his fingers through his hair. "It makes no sense!" He would say, staring at the news. "The media should at least be stalking him a bit, why haven't I seen him on the screen!?" Chazz would just look at the television; he wasn't really watching.
-----------------------
Jimmy had gotten pretty good at dodging the media. He kept a hat on tight now, and bundled up, talking only when he had to. His world was constantly spinning, stressed out as he searched and searched for a way to make things right. If Chazz had been ready to leave him the other day, he was sure it would take something drastic now to get him back. And if he ruined it forever....Jimmy didn't want to go back to the cabin. So he stayed out for days. He could afford the lodging, and all the food, and all the taxi fares. Plus, it wasn't so bad. The stores and city were lit by bright Christmas lights, with music playing over the streets and corner Santas giving out candycanes. If it weren't for the holiday cheer, Jimmy may not have made it.
Eventually he turned his phone back on. There was no hiding it, Jimmy got lonely. He was used to Chazz or even Coach talking to him, and didn't just keep to himself like he used to. And less than an hour after he turned it on, Chazz called. Jimmy answered without checking to see who it was. "Jimmy MacElroy!" He answered brightly, sorting out some clothes he had bought on the hotel bed.
"Jimmy!" Chazz's voice came over the line, sounding stressed.
"Chazz!?" Jimmy nearly dropped the phone, the clothes forgotten, and his mouth seemed to just go dry. "Chazz..."
"Jimmy where the hell are you? Come back!"
"Er...I don't know if I should come back now Chazz."
"Why the hell not? Look! I'm sorry! I should have thought about it before I ran off. I miss you, Jimmy."
"...."Jimmy paused, it felt like his heart was absolutely melting. He wanted to go back, he really did, but something was holding him back and he wasn't sure what. It was like he was waiting for some signal, but he himself had no clue what. "It's not the right time. I don't know why. But I'm going to stay out longer."
He held his breath a bit as the other end of the line was silent, and then Chazz's voice came back, small, almost like a whisper. It was very strange. "Can...I come see you?"
"I don't know..."
"Can we meet somewhere?"
Jimmy took a deep breath and considered, before nodding. Then he realized Chazz couldn't see that. "Sure."
--------------------------
Chazz fiddled with everything he possibly could as he sat at the table in the mall food court. He was sitting near the back of the court, in front of the Taco Bell, third table down, across from the bathrooms. Chazz was pretty exact. He told Jimmy right where he'd be, so if Jimmy didn't show up, he was the ass. He didn't know what he would say, and just wanted to see Jimmy's face. Just that.
He was looking all round, but Jimmy still managed to sneak up on him. "Hey, Chazz." Jimmy's voice came from behind the older man.
He whipped around in his chair, nearly tipping himself out. He jumped from the seat immediately, his hands clenched nervously at his sides. He'd never been that nervous about meeting anyone; and it nearly made him ill since he wasn't used to it. "You came!" He managed to choke out.
"Of course." Jimmy gave him a bit of a sad little smile, and sat down across from him. "But I don't really know what we're doing here."
Chazz just gaped at him, slowly easing himself back into the chair. He didn't know...? "Uh...well I wanted to tell you in person I was sorry and to come home...Man I don't get it! If I'm sorry, and I'm going to be back to normal when we're home, well, why won't you come home? This isn't like you!"
"Not the me you usually see, no." Jimmy folded his arms on the table with a sigh and stared at the surface. "When you got so mad at me, I realized maybe we did kind of dive into this. I mean, things with Katie obviously aren't behind us or you wouldn't have freaked so much, and I guess...I guess I didn't trust you enough to stick around. Not in the sense of trusting you with other people, just the way you would act towards me." It took a lot of effort, and Jimmy also felt horrible saying it, so he stared down at his hands. As he stared he saw Chazz gently take ahold of his arms.
"Jimmy, I'm a scoundrel and an asshole, I know. But I would do anything for you. Not everyone would swim through ice water to be there for you, right? And...I gave up sex that night with Katie, right?" His voice was desperate.
"It's...it's not that simple. I ate a nasty band-aid for you, don't forget that. We've both been through some stuff. I still need time."
"I don't fucking GET IT!!" Chazz yelled letting go of Jimmy's arms and suddenly slamming down both fists on the table. "What's it gonna take, huh? I don't get it! Tell me what the hell you want me to do!"
"I don't know." Jimmy's voice cracked. The truth was he had no answer for Chazz. He'd gotten freaked out that night Chazz got mad at him, to a point he felt he had to leave, and things got to a really fucked up point. He could just go back, but something about that seemed too easy, too storybook. He wished he knew what kind of answer he was looking for.
"Coach got a tree. There's a tree at the house Jimmy. With lights and shiny things and a bowl of skittles on the desk next to it."
"Chazz...."
"And he put up garland and decorations. He put out some of those reindeer stuffed animals. He said you collected them as a kid."
"It's not going to work."
There was a pause. "Let me come to the hotel with you."
Jimmy blinked in surprise. "Eh?"
"Let me come with you. If you're going to stay away, let's at least...let's have a night."
Jimmy considered this. He wanted to. It wouldn't be going back to Chazz, would it? They'd probably spend some time talking and Chazz would see there was no point, and leave. He didn't want to hurt Chazz, and if the time would help him, then... "Okay."
----------------
They didn't talk the whole walk back. And once in the room, it was complete awkwardness. Jimmy took off his shoes and sat on the edge of the bed, clearing off some space. Chazz stood and eyed him, as if he was watching his prey. "You seem comfortable here."
"Yeah", Jimmy answered slowly.
"But I bet you'd prefer our room. Bunkbeds and all." Chazz said, running his hand along the edge of the small closest included in the room, which had a few neatly pressed blue and purple shirts hanging inside it. "It's warmer, and our bathroom is better."
"Um...yes."
Chazz stepped forward, standing right in front of Jimmy. He didn't say anything, just started kneeling down. Jimmy watched him with alarm, wondering what he was going to do. He had plenty of time to take it in, Chazz was moving so slowly for some reason. As he stared, the older man looked up at him, right into his eyes, as his hands ran up Jimmy's thighs.
"Chazz..." Jimmy sighed, ready to push his hands off.
"Shhh...please Jimmy." Chazz's hands went around to Jimmy's back, and he scooted forward to lean his head into Jimmy's lap. He rested his face on Jimmy's crotch, and for once, there was absolutely nothing sexual about it, just the idea of being there. He closed his eyes, embracing Jimmy as much as he could.
Jimmy didn't know what to do. If he comforted Chazz, would it be like he was giving in? His soft nature got the better of him though, and he began to stroke Chazz's hair, gently running his fingers through the long dark strands. He slipped his fingers down to Chazz's face. "...Chazz, are you crying?"
A sniff and some heavy breathing answered at first. "No." He sat back though, his protest worthless as the wet trails down his cheeks and red rimmed eyes gave him away.
"I didn't know you cried." Jimmy blurted. "I mean besides when your ankle was broken but that's actual pain."
"Maybe I do react to things that aren't..like...physical...you ever think of that?" Chazz choked out, his face screwed up as he tried to hold back, but the tears came anyway. His put his hands over his face to try and hide it.
Jimmy slipped off the bed, kneeling next to Chazz. He took the man's hands off his face. "Chazz, there's nothing bad about crying. I cry. See, why don't you show me this side more often?"
"What the fuck is the point of that?" Chazz sobbed pathetically and looked away.
"Affection. More affection Chazz."
"Whatever."
Jimmy stood and wrapped his hands around Chazz's arm, dragging him up with him, and leading him to the bed. "You can sleep with me tonight. Nothing...um...kinky. Let's just sleep."
Chazz didn't say anything, he just sobbed. Jimmy cleared off the bed and then led Chazz to lay down next to him. He put his hands on Chazz's face, trying to wipe off the tears. He kissed those cheeks too, and hugged Chazz's head to his chest. He still didn't know what could be said or done to make him feel right about everything again, but he prayed he'd find out soon.
My essay still sits there in word, waiting to be finished...but I'm so tired of talking about the Apocalypse D:
This part was also beta'd by lellenator ...She beta'd basically everything after the first part I put up.
BY THE WAY this community needs some activity. DO SOMETHING PEOPLE! Heck, even drabbles or requests or entertaining BoGish scribbles!!
Story Name: Searching for You
Chapter One: Breakdown
Chapter Two: Easier to Think the Worst
Chapter Three: Vanishing Act
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 2831
Pairing: Chazz/Jimmy...? Oh noes?
Summary: Chazz didn't really count on this happening. Where'd Jimmy go?
The first thing Chazz heard when he woke up was a sound in the bathroom. It sounded like someone throwing up. He rolled over and sat up, rubbing his eyes before jumping off the bed. He remembered the night's events all too vividly. He looked at Jimmy' s bed, and sure enough, it was empty. Jimmy was going through a breakdown again, and this time Chazz wasn't going to go in there and comfort him. He wanted to. But his anger outweighed everything else he felt.
He instead went right out to eat breakfast, not that he had much of an appetite. He downed his juice, but the poptart he'd gotten out sat there half-eaten, and totally gross looking. He swept it off the counter and into the garbage. He wanted a shower, but given what he heard in the bathroom, he wasn't going to bother. A change of clothes were all that were needed, and then he was out the door walking to practice. The days before, he and Jimmy had made the walk together to hold hands and joke and talk, despite being offered rides by Coach. This way felt so...lonely. Whatever.
He got there early and skated around in circles. He ignored turning on the radio; all that was playing was Christmas music and he did not want to skate to it. He had with Jimmy but...Jimmy liked that stuff. It fucking sucked, Chazz decided, and he wasn't going to deal with it anymore. In fact, everything Jimmy liked was retarded. Teddy bears, Kenny G, soft stuff, horsies...what was he dating, a kid?! The more he mulled over Jimmy in anger, the more things he found to randomly get angry at him about.
His thoughts were interupted when the door opened and Coach came in alone. "It's you and me Chazz. Jimmy was throwing up and so sick that I put him to bed. So, we'll talk routines and get you doing some jumps."
Chazz wasn't sure if he felt sad or happy about Jimmy not showing up. "Fine."
"What happened? I'm guessing you know. Jimmy has only ever done this when he lost and his dad yelled at him, only under great stress." Coach eyes Chazz rather suspiciously.
"Nothing. Just a spoiled little brat," Chazz growled and did a spin. It was like being pissed off gave him energy.
"Jimmy's a good kid. Whatever happened..."
"You don't fucking know, so back off old man!" Chazz yelled at him, stopping his spin and looking incredibly pissed off. Even his hair was messy, as he had barely even combed it. He stared at Coach, who stared back at him, eyes narrowed. Chazz was reminded, the guy didn't really take shit, and he looked down. "Sorry. Just...let's concentrate on the moves."
So that's what they did.
Meanwhile, Jimmy pulled himself out of the bed. He still felt sick and wobbly, but he couldn't bear to spend another moment in bed running over the situation and mentally kicking himself in the ass. He had to find a way to make it up to Chazz. He left a note on the counter saying he would be back later, and put on his coat, leaving the house.
He didn't know where to start, so he walked, and then caught a bus to the nearest busy shopping area. Maybe he would buy Chazz something. What he didn't know. Chazz was more about the body, and not material things. Jimmy tried to think of what he would want, but if the situations were reversed, he knew a new coat, or CD, or whatever would not make him feel any better. He went to a mall first, mulling around, looking for ideas. He didn't often go out, so he didn't really know what to do, where to go, and the crowds bothered him. Within an hour he felt absolutely terrified. He wandered from one store to the next, but nothing worked. Not all the ice skating themed things in the world would make it better, he knew that.
It was getting dark out by the time he exhausted his search in the mall and had dinner at the food court. He hit the streets to browse some stores, but there was no luck there either. It was tiring, going through the crowds of Christmas shoppets, and he just found himself more stressed out than anything. When it started to get really late, Jimmy stared at the bus schedule. He could wait for 30 minutes and catch the last one out...or he could not go back. He turned away from the bus stop and checked into a motel. There was no going home yet.
---------
"Jimmy?" Coach called, turning on the lights. "We're back! I'll go check on him Chazz, get something to eat." Coach set their stuff down and walked off towards the bedroom, leaving Chazz to go to the kitchen.
Chazz didn't have much of an appetite, but he got something to drink out anyway. He was pouring a glass of milk when he noticed a piece of paper. 'Be back later - Jimmy', it read. "Coach!" Chazz yelled.
"I can't find him!" Coach said in a panic, running back in. Chazz held the note up so he could see it. "Oh..this is not good." Coach took the paper and sank down into a chair.
"Why? He'll be back."
"Maybe."
"What do you mean?"
"Last time this happened we found him on a bus to Vermont."
"Vermont!?"
"Yea. Darren had told him he was worthless for losing some minor town competition. Jimmy got sick, felt bad, and said he was going out to practice. He was gone for days, and finally we went looking for him. He had decided that he would go to Vermont because there's a lot of ice and snow there, or something like that."
"Well, whatever." Chazz shrugged and headed for the room. "I'm sure he'll be back." But he really didn't know. If this was how Jimmy reacted, then he might never come back after this one. Chazz felt like he was going to be the one to throw up next.
The next day passed without a sign of Jimmy. No phone call, nothing. Coach tried Jimmy's cell, but the boy just wasn't picking. Coach swore a lot and called off practice til they found Jimmy, which worked well enough for Chazz because he was, for the first time, stressed out beyond belief. He collapsed on the couch in front of the television all day, just sitting in his robe and underwear. Most of the time he stared at the door, willing Jimmy to come in and pounce on him.
But Jimmy didn't come in. The entire day passed, and again Chazz went to bed in an empty room. He didn't sleep for hours, tossing and turning instead. The next day was the same, and the day after that. Chazz got progressivly filthier and lazier, while Coach constantly paced and ran his fingers through his hair. "It makes no sense!" He would say, staring at the news. "The media should at least be stalking him a bit, why haven't I seen him on the screen!?" Chazz would just look at the television; he wasn't really watching.
-----------------------
Jimmy had gotten pretty good at dodging the media. He kept a hat on tight now, and bundled up, talking only when he had to. His world was constantly spinning, stressed out as he searched and searched for a way to make things right. If Chazz had been ready to leave him the other day, he was sure it would take something drastic now to get him back. And if he ruined it forever....Jimmy didn't want to go back to the cabin. So he stayed out for days. He could afford the lodging, and all the food, and all the taxi fares. Plus, it wasn't so bad. The stores and city were lit by bright Christmas lights, with music playing over the streets and corner Santas giving out candycanes. If it weren't for the holiday cheer, Jimmy may not have made it.
Eventually he turned his phone back on. There was no hiding it, Jimmy got lonely. He was used to Chazz or even Coach talking to him, and didn't just keep to himself like he used to. And less than an hour after he turned it on, Chazz called. Jimmy answered without checking to see who it was. "Jimmy MacElroy!" He answered brightly, sorting out some clothes he had bought on the hotel bed.
"Jimmy!" Chazz's voice came over the line, sounding stressed.
"Chazz!?" Jimmy nearly dropped the phone, the clothes forgotten, and his mouth seemed to just go dry. "Chazz..."
"Jimmy where the hell are you? Come back!"
"Er...I don't know if I should come back now Chazz."
"Why the hell not? Look! I'm sorry! I should have thought about it before I ran off. I miss you, Jimmy."
"...."Jimmy paused, it felt like his heart was absolutely melting. He wanted to go back, he really did, but something was holding him back and he wasn't sure what. It was like he was waiting for some signal, but he himself had no clue what. "It's not the right time. I don't know why. But I'm going to stay out longer."
He held his breath a bit as the other end of the line was silent, and then Chazz's voice came back, small, almost like a whisper. It was very strange. "Can...I come see you?"
"I don't know..."
"Can we meet somewhere?"
Jimmy took a deep breath and considered, before nodding. Then he realized Chazz couldn't see that. "Sure."
--------------------------
Chazz fiddled with everything he possibly could as he sat at the table in the mall food court. He was sitting near the back of the court, in front of the Taco Bell, third table down, across from the bathrooms. Chazz was pretty exact. He told Jimmy right where he'd be, so if Jimmy didn't show up, he was the ass. He didn't know what he would say, and just wanted to see Jimmy's face. Just that.
He was looking all round, but Jimmy still managed to sneak up on him. "Hey, Chazz." Jimmy's voice came from behind the older man.
He whipped around in his chair, nearly tipping himself out. He jumped from the seat immediately, his hands clenched nervously at his sides. He'd never been that nervous about meeting anyone; and it nearly made him ill since he wasn't used to it. "You came!" He managed to choke out.
"Of course." Jimmy gave him a bit of a sad little smile, and sat down across from him. "But I don't really know what we're doing here."
Chazz just gaped at him, slowly easing himself back into the chair. He didn't know...? "Uh...well I wanted to tell you in person I was sorry and to come home...Man I don't get it! If I'm sorry, and I'm going to be back to normal when we're home, well, why won't you come home? This isn't like you!"
"Not the me you usually see, no." Jimmy folded his arms on the table with a sigh and stared at the surface. "When you got so mad at me, I realized maybe we did kind of dive into this. I mean, things with Katie obviously aren't behind us or you wouldn't have freaked so much, and I guess...I guess I didn't trust you enough to stick around. Not in the sense of trusting you with other people, just the way you would act towards me." It took a lot of effort, and Jimmy also felt horrible saying it, so he stared down at his hands. As he stared he saw Chazz gently take ahold of his arms.
"Jimmy, I'm a scoundrel and an asshole, I know. But I would do anything for you. Not everyone would swim through ice water to be there for you, right? And...I gave up sex that night with Katie, right?" His voice was desperate.
"It's...it's not that simple. I ate a nasty band-aid for you, don't forget that. We've both been through some stuff. I still need time."
"I don't fucking GET IT!!" Chazz yelled letting go of Jimmy's arms and suddenly slamming down both fists on the table. "What's it gonna take, huh? I don't get it! Tell me what the hell you want me to do!"
"I don't know." Jimmy's voice cracked. The truth was he had no answer for Chazz. He'd gotten freaked out that night Chazz got mad at him, to a point he felt he had to leave, and things got to a really fucked up point. He could just go back, but something about that seemed too easy, too storybook. He wished he knew what kind of answer he was looking for.
"Coach got a tree. There's a tree at the house Jimmy. With lights and shiny things and a bowl of skittles on the desk next to it."
"Chazz...."
"And he put up garland and decorations. He put out some of those reindeer stuffed animals. He said you collected them as a kid."
"It's not going to work."
There was a pause. "Let me come to the hotel with you."
Jimmy blinked in surprise. "Eh?"
"Let me come with you. If you're going to stay away, let's at least...let's have a night."
Jimmy considered this. He wanted to. It wouldn't be going back to Chazz, would it? They'd probably spend some time talking and Chazz would see there was no point, and leave. He didn't want to hurt Chazz, and if the time would help him, then... "Okay."
----------------
They didn't talk the whole walk back. And once in the room, it was complete awkwardness. Jimmy took off his shoes and sat on the edge of the bed, clearing off some space. Chazz stood and eyed him, as if he was watching his prey. "You seem comfortable here."
"Yeah", Jimmy answered slowly.
"But I bet you'd prefer our room. Bunkbeds and all." Chazz said, running his hand along the edge of the small closest included in the room, which had a few neatly pressed blue and purple shirts hanging inside it. "It's warmer, and our bathroom is better."
"Um...yes."
Chazz stepped forward, standing right in front of Jimmy. He didn't say anything, just started kneeling down. Jimmy watched him with alarm, wondering what he was going to do. He had plenty of time to take it in, Chazz was moving so slowly for some reason. As he stared, the older man looked up at him, right into his eyes, as his hands ran up Jimmy's thighs.
"Chazz..." Jimmy sighed, ready to push his hands off.
"Shhh...please Jimmy." Chazz's hands went around to Jimmy's back, and he scooted forward to lean his head into Jimmy's lap. He rested his face on Jimmy's crotch, and for once, there was absolutely nothing sexual about it, just the idea of being there. He closed his eyes, embracing Jimmy as much as he could.
Jimmy didn't know what to do. If he comforted Chazz, would it be like he was giving in? His soft nature got the better of him though, and he began to stroke Chazz's hair, gently running his fingers through the long dark strands. He slipped his fingers down to Chazz's face. "...Chazz, are you crying?"
A sniff and some heavy breathing answered at first. "No." He sat back though, his protest worthless as the wet trails down his cheeks and red rimmed eyes gave him away.
"I didn't know you cried." Jimmy blurted. "I mean besides when your ankle was broken but that's actual pain."
"Maybe I do react to things that aren't..like...physical...you ever think of that?" Chazz choked out, his face screwed up as he tried to hold back, but the tears came anyway. His put his hands over his face to try and hide it.
Jimmy slipped off the bed, kneeling next to Chazz. He took the man's hands off his face. "Chazz, there's nothing bad about crying. I cry. See, why don't you show me this side more often?"
"What the fuck is the point of that?" Chazz sobbed pathetically and looked away.
"Affection. More affection Chazz."
"Whatever."
Jimmy stood and wrapped his hands around Chazz's arm, dragging him up with him, and leading him to the bed. "You can sleep with me tonight. Nothing...um...kinky. Let's just sleep."
Chazz didn't say anything, he just sobbed. Jimmy cleared off the bed and then led Chazz to lay down next to him. He put his hands on Chazz's face, trying to wipe off the tears. He kissed those cheeks too, and hugged Chazz's head to his chest. He still didn't know what could be said or done to make him feel right about everything again, but he prayed he'd find out soon.