CHRISTMAS STUFF!
xenafox beta'd my story yesterday, so I'm back! Yeah yeah yeah I was just here like less than 24 hours ago, but we had a two hour delay this morning because of cold and wind (no snow, no ice >>), so I figured I'd might as well post! Now this is a little more more dialogue-laden and "funnier" (oh god I hope ^^;!) than my other stuff, so... let's hope I did it right! Yeah! *fist pump*
Title: A Very Merry Bogtastic Christmas
Rating: PG for cursing and Chazz being Chazz
Wordcount: 2,023
Pairing: Jimmy/Katie
Summary: Chazz, Jimmy, Katie, Jesse, and Coach celebrate Christmas together. Hopefully, hilarity will ensue!
“Jesus Christ MacElroy, watch where you’re stepping!”
“In case you hadn’t noticed, I don’t exactly have the most room up here!”
“You’re hitting my shoulder blade on purpose! You and that freakishly bony foot of yours!”
“Coach, he called my foot freakish!”
“Coach he called my foot freakish!”
“Stop copying me!”
“Stop copying- OOMPH! You little shit, I’ll kill you for that!”
When they open the door, Katie and Jesse get a perfect view of the wrestling match going on in the living room. The fight quickly reaches a stalemate with Chazz getting Jimmy in a headlock and Jimmy gnawing away determinedly at Chazz’s arm. It would have gone on indefinitely had Jesse not cleared his throat and drawn the attention of the two men on the floor. They look up slowly, blinking, Chazz’s grip loosening and Jimmy’s jaw slowing down.
“He started it,” Chazz declares, jumping up and dusting himself off.
“And you had to finish it?” Katie rolls her eyes and helps Jimmy up. He gives her a sheepish look as he takes her hand, face coloring as he looks between her and Jesse.
“We were just, um… oh, both of you come inside and close the door, it’s way too cold out there.”
Jesse closes the door, raising an eyebrow as he starts to unravel the scarf around his neck. “Just getting into the holiday spirit?”
“We were decorating-”
“I was decorating the Christmas tree and Jimmy was helping!” Chazz grabs Katie’s and Jesse’s arms and drags them over to gigantic fir tree that literally scrapes the ceiling. “I chopped it down this morning with my bare hands.”
“By ‘myself’ and ‘bare hands,’ he means that we went to the farm down the road and bought one.”
“Chopped it down with my bare hands!” Chazz repeats loudly. “And I set it up. Jimmy did all the girly tinsel crap.”
Jesse intercedes before another fight can break out. “Both of you did a wonderful job. Really, it’s one of the best Christmas trees I’ve seen all season.”
Stifling a laugh at the way Chazz puffs up and Jimmy grins in that adorably happy way of his, Katie goes over to set an armload of presents under the tree. “It is very pretty. Where did you get these ornaments?”
Chazz’s present-sense immediately goes off. “Presents? Is one for me? What’d you get me what’d you get me-”
“The best present in the world that does not pertain to sex.”
Chazz’s face screws up in thought. “Okay… you stumped me there.” He pauses. “Is it pudding?”
“No.”
“Is it a puppy?”
“No.”
“Of course not, there aren’t any air holes… ooh, is it the complete fifth season of Friends on DVD?”
While the Chazz Inquisition rages on, Jesse hangs his scarf and hat on a coat rack and goes to talk to Jimmy. “So, besides trying out amateur wrestling on each other, how have you boys been?”
The younger man blushes a little. “Oh, that… that was kind of my fault. See, we were trying to put the star on the tree and I was standing on Chazz’s back, and I may have accidentally stomped on him.”
“And by accidentally, you mean…”
“On purpose.”
“Good to see so much Christmas spirit in the house. Do you know where Robert is?”
“He was in the kitchen the last time I checked, but he didn’t come running when Chazz and I started fighting on the carpet…” Jimmy’s eyes widen. “You don’t think he’s dead, do you?”
“Probably not,” Jesse says, patting him on his back, “but I’ll go check just in case.”
Turns out, surprise surprise, that Robert’s not dead, just slaving away over a hot stove. Robert commands his kitchen the same way he commands out on the rink: with total control and taking no crap from nobody. It probably would be impressive if he weren’t scurrying around in the gaudiest red, white, and green sweatshirt ever. That, in all its stripey-sparky-Santa-y glory, is simply cute beyond all reason.
Robert appears unsuspecting. Jesse comes up from behind him and stealthily hugs him around the middle. “I can’t believe with two hyperactive overgrown kids in the house, you didn’t hear me sneak up like that.”
Robert turns his head to look at Jesse and pulls out his earbuds. “Jesse! When did you get here?”
“Just now,” Jesse says, letting go. “New Christmas toy?”
“My boys got it for me,” he says proudly, showing the other man his new iPod. “Holds a bajillion and six songs, drowns out any and all catfighting. Best present I ever got. Chazz stocked it up for me.”
Jesse takes the music player and starts scrolling through the playlist. “That explains why you’re listening to Baby Got Back… wait, Chazz didn’t put in Wind Beneath My Wings, did he?”
“Nope, that was all Jimmy,” Robert says, going back to fussing over the food.
“And… Dancing Queen?” Robert gives a noncommittal grunt. Jesse clips the iPod back on Robert’s belt and wisely refrains from comment. “I suppose the sweatshirt was their idea, too.”
“They told me if I wanted this doohickey I’d have to wear it,” he sighs, stirring a pot. “I couldn’t say no, they ganged up on me.”
“They ganged up on each other while you weren’t paying attention. I brought Katie by the way, she’s out there trying to negotiate a star on the tree.”
“OW!!! Coach, Chazz hit me!”
“HIS STUPID GIRLFRIEND HIT ME FIRST!!!”
Robert groans and slips his earbuds back in. “Unless they set someone on fire, I don’t want to hear about it.”
---------------
All declarations of physical violence aside, the tree eventually gets it star and everyone sets about getting things ready for dinner. Chazz turns the TV to the Weather Channel and hides the remote, eyes glued to the screen as the ominous pink-and-white blotches move towards their part of the state. “It’s going to snow tonight,” he says excitedly, putting a little bounce in his step as he sets the table.
“What do you want more snow for? There’s already a foot of the stuff on the ground,” Katie says, straightening up the plates and silverware so they don’t look like a four-year-old just tossed them down.
“But it’s got to snow tonight. It doesn’t count as a white Christmas unless the snow is fresh, duh. Did you get me a pony?”
“No, Chazz.”
“How about a plastic rocket?”
“You can ask and ask that woman what she got you, and she is never going to tell,” Jesse laughs, bringing in two candles. He sets them down at the middle of the table and fusses with a strand of holly for a minute before standing back to admire his work.
“That’s right Chazz, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow like everyone else.” Katie sticks out her tongue and darts into the kitchen to pick up the glasses.
Chazz sticks his tongue out at her back and blows a raspberry. “Jesus, what Jimmy sees in her…”
“Don’t let Jimmy hear you say that,” Jesse chuckles.
“I was just joking, but what’s he really gonna do, stomp his little designer-shoed feet and throw a bitch fit?”
Katie comes back with the drinks on that last part. “Jimmy’s throwing a bitch fit again?”
“Nah, he’s just in the bathroom. Probably taking a shower to get all the Christmas tree germs off’im.” Chazz snickers. “Hey Katie-”
“No!”
“You didn’t have to be so rude about it.” D:
In spite of all the bickering, the table is ready when Robert declares that dinner’s finished. Earlier that week there had been debate as to what actually constituted a Christmas dinner, and general consensus held that it was similar to Thanksgiving except with less stuffing and more ham. Chazz said that traditional Christmas fare included babyback ribs and cheesey fries, but Coach told him he was lucky to go off his diet for one day as it was.
“He’s going to starve me,” Chazz says sadly as they pass around the rolls. He tries to nab four for himself but Coach’s foot accidentally smacks into his shin. Chazz yelps, “See? See?”
“Share,” Coach says sternly.
“I’ll let you have mine when he’s not looking,” Katie whispers, reaffirming her status as Chazz’s favorite best friend’s girlfriend ever.
The rest of dinner goes off without a hitch, Chazz remaining on his absolute best behavior as he stuffs his face. He is determined to enjoy his early Christmas present (an entire nag-free meal with nary a hippie-sissy-granola-based-food in sight), even declining a food fight when Jimmy “accidentally” flings a spoonful of peas at him. His eyes take on a slightly glazed look as his body processes all the extra sugar and carbs and he almost, quite literally, stuffs his face in his place.
“You know,” Jesse says thoughtfully, watching Chazz stuff his sixth helping of macaroni and cheese in his mouth, “he really should have ruptured his stomach by now.”
“Chazz has more than one stomach, like a cow,” Jimmy explains. Chazz’s muffled retort is either “I am not a cow!” or “That’s what your mom said in bed last night!” depending on how you interpret it.
Coach says if they don’t start acting their age, he’s going to do something so out of tune with the Christmas season it doesn’t bear repeating here. Both Chazz and Jimmy get really, really quiet and turn back to their meals, defeated.
---------------
“I think we should go around the table and say something we’re grateful for this Christmas,” Jimmy says when they finish dinner.
“That’s a great idea!” Katie says at the same time Chazz says, “That’s retarded.”
“Don’t be mean to him!”
“Don’t be a suck up!” Chazz leans in close. “Speaking of which, I’ve been meaning to ask do you and Jimmy ever-”
“I think that’s a good idea, Jimmy,” Robert says loudly. “Why don’t you go first?”
Jimmy launches into what must be a prepared speech about family and second chances and new friends and blah blah BLAH Chazz somehow finds a Sharpie and starts doodling little flames going up his arm.
“…and that’s what I’m thankful for!” Jimmy gives one of his patented pinball grins.
“And we are all thankful you shut up,” Chazz mutters under his breath, making Katie have to hide a giggle.
“I’ll go next,” Robert volunteers. “Hmm, let’s see… I’m grateful that I have two of the best damn men skating for me and who bust their asses everyday out on the rink.”
Chazz and Jimmy smile wide!
“Even if they are just overgrown toddlers without an ounce of maturity between them.”
Chazz and Jimmy stop smiling!
“Jesse,” Coach says pleasantly, “would you like to go next?”
“I am grateful that I was able to teach two white boys how to dance without making complete idiots out of themselves.”
“I think that deserves a round of applause,” says Coach, though Chazz and Jimmy continue not to be amused.
“I’m glad that Jimmy and I are going out, Chazz and I are friends, and that your coach hasn’t strangled either of you by now.”
“Thanks Katie,” the two boys say in unison.
“Hey! You didn’t say you were grateful that I taught your little boyfriend how to kiss!”
Everyone pauses and looks at Chazz. Jimmy blushes absolutely furiously.
“What is everyone looking at me for? Do you know how that boy kissed before I got to him? It would have been criminal not to!”
“I wasn’t going to mention that, but thanks Chazz,” Katie groans.
“Okaycanwepleasegonow?” an extremely embarrassed Jimmy asks from behind his napkin.
“No way, I haven’t gone yet,” Chazz says, grinning. “What am I grateful for? Well, I’m very grateful for my continued ability to-”
“NO CHAZZ!”
Chazz withers under the force of four hyper-powered glares. “I’m grateful that fireflies use their powers for good and not evil,” he says meekly, sinking down in his chair.
“Thank you, Chazz. Now, if someone will just help me clear these dishes away-”
There are suddenly four vacant seats at the table. Robert sighs sadly and starts to carry the plates to the kitchen by himself.