Fierce at the Heart with Fire [Ch. 9: Part 1]
Title: Fierce at the Heart with Fire
Pairing: Taeyang/Hansol (YG dancer), Taeyang/G-Dragon (GDYB)
Rating: R
Summary: Young Bae is finding love at all the wrong places and he needs someone to pull him out
A/N: this story deals with themes of relationship violence and rape
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug
that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know is
You're the only reason I'm trying
Chapter 9, Part 1: Breathe Again
--
Bzz-zzz-zzz
Young Bae picks up his phone from where it’s vibrating on his bed; today had been a long day with a non-stop schedule that he barely had time to breathe. It was probably David calling, they haven’t been able to actually talk in three days but instead have been playing a game of phone tag and leaving each other messages. And to be honest, he needed the break, part of him was secretly scared that he was rushing too quickly into this relationship with David and that he was just not ready for the kind of commitment that David was expecting.
Just wanted to text you that I was thinking of you
Young Bae sighs, David was everything he could want in a boyfriend; educated, a secure job, attentive, loving, understanding, gorgeous and well hung. So why instead of being happy he was more anxious than ever?
Thinking of you too
He had debated on whether to send out the text but David was so sweet, almost too sweet. Fuck, part of him was scared that he was becoming like those stupid girls who only liked assholes instead of falling for the nice guy; it would just be his shit luck.
And things with Ji Yong had been nice but awkward. After he had left the letter on his bed, he had come back that night to find Ji Yong waiting for him in his bedroom. The conversation had been …insightful…but it at least had helped mend some of their bridges.
--flashback-
Young Bae walks back to his room; he had spent the afternoon with Soo Han after leaving Ji Yong the letter. He wasn’t sure how it would be received but he had to let it be known, he was tired of it, all of it and he just wanted his life to get back to normal.
He opens his door only to see Ji Yong sitting on his bed, letter in hand. Well, this is awkward. They stare at each other for a bit but neither dare to say anything.
“You got my letter,” He finally says. He knew he was pointing out the obvious, the damn thing was in Ji Yong hand for god sakes but there wasn’t much else he could think of to say. Like, what the hell was he supposed to do? Talk about the weather?
“Yeah,” Ji Yong stares at him and then throws him that sardonic little smile that makes his heart quicken and fuck him if a part of him wasn’t still that stupid doe eyed awkward teenager in love with his best friend.
“I wanted to catch you before you went to bed,” Ji Yong says while slowing getting up from the bed. “Things I wanted to let you know.”
Ji Yong stands right in front of him and Young Bae has to force himself not to look away even though it was becoming difficult to breathe.
“You’re right,” Ji Yong says, eyes glistening. “You’re right that David is probably amazing and caring and everything you deserve in a boyfriend and would do a 100 times better by you than I could ever.”
While he has said the exact thing to himself a dozen times over hearing it from Ji Yong was forcing something deep inside him to curl up and die, borrowing deep inside itself to escape the words. Young Bae forces himself to breathe in, breathe out and nod.
“And you’re right that I have a bad history with relationships and I fall in and out of love easily and I don’t know the first thing about being with a man,” Ji Yong continues, his eyes deep and wide, the whites of his eyes barely decipherable. “And I wasn’t there for you when I should have been and after…after everything you deserve so much, so much more than I could ever give you.”
Young Bae was surprise to feel a tear stream down his face. He was crying? Why was he crying?
He watches as Ji Yong’s hand comes up and he brushes a hand down his face, warm fingers trailing down his check, bushings his lips as Ji Yong’s eyes trace their movement. Soon the other hand joins, Ji Yong slowly mapping out his face with wistfulness in his gaze.
“But …,” Ji Yong swallows and Young Bae is stuck dumb by the moment, by his gaze. “but I love you …and I will not lie and say that I don’t.”
They both fall silent, frozen at the doorway with Ji Yong’s hands encircling his face and tears shinning in both their eyes. Young Bae raises his hands and grabs Ji Yong’s but instead of removing his hands he just presses them closer against cheeks.
“And if you don’t want to be with me I understand,” Ji Yong starts again, his voice catching. “…I don’t deserve you..”
“Ji..”
“Shh…no I don’t. You deserve the world, the best things and the best boyfriend and I can only give you me and my fucked up self,” Ji Yong’s hand move to caress his lips, a slight brush of his thumb just enough to get his pulse quickening again. “But I love you, I promise I will always love you and I’ll meet your needs the best I can.”
And then they were kissing, a gentle kiss of sweet passion that slowly turned brutal as the pain and anger from before came out. Young Bae’s hands were in Ji Yong’s hair tugging and pulling him closer as Ji Yong pushes him against the wall. He’s never felt like this before, this flame and honestly he would have fucked Ji Yong right then and there on the floor with the door agape and fuck whoever saw them. And he would have been as loud as he wanted to be too.
It was finally Ji Yong that pulled away - just as Young Bae was getting started on unbuttoning his shirt he stills his hands.
“No,” Ji Yong whispers, “If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right.”
And with that he gives Young Bae a kiss on the forehead and walks out. And Young Bae, well Young Bae was confused as fuck.
--end flashback--
Bzzzzz
Young Bae rolls over to his phone, hoping to god it wasn’t his manager with something else he had to do that day.
Have dinner with me on Thursday
It was Ji Yong and Young Bae didn’t know what to say. Since the conversation two weeks ago they have been acting like they nothing happened and were back to their old routines as friends; in fact there have been many times where Young Bae had wondered if maybe he had imagine the whole conversation . And now a dinner date?
Why?
Because I want to see you and I promise that you want to be there.
Are you coming?
Young Bae doesn’t know what to say, he knew he probably shouldn’t. He had a boyfriend, an awesome, amazing and dedicated boyfriend. But he can’t help himself.
Yes, what time?
7pm, at Madam Solei I have reservations
Ok
Wear something nice ok.
---
I am wasted away,
I made a million mistakes.
Am I too late?
There is a storm in my head;
it rains on my bed
when you are not here.
I'm not afraid of dying,
but I am afraid of losing you.
-Addicted by Enrique Inglesias
*this is part 1 of the end, I was going to post it all together but I have had this written since forever and since it's exam time and it's been busy with school I haven't had a chance to work on the rest and wont have time for at least another week so I thought that everyone had waited enough and that I should just post this part since it's a good stopping place.
Pairing: Taeyang/Hansol (YG dancer), Taeyang/G-Dragon (GDYB)
Rating: R
Summary: Young Bae is finding love at all the wrong places and he needs someone to pull him out
A/N: this story deals with themes of relationship violence and rape
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug
that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know is
You're the only reason I'm trying
Chapter 9, Part 1: Breathe Again
--
Bzz-zzz-zzz
Young Bae picks up his phone from where it’s vibrating on his bed; today had been a long day with a non-stop schedule that he barely had time to breathe. It was probably David calling, they haven’t been able to actually talk in three days but instead have been playing a game of phone tag and leaving each other messages. And to be honest, he needed the break, part of him was secretly scared that he was rushing too quickly into this relationship with David and that he was just not ready for the kind of commitment that David was expecting.
Just wanted to text you that I was thinking of you
Young Bae sighs, David was everything he could want in a boyfriend; educated, a secure job, attentive, loving, understanding, gorgeous and well hung. So why instead of being happy he was more anxious than ever?
Thinking of you too
He had debated on whether to send out the text but David was so sweet, almost too sweet. Fuck, part of him was scared that he was becoming like those stupid girls who only liked assholes instead of falling for the nice guy; it would just be his shit luck.
And things with Ji Yong had been nice but awkward. After he had left the letter on his bed, he had come back that night to find Ji Yong waiting for him in his bedroom. The conversation had been …insightful…but it at least had helped mend some of their bridges.
--flashback-
Young Bae walks back to his room; he had spent the afternoon with Soo Han after leaving Ji Yong the letter. He wasn’t sure how it would be received but he had to let it be known, he was tired of it, all of it and he just wanted his life to get back to normal.
He opens his door only to see Ji Yong sitting on his bed, letter in hand. Well, this is awkward. They stare at each other for a bit but neither dare to say anything.
“You got my letter,” He finally says. He knew he was pointing out the obvious, the damn thing was in Ji Yong hand for god sakes but there wasn’t much else he could think of to say. Like, what the hell was he supposed to do? Talk about the weather?
“Yeah,” Ji Yong stares at him and then throws him that sardonic little smile that makes his heart quicken and fuck him if a part of him wasn’t still that stupid doe eyed awkward teenager in love with his best friend.
“I wanted to catch you before you went to bed,” Ji Yong says while slowing getting up from the bed. “Things I wanted to let you know.”
Ji Yong stands right in front of him and Young Bae has to force himself not to look away even though it was becoming difficult to breathe.
“You’re right,” Ji Yong says, eyes glistening. “You’re right that David is probably amazing and caring and everything you deserve in a boyfriend and would do a 100 times better by you than I could ever.”
While he has said the exact thing to himself a dozen times over hearing it from Ji Yong was forcing something deep inside him to curl up and die, borrowing deep inside itself to escape the words. Young Bae forces himself to breathe in, breathe out and nod.
“And you’re right that I have a bad history with relationships and I fall in and out of love easily and I don’t know the first thing about being with a man,” Ji Yong continues, his eyes deep and wide, the whites of his eyes barely decipherable. “And I wasn’t there for you when I should have been and after…after everything you deserve so much, so much more than I could ever give you.”
Young Bae was surprise to feel a tear stream down his face. He was crying? Why was he crying?
He watches as Ji Yong’s hand comes up and he brushes a hand down his face, warm fingers trailing down his check, bushings his lips as Ji Yong’s eyes trace their movement. Soon the other hand joins, Ji Yong slowly mapping out his face with wistfulness in his gaze.
“But …,” Ji Yong swallows and Young Bae is stuck dumb by the moment, by his gaze. “but I love you …and I will not lie and say that I don’t.”
They both fall silent, frozen at the doorway with Ji Yong’s hands encircling his face and tears shinning in both their eyes. Young Bae raises his hands and grabs Ji Yong’s but instead of removing his hands he just presses them closer against cheeks.
“And if you don’t want to be with me I understand,” Ji Yong starts again, his voice catching. “…I don’t deserve you..”
“Ji..”
“Shh…no I don’t. You deserve the world, the best things and the best boyfriend and I can only give you me and my fucked up self,” Ji Yong’s hand move to caress his lips, a slight brush of his thumb just enough to get his pulse quickening again. “But I love you, I promise I will always love you and I’ll meet your needs the best I can.”
And then they were kissing, a gentle kiss of sweet passion that slowly turned brutal as the pain and anger from before came out. Young Bae’s hands were in Ji Yong’s hair tugging and pulling him closer as Ji Yong pushes him against the wall. He’s never felt like this before, this flame and honestly he would have fucked Ji Yong right then and there on the floor with the door agape and fuck whoever saw them. And he would have been as loud as he wanted to be too.
It was finally Ji Yong that pulled away - just as Young Bae was getting started on unbuttoning his shirt he stills his hands.
“No,” Ji Yong whispers, “If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right.”
And with that he gives Young Bae a kiss on the forehead and walks out. And Young Bae, well Young Bae was confused as fuck.
--end flashback--
Bzzzzz
Young Bae rolls over to his phone, hoping to god it wasn’t his manager with something else he had to do that day.
Have dinner with me on Thursday
It was Ji Yong and Young Bae didn’t know what to say. Since the conversation two weeks ago they have been acting like they nothing happened and were back to their old routines as friends; in fact there have been many times where Young Bae had wondered if maybe he had imagine the whole conversation . And now a dinner date?
Why?
Because I want to see you and I promise that you want to be there.
Are you coming?
Young Bae doesn’t know what to say, he knew he probably shouldn’t. He had a boyfriend, an awesome, amazing and dedicated boyfriend. But he can’t help himself.
Yes, what time?
7pm, at Madam Solei I have reservations
Ok
Wear something nice ok.
---
I am wasted away,
I made a million mistakes.
Am I too late?
There is a storm in my head;
it rains on my bed
when you are not here.
I'm not afraid of dying,
but I am afraid of losing you.
-Addicted by Enrique Inglesias
*this is part 1 of the end, I was going to post it all together but I have had this written since forever and since it's exam time and it's been busy with school I haven't had a chance to work on the rest and wont have time for at least another week so I thought that everyone had waited enough and that I should just post this part since it's a good stopping place.