[FIC] Losing My Religion [CH.6]
Title: Losing My Religion
Pairing: Taeyang/Dara, with other variations
Rating: R
Summary: What do you do when the person you love doesn't love you back? Which do you trust when following your heart mean losing your head? Do you let yourself be used if it means being with the one you want, however briefly?
Chapter 6: Love Poems
July
They’re lying on his bed. She had originally planned to go back to her hotel but they barely had any time together with him being so busy with the comeback and today being her last night in Seoul. After spending most of the day at Music Core watching him prep, she had come back with him after the filming.
Despite him planning on sleeping on the couch, she managed to convince him that bed was more than big enough for two. And she wasn’t a kicker. And so now they lay as he told her all about his love woes. She really should be telling him to sleep, he had Inkigayo tomorrow and needed all the rest he could get, but she also knew he needed someone to talk to even more.
So she held him, her arms around his shoulders as he lays his head against her shoulders.
“I waited for her you know, years pinning for her and god, I don’t know Arie. I’m a fool,” he says and she could help think that yes he was and she was twice the fool. “I’m pathetic. Like I don’t even know, I …I don’t know. Is it me?”
He asks her, pain in his warm brown eyes and she doesn’t know what to tell him. She can only whisper “no” and shake her head as he rambles on because to her he is the most amazing, gorgeous, sweetest man ever and she can’t understand how Dara could let him go. To have his eyes sparkle and shine at her even once, just once and she would be undone and this woman has it, held it and then lets it go.
“Like, I’m a good person and I try so hard and I fucking waited for her and love her and she …and she doesn’t love me and it hurts. And the fact that she said yes, you know, like why the fuck would she do that and let me get my hopes and be happy and then jerk it from my hands?”
She holds him because that’s all she can do. If nothing else he can take comfort in the fact that he has her. On this bed they’re close, closer than she’s ever been to him , pressed side to side with his arm around her waist and his head pillowed on her chest.
“Like I was happy and I would have done anything she wanted and why doesn’t she want me? Why doesn’t she want me? Was it me? It was me? Like, I must have fucked up or maybe she realized what I already knew, that I suck. I suck, I knew it, like I knew I sucked and she just confirmed it and god I love her and I don’t understand. “
“shhh it’s okay, it’s ok Young Bae, you’re wonderful, I promise you you’re wonderful.”
Arie was going to kill her, fucking kill her. Young Bae was a mess over this chick and all she could do was hold him and run her fingers through his hair and tell him how wonderful and amazing he is and that Dara is a fool.
“…probably a bad kisser, like she probably saw that I suck at kissing and giving affection and loving people and got out before it’s too late or something and I don’t know. I’m pathetic, crying, no wonder she doesn’t want me. I wouldn’t want me either …”
And she kissed him, partly to get him to shut up and partly because she’s been wanting to kiss him within 2 week of first meeting him and they’re in bed together and it’s now or never. It’s just a shy press of the lips and he’s frozen against her and they both pull back. It’s awkward as he stars at her, eyes wide open, but she can’t regret it. She refuses to regret what may have been the best moment of her life.
“you’re a good kisser,” she whispers, it’s the first thought that comes into her mind and he smiles a bit, eyes turning into little moons and her heart is bared open and she wishes he would notice. But he doesn’t as he rests his head back against her shoulder.
“Thank you,” he says and part of her is mad that is all he said and another is happy that at least he’s not mad. She wants to scream to him that she loves him, to look at her because she’s been falling apart for over two years and is drowning in him, but she just hides behind a smile instead and lays her head against his and listens as he continues to bare his heart over another woman. It hurts. It hurts a lot.
--
Dara had been in the dance room for over an hour practicing the dance for the reshoot of the I Need A Girl music video with the rest of the Crazy and High Tech dancers. Hansol had been taking the place of Young Bae. Where Young Bae was, she had no clue but she was tired and grumpy and more than a little upset that she had to put up with this after just flying in.
The door to the dance studio and she stops midstep to watch who was walking in. It was Mr. Yang and behind him came Young Bae and a girl. A really pretty girl. She knows that she’s familiar but where she knew her from she couldn’t remember, the name at the tip of her tongue. Watching the girl slide her hand down Young Bae’s arm and it immediately connected. Arianna, or Arie as she likes to be called. Young Bae’s Japanese “friend”.
She’s been around YGE a few time to visit Young Bae and to be honest, Dara didn’t like her. And she liked her less now as she watch her make eyes and touch Young Bae. She didn’t understand what Young Bae saw in this girl. She was loud, a rocker (even now she was wearing a pair of torn jeans and combat boots), had tattoos and a smoker. This was the kind of girl she expected hanging around Ji Yong, not Young Bae.
Dara saw Young Bae coming over as Arie and Mr. Yang sat down next to each other. She didn’t understand how the other girl could be so comfortable talking to Mr. Yang, who she still felt anxious when talking to. As Young Bae came next to her she flashed him a smile, which he didn’t return. Just as she felt her smile start to fade he smiled back and all was ok.
It was awkward. The look in his eyes was guarded and no amounts of smile and eye contract seem to take the walls back down. And she deserved it, she knew she did but couldn’t he see it from her point of view? She was trying to do the right thing here.
During breaks he immediately runs over to Arie and watching them talk and laugh while she sat by herself hurts. She turns her head towards them for what must have been the 20th time and Arie manages to catch her glance and she…she smirks. She throws her a cocky grin and then cozies up even closer to Bae. Dara glances away quick. This bitch.
After several hours of practice she calls Young Bae over as everyone files out. Arie is waiting at the door expectantly as she keeps him back.
“umm this is private,” she tells him and he quickly waves Arie away. Now it’s her turn to throw a smirk.
“What do you want Dara?”
He looks tired and messy and stressed and beautiful and she wonders what the fuck is she doing. The hurt in his eyes pains her and she just wants to take it all away. Before she knows it she cant help herself and she kisses him. She kisses him and kisses him and kisses him some more and soon he’s kissing her back. And it’s wonderful and amazing and he taste sweet on her lips and she starts to giggle and smile into the kiss and soon they are both smiling. They pull away, arms still around each other, and her grin widens. This is what she wants, he is what she wants.
“Yes, I say yes.”
“What,” he whisper confused and the way he wrinkles his nose has got to be the cutest thing and she just had to lean over and kiss his nose, and his chin and his cheek and his lips and they’re kissing again. He’s mine, she thinks.
“Yes, I..like you too.”
She’s blushing and smiling and feeling 15 again and he can’t seem to keep the grin from his face and yes, maybe she does more than just like him. Maybe she loves him.
---
Arie felt her heart catch in her throat as she watches Young Bae and Dara kiss. She was happy for him, really she was. At least one of them deserved to be happy and so what if it felt like her chest was being crushed and her dreams and hopes and all her wishful thinking was being torn apart.
She could already feel the tears sliding down her cheek and she tried to wipe them away. She needed to go, needed to leave and she couldn’t bear to have him see her like this. She was done crying over men and she never thought she would be crying over him.
Dara and Young Bae seemed caught up and Arie knew he probably forgot that she existed, that she had a flight to catch and would want to say goodbye. Like it even matters anymore.
She’ll call him tomorrow and they can talk then, right now it was too much. So pressed against the door of the YG Entertainment room watching the man she love love someone else, she said goodbye.
--
Dara could feel her chest pounding as she rode up the elevator. Mr. Yang had called and said he wanted to meet with her and she had an idea why. About Young Bae. The past week had been great, wonderful even, with kisses quickly given while running around the YGE building, phone calls between them and just being able to hold him and hug him and touch him when she wanted. And seeing him smile. God she loves his smile.
The elevator doors open and she has to force herself to get out. It opens straight into Mr. Yang’s office and she passes the waiting area to make her way closer to him as he looks up from his desk. She bows and he motions for her to sit down. Oh god, a long conversation then.
“Mr. Yang”
“Dara,” he says and his face is hard as he looks at her from behind his desk. “I want to talk to you about this thing you have with Young Bae.”
*
In my head Arie looks like a cross of 2 of my fav Japanese people, Kiko Mizuhara and Namie Amuro, though honestly you can image her however you like. Here's how I picture her.
Pairing: Taeyang/Dara, with other variations
Rating: R
Summary: What do you do when the person you love doesn't love you back? Which do you trust when following your heart mean losing your head? Do you let yourself be used if it means being with the one you want, however briefly?
Chapter 6: Love Poems
July
They’re lying on his bed. She had originally planned to go back to her hotel but they barely had any time together with him being so busy with the comeback and today being her last night in Seoul. After spending most of the day at Music Core watching him prep, she had come back with him after the filming.
Despite him planning on sleeping on the couch, she managed to convince him that bed was more than big enough for two. And she wasn’t a kicker. And so now they lay as he told her all about his love woes. She really should be telling him to sleep, he had Inkigayo tomorrow and needed all the rest he could get, but she also knew he needed someone to talk to even more.
So she held him, her arms around his shoulders as he lays his head against her shoulders.
“I waited for her you know, years pinning for her and god, I don’t know Arie. I’m a fool,” he says and she could help think that yes he was and she was twice the fool. “I’m pathetic. Like I don’t even know, I …I don’t know. Is it me?”
He asks her, pain in his warm brown eyes and she doesn’t know what to tell him. She can only whisper “no” and shake her head as he rambles on because to her he is the most amazing, gorgeous, sweetest man ever and she can’t understand how Dara could let him go. To have his eyes sparkle and shine at her even once, just once and she would be undone and this woman has it, held it and then lets it go.
“Like, I’m a good person and I try so hard and I fucking waited for her and love her and she …and she doesn’t love me and it hurts. And the fact that she said yes, you know, like why the fuck would she do that and let me get my hopes and be happy and then jerk it from my hands?”
She holds him because that’s all she can do. If nothing else he can take comfort in the fact that he has her. On this bed they’re close, closer than she’s ever been to him , pressed side to side with his arm around her waist and his head pillowed on her chest.
“Like I was happy and I would have done anything she wanted and why doesn’t she want me? Why doesn’t she want me? Was it me? It was me? Like, I must have fucked up or maybe she realized what I already knew, that I suck. I suck, I knew it, like I knew I sucked and she just confirmed it and god I love her and I don’t understand. “
“shhh it’s okay, it’s ok Young Bae, you’re wonderful, I promise you you’re wonderful.”
Arie was going to kill her, fucking kill her. Young Bae was a mess over this chick and all she could do was hold him and run her fingers through his hair and tell him how wonderful and amazing he is and that Dara is a fool.
“…probably a bad kisser, like she probably saw that I suck at kissing and giving affection and loving people and got out before it’s too late or something and I don’t know. I’m pathetic, crying, no wonder she doesn’t want me. I wouldn’t want me either …”
And she kissed him, partly to get him to shut up and partly because she’s been wanting to kiss him within 2 week of first meeting him and they’re in bed together and it’s now or never. It’s just a shy press of the lips and he’s frozen against her and they both pull back. It’s awkward as he stars at her, eyes wide open, but she can’t regret it. She refuses to regret what may have been the best moment of her life.
“you’re a good kisser,” she whispers, it’s the first thought that comes into her mind and he smiles a bit, eyes turning into little moons and her heart is bared open and she wishes he would notice. But he doesn’t as he rests his head back against her shoulder.
“Thank you,” he says and part of her is mad that is all he said and another is happy that at least he’s not mad. She wants to scream to him that she loves him, to look at her because she’s been falling apart for over two years and is drowning in him, but she just hides behind a smile instead and lays her head against his and listens as he continues to bare his heart over another woman. It hurts. It hurts a lot.
--
Dara had been in the dance room for over an hour practicing the dance for the reshoot of the I Need A Girl music video with the rest of the Crazy and High Tech dancers. Hansol had been taking the place of Young Bae. Where Young Bae was, she had no clue but she was tired and grumpy and more than a little upset that she had to put up with this after just flying in.
The door to the dance studio and she stops midstep to watch who was walking in. It was Mr. Yang and behind him came Young Bae and a girl. A really pretty girl. She knows that she’s familiar but where she knew her from she couldn’t remember, the name at the tip of her tongue. Watching the girl slide her hand down Young Bae’s arm and it immediately connected. Arianna, or Arie as she likes to be called. Young Bae’s Japanese “friend”.
She’s been around YGE a few time to visit Young Bae and to be honest, Dara didn’t like her. And she liked her less now as she watch her make eyes and touch Young Bae. She didn’t understand what Young Bae saw in this girl. She was loud, a rocker (even now she was wearing a pair of torn jeans and combat boots), had tattoos and a smoker. This was the kind of girl she expected hanging around Ji Yong, not Young Bae.
Dara saw Young Bae coming over as Arie and Mr. Yang sat down next to each other. She didn’t understand how the other girl could be so comfortable talking to Mr. Yang, who she still felt anxious when talking to. As Young Bae came next to her she flashed him a smile, which he didn’t return. Just as she felt her smile start to fade he smiled back and all was ok.
It was awkward. The look in his eyes was guarded and no amounts of smile and eye contract seem to take the walls back down. And she deserved it, she knew she did but couldn’t he see it from her point of view? She was trying to do the right thing here.
During breaks he immediately runs over to Arie and watching them talk and laugh while she sat by herself hurts. She turns her head towards them for what must have been the 20th time and Arie manages to catch her glance and she…she smirks. She throws her a cocky grin and then cozies up even closer to Bae. Dara glances away quick. This bitch.
After several hours of practice she calls Young Bae over as everyone files out. Arie is waiting at the door expectantly as she keeps him back.
“umm this is private,” she tells him and he quickly waves Arie away. Now it’s her turn to throw a smirk.
“What do you want Dara?”
He looks tired and messy and stressed and beautiful and she wonders what the fuck is she doing. The hurt in his eyes pains her and she just wants to take it all away. Before she knows it she cant help herself and she kisses him. She kisses him and kisses him and kisses him some more and soon he’s kissing her back. And it’s wonderful and amazing and he taste sweet on her lips and she starts to giggle and smile into the kiss and soon they are both smiling. They pull away, arms still around each other, and her grin widens. This is what she wants, he is what she wants.
“Yes, I say yes.”
“What,” he whisper confused and the way he wrinkles his nose has got to be the cutest thing and she just had to lean over and kiss his nose, and his chin and his cheek and his lips and they’re kissing again. He’s mine, she thinks.
“Yes, I..like you too.”
She’s blushing and smiling and feeling 15 again and he can’t seem to keep the grin from his face and yes, maybe she does more than just like him. Maybe she loves him.
---
Arie felt her heart catch in her throat as she watches Young Bae and Dara kiss. She was happy for him, really she was. At least one of them deserved to be happy and so what if it felt like her chest was being crushed and her dreams and hopes and all her wishful thinking was being torn apart.
She could already feel the tears sliding down her cheek and she tried to wipe them away. She needed to go, needed to leave and she couldn’t bear to have him see her like this. She was done crying over men and she never thought she would be crying over him.
Dara and Young Bae seemed caught up and Arie knew he probably forgot that she existed, that she had a flight to catch and would want to say goodbye. Like it even matters anymore.
She’ll call him tomorrow and they can talk then, right now it was too much. So pressed against the door of the YG Entertainment room watching the man she love love someone else, she said goodbye.
--
Dara could feel her chest pounding as she rode up the elevator. Mr. Yang had called and said he wanted to meet with her and she had an idea why. About Young Bae. The past week had been great, wonderful even, with kisses quickly given while running around the YGE building, phone calls between them and just being able to hold him and hug him and touch him when she wanted. And seeing him smile. God she loves his smile.
The elevator doors open and she has to force herself to get out. It opens straight into Mr. Yang’s office and she passes the waiting area to make her way closer to him as he looks up from his desk. She bows and he motions for her to sit down. Oh god, a long conversation then.
“Mr. Yang”
“Dara,” he says and his face is hard as he looks at her from behind his desk. “I want to talk to you about this thing you have with Young Bae.”
*
In my head Arie looks like a cross of 2 of my fav Japanese people, Kiko Mizuhara and Namie Amuro, though honestly you can image her however you like. Here's how I picture her.