[FIC] Losing My Religion [CH.5]
Title: Losing My Religion
Pairing: Taeyang/Dara, with other variations
Rating: R
Summary: What do you do when the person you love doesn't love you back? Which do you trust when following your heart mean losing your head? Do you let yourself be used if it means being with the one you want, however briefly?
Chapter Five
I Care For You
June 20th
Young Bae was tired, ridiculously so. This morning they had finished recording the I Need A Girl music video and damn was that awkward. Not only was he and Dara still caught up in their whatever-it-is but everyone was there including the Real Sound PD. I think I made of fool of myself, Young Bae thinks.
Honestly, he was upset when he heard that Teddy had suggested Dara for his music video and that Hung Suk hyung had thought it was brilliant and said yes. By the time he came back from Japan it had all been set and all he got was a few brief conversations with the director to get it worked out. Honestly it was all rushing at him and he didn’t think he had any time to breathe let alone worry about girls and dating and whatnot. His album was set to come out in a few weeks, he finalized it but he wasn’t sure if he made the right decision with it and kept second guessing himself. Maybe he should have stuck to the older songs, the ones from REAL but maybe not cause he liked the new songs too. Also all this in and out of Japan promoting Hands Up and their new single and doing all this work.
Dara wasn’t helping at all. After that kiss in May, he had taken a step back for a few days and then he was so busy that they barely saw each other - they texted every now and then but honestly he was trying to put as much distance between them as possible. And then a few weeks ago she had kissed him. It was during the MTV VMA awards. It was after they had all performed and they were just hanging out a bit and she was leaning against his side and then suddenly she kissed him. It was honestly an amazing memory.
But the minute they got back to Korean soil it seems like she had changed her mind, every time he tried to pull her close she would back away till finally he asked her point blank what she wanted. She told him it was probably best if they just remained friends. He had texted back an ok because really, why did it even matter and f-ck it all anyway, he had other things to worry about so he was going to move on, other fishes in the sea and all that and no he didn’t cry over this. Really, he didn't. Sort of.
And the video shoot yesterday was so embarrassing. Seriously, why did all the hyungs have to be there? Even Ri was there, he’s going to pretending that never happened.
Honestly, he was starting to think this was all too much. He really should be taking this time to focus on himself.
--
Dara reclines her seat on the plane, hand clutching the dogtag necklace that Young Bae had given her at the set of I Need A Girl. To be honest, that had to be the most awkward shoot she has ever been in and it didn’t help that the whole YG family had been there and wondering why she was being so awkward.
President Yang kept telling her to be more relax and not to be shy around Young Bae but she couldn’t help herself and Young Bae didn’t help by being flirty and smiling at her despite the fact she could easily feel the tension between them. She knew that he was pretending that nothing was wrong and that nothing had ever happen, teasing her but she wasn’t up for it and for some reason she couldn’t get into the game, it was as if he was the actor and not her.
She asked him why he was flirting, but he just said it was just for practice which annoyed her even more, him talking about moving on so quickly. So she asked him if she was just for fun, to which he just gave a bitter smile and walked away. Dara didn’t know where she and Young Bae stood anymore and she felt like their friendship was slipping through her fingers.
Why did he have to like her?
They ended the awkward shoot with the awkward conversations and at the end he watched her walk away. As she was finally leaving the dressing room she had seen the dogtag necklace lying there, a t on it, and for reasons she can’t explain she took it. And as she walked out, Young Bae had seen her, dogtag necklace and all, and had step forward to give her his dogtag necklace too. When she asked why, with another strained smile he told her that he didn’t need the memories.
So now here she was, with both sets of dogtags and on the verge of tears that she was desperately trying to pretend was caused by her fear of flying but she knew it wasn’t. God, what was she going to do? Was she stupid for turning him down? Did she make the right choice? Dating Young Bae wasn’t a good idea and she made the best choice, the smarter choice. So why did it feel like her heart was collapsing?
Why did she have to like him too?
--
Young Bae stressed, super stressed and he didn’t know what to do. Honestly, everything was so last minute and he hadn’t had a chance to breathe since the start of June it seems. He’s been at photoshoots and practices and a whole lot of other stuff and yesterday he spent an hour just huddled in the toilet suffering from a panic attack. What if the album doesn’t do well? Like, the pressure was so much and he just couldn't breathe. God, he just couldn’t breathe.
Bzzz
Young Bae takes out his phone from his pocket. He was currently in a meeting with Hyun Suk Hyung , Teddy, Jinu and a lot of the other execs about SOLAR promotions and what exactly they’ll be doing. They already choose I Need A Girl as lead (he was still very iffy about that but that bridge has already been crossed) and were discussing how often he was going to be performing on weekly shows and if there were going to do radio promos. He looked at his screen, it was a message from Dara. faq.
He checks it, because he always checks it, and it’s a just a picture of her holding up a hat. Present from the US she types out and he doesn’t know what to say. He wishes she would stop; she said no, he said ok, so why continue reaching out like this?
He closes his phone, he knows how she gets when she doesn't get a reply and he doesn’t really care. Fuck it, he has more important thing to worry about than Sandara Park.
After the meeting he’s exhausted but it’s only 3 more days till D-day and he’s on the verge of tears. Can he just get a moment’s rest? Please?
“Young Bae” a voice calls out and he looks over, a smile already stretching across his face even before he saw her. In her torn jeans and tight white t-shirt, Arie was a sight for very sore and tired eyes as she made her way over to him for a tight hug. Once he had his arms around her slight frame, he couldn’t let go. He needed someone to lean on, something to breathe in and to just hold.
And to hold him back.
“Hey, you ok?” She asked as she ran her fingers through his hair. He stayed silent and just held tighter. He only let go once he heard footsteps approaching, stood up and turned away from her concerned hazel eyes. There wasn’t anyone else here that he had to hold him like this, he hadn’t seen his parents in a while (he tended to avoid them and wouldn’t have relaxed with them anyway) and there were a very short list of friends he would breakdown like this to.
It turned out to just be an office worker from the marketing department and he bowed even though he could tell that she was wondering who the girl beside him was. Arie bowed besides him as well as she shuffled closer to his side. This was only her 4th visit to Korea in the two years they’ve been friends and they never spent much time in the offices.
“Come,” he says as he leads her downstairs to the dance rooms, he had practice and Shaun was waiting to teach him the choreography. He asks her how she’s been since the last time they’ve seen each other (which was only a few weeks ago when he and Big Bang had gone to Japan) and she talked about the artists she’s been producing for and the new songs she’s created and how her new album was coming along. Arie is a musician and producer for Avex, when they had first met she had been an independent jazz and R&B artist but last year she got a contract to produce for Avex and recently they extended an actual recording contract. He could barely concentrate on what she was saying, a fact he knew she could tell, but she kept talking anyway cause she knew that all he wanted was a distraction from the stress, something to focus on outside of himself and his problems.
“How has the girl situation been going?” She asked once they were actually outside of the dance room, through the frosted glass door he could make out the outline of Shaun and the dancers. He had told Arie about Dara, she was one of the few people he could talk to about it without it being awkward since she barely knew Dara unlike everyone else he was close to.
He glanced at her sadly and he knew she could tell the situation from his eyes.
“I’ll tell you later,” he says as he walks in.
During the middle of practice he glances over at the bench and there was Arie lying there, fast asleep. He felt really sorry about this, she came for four days to support him and his first official album, he hadn’t really expected this (in fact, with her being so busy with her own album preparation he was shocked she could get so much time off) but he was happy to have someone there for him and only him. And now she was spending her first night on a bench.
He abruptly calls a break and approaches his manager asking if he could please take Arie to her hotel, a request was easily granted. Young Bae was extra gentle as he shook the shoulders of the sleeping girl.
“Arie,” he whispers. “Arianna, wake up”
Sleepy hazel eyes blink at him and they try to focus as he tells her of the plans. He was worried she would try to argue to stay longer but she just sleepily nods her head as he pulls her up and hands her off to Boram who leads her out. Before she goes she leans over to give him a hug and then she’s gone. He turns around to see most of the room staring at him and he remembers that most, if not all, of them don’t know who Arie is.
“Your girlfriend,” Shaun finally asks with a nod to door that Arie and Boram hyung just past.
“Oh no,” Young Bae says with a laugh. This wasn’t the first time that someone had thought that the relationship between him and Arie wasn’t strictly platonic but honestly, the thought of dating her had never crossed his mind, she just wasn’t his type. He liked sweet girls, pure and quiet with an adorable energy. And Arie, well she wasn’t like that, she was rough, drank more than a bit and had tattoos and well, kind of a bad girl. While once he got to know her he realized she wasn’t as “bad” as she seems, it was sort of like a first impression he couldn’t remove and he could never seem to take her out of the “undatable” category in his mind. Plus she wouldn’t be interested in him anyway, she liked the boys in the rock bands and stuff, with “edge” or so she says and her dating history seems to agree.
“Just a friend,” he tells Shaun and though he gets a raise eyebrow back he just slaps Shaun’s shoulder with another laugh.
Bzzzz
His phone vibrates and he takes it out. Dara. Young Bae swallows and ignores the message, it wasn’t important. He calls his dancers out and gets back into it, only 2 more days till D-day now.
Pairing: Taeyang/Dara, with other variations
Rating: R
Summary: What do you do when the person you love doesn't love you back? Which do you trust when following your heart mean losing your head? Do you let yourself be used if it means being with the one you want, however briefly?
Chapter Five
I Care For You
June 20th
Young Bae was tired, ridiculously so. This morning they had finished recording the I Need A Girl music video and damn was that awkward. Not only was he and Dara still caught up in their whatever-it-is but everyone was there including the Real Sound PD. I think I made of fool of myself, Young Bae thinks.
Honestly, he was upset when he heard that Teddy had suggested Dara for his music video and that Hung Suk hyung had thought it was brilliant and said yes. By the time he came back from Japan it had all been set and all he got was a few brief conversations with the director to get it worked out. Honestly it was all rushing at him and he didn’t think he had any time to breathe let alone worry about girls and dating and whatnot. His album was set to come out in a few weeks, he finalized it but he wasn’t sure if he made the right decision with it and kept second guessing himself. Maybe he should have stuck to the older songs, the ones from REAL but maybe not cause he liked the new songs too. Also all this in and out of Japan promoting Hands Up and their new single and doing all this work.
Dara wasn’t helping at all. After that kiss in May, he had taken a step back for a few days and then he was so busy that they barely saw each other - they texted every now and then but honestly he was trying to put as much distance between them as possible. And then a few weeks ago she had kissed him. It was during the MTV VMA awards. It was after they had all performed and they were just hanging out a bit and she was leaning against his side and then suddenly she kissed him. It was honestly an amazing memory.
But the minute they got back to Korean soil it seems like she had changed her mind, every time he tried to pull her close she would back away till finally he asked her point blank what she wanted. She told him it was probably best if they just remained friends. He had texted back an ok because really, why did it even matter and f-ck it all anyway, he had other things to worry about so he was going to move on, other fishes in the sea and all that and no he didn’t cry over this. Really, he didn't. Sort of.
And the video shoot yesterday was so embarrassing. Seriously, why did all the hyungs have to be there? Even Ri was there, he’s going to pretending that never happened.
Honestly, he was starting to think this was all too much. He really should be taking this time to focus on himself.
--
Dara reclines her seat on the plane, hand clutching the dogtag necklace that Young Bae had given her at the set of I Need A Girl. To be honest, that had to be the most awkward shoot she has ever been in and it didn’t help that the whole YG family had been there and wondering why she was being so awkward.
President Yang kept telling her to be more relax and not to be shy around Young Bae but she couldn’t help herself and Young Bae didn’t help by being flirty and smiling at her despite the fact she could easily feel the tension between them. She knew that he was pretending that nothing was wrong and that nothing had ever happen, teasing her but she wasn’t up for it and for some reason she couldn’t get into the game, it was as if he was the actor and not her.
She asked him why he was flirting, but he just said it was just for practice which annoyed her even more, him talking about moving on so quickly. So she asked him if she was just for fun, to which he just gave a bitter smile and walked away. Dara didn’t know where she and Young Bae stood anymore and she felt like their friendship was slipping through her fingers.
Why did he have to like her?
They ended the awkward shoot with the awkward conversations and at the end he watched her walk away. As she was finally leaving the dressing room she had seen the dogtag necklace lying there, a t on it, and for reasons she can’t explain she took it. And as she walked out, Young Bae had seen her, dogtag necklace and all, and had step forward to give her his dogtag necklace too. When she asked why, with another strained smile he told her that he didn’t need the memories.
So now here she was, with both sets of dogtags and on the verge of tears that she was desperately trying to pretend was caused by her fear of flying but she knew it wasn’t. God, what was she going to do? Was she stupid for turning him down? Did she make the right choice? Dating Young Bae wasn’t a good idea and she made the best choice, the smarter choice. So why did it feel like her heart was collapsing?
Why did she have to like him too?
--
Young Bae stressed, super stressed and he didn’t know what to do. Honestly, everything was so last minute and he hadn’t had a chance to breathe since the start of June it seems. He’s been at photoshoots and practices and a whole lot of other stuff and yesterday he spent an hour just huddled in the toilet suffering from a panic attack. What if the album doesn’t do well? Like, the pressure was so much and he just couldn't breathe. God, he just couldn’t breathe.
Bzzz
Young Bae takes out his phone from his pocket. He was currently in a meeting with Hyun Suk Hyung , Teddy, Jinu and a lot of the other execs about SOLAR promotions and what exactly they’ll be doing. They already choose I Need A Girl as lead (he was still very iffy about that but that bridge has already been crossed) and were discussing how often he was going to be performing on weekly shows and if there were going to do radio promos. He looked at his screen, it was a message from Dara. faq.
He checks it, because he always checks it, and it’s a just a picture of her holding up a hat. Present from the US she types out and he doesn’t know what to say. He wishes she would stop; she said no, he said ok, so why continue reaching out like this?
He closes his phone, he knows how she gets when she doesn't get a reply and he doesn’t really care. Fuck it, he has more important thing to worry about than Sandara Park.
After the meeting he’s exhausted but it’s only 3 more days till D-day and he’s on the verge of tears. Can he just get a moment’s rest? Please?
“Young Bae” a voice calls out and he looks over, a smile already stretching across his face even before he saw her. In her torn jeans and tight white t-shirt, Arie was a sight for very sore and tired eyes as she made her way over to him for a tight hug. Once he had his arms around her slight frame, he couldn’t let go. He needed someone to lean on, something to breathe in and to just hold.
And to hold him back.
“Hey, you ok?” She asked as she ran her fingers through his hair. He stayed silent and just held tighter. He only let go once he heard footsteps approaching, stood up and turned away from her concerned hazel eyes. There wasn’t anyone else here that he had to hold him like this, he hadn’t seen his parents in a while (he tended to avoid them and wouldn’t have relaxed with them anyway) and there were a very short list of friends he would breakdown like this to.
It turned out to just be an office worker from the marketing department and he bowed even though he could tell that she was wondering who the girl beside him was. Arie bowed besides him as well as she shuffled closer to his side. This was only her 4th visit to Korea in the two years they’ve been friends and they never spent much time in the offices.
“Come,” he says as he leads her downstairs to the dance rooms, he had practice and Shaun was waiting to teach him the choreography. He asks her how she’s been since the last time they’ve seen each other (which was only a few weeks ago when he and Big Bang had gone to Japan) and she talked about the artists she’s been producing for and the new songs she’s created and how her new album was coming along. Arie is a musician and producer for Avex, when they had first met she had been an independent jazz and R&B artist but last year she got a contract to produce for Avex and recently they extended an actual recording contract. He could barely concentrate on what she was saying, a fact he knew she could tell, but she kept talking anyway cause she knew that all he wanted was a distraction from the stress, something to focus on outside of himself and his problems.
“How has the girl situation been going?” She asked once they were actually outside of the dance room, through the frosted glass door he could make out the outline of Shaun and the dancers. He had told Arie about Dara, she was one of the few people he could talk to about it without it being awkward since she barely knew Dara unlike everyone else he was close to.
He glanced at her sadly and he knew she could tell the situation from his eyes.
“I’ll tell you later,” he says as he walks in.
During the middle of practice he glances over at the bench and there was Arie lying there, fast asleep. He felt really sorry about this, she came for four days to support him and his first official album, he hadn’t really expected this (in fact, with her being so busy with her own album preparation he was shocked she could get so much time off) but he was happy to have someone there for him and only him. And now she was spending her first night on a bench.
He abruptly calls a break and approaches his manager asking if he could please take Arie to her hotel, a request was easily granted. Young Bae was extra gentle as he shook the shoulders of the sleeping girl.
“Arie,” he whispers. “Arianna, wake up”
Sleepy hazel eyes blink at him and they try to focus as he tells her of the plans. He was worried she would try to argue to stay longer but she just sleepily nods her head as he pulls her up and hands her off to Boram who leads her out. Before she goes she leans over to give him a hug and then she’s gone. He turns around to see most of the room staring at him and he remembers that most, if not all, of them don’t know who Arie is.
“Your girlfriend,” Shaun finally asks with a nod to door that Arie and Boram hyung just past.
“Oh no,” Young Bae says with a laugh. This wasn’t the first time that someone had thought that the relationship between him and Arie wasn’t strictly platonic but honestly, the thought of dating her had never crossed his mind, she just wasn’t his type. He liked sweet girls, pure and quiet with an adorable energy. And Arie, well she wasn’t like that, she was rough, drank more than a bit and had tattoos and well, kind of a bad girl. While once he got to know her he realized she wasn’t as “bad” as she seems, it was sort of like a first impression he couldn’t remove and he could never seem to take her out of the “undatable” category in his mind. Plus she wouldn’t be interested in him anyway, she liked the boys in the rock bands and stuff, with “edge” or so she says and her dating history seems to agree.
“Just a friend,” he tells Shaun and though he gets a raise eyebrow back he just slaps Shaun’s shoulder with another laugh.
Bzzzz
His phone vibrates and he takes it out. Dara. Young Bae swallows and ignores the message, it wasn’t important. He calls his dancers out and gets back into it, only 2 more days till D-day now.