[FIC] Experiencia Religiosa
Title: Experiencia Religiosa (aka California Girl pt3)Pairing: Taeyang/Selena (OC)
Rating: R
Summary: Young Bae tries to move on and fails, badly , part 3 of California Girl
Experiencia Religiosa
From the moment I first saw you
Knew my heart could not be free
Have to hold you in my arms now
There can never be another for me
“Oh,” she whispers in his ear, “you think you’re a bad boy now huh?”
He has her up against the wall, her legs are wrapped around his waist as he hikes her skirt up, his hands shifting under and getting her off. As his fingers go in deeper her grip around his hips tightens and she gasps in his ear. He loves it when he could feel her react, shuddering in his arms at the brush of his touch.
“Come on,” she groans, “can you handle me?”
He takes one hand down to unbuckle his pants. He hates how she teases and pushes him and makes him want her. Young Bae isn’t sure how they got into this bathroom but he knows that they’re not leaving it till he’s fucked her so hard she’s going to have to crawl out.
“Young Bae,” she moans gain.
“Young Bae,”
“Young Bae.”
His eyes snap open and Dara’s face is staring down at him. Her bare chest obscured by the covers she holds close to her chest. It was a dream, he thinks. Just a dream. It’s in the middle of the night and his lying on his bed and his tossing and turning probably woke Dara up. He looks over at her, her chocolate eyes are worried and he doesn’t know what to say.
“You ok, baby?” she whispers as she runs her hand down his face, checking to see if maybe he’s feverish but he just shakes her off. He has a fever all right, just not the kind she’s thinking of.
“I’m fine.”
Her concern gaze tells him she’s unconvinced and he doesn’t know what to tell her. Guilt eats at him, here he is dreaming of another woman while his girlfriend is in his bed.
“Are you sure?” she questions again as she runs a hand down his arm and he can’t respond. His heart is pounding and he can barely catch his breath…and he’s hard. But none of those things are because of her. It’s not her kisses and her touch that his body longs for and for that he’s sorry.
So as a way to distract her and more importantly himself he smiles at her and reaches out to caress her cheek. I was just thinking of you, he whispers. She smiles and he has to look away. He knows she probably thinks he’s being shy but he just can’t bear to look at her. It’s all lies.
He presses another kiss and deepens it this time as his hand reaches for the covers clutched in her hand. She doesn’t fight him as he pulls it off. She giggles and sighs as his lips leave her mouth to flirt with her neck. He pulls her close till she’s on his lap, the covers pooling around them both.
“You’re insatiable,” she laughs out as she reaches for another kiss. He lets his hands and his mouth do the agreeing for him. By now he’s figured out what she likes and was more than willing to go all out tonight, trying to absolve his guilt through her pleasure.
He’s been dating Dara for about three months now. He wasn’t sure how this happened or even why but honestly he just wanted something of his own. And while Dara was at first confused by his sudden affection and then reluctant, he had managed to convince her of first just one date, than a second and suddenly they were dating. To be honest, he had really enjoyed the chase and wished she hadn’t given in so quickly.
“I want you,” he whispers to her, pulling at her hips as his fingers slipped from her warmth. She’s on top and he lets her set the pace, using his hand and his lips to bring her as much pleasure as possible. He loves watching her like this, falling apart before his eyes.
Dating Dara was a bit of a regret, to be honest. He’s known her for years and he wasn’t extremely attracted to her but she was a good friend. But coming back from Japan four months ago he had been pissed and he just wanted to move on with his life, forget Selena and her boyfriend and her bullshit. So he was done with foreign bitches and was going to date a nice Korean girl and Dara, well Dara was a nice Korean girl and more importantly Dara was there. So he did his best to charm her and whatnot, falling in love with the thrill of the chase and the game of “will she or wont she” and the whole distraction that was Sandara Park that when she did say yes he was a bit of a lost as to what to do. Didn’t help that all of YG knew and was oh so happy for them, even Hyun Suk hyung.
Dara thrusts her hips and he groans as his grip on her waist tightens. She may seem sweet, innocent and breakable but baby girl knew how to ride it. His hand made a slow crawl from massaging her breast, to her waist to finally slip between her folds and …urgh, she groans against his ear. She’s wet and close and he knows that all he has to do is…yes…he rubs that sweet spot and …ahhh…just a little more.
It wasn’t Dara at all that was the problem and he knew it but now he doesn’t know what to do. Every moment he’s with her he feels guilty, and because he feels guilty he’s extra nice to her which just causes her to like him more and then he feels even more guilty. And it wasn’t that bad, and he hadn’t felt that guilty, till he had gone back to Japan a month ago and he learned that he was a shit friend and an even shitter boyfriend and Dara deserves so much better.
--
Last month
Young Bae was starting to hate Japan. He hated the smell, the crowdedness and how the bright city always made him feel so small and so lost. Big Bang had traveled to Japan just to record some stuff for their upcoming Japanese album. They just arrived yesterday and weren’t going to be here more than a week max but already he was itching to go back home.
He was in the apartment just chilling, Daesung was also there but hiding in his room. Young Bae was also very bored in Tokyo. The Seunghyuns and Ji Yong had all gone to some club that he wasn’t feeling up to and Daesung wanted privacy like usual. Bored, I’m soooooooo bored.
He was just on the verge of giving up and heading to bed at, he glances at the clock, 8 fucking pm. Maybe he’ll call Dara, but she was probably busy. 2NE1 was promoting in Korea.
Just as he was on the verge of getting off the living room couch, his cell phone vibrated. He checks the number but it was unfamiliar. The phone vibrated again and he wasn’t sure if he should pick up or not. It could be some random fan or anti that got his number but he took a chance.
“Hello”
“Young Bae”
Selena
His heart stopped the moment he heard that sweet voice. Her voice was melodic and honestly he doesn’t think he would ever tire of hearing her say his name. She repeats his name and he doesn’t know what to say, he knows that logically he should stay away. She’s burned him before.
“Young Bae…” she calls out once more but he keeps silent.
“I…I…” she starts. “Forget it.”
He knows she’s on the verge of hanging up and suddenly he panics, he may never hear from her again, this may be his last chance, last chance for what he doesn’t even know but he still loves her and goddamn it he’s talking before he can stop himself.
“Selena”
His voice is shaky and he feels like he can barely think. Oh god, he still wants her.
“I’m sorry,” her voice isn’t steady either and it’s at this point he realizes he could forgive her anything. That this woman he barely even knows, who is really just a face and a name and a memory to him, can make him feel this out of control scares him. She will hurt me, he can already tell.
Can we meet she asks and of course he says yes. And 10 minutes later he’s out the door with a list of subway and walking directions towards her apartment after a short goodbye to Daesung.
As he walks up to her door he is nervous, he knows this wasn’t right. Dara’s face appears in his mind and he knew that the right thing, the Christian thing, to do was walk right back from where he came from. Instead he knocks on her door.
When she opens it she’s a vision of perfection in a yellow knee length sundress that slowly faded from white and then to brown with a floral sunflower pattern at the bottom. She’s not wearing shoes and a tattoo he’s never seen before is wrapped around her left ankle. It looked like a rosemary with the cross coming to rest on the top of her feet.
She’s shy when she greets him and it’s a bit awkward. He doesn’t know what to do, should he bow? Or hug her or kiss her? They’re not dating or anything so he stands with his arms stiffly at his side but when she reaches out to kiss him he could no better stop himself from reaching out than one could blot out the sun.
One touch of her lips and he has to pull her close, clutching at her as she clutches back and they were back to where they once were, against the door, making out. But he wasn’t as angry this time, no longer as hateful but just as passionate and so he kissed her like he was drowning and she his last breath. Dear lord, please let this moment last forever.
But she pulls back and it pains to pull his lips from hers but soon they’re resting head against head leaning against the door. She has her arms wrapped around his shoulders, her hands caressing his face as she stared into his eyes. Her hazel eyes were sad and warm as she gazed onto his face, seemingly sketching his profile into her mind.
She pulls further away but he can’t let her go so he grabs her hand. They’ve been together at least 20 minutes but haven’t spoken a word. Maybe this is why he doesn’t know her, every time he’s with her he just wants to kiss her, love her and there is no need for words in that.
She keeps hold of his hand and pulls him and they slowly make their way to her room.
“We should talk,” she says and he nods. He doesn’t really want to talk; words mean thinking and thinking means complications. Dara. He would rather just feel.
But she pulls him into her bedroom and it’s a simple but beautiful room. Clean lines and done in beige, brown and yellow with large windows facing east.
Hand in hand she leads him toward the bed and they sit down. He doesn’t know what to do or what to say as she leans into and wraps her arms around him. Hold me, she whispers and he does. He pulls her close and breathes her in and at this very moment he understands what love truly is and is humbled by it. Love is this, it’s her, this fragile girl whose laugh makes his heart race and whose tears are acid to his soul and who he thinks he can spend an eternity with and never really know.
With Selena’s head pillowed against his chest and her hand wrapped up in his, she starts to talk. Her Japanese is a lot better than his so it’s hard but he understand her as she speaks about growing up in Florida, running away at age 16 and living alone for years and her struggles over her 23 years. Years of self-hate and self-abuse stumble from her lips and he’s at a loss. She’s so different from him and yet the same cause he’s been hurt and in pain and has hated himself too.
I’m a mess, Young Bae she says, a good boy like you should stay away even as she clutch at his hand and pulled him tighter. The stories spilling from her lips, stories of drugs and alcohol and craziness, should have had him running in the opposite direction but he just kissed her head and told her it was ok as she cried.
“Your boyfriend?” he asks during a pause and she stays quiet. He’s in no rush. The boyfriend doesn’t matter, Dara doesn’t matter, only this moment, us here, together.
“He saved me,” she says. She looks up at him, tears in her large hazel eyes. “He saved me.”
And she tells how everything, from the apartment that she lives in to the clothes that she wears to even food that she eats was paid by him. Kiyoshi, that was his name, was a 38 year old wealthy businessman with a wife and kids and a very big obsession with Selena.
“I have nothing,” she whispers. “He takes care of me.”
He wants to say something heroic like that he would take care of her but they both know that would be a lie. He doesn’t even have a place of his own, let alone a place for her. And he’s an idol. With a girlfriend.
“He treats you right?” He asks. She’s quiet and he’s worried. He doesn’t know what he could do if the answer is no. It’s not like he could even bring her back with him, no one knew about her.
“Well enough.”
He pulls her close and holds her. Young Bae doesn’t know what to do, how to feel. The situation wasn’t his to control and what could he even offer her.
“Tell me about you.”
And he starts to speak. He doesn’t know what to say so he just talks, stumbling over his bad Japanese but she doesn’t seem to care or to even just paying much attention. 30 minutes past and his throat is dry and she’s asleep on his chest and he’s enjoying the moment. He lays her on top of the covers and lies down next to her. This is how life should be like, the girl of his dream next to him and being unable to feel where he ends and she beings.
Bzzz zzz zzz
The silence of the moment is broken up by his phone vibrating and he feels Selena stir. He runs a hand threw her hair to calm her as he checks his message. It’s from Dara.
Hey Baby ^_^ Just got off from practice. U?
He doesn’t know how to respond or what to say and a bit of him hates her for reminding him of reality and of his responsibility and all the limitations holding him back from what he really wants. So he thinks a bit and then responds.
Nothing love, just on the very of falling asleep. Sooooo bored^^
Really? Nothing to do?
Yeah. Hyun and Seunhyun and Ji Yong have all gone clubbing and Daesung is being Daesung.
And you’re at home, lol. Should have gone out, you don’t have to be good all the time. I don’t mind.
Young Bae looks down at the woman lying in his arm and swallows.
I’m not good all the time.
Just some of the time.
Well I missed you T_T It’s so lonely here already and you’ve only been gone a day. Come home soon.^^
And so they text for the next few minutes and he tried his best to say all the right things that a caring boyfriend would. At one point Selena wakes up and starts to read from her position on his chest. She doesn’t say anything as she watches him type love declarations and sweet comments to girl who’s not her, just cuddles deeper into him. At some point, in the middle of typing out all the things he wants to do with Dara when he gets back, he starts laughing at the absurdity of the situation, he’s texting his girlfriend while his, whatever-the-fuck Selena is, lies in his arms watching. After a good 30 minutes of texting, Dara finally calls him and they’re on the phone and part of him did miss her voice and her laugh and then he’s a bit caught up.
Selena gets up and heads towards another door, the bathroom he suppose once he hears the water rushing. She’s in there for a long while and he goes to check, phone against his ear and Dara’s voice and laugh ringing out.
He walks into the bathroom and into a dream it seems. Selena is lying in the bathtub, a whirlpool of bubbles and soapy water around her as she bathes. He leans against the doorway and just watches her, enjoying the view. Watching as she moves, running the sponge down her arms and legs with a soap suds covered breasts appearing every now and then. He could feel parts of himself stirring.
She looks at him and stares for a moment and he can read the invitation in her gaze.
“Dara, baby, I have to go.” He rushes out, stopping her mid-sentence. “No...no...manger hyung just came in and he wants to talk to Dae and I about something.”
“Yes… ummmm….I know baby…,” he’s trying to get her off the phone as soon as possible as he starts unbuckling his belt and easing out of his pants. “It has to do with our schedule tomorrow…yes…I really have to go…yes, I love you too…no, really I love you…bye”
As soon as he’s done he’s throwing his shirt off and tossing his phone onto his clothes pile.
Lying in a tub discussing philosophy, religion and everything else under the sun with Selena was wonderful. Feeling her naked body against his, being able to run his hand down silken thighs and just touch her and hold her and make her feel like a woman should.
You’re beautiful he whispers in the middle of their conversation and he can feel her smile against his neck. His hand runs down her cheek and grabs her chin to pull her into a kiss, his other hand traveling down…down…down beneath the water and he laughs when she traps his hand between her thighs and groans into his ear. Making love in the tub is a new experience for him but it’s wonderful, warm water lapping against his skin and everything wet and flowing and it was beautiful.
--
He had spent as much time as could with Selena during that week in Japan. He made excuses about meeting friends and going on errands and sometimes just disappearing in order to spend time with her. It would have been suspicious for anyone other than him, but considering it was him, well no one would believe he would be doing anything wrong. They agreed to keep contact at a minimal, they both knew that saying they wouldn’t meet again would be a lie. Like two binary stars they were set to circle each other, until one of them exploded and consumed the other with them. He knows this is going to end badly. He doesn’t care.
Looking at Dara lying next to him, Young Bae couldn't help but feel pained. She was a lovely girl, absolutely amazing. Just not the girl he wants.
On the bedside table he sees his phone light up and vibrates, he checks the message.
I’m in Korea.
I want to see you.
Can you feel the heat of passion?
Can you taste our love's sweet wine?
Join the dance and let it happen
Put tomorrow's cares right out of your mind
-Rhythm Divine by Enrique Iglesias
*I decided to continue this, I made a few slight changes to Grenade. Just the description of the boyfriend and also one line on California girl.