Fierce at the Heart with Fire [Ch. 8]
Title: Fierce at the Heart with Fire
Pairing: Taeyang/Hansol (YG dancer), Taeyang/G-Dragon (GDYB)
Rating: R
Summary: Young Bae is finding love at all the wrong places and he needs someone to pull him out
A/N: this story deals with themes of relationship violence and rape
Cause a man, just ain't a man,
If he aint' man enough
To love you when you're right,
Love you when you're wrong
Love you when you're weak,
Love you when you're strong
Chapter 8: If He Ain't Man Enough
Young Bae glances over at the firm body lying next to him, muscled back glistening from the sliver of moonlight shinning from the window, arms tightly hugging a pillow. The cover was pulled low down David’s back and Young Bae quiet enjoyed the view. He was restless though even though he should be tired after the night he had. His eyes panned down the man next to him and he feels his heart swell, he wasn’t in love with David yet but he can see himself falling in love with this man, finding peace inside his arms, if only he could let down his walls some. Walls that were already crumbling.
Tonight had been the first time he’s had tried to have sex since …the incident and David couldn’t have been more wonderful. And when he started to cry out of nowhere in the middle of it, a surprise to them both but once he started he couldn’t seem to stop, David had put everything aside to just hold him. And so through his tears the story had spilled from his mouth till it was all out, not only Hansol but the shame and insecurities Young Bae had that made him stay with Hansol even though he knew it was toxic. And through it all David just held him, kissed him and told him that Hansol was wrong, that he was wonderful and amazing and any man would be lucky to be with him.
After that they spent what seemed like hours just kissing and touching, nothing more despite both of them being hard, and Young Bae never knew a man could be so patient. It must have taken at least an hour before David whispered into his ears if he wanted to fuck him. Young Bae of course wanted but was worried, Hansol had rarely been in the mood to let him top and he wasn’t sure how good he was at it. But David was encouraging and eager and Young Bae felt his confidence feed into his own and so they made love, nice and slow and it was amazing. And when they were done David had used a warm towel to clean him off and that had felt more intimate then the sex itself.
But during the whole time something, or more like someone, kept eating at him. What had happened with Ji Young a couple of weeks ago was still fresh in his mind, of his tears and his anger and he still didn’t know how to respond.
Young Bae gets up from the bed, careful to not disturb the slumbering David and prattles nude to where his pants lay on a chair. He digs his IPOD out of his pants’ pocket and flips through his vast song collection, looking for one song in particular. The song Ji Yong had written for him. He slips his headphone into his ear as he clicks on it. He walks towards the window, trying to figure out what it is exactly he wanted. As he listens to the lyrics he spins the ring on his pinky and thinks back to that night.
--
Young Bae uh uh uh What would I be without You?
I only think about you
Young Bae could feel the softness of Ji’s hair as he ran his fingers through it. It honestly hurt to see him like this, crumbling in his arms like this. Ji Yong was clutching him tightly back, his fingernails digging into his shoulders but he didn’t mind. Oh Ji Yong.
He kept repeating I’m sorrys and forgive mes like a mantra as if each new utterance of the word would be hammers breaking down Young Bae’s resolves to not get involved with him.
Since we met it's been you and I
A tear for a tear, Young Bae, eye for an eye
Young Bae tried to pull away but Ji Yong just held on tighter and longer, he wouldn’t let go, he was refusing to let go and so Young Bae knew that to pull away now would be to break a piece of his friend he would never want to break. While parts of himself might be in pieces, there was no reason to break Ji Yong too and so he held on some more.
And you know that my heart goin cry
If you leave me lonely
Cause you not just my love you my homie
Glancing up at the top of his stairs where his room lies, Young Bae spots Seunghyun and Daesung, both probably drawn in by the sound of Ji Yong yelling. He looks at them and they look at him and Seunghyun nods and Young Bae knows he understands. He pulls Daesung away and Young Bae and Ji Yong are alone again.
Who's gonna console me, my love
I'm outta control hold me, my love
Cause I'm yours
And I don't wanna do nothing to hurt my baby boy
Young Bae decided he really can’t afford to stand like this any longer, his back was killing him and he swears Ji Yong is falling asleep in his arms. So he pulls him and whispers to him that they have to get to bed but and Ji Yong nods but just holds on tighter. Don’t leave me, Young Bae feels him mouth against his neck.
“I’ll stay with you,” he whispers back as he gently probes him to move.
If this was our world it'd be all yours, baby
The thought alone might break me
And I don't wanna go crazy
Cause I really need you here with me
The trip to Ji Yong’s room seems to take both forever and no time at all. On the way there Ji Yong thankfully seemed to have gathered himself a bit and stopped hanging onto him, which Young Bae was thankful for, but all the slight glances he kept throwing his way was making him uneasy. They stop outside Ji Yong’s door, the hallway so dark that they could barely make out each other’s faces. Young Bae felt awkward, what was he supposed to do now? And so he lets out a quick goodbye and turns to leave but a hand on his arm stops him.
“I thought you were going to stay”
Where would I be without you (uh)
I only think about you (yeah)
I know your tired of being lonely (lonely)
So take a chance and be with me (yeah)
“Ji Yong, I ..”
A finger press against his lips and Young Bae falls silent. He could feel Ji Yong’s eyes on him and then the hand moves across to brush against his cheeks for a few seconds before reaching out to grab his hand and lead him into Ji Yong’s room. He doesn’t pull away.
Young Bae it feel like you and I been mourning together
Inseparable, we chose pain over pleasure
For that forgive me, you’re always a part of me
Mind ,body and soul ain't no I in we (baby)
They’re both silent as they make their way to the bed in the darken bedroom. Young Bae feels awkward, as if he’s an actor in a role but he doesn’t know any of the lines. What is he supposed to do next? So he stands awkwardly, his eyes focus on Ji Yong whose silhouette is illuminated from the light coming through from the window. He watches, throat tight, as Ji Yong starts to undress, thin arms pulling his shirt over his head and bearing a thin but muscular chest. Young Bae swallows. He pulls off his pants soon after and stands in front of Young Bae in just his thin boxers half shadowed.
“Aren’t you going to undress,” he ask.
“What?’
“You promised to stay tonight,” Ji Yong says as he turns around to pull back his bed covers. Without thought, Young Bae slowly finds himself undressing.
When you cry I’ll be there to wipe your tears
When you’re scared, will tell you that there’s
"Nothin to fear, Young Bae I'll always be there"
When you need a shoulder to lean on
Never hesitate, knowing you can call on, your soul-mate
Young Bae slides next to Ji Yong in the large bed, his mind screaming at him that this wasn’t a good idea but his body unable to stop. I promised to stay, he thinks. And as he gets closer, Ji Yong reaches out to touch him, sliding a hand down his chest, wrapping around his hip and pulling him near. Young Bae followed his pull till he was lying on his back, Ji Yong’s head pillowed on his chest.
I feel you baby cause them eyes ain't lying
Wash away all the tears there be no more crying (baby)
And you complete me, and I would die if you ain't with me
So baby boy, take that chance and be with me
Young Bae could feel a pair of wet lips pressed against his neck, as he turned around Ji Yong manages to catch his lips and before he could help himself they were kissing and touching and it wasn’t till Ji Yong started to put more of his weight on him that Young Bae realized that something was really wrong and that this, whatever this was, shouldn’t be happening.
“You can’t,” Young Bae says as he turns away from the kiss, gently pushing Ji Yong’s head aside.
“Why not?”
“Because,” Young Bae starts as he turns his body away and curls up on his right side, back to Ji Yong. “It’s not fair.”
“Fair?” Ji Yong ask as he pulls in close behind him. Arms circling his waist and a hard chest flush against his back.
“I finally have a chance to be happy, with a man who loves me and you do this.”
Young Bae feels Ji Yong still behind him and then a kiss is pressed against the back of his neck.
“I’m sorry.”
Where would I be without you (uh)
I only think about you (yeah)
I know your tired of being lonely (lonely)
So take a chance and be with me (yeah)
--
Young Bae jumps as he feels strong hands land on his shoulders. While he must have spent the last 10 minutes or so lost in thought David must have woken up and came after him. The hands rubbed up and down his shoulders and then David encircled him in his arms.
“What has you thinking so hard, huh?” David bends down to whisper in his ear.
“Nothing,” Young Bae responds, tilting his head back to capture David’s lips in a kiss. Nothing, it’s nothing at all. He allows David to pull him back to bed, where he’s safe and warm and wanted by a good man. A man he could trust to never run away from him.
--
It’s been two weeks since that argument with Young Bae and Ji Yong didn’t know what to do. He had given him the song, had told him he loved him and has spent the past several week trying to cater to his every need, show affection at every turn only to be rebuffed. What more could he do?
He’s heard, through intense investigation skills that pretty much meant cornering Ji Hye noona and not letting her go till she confessed all, about this “David”. David who was an engineer, and was stable, played the saxophone and you better not fuck it up for him Ji Yong. No one seems to realize he’s Young Bae’s best friend and knew what was best for him and that was himself.
This “David” could go fuck himself, Ji Yong thinks as he walks through the front doors of Big Bang’s apartment. He may have won the battle but Ji Yong was prepared for war. He wasn’t giving up on Young Bae that easily. Now if only he could think of a way to prove to him he was the better man for him, to show he that he could give him something that David -and what kind of stupid name was David anyway? - couldn’t. He had to just sit down and think about this.
As he opens his bedroom door he sees something lying on his bed. Was that a …a letter? Ji Yong felt his heart stop, was it from Young Bae? Was the war already over as well? With shaking legs and trembling fingers he steps closer only to see a note lying on top of his bed. He picks it up and reads.
To Ji Yong,
I must admit that I’m flattered by your recent attention but I’m also concern about your sincerity. Both you and I know that you are one to get, hmm how do I say this, “bored” with your lovers rather easily and considering I have just refound my self-respect and self-worth I would rather not lose it again so quickly. I’m happy now and I hope you can understand that. Also the fact that you’ve never been with a man before, I would rather not be an experiment. You’re friendship is a something I once held dear, I would rather you focus on us renewing it rather than this “love” quest you are on. More than a lover, I need a friend.
With all my love,
Young Bae.
Ji Yong stared at the letter, unsure of what to think or feel. His mind was pulling him in two different directions. One telling him that Young Bae was right, he wasn’t one to stay with a lover long and why further ruin the relationship he had with him. But the other part, one that was thumping inside him with the force of a gushing river, says he has never felt like this, no I haven’t, has never loved like this, that’s true, and to give up on what could be the greatest love of his life would be stupid, not when it is almost in his grasp, I can't. So he sits on his bed, head in his hands trying to think.
Take you higher
When the world got you feelin low.
He's given you his last, cuz he's thinking of you first
Given comfort when you're thinking that you're hurt
That's what's done when you really love someone
I'm telling y'all, I'm telling y'all.
-When You Really Love Someone by Alicia Keys
*the song I used for GD's is an (obviously) modified version of Ja Rule's Put It On Me
also the end is near!!! Probably one more chapter, 2 if the chapter is too long and i have to split it. GD has something planned up his sleeve but will it be enough?!? Wait and see, lol
Pairing: Taeyang/Hansol (YG dancer), Taeyang/G-Dragon (GDYB)
Rating: R
Summary: Young Bae is finding love at all the wrong places and he needs someone to pull him out
A/N: this story deals with themes of relationship violence and rape
Cause a man, just ain't a man,
If he aint' man enough
To love you when you're right,
Love you when you're wrong
Love you when you're weak,
Love you when you're strong
Chapter 8: If He Ain't Man Enough
Young Bae glances over at the firm body lying next to him, muscled back glistening from the sliver of moonlight shinning from the window, arms tightly hugging a pillow. The cover was pulled low down David’s back and Young Bae quiet enjoyed the view. He was restless though even though he should be tired after the night he had. His eyes panned down the man next to him and he feels his heart swell, he wasn’t in love with David yet but he can see himself falling in love with this man, finding peace inside his arms, if only he could let down his walls some. Walls that were already crumbling.
Tonight had been the first time he’s had tried to have sex since …the incident and David couldn’t have been more wonderful. And when he started to cry out of nowhere in the middle of it, a surprise to them both but once he started he couldn’t seem to stop, David had put everything aside to just hold him. And so through his tears the story had spilled from his mouth till it was all out, not only Hansol but the shame and insecurities Young Bae had that made him stay with Hansol even though he knew it was toxic. And through it all David just held him, kissed him and told him that Hansol was wrong, that he was wonderful and amazing and any man would be lucky to be with him.
After that they spent what seemed like hours just kissing and touching, nothing more despite both of them being hard, and Young Bae never knew a man could be so patient. It must have taken at least an hour before David whispered into his ears if he wanted to fuck him. Young Bae of course wanted but was worried, Hansol had rarely been in the mood to let him top and he wasn’t sure how good he was at it. But David was encouraging and eager and Young Bae felt his confidence feed into his own and so they made love, nice and slow and it was amazing. And when they were done David had used a warm towel to clean him off and that had felt more intimate then the sex itself.
But during the whole time something, or more like someone, kept eating at him. What had happened with Ji Young a couple of weeks ago was still fresh in his mind, of his tears and his anger and he still didn’t know how to respond.
Young Bae gets up from the bed, careful to not disturb the slumbering David and prattles nude to where his pants lay on a chair. He digs his IPOD out of his pants’ pocket and flips through his vast song collection, looking for one song in particular. The song Ji Yong had written for him. He slips his headphone into his ear as he clicks on it. He walks towards the window, trying to figure out what it is exactly he wanted. As he listens to the lyrics he spins the ring on his pinky and thinks back to that night.
--
Young Bae uh uh uh What would I be without You?
I only think about you
Young Bae could feel the softness of Ji’s hair as he ran his fingers through it. It honestly hurt to see him like this, crumbling in his arms like this. Ji Yong was clutching him tightly back, his fingernails digging into his shoulders but he didn’t mind. Oh Ji Yong.
He kept repeating I’m sorrys and forgive mes like a mantra as if each new utterance of the word would be hammers breaking down Young Bae’s resolves to not get involved with him.
Since we met it's been you and I
A tear for a tear, Young Bae, eye for an eye
Young Bae tried to pull away but Ji Yong just held on tighter and longer, he wouldn’t let go, he was refusing to let go and so Young Bae knew that to pull away now would be to break a piece of his friend he would never want to break. While parts of himself might be in pieces, there was no reason to break Ji Yong too and so he held on some more.
And you know that my heart goin cry
If you leave me lonely
Cause you not just my love you my homie
Glancing up at the top of his stairs where his room lies, Young Bae spots Seunghyun and Daesung, both probably drawn in by the sound of Ji Yong yelling. He looks at them and they look at him and Seunghyun nods and Young Bae knows he understands. He pulls Daesung away and Young Bae and Ji Yong are alone again.
Who's gonna console me, my love
I'm outta control hold me, my love
Cause I'm yours
And I don't wanna do nothing to hurt my baby boy
Young Bae decided he really can’t afford to stand like this any longer, his back was killing him and he swears Ji Yong is falling asleep in his arms. So he pulls him and whispers to him that they have to get to bed but and Ji Yong nods but just holds on tighter. Don’t leave me, Young Bae feels him mouth against his neck.
“I’ll stay with you,” he whispers back as he gently probes him to move.
If this was our world it'd be all yours, baby
The thought alone might break me
And I don't wanna go crazy
Cause I really need you here with me
The trip to Ji Yong’s room seems to take both forever and no time at all. On the way there Ji Yong thankfully seemed to have gathered himself a bit and stopped hanging onto him, which Young Bae was thankful for, but all the slight glances he kept throwing his way was making him uneasy. They stop outside Ji Yong’s door, the hallway so dark that they could barely make out each other’s faces. Young Bae felt awkward, what was he supposed to do now? And so he lets out a quick goodbye and turns to leave but a hand on his arm stops him.
“I thought you were going to stay”
Where would I be without you (uh)
I only think about you (yeah)
I know your tired of being lonely (lonely)
So take a chance and be with me (yeah)
“Ji Yong, I ..”
A finger press against his lips and Young Bae falls silent. He could feel Ji Yong’s eyes on him and then the hand moves across to brush against his cheeks for a few seconds before reaching out to grab his hand and lead him into Ji Yong’s room. He doesn’t pull away.
Young Bae it feel like you and I been mourning together
Inseparable, we chose pain over pleasure
For that forgive me, you’re always a part of me
Mind ,body and soul ain't no I in we (baby)
They’re both silent as they make their way to the bed in the darken bedroom. Young Bae feels awkward, as if he’s an actor in a role but he doesn’t know any of the lines. What is he supposed to do next? So he stands awkwardly, his eyes focus on Ji Yong whose silhouette is illuminated from the light coming through from the window. He watches, throat tight, as Ji Yong starts to undress, thin arms pulling his shirt over his head and bearing a thin but muscular chest. Young Bae swallows. He pulls off his pants soon after and stands in front of Young Bae in just his thin boxers half shadowed.
“Aren’t you going to undress,” he ask.
“What?’
“You promised to stay tonight,” Ji Yong says as he turns around to pull back his bed covers. Without thought, Young Bae slowly finds himself undressing.
When you cry I’ll be there to wipe your tears
When you’re scared, will tell you that there’s
"Nothin to fear, Young Bae I'll always be there"
When you need a shoulder to lean on
Never hesitate, knowing you can call on, your soul-mate
Young Bae slides next to Ji Yong in the large bed, his mind screaming at him that this wasn’t a good idea but his body unable to stop. I promised to stay, he thinks. And as he gets closer, Ji Yong reaches out to touch him, sliding a hand down his chest, wrapping around his hip and pulling him near. Young Bae followed his pull till he was lying on his back, Ji Yong’s head pillowed on his chest.
I feel you baby cause them eyes ain't lying
Wash away all the tears there be no more crying (baby)
And you complete me, and I would die if you ain't with me
So baby boy, take that chance and be with me
Young Bae could feel a pair of wet lips pressed against his neck, as he turned around Ji Yong manages to catch his lips and before he could help himself they were kissing and touching and it wasn’t till Ji Yong started to put more of his weight on him that Young Bae realized that something was really wrong and that this, whatever this was, shouldn’t be happening.
“You can’t,” Young Bae says as he turns away from the kiss, gently pushing Ji Yong’s head aside.
“Why not?”
“Because,” Young Bae starts as he turns his body away and curls up on his right side, back to Ji Yong. “It’s not fair.”
“Fair?” Ji Yong ask as he pulls in close behind him. Arms circling his waist and a hard chest flush against his back.
“I finally have a chance to be happy, with a man who loves me and you do this.”
Young Bae feels Ji Yong still behind him and then a kiss is pressed against the back of his neck.
“I’m sorry.”
Where would I be without you (uh)
I only think about you (yeah)
I know your tired of being lonely (lonely)
So take a chance and be with me (yeah)
--
Young Bae jumps as he feels strong hands land on his shoulders. While he must have spent the last 10 minutes or so lost in thought David must have woken up and came after him. The hands rubbed up and down his shoulders and then David encircled him in his arms.
“What has you thinking so hard, huh?” David bends down to whisper in his ear.
“Nothing,” Young Bae responds, tilting his head back to capture David’s lips in a kiss. Nothing, it’s nothing at all. He allows David to pull him back to bed, where he’s safe and warm and wanted by a good man. A man he could trust to never run away from him.
--
It’s been two weeks since that argument with Young Bae and Ji Yong didn’t know what to do. He had given him the song, had told him he loved him and has spent the past several week trying to cater to his every need, show affection at every turn only to be rebuffed. What more could he do?
He’s heard, through intense investigation skills that pretty much meant cornering Ji Hye noona and not letting her go till she confessed all, about this “David”. David who was an engineer, and was stable, played the saxophone and you better not fuck it up for him Ji Yong. No one seems to realize he’s Young Bae’s best friend and knew what was best for him and that was himself.
This “David” could go fuck himself, Ji Yong thinks as he walks through the front doors of Big Bang’s apartment. He may have won the battle but Ji Yong was prepared for war. He wasn’t giving up on Young Bae that easily. Now if only he could think of a way to prove to him he was the better man for him, to show he that he could give him something that David -and what kind of stupid name was David anyway? - couldn’t. He had to just sit down and think about this.
As he opens his bedroom door he sees something lying on his bed. Was that a …a letter? Ji Yong felt his heart stop, was it from Young Bae? Was the war already over as well? With shaking legs and trembling fingers he steps closer only to see a note lying on top of his bed. He picks it up and reads.
To Ji Yong,
I must admit that I’m flattered by your recent attention but I’m also concern about your sincerity. Both you and I know that you are one to get, hmm how do I say this, “bored” with your lovers rather easily and considering I have just refound my self-respect and self-worth I would rather not lose it again so quickly. I’m happy now and I hope you can understand that. Also the fact that you’ve never been with a man before, I would rather not be an experiment. You’re friendship is a something I once held dear, I would rather you focus on us renewing it rather than this “love” quest you are on. More than a lover, I need a friend.
With all my love,
Young Bae.
Ji Yong stared at the letter, unsure of what to think or feel. His mind was pulling him in two different directions. One telling him that Young Bae was right, he wasn’t one to stay with a lover long and why further ruin the relationship he had with him. But the other part, one that was thumping inside him with the force of a gushing river, says he has never felt like this, no I haven’t, has never loved like this, that’s true, and to give up on what could be the greatest love of his life would be stupid, not when it is almost in his grasp, I can't. So he sits on his bed, head in his hands trying to think.
Take you higher
When the world got you feelin low.
He's given you his last, cuz he's thinking of you first
Given comfort when you're thinking that you're hurt
That's what's done when you really love someone
I'm telling y'all, I'm telling y'all.
-When You Really Love Someone by Alicia Keys
*the song I used for GD's is an (obviously) modified version of Ja Rule's Put It On Me
also the end is near!!! Probably one more chapter, 2 if the chapter is too long and i have to split it. GD has something planned up his sleeve but will it be enough?!? Wait and see, lol