Fierce at the Heart with Fire [Ch. 6]
Title: Fierce at the Heart with Fire
Pairing: Taeyang/Hansol (YG dancer), Taeyang/G-Dragon (GDYB)
Rating: R
Summary: Young Bae is finding love at all the wrong places and he needs someone to pull him out
A/N: this story deals with themes of relationship violence and rape.
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and...
Chapter 6: Foolish Games
“Imma beast, a fucking beast”
Ji Yong watches with a smile as Young Bae celebrates his victory. They’re on the couch playing video games and just chilling. For the past few weeks, ever since that night, they’ve been hanging out again, Ji Yong doing his best to make sure Young Bae wasn’t alone.
As for Hansol, well Ji Yong took care of that. It was easy enough to get his address, he’s a dancer for YG and all he had to do was call Ji Hye and ask her where he lived. After that he paid Hansol a visit and told him he better not come back to YG if he knows what’s good for him.
He had wanted to take friends with him to beat up Hansol punk ass but the last thing he wanted was to but Young Bae’s business out there. So he had to settle for threatening that motherfucker even though all he wanted was to punch him in the face. And the asshole had the audacity to act like he cared about Young Bae, asking if he was ok. Yeah, thanks to me after you fucked him up.
“You’re a beast, alright. Have you even taken a bath yet?”
Young Bae looks back at him and smiles, and Ji Yong finds himself automatically responding. It’s hard to not feel good when Young Bae flashes a smile like that at him.
“I’m not doing anything today so I don’t have to,” Young Bae said with a smile. Though there has been a few times during the past few weeks where Young Bae would sneak into his room and sleep next to him, overall he hasn’t been too bad considering what had happened. Lying next to Young Bae at night, at time holding him, well it forced Ji Yong to confront things about himself that he never thought he would.
Like the fact he was in love with his best friend.
And Ji Young was sure Young Bae loved him too, or could learn to love him.
Ji Yong slides closer to Young Bae, closing the distance between them on the couch. Young Bae didn’t pay him any attention as he fiddles with his PS3 controller. Ji Yong slowly places a hand on Young Bae’s thigh and gives it a squeeze causing him to look over and give him a bit of a side eye. However, Ji Yong is happy to note that his hand wasn’t removed.
This is it, just go for it and with that Ji Yong takes his heart in his hand and lays it on the table. Slowly he calls Young Bae’s name and when he turns to look at him, a cutely puzzled look on his face, Ji Yong lays a kiss on his lips.
He leans over and closer, forcing Young Bae to back up on the couch. He pushes harder against the warm lips, swiping his tongue on the bottom lip and suddenly he feels pressure on his chest and he is falling back against the other side of the couch, being pushed away.
Ji Yong was shocked and he looked over at YB, who was sitting stock still on the couch wiping his mouth not looking at him. Ji Yong didn’t know what to say, he honestly didn’t expect the rejection.
“What…” Young Bae paused. “What was that?”
“That was me kissing you,” Ji Yong explains. He scoots closer but Young Bae stands up. “I…I think I love you.”
He’s sitting on the couch, his hands in his lap staring as his best friend faces away from him. Young Bae turns around; arms crossed and gives him an incredulous stare.
“You’re in love with me?” He seems bewildered by the confession. “You’re in love with me?” he asks again. “And where does this sudden confession come from?”
Ji Yong doesn’t know what to say, this isn’t how he had seen it going down in his head. He had expected reaching out with a kiss, Young Bae kissing back and them making out and confessing their love to each other on the couch. He didn’t expect this rejection, this interrogation.
“I don’t know…” he’s finding it hard to put his emotions to words, not expecting to have to expose his feelings like this. “I in love with you ok.”
He looks back up and Young Bae is just staring at him, an expression on his face he couldn’t read which was strange, Ji Yong could usually read Young Bae very well.
“What about your girlfriend?” Young Bae cocks his head up and raises an eyebrow. Ji Yong doesn’t know why he’s doing this, he said he’s in love with him, why worry about the semantics.
“I’m breaking up with her,” Ji Yong tells him. He sighs, “look this is hard for me ok..”
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
Ji Yong almost jumps out of his skin as he hears Young Bae starts to laugh, it’s almost a manic type of laughter.
“Hard for you?” Young Bae calls out. “It’s been hard for you?”
He laughs some more.
“You self-centered little shit.”
Ji Yong is taken aback, what the hell was going on?
“Oh my god, my name is Kwon Ji Yong,” Young Bae starts to mock, his arms waving around in a taunting manner as he gets off from the couch. “life is soooooo bad for me, what with my model girlfriend, my proud and supportive family, being the genius of YG and every 14 year old girl in Korea wanting to suck my dick. Oh woe is me”
Young Bae stops for a minute and looks back at Ji Yong. “fuck you, you’ve never had it hard.”
“I’m not trying to make light of your pain but..,” Ji Yong tries to say. He stands up from his place on the couch and reaches out to Young Bae. His hand is brushed off.
“You don’t even know Ji, you have no idea.”
Ji Yong has never seen Young Bae this upset with him before. He didn’t know what to do, what to say. He regrets ever attempting that kiss, can he just take the last 10 minutes back. He wants to be back on the couch, playing video games. Not have the guy he’s in love with, who he has finally confessed to, throwing a fit in front of him.
“While you were out gallivanting around town and pretending I don’t exist I have been living through my own personal hell,” Young Bae stands there, tears in his eyes and Ji Yong hates this. He hates it when Young Bae cries. All he wants to do is reach out to him, hold him, whisper in his ears that he loves him and never let him go again. But he can’t because the bitterness and anger in Young Bae’s eyes tells him it wouldn’t be welcomed. So he keeps his hands to himself, balled into fists by his side and takes a seat.
“My …” here Young Bae swallows and looks away. “My father hasn’t talked to me in over 8 months,” and here Ji Yong can hear that his throat is caught up and there’s probably more tears in his eyes. “And the last thing he said to me was that I was a “diseased pervert” and was no longer his son.”
Young Bae turns back to looks at him, jaws tense and face strong but there’s an ocean of tears in his eyes waiting to be spilled. “Well you can imagine how that felt,” he says and then turns his head again.
“Young Bae, I…” Ji Yong starts but he’s cut off again, it doesn’t even seem like Young Bae heard him.
“My mother says she’s praying for me and,” he breaks off into a laugh in the middle of his sentence but the laugh is hard, brittle and bitter like the bones of an arthropathic old man with a foot in the grave.
“And that my disease is curable,” he laughs again. “Hyun Bae is really the only one talking to me right now and even he gets awkward when I so much as touch him, cause you know, gay is infectious.”
Here he looks at Ji Yong again, his eyes a shadow on his face. “But I’m sure none of this even compares to the heartache facing The Kwon Ji Yong.”
As for Ji Yong, well he couldn’t speak. What was he supposed to say? That he understood? Because that was a lie, he didn’t understand, couldn’t understand. So he sits there, hands at his side with his head down, unable to looks Young Bae in the eye.
“Now maybe this will take me to 1/10th your level of pain and sadness, “ Young Bae continues to mock, his voice hard. “My best friend, someone I’m sure if very familiar to you, who I consider closer than a brother abandons me the moment I told him that I was a faggot.”
At those words, Ji Yong’s head snaps up briefly. He’s never heard Young Bae use such language.
“I have never felt more alone,” Young Bae says.
Ji Yong could feel Young Bae’s eyes on him but he couldn’t find it in him to bring his head back up. He felt like shit, no not even, he felt like the insects and fungus that live in shit. Stepped on. He didn’t deserve to look at Young Bae.
“And of course I couldn’t go and talk to my other band mates and friends about my problems. If my family and my best friend couldn’t accept me than why the fuck would anyone else,” Young Bae continued.
“I GET IT.”
Someone yells out and Ji Yong is surprised that it was him. But he couldn’t listen to this anymore.
“I’m sorry ok, I’m so sorry,” he’s surprise to find tears streaming down his face and a burn in his throat. “I’m sorry and I know I should have been there for you and I wasn’t.”
“You’re sorry, ha,” Young Bae laughs, it’s manic and thunders like a crack of lightening in the room. “Oh but you haven’t even heard the worse of it. But please don’t apologize to me. I’m sure this sounds like a fairytale in the face of the tragedy that is your life, since it’s been so hard for you and everything.”
Ji Young looks up and into Young Bae’s eyes. They’re dark and there’s a shadow, a bitterness and a meanness in them that he has never seen from the other man before. And suddenly he realizes that he doesn’t know the man in from of him, this man that wears the face, the name and the body of his best friend. There’s a stranger in front of him or an alien that has taken over Young Bae’s body like in one of his trashy Sci-fi movies.
Ji Yong finds himself picking up his things off the couch and the floor. Young Bae’s stays by the wall facing him, a cocky smirk that should look out of place but doesn’t on his lips.
“Running away again aren’t you,” he says. “I haven’t even finished my story.”
Ji Yong ignores him. He refuses to stay in this room, with this stranger, this alien, being told things he doesn’t want to hear.
“This is why I didn’t kiss you back,” Young Bae says to his back as he gathers his things and puts his shoes back on his feet.
Ji Yong looks up at him but Young Bae is turned away, looking out the large window at the end of the living room.
“You’re always running away, Ji Yong,” He continues, “From me, from yourself, from the truth.”
Ji Yong turns back, finishes gathering his stuff and five seconds later is walking out the door. He doesn’t look back.
These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.
-
Foolish Games by Jewel
*sorry but this took forever to write, I knew what I wanted to put into it but getting from an idea to a chapter was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I had the first 3 paragraphs written like a month ago and couldn't move on from there. Biggest writers block ever. And then school started. But then I got inspired in my really boring class and this came out, on paper too not even typed. I'm feeling really inspired but I won't be able to update till this weekend at the earliest, so busy